I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL
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I feel your pain ....... but for me eating "normal" like my family is what got us all FAT, FAT, FAT in the first place ...... not to mention all the medical problems.
Seven years ago I began to make better choices at each meal. Little by little. Even at family functions. i didn't talk about it, I just did it. Still ate most foods, just less of them, and very little sweets. Oh sure, my family poked fun at me, but I stuck to my guns & ended up losing weight. Slowly my family also made changes & now they've lost weight as well. We joke that the dessert table isn't surrounded by a bunch of "big butts & guts" anymore.
One meal at a time, honey ....... keep on truckin' !0 -
Oh and the most important thing! Don't beat yourself up about it, staying positive is key!
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I agree with at least one other commenter that the day will come. I lost 50 pounds about 10 years ago and was perfectly happy with my weight. (My ticker reflects an additional loss from just recently when I decided to try to drop a few more pounds and just kept going!) Ten years ago, after I had maintained for a year or so, I felt I was able to eat whatever I wanted *sometimes*. I would stay at my boyfriend's house for the weekends, and eat kind of crappy. I considered M-W recovery days. They weren't bad days, or days I counted calories, or restricted things too much. But I was just healthy those days and it made up for the weekends. Note: other than crappy eating with the boyfriend, I did eat healthy/light and continued to work out quite a bit. So that will probably have to be a part of your normal too.
With my recent weight loss, I'm also looking forward to getting back into a balance. I plan to log really consistently at least for a few months and take some time to figure out when I can loosen the reins at some point.0 -
Yes im in maintenance and my calories are set to 1740. It's just so hard for me to fit in restaurant food and still feel satisfied at the end of the day so I try not to do it. Is that my problem? I am hungrier at night so I try to save most (1300) of my calories for then BUT I STILL feel hungry while eating things like fruit, dark chocolate, a quest bar, almond milk, etc ALL after dinner
I used to have a big issue with mindless night time snacking, back before I lost weight, (I'd sit down at 8pm with a book and a can of Pringles and finish the whole can oiy!). So, during weight loss that was one of the things I worked on and I slowly pushed my eating window back, until it cut off at 7pm. It was a weight loss tool that I've now carried over into maintenance Maybe doing something similar would be helpful to you, if the night time eating is a problem? I realized that for me, it was about habitual eating and not because I was actually hungry. I'm to the point where now I don't even think of food at night-last night I made cupcakes for a party today and my husband and kids were devouring a pkg of Oreos at the same time. It honestly didn't even cross my mind to eat any of it
My maintenance calories are also higher than yours as well-mine are at around 2,200. How long have you been in maintenance for? Are you sure that's your top end for maintenance calories-have you played around with eating a bit more and seeing what happens? For me, I found I was able to bump mine up by quite a bit, and still maintain.
I was thinking this as well. When I was in maintenance, I could eat 2000-2200 calories a day while exercising 4 to 5 days a week. OP, maybe try adding 100 calories a day for a few weeks and see what happens. If you don't gain, you can try 100 more. You might be surprised. You may be able to eat more.
^^ This. So much this. I'm discovering that my maintenance calories are at least 200 more than what MFP calculated for me.
Me too. MFP said like 1950 or something, but it's actually 2,300.I definitely see a consistent 1 pound loss a week eating 1,700 calories - which is how I figured out my magic number. I was totally paranoid I was going to gain bumping up -- I didn't.0 -
I have been at maintenance for quite a while. Nearly 10 months. How do you go on about feeling SATISFIED. I always find myself hungry and thinking about food.. even if I just ate. I do try to eat all of my calories but certainly have days when I am eating less than my goal. Does carrying over calories actually work? I'm just so confused.. i have no idea how to ENJOY my life which is what I ultimately want to do and still feel like I am on track. It's like ever since i decided that I would "lose weight," food has become what EVERYTHING revolves around. Do you guys now understand why i want to feel "normal"
Yes, I do think I understand what you mean. My mother is slim, and always has been. However, I thought that that meant that she never really had to think about what she eats. We've had enough conversations about this to know that it's just not true. She regulates what she eats. If her clothes are getting snug, she cuts down on treats for a while and go on more walks. She watches her portion sizes. Honestly, she's just much better at it than I am so she's never had to write things down or be as meticulous as I am.
The whole notion that "normal" people can eat what they want all of the time and not think about food is an illusion. But, do enjoy the occasional dinner out. And you really may be able to get away with more calories than you are currently eating.0 -
I find going out to eat a challenge too. Often times I will gain one to two pounds from water weight after going out if I do not plan.. I find what helps me is I look up the restaurant menu ahead of time, so I can think about my choices. It also helps me if I do a half order, share with a friend, or ask for a box right away so it forces portion control.0
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Normal is an illusion. What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly.0
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Yes im in maintenance and my calories are set to 1740. It's just so hard for me to fit in restaurant food and still feel satisfied at the end of the day so I try not to do it. Is that my problem? I am hungrier at night so I try to save most (1300) of my calories for then BUT I STILL feel hungry while eating things like fruit, dark chocolate, a quest bar, almond milk, etc ALL after dinner
1740 for maintenance seems kind of low to me. I eat 1,700 to lose a pound a week.
I was thinking the same thing. It does sound low.
It's about the same as mine if I do no exercise.
OP my maintenance with exercise is 1850-1900. So I usually eat 1800 per day. Sometimes I drop down to 1700. Then there's usually one or two days per week that I go over. Just keep an eye on your weight range and adjust if you start to see it creep up. I've maintained for more than a year this way without feeling deprived.
The only thing I occasionally miss is the ignorance of mindless eating. I can't do it now, even if I want to, because I know how many calories are in most foods.0 -
I think everyone feels this way...remember that normal is just a setting on the wash machine...
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My calories are at the number they are because I don't exercise! I am a student and also have a job so i find it difficult to find time to exercise. I also never exercised while I was losing weight. I just really focused on the numbers. I do understand that exercising will allow me to eat more, but its not something that I have ever really done for a long period of time, and also isnt something that I have time for. I do have access to my school gym for free and I am at school five times a week, but after a LONG day of being at school from 9-6 and working on weekends, I have ZERO motivation/time/energy to go to the gym.0
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The only thing I occasionally miss is the ignorance of mindless eating. I can't do it now, even if I want to, because I know how many calories are in most foods.
Yeah, mindless eating was my normal for 20 some years.
Even when I am not logging, I still have a pretty good idea what I am eating.0 -
You are VERY normal. You also seem to be one of us "everything or nothing" people. You're probably afraid to let loose for one day because you're afraid you won't go back to healthy choices. Trust yourself. Few things in life are all or nothing. I'm learning that daily. I've started taking my weigh in day "off." I'm still sensible and stop eating when I'm full; I try to avoid soft drinks, but still drink one if I really want it and then the very next day, I'm back to my plan. Ease up on yourself, it really is not only normal, but also ok!0
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My calories are at the number they are because I don't exercise! I am a student and also have a job so i find it difficult to find time to exercise. I also never exercised while I was losing weight. I just really focused on the numbers. I do understand that exercising will allow me to eat more, but its not something that I have ever really done for a long period of time, and also isnt something that I have time for. I do have access to my school gym for free and I am at school five times a week, but after a LONG day of being at school from 9-6 and working on weekends, I have ZERO motivation/time/energy to go to the gym.
FYI going to the gym will give you more energy and you will feel better about occasional splurges. Most thin people do not eat like that regularly. You can still go out to eat but not every day.0 -
This is one of the reassons I stick with a low weight loss per week. Only aiming to eat 400-500 calories less a day than maintenance, I can be `normal`.
I can go out at lunch with my co-workers and keep it `in the game` professionally (I never actually believed before I got a job that sometimes lunches are so important for the business/career).
I am able to eat out with friends. I don't over indulge, but at most restaurants you can find 500-700 calories meals.
I can be a girl that eats moderate, not the girl on a diet that doesn't go to places just because there aren't enough calories.
I eat 1700 calories a day and workout calories mostly and I lose weight, slowly, steady and... I'm so near to my goal that I can believe it.
And MFP is the tool that helped me realise that sometimes being moderate is a solution.
I may not lose as quick as others, but I am able to maintain also a lifestyle that is healthy and social.0 -
The only thing I occasionally miss is the ignorance of mindless eating. I can't do it now, even if I want to, because I know how many calories are in most foods.
Yeah, mindless eating was my normal for 20 some years.
Even when I am not logging, I still have a pretty good idea what I am eating.
Yup, me too, all of this ^^^^^^0 -
I totally understand! I'm going through something very dark of which you can probably classify as binge eating disorder. This happened since I got obsessive about everything I ate and working out and eventually started gaining, about 10 pounds in the last year. From personal experience, I would advise you to give yourself a break, maybe start off small, like a cheat meal. Or if you go out to a restaurant, order what you want, but eat only a half portion. I had the easiest time of my life doing this during maintenance and didn't feel deprived. That meant ordering a burger with the fries instead of a salad, but eating only half. That also meant clean eating for the day with that one meal as a reward.
Don't have a cheat day, cheat meal at most. Cheat days are for a holiday or something, but not for a weekly thing to keep you sane. All this is definitely easier said than done. I have become so used to tracking my food that I don't know when I'm hungry or full, just when I am uncomfortably full, bloated, and hurting. Then I try to undo it. You really can do a lot of damage with a whole day and no amount of exercise the next day will undo it. It will take a whole week.
I am still in this dark phase and fighting it on a daily basis. Please don't let this happen to you. Give yourself a break once in awhile, maybe a dinner or order takeout for yourself, but just portion it.
And to keep yourself sane, you should be able to estimate things without tracking now, give yourself a mental break. Don't track for one day a week, see how that goes and keep practicing that, then move on to two days until you get a handle, then so forth. I am telling you this just from personal experience and a lot of these breaks I didn't take have lead me to this anxiety ridden, obsessive state that I am in today and just want to be normal as well. The whole thing with not tracking will allow you to get in touch with your body again instead of an electronic device telling you you are hungry or full.0 -
I agree that going out doesn't have to be so limiting or even impossible. I live in New York City, where eating out and taking out is not only common but typical for many and something I do at least a few times a week. Yes, you need to be mindful so you don't overdo it every time, but it is not impossible - just look at your day, or your week as others suggested, and plan accordingly.
I am new to this site and also sticking with a very slow weight loss per week because I know it's the only way I'll get there. I haven't even weighed myself yet (fear of what I'll see - another topic for another post!) but I think I see it happening in my fave and body - and all with eating out or otherwise not cooking for myself a fair amount. For what it's worth, I spent many years cycling between disordered eating and being fairly restrictive only to binge - so I know it's possible to get to a better place while still enjoying eating and good food in your life. It's not always easy, but it definitely can be better. You're not abnormal to be where you are at all.0 -
The only thing I occasionally miss is the ignorance of mindless eating. I can't do it now, even if I want to, because I know how many calories are in most foods.
Yeah, mindless eating was my normal for 20 some years.
Even when I am not logging, I still have a pretty good idea what I am eating.
Yup, me too, all of this ^^^^^^
http://youtu.be/OqL7jyrXhLs 0 -
The only thing I occasionally miss is the ignorance of mindless eating. I can't do it now, even if I want to, because I know how many calories are in most foods.
Yeah, mindless eating was my normal for 20 some years.
Even when I am not logging, I still have a pretty good idea what I am eating.
Yup, me too, all of this ^^^^^^http://youtu.be/OqL7jyrXhLs
:laugh: :flowerforyou:0 -
If you're eating 1740 and only about 440 calories during the day/before dinner, your body let alone your mood is likely to really struggle throughout - 440 calories is not enough to sustain healthy body functions during the day when you're most active
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
Eating enough without eating too much earlier in the day fires up your metabolism and keeps it going, setting you up for better success later in the day. I think you might find that you're not as hungry later if you eat more earlier. If you're concerned about having enough calories left over later, then think about what food choices you're making in the morning and choose more fruit and veggies, or generally lower calories foods - but do eat something more! 0 -
You sound just like me. I understand exactly what you mean.0
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Positive thread! Bump.0
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It took me a while to realize that 1 meal is not the end of the world. If you look at the fact that it takes 3500 calories to put on a pound, it would take a bit of "slipping up" to hit that number numerous times to add on significant weight. That being said, I Google the mentions before I head out the door for a restaurant meal....like O'Charleys or something like that which packs about 1000+ calories in almost every single entrée. I then have 3 choices-1. suck it up and take the calorie hit while enjoying the food, or 2. Eat the food and then exercise enough to even out over the week, or 3. choose not to eat anything that high in calories and snack on a salad or something because the food would not be worth it. All in priorities I guess.0
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For me, I am maintaining at around 2150 calories a day at 5'6", 129 lbs and 42 years old. I used Scooby's calculator and then played a bit with calories for several weeks till I found my maintenance sweet spot, and I use the TDEE method. I will often eat under 100-200 calories a day because I like to have a "date night" about once a week where we go out and have something really decadent. So I watch my weekly average, not daily and shoot for an average over the week of 2150 or so calories per day. I like to pull up the weekly chart, go to the bar grid and click on one of the bars and it will show me exactly what each day us averaging to for that week.
As for eating to be satisfied -- I definitely find I need to be able to eat more, so for me, working out, mostly with weight training is really important because it keeps my metabolism higher = more food, yay! I OP I hear you on the limited time -- I work out for 30 minutes 4 days a week, for 50 minutes 1 day and for one hour the 6th day. I can't do endless hours and hours of working out, no time or motivation for all that. What I've noticed with the weight training is that I can get away with a week here or there where I go over for the week by quite a bit 800-1000 calories, with no weight gain. I believe that's due to strength training making my metabolism efficient enough to be a little forgiving -- I could not keep that up routinely without gaining weight of course, but every now and then I know I can have a holiday or birthday free for all or go to a party and eat and drink all the whatever , and that I probably won't see it on the scale. If you can possibly find a way to work in 30 minutes of weight training a few times a week I really recommend it.
In terms of eating to be satisfied, I've found it helpful to set my macros to 50% carbs and 25% each protein and fat, but I often eat up to 35% fat. I aim for about 130 grams of protein. Plenty of protein and healthy fat (I eat a lot of almonds, eggs, avocados for example) are key for me or else I'd feel like I'm starving most of the day. I have a long history of problems with binge eating so I really do get how hard it is to make peace with food, figure out how to be satisfied, how to enjoy food without obsessing about it, and all that. I've been able to learn to do it, finally. Best of luck to you OP, I know figuring out how to maintain successfully for the long term has been the hardest part for me but well worth it.
ETA: Forget to mention I also usually plan what I'm going to eat for the whole day or at least a rough guess and prelog it. I've found that really helpful to managing the overall calorie and macro intake.0 -
Yes im in maintenance and my calories are set to 1740. It's just so hard for me to fit in restaurant food and still feel satisfied at the end of the day so I try not to do it. Is that my problem? I am hungrier at night so I try to save most (1300) of my calories for then BUT I STILL feel hungry while eating things like fruit, dark chocolate, a quest bar, almond milk, etc ALL after dinner
1740 for maintenance seems kind of low to me. I eat 1,700 to lose a pound a week.
But I net 1470 to maintain. There's a reason they have an algorithm to calculate your number and not just the same number for everyone.
OP: You definitely want to find ways to enjoy food and feel satisfied.
- Do you eat exercise calories back? That can make a huge difference. I 'maintain' at 1470, but I usually eat 1700 or more. That's a huge difference.
- Have you looked carefully at your log to see what foods you could drop and not miss and which ones have fewer calories than you thought? For me, milk and bread had more than I thought and I subbed in water and low carb tortillas for a savings of 300-400 calories a day. Calories I could use for things I really wanted to eat. Meat had way fewer calories than I thought. Rice and beans a lot more.
- Protein really helps.
- For me (I love food), strong flavors make me feel very satisfied. Lime pickles. Really strong chocolate. Really good food satisifes me in a couple of bites. Bad food I need a lot of to feel satisified.
One of the really good things someone told me when I was adjusting to motherhood was 'wow, that sounds like an important problem. You should think about how to solve it."
That does sounds really important. I would think about some of what really is bothering you and wha tsome of th things that may help it are.
Good luck!0 -
Thank you all for the encouraging and supportive replies. I know that I have a lot of changes that need to be made in terms of food and health and I hope to one day get to where I want to be both mentally and physically.
If anybody has any more suggestions/advice/experiences or just wants to knock some sense into, please feel free to do so!
Good luck to you all! :flowerforyou:0 -
My calories are at the number they are because I don't exercise! I am a student and also have a job so i find it difficult to find time to exercise. I also never exercised while I was losing weight. I just really focused on the numbers. I do understand that exercising will allow me to eat more, but its not something that I have ever really done for a long period of time, and also isnt something that I have time for. I do have access to my school gym for free and I am at school five times a week, but after a LONG day of being at school from 9-6 and working on weekends, I have ZERO motivation/time/energy to go to the gym.
I lost the weight without exercising too I did start after transitioning into maintenance though, started with walking and it's progressed from there. If you can even get in a brisk 1 mile walk, 3 times a week it will be great not only for your health, but it will also give you some extra calories 0 -
I have discovered for myself that I do not get as consumed by the thinking of what I am eating when I take the time to taste the foods I am eating. I hope this does not read condescendingly; this is really what I discovered for myself. My discovery has allowed me to adhere to my goals, and it does feel very good. 0
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I completely understand the pressure from family & friends to be "normal". I get it all the time.
But, NEVER, EVER, strive to be NORMAL! Always be unique! Always follow what your heart tells you. Always follow the path you decide on. It will never be easy and it is very possible some of your current friends and acquaintances will walk away. But, those who stick around and those new friends you make on your journey will be worth the effort.
Look out into the world. Every single successful person, no matter what industry or field, got there being true to their personal vision. No one impacts the world by being NORMAL.
I was normal for a long time and it almost killed me. I have never been happier than I am now that I decided to be true to myself.
I wish all the best on your journey!
This, 100%. Never let other people pressure you into doing things that simply aren't right for you, or don't work for you. Will you lose some friends as a result? Maybe. But for every incompatible person who leaves your life, two or three more people who are compatible with you will be drawn into your life, more than replacing the incompatible ones who left. And in the long run, you'll be a LOT happier.0 -
It is hard but you can train your mind to see food differently. First off, do not look at longingly at food and say " I can't have that, I am on a diet". Look at food that you consider 'normal' ( in that USA that is usually garbage), goodies and fatty foods with white sugar say " I do not want that". Make it a positive choice not a denial. And say I choose this, to good healthy choices. And in this MFP there is no denial of any food, only accountability of calories so eat whatever you want but know that you are using up your daily allotment of calories. Pizza? Eat one slice not the whole pie. But say again. I choose not to eat that and I choose to eat this and do not put a negative mind set. It makes you feel empowered.0
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