About to spiral out of control :(
Makoce
Posts: 938 Member
My grandfather unfortunately just passed away, leaving us to take care of my grandmother.
She had to move in, she has Alzheimers, and our home can't accommodate the other person.
This means that I had to move my computer room ( where I work & spend most of my time ) downstairs, again like it was last year, next to the kitchen - in order to make a bedroom for our grandmother upstairs with the rest of the bedrooms.
When it use to be down here, I gained most of my weight because I could go right into the kitchen and binge out.
Upstairs, the kitchen was out of sight out of mind. Now im back to where I was...
This, pressed with all this STRESS of the family situation, caused me to finally binge last night.
I was over around 2,000 calories. And while I understand that since my last binge hasn't been since I started almost a year ago and that one slip up wont ruin me -- I am afraid that this WONT be a one time occurrence given my situations...
Im already back to thinking about food 24/7 and wanting to eat and eat, constantly. I also have never in my life binged over 2,000 of my goal while losing weight ( I obviously did when I was gaining ). Ive only ever been over 600 or something. So this is a bigger deal to me.
Im falling into my old patterns and I dont know how to say no, I am a new person, and this isnt me.
I could really use some advice or words on how I can stop this before it starts..thanks.
She had to move in, she has Alzheimers, and our home can't accommodate the other person.
This means that I had to move my computer room ( where I work & spend most of my time ) downstairs, again like it was last year, next to the kitchen - in order to make a bedroom for our grandmother upstairs with the rest of the bedrooms.
When it use to be down here, I gained most of my weight because I could go right into the kitchen and binge out.
Upstairs, the kitchen was out of sight out of mind. Now im back to where I was...
This, pressed with all this STRESS of the family situation, caused me to finally binge last night.
I was over around 2,000 calories. And while I understand that since my last binge hasn't been since I started almost a year ago and that one slip up wont ruin me -- I am afraid that this WONT be a one time occurrence given my situations...
Im already back to thinking about food 24/7 and wanting to eat and eat, constantly. I also have never in my life binged over 2,000 of my goal while losing weight ( I obviously did when I was gaining ). Ive only ever been over 600 or something. So this is a bigger deal to me.
Im falling into my old patterns and I dont know how to say no, I am a new person, and this isnt me.
I could really use some advice or words on how I can stop this before it starts..thanks.
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Replies
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Find a therapist or someone else to talk to, to help you deal with the stress.
Don't ever forget that you have done great so far.
These are ideas for binging: If you cant resist going into the kitchen try making some tea (Maybe just being in the kitchen and doing food prep might help) or pre planning snacks to fit within your calorie goal so when you do go into the kitchen they are there ready for you. Set a regular timer when you are working that act as allowed times for you to go into the kitchen to get a snack that fits in your calorie goal..
Keep a bowl of fruits and veggies in the kitchen for you to eat, nuts, granola for healthy options0 -
Is is possible for you to find a place to squeeze your computer into your bedroom?0
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Is is possible for you to find a place to squeeze your computer into your bedroom?
I wish. Unfortunately not. My room is very small.0 -
Ok, let's be honest. Proximity to food does not cause binges. It sounds like your binges are related to your emotions and stress, and that puts you in good company around here. This is something you can overcome, you just need to learn to identify what is going on when you have the urge to binge. If you have the means, working with a counselor can be a great way to develop the tools that will help you do this. If you cannot afford a counselor, I find it helpful to figure out a list of questions to ask myself before going for the food. Here's an example when I have the "argh must have food now":
- I have the urge to eat everything in sight. Is there something going on (anger, frustration, sadness, boredom) that is making me want to cope with food?
- Where am I in my cycle? Am I about to get my period?
- Am I hungry or thirsty (thirst can be misinterpreted as hunger)? I'll drink some water and see how I feel in a few minutes.
- Ok, I still feel like stuffing my face. Let's look at the food diary and see where I am for the day on my calories and macros. Maybe I just need a snack.
- How have I been eating the last few days? Have I been eating enough? Could I be having cravings because I've been way off and eating way below my calories?
- What happened the last time I binged? How many calories did I go over? How did that impact my progress?
It's not a perfect system, but forcing myself to focus logically on the urges and the consequences has reduced my binges. I really can't remember the last time I binged.
One thing I will add about the computer and its location to the kitchen is that while proximity doesn't cause a person to binge, people do tend to snack and overeat when doing things like play on the computer and watch TV because they are not giving their full attention to the amount of food they are eating. You might also have some luck tackling your binges by changing your behavior in terms of how you eat, as in always eating at a table, no distractions, weighing/measuring then logging your food. I noticed for me that binges tended to be on my feet, shoving handfuls of food in my mouth, going from one thing to another with or some kind of media (TV, computer, phone).0 -
Would you be able to create a visible barrier between the kitchen and the room downstairs? Would anybody object to a curtain hung on a tension rod in the doorway so that you cannot see the kitchen while you are on your computer? Or would it work to turn your back to the kitchen. (Out of sight, out of mind?)0
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no but it makes it MUCH more difficult to stay strong, because it's in your face. When I am at my mom's house, the living room has a direct view of the kitchen, and every time I look that direction I think about the cookies in the cabinet or the chocolate in the fridge. It's incredibly difficult not to be distracted by it, it's right there in your line of sight. Is that an excuse to binge? no of course not, but that doesn't change the fact that it makes it difficult to get your mind off food when it's right there.Ok, let's be honest. Proximity to food does not cause binges.0 -
gum or mints.0
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Would you be able to create a visible barrier between the kitchen and the room downstairs? Would anybody object to a curtain hung on a tension rod in the doorway so that you cannot see the kitchen while you are on your computer? Or would it work to turn your back to the kitchen. (Out of sight, out of mind?)
^^^^^This is me... Outta site, outta mind. Make yourself a special rule like I did-no eating at the computer...0 -
Ok, let's be honest. Proximity to food does not cause binges. It sounds like your binges are related to your emotions and stress, and that puts you in good company around here. This is something you can overcome, you just need to learn to identify what is going on when you have the urge to binge. If you have the means, working with a counselor can be a great way to develop the tools that will help you do this. If you cannot afford a counselor, I find it helpful to figure out a list of questions to ask myself before going for the food. Here's an example when I have the "argh must have food now":
- I have the urge to eat everything in sight. Is there something going on (anger, frustration, sadness, boredom) that is making me want to cope with food?
- Where am I in my cycle? Am I about to get my period?
- Am I hungry or thirsty (thirst can be misinterpreted as hunger)? I'll drink some water and see how I feel in a few minutes.
- Ok, I still feel like stuffing my face. Let's look at the food diary and see where I am for the day on my calories and macros. Maybe I just need a snack.
- How have I been eating the last few days? Have I been eating enough? Could I be having cravings because I've been way off and eating way below my calories?
- What happened the last time I binged? How many calories did I go over? How did that impact my progress?
It's not a perfect system, but forcing myself to focus logically on the urges and the consequences has reduced my binges. I really can't remember the last time I binged.
One thing I will add about the computer and its location to the kitchen is that while proximity doesn't cause a person to binge, people do tend to snack and overeat when doing things like play on the computer and watch TV because they are not giving their full attention to the amount of food they are eating. You might also have some luck tackling your binges by changing your behavior in terms of how you eat, as in always eating at a table, no distractions, weighing/measuring then logging your food. I noticed for me that binges tended to be on my feet, shoving handfuls of food in my mouth, going from one thing to another with or some kind of media (TV, computer, phone).
After you answer these questions, and you want to eat for emotional reasons - how do you stop the urge to binge or get rid of the thoughts?0 -
Time to learn better means of coping with stress. Get some hobbies, talk to friends, learn to accept things you can't change and healthy ways to work towards the things you can change.0
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Ok, let's be honest. Proximity to food does not cause binges. It sounds like your binges are related to your emotions and stress, and that puts you in good company around here. This is something you can overcome, you just need to learn to identify what is going on when you have the urge to binge. If you have the means, working with a counselor can be a great way to develop the tools that will help you do this. If you cannot afford a counselor, I find it helpful to figure out a list of questions to ask myself before going for the food. Here's an example when I have the "argh must have food now":
- I have the urge to eat everything in sight. Is there something going on (anger, frustration, sadness, boredom) that is making me want to cope with food?
- Where am I in my cycle? Am I about to get my period?
- Am I hungry or thirsty (thirst can be misinterpreted as hunger)? I'll drink some water and see how I feel in a few minutes.
- Ok, I still feel like stuffing my face. Let's look at the food diary and see where I am for the day on my calories and macros. Maybe I just need a snack.
- How have I been eating the last few days? Have I been eating enough? Could I be having cravings because I've been way off and eating way below my calories?
- What happened the last time I binged? How many calories did I go over? How did that impact my progress?
It's not a perfect system, but forcing myself to focus logically on the urges and the consequences has reduced my binges. I really can't remember the last time I binged.
One thing I will add about the computer and its location to the kitchen is that while proximity doesn't cause a person to binge, people do tend to snack and overeat when doing things like play on the computer and watch TV because they are not giving their full attention to the amount of food they are eating. You might also have some luck tackling your binges by changing your behavior in terms of how you eat, as in always eating at a table, no distractions, weighing/measuring then logging your food. I noticed for me that binges tended to be on my feet, shoving handfuls of food in my mouth, going from one thing to another with or some kind of media (TV, computer, phone).
After you answer these questions, and you want to eat for emotional reasons - how do you stop the urge to binge or get rid of the thoughts?
You learn better ways to deal with your emotions. Odds are that isn't just effecting your relationship with food either. So its more efficient to correct the root cause of the problem than to focus on dealing with the symptom0 -
go find a professional to help you through this time. it would be tough on anyone.... Don't be too proud to go get some help.0
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Be grateful that you care share your grandmother's life and remember to eat well and take care of yourself so that you can be a grandmother one day. Grandparents are not burdens they are gifts. She may be there to teach to self control. tolerance and selflessness.0
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Be grateful that you care share your grandmother's life and remember to eat well and take care of yourself so that you can be a grandmother one day. Grandparents are not burdens they are gifts. She may be there to teach you self control. tolerance and selflessness.0
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I'm not one to promote medication, but my doctor put me on a medication (in addition to my antidepressants) that helps suppress my appetite and promote energy in the day. Maybe you should talk to your doctor. See if there's something you can take or do that will help keep the bingeing at bay.
Good luck.0 -
Be grateful that you care share your grandmother's life and remember to eat well and take care of yourself so that you can be a grandmother one day. Grandparents are not burdens they are gifts. She may be there to teach you self control. tolerance and selflessness.
I hate to sound like a *kitten*..but to be honest I dont really know/like my grandmother and she never liked me.. and I never plan to have children.0 -
Can you switch your bedroom and computer room?0
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I'm not one to promote medication, but my doctor put me on a medication (in addition to my antidepressants) that helps suppress my appetite and promote energy in the day. Maybe you should talk to your doctor. See if there's something you can take or do that will help keep the bingeing at bay.
Good luck.
What was the reason you were put on it?0 -
Can you switch your bedroom and computer room?
Unfortunately not I tried that route already. 0 -
Be grateful that you care share your grandmother's life and remember to eat well and take care of yourself so that you can be a grandmother one day. Grandparents are not burdens they are gifts. She may be there to teach you self control. tolerance and selflessness.
This and maybe find an activity outside the house - my father is 87 yrs old and after a stroke two years ago has a bit of dimentia happening (some days are better than others) - I realize this is not the same extreme as to what your grandmother is going through but my sister and I are basically the two out of 5 children that take care of his needs and ensure he is not alone (he is also in a wheel chair so he had to go to a retirement home). While I am not there 24/7 I find that I had to take a step back and ensure that I took care of myself also. Leaving the house and getting away from the environment will do wonders for you - join a sports team or some type of fitness club or take an evening class on something that interests you. So sorry for your recent loss and hope you find a way to deal with the added stress.0 -
Be grateful that you care share your grandmother's life and remember to eat well and take care of yourself so that you can be a grandmother one day. Grandparents are not burdens they are gifts. She may be there to teach you self control. tolerance and selflessness.
I hate to sound like a *kitten*..but to be honest I dont really know/like my grandmother and she never liked me.. and I never plan to have children.
Well that's okay but do remember that she has no control over what is happening to her now and remember that the whole family is affected by this situation. You have done great with your weight loss so far (judging by your ticker) so if the computer placement is causing you to succumb to the temptation then remove yourself from the temptation. Good luck!0 -
Amber,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandfather. That, plus having a grandparent move in who is not well, is stressful in of itself. I would find a therapist to work this out with.
Next, I would tell yourself every single day how proud you are of yourself for coming this far. You've lost SIXTY POUNDS! That's is amazing! I'm proud of you and I don't even know you! You indeed are a new person now.
As for your office next to the kitchen- I would suggest you set some stronger boundaries with yourself about that. If you really are not hungry, just tell yourself no and don't get anything to eat. Let it pass. Or, try to have just a portion of something if you are hungry and it fits into your calorie goals.
Or, is there another place where you can put your office? In your room? In the garage? Do you have finances to rent a small office space or room somewhere away from home?0 -
I agree that there are some deeper issues and that a qualified professional could help you with coping mechanisms, etc. That aside, do you have a laptop? If so, lots of places have free wi-fi now... is there any time or way for you to get out of the house for a period of time?0
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That is a hard situation. I'd put my computer as far from the kitchen as I could and make sure there was no clear line of sight from my desk to where the snacks are. You could also rely on gum, sugar-free mints, tea, seltzer ... anything so you get the sensation of putting something in your mouth without consuming calories.
*husghugshugs*0 -
move out ... no seriously, you are living with your parents and you are over 18, you don't have to live there.0
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Yes because I love it here so much I willingly stay.
Obviously I have no choice.0 -
I understand what you're talking about. We used to live in a house where the kitchen and family room were on the same floor. It was so easy after the kids were in bed, to sit and watch TV or use my computer and walk into the kitchen for a snack. It was an open floor plan, too, no doors. The house we're in now, we put the family room up in the attic, and all food is at least a floor away from me when I'm at my computer.
However, my kids and husband will make popcorn and bring it upstairs, or have chips...so I still see the food. So I do a couple of things to work around that:
After putting my youngest to bed, I take a shower and brush my teeth. I usually don't want to eat right after I've brushed my teeth, and I'm lazy enough that the idea of having to brush my teeth a second time deters me from wanting to eat. So if you're feeling the urge to go into the kitchen, maybe brush your teeth and drink a glass of water or a cup of herbal tea. Try to keep water in your office, a big bottle, and maybe move an electric kettle and a tea stash in there, so you're not going into the kitchen to make tea.
Sometimes I prelog my food so I can plan in a snack in the evenings, like air popped popcorn or some chocolate.
Can you position your computer so you're not facing the door? Is there a door you can close? Or hang a curtain?
Make a rule that you won't eat at your computer. I made this rule a while ago when I realized I was getting my computer dirty and gross with crumbs. It's not good for you or your computer.
Keep sugarless gum by your computer, maybe mints if you like those better.
If the urge to snack is just getting out of hand, go for a walk. Get out of the house. Or find a hobby that involves using your hands, like knitting or embroidery, unless, like me, the idea makes you want to stab your eye out with the knitting needle! I have a Scrabble game on my kindle that I play, it requires me to hold it with two hands while I play, so I really can't snack and play it at the same time.
Above all, be kind to yourself. You've experienced two huge life stressors--the loss of a family member and the disruption of your domestic arrangements, having a family member move in is a huge life change. Naturally stress is going to make things harder. It doesn't mean you're weak. Take one day at a time and be proud when you get through each one!0 -
Ok, let's be honest. Proximity to food does not cause binges. It sounds like your binges are related to your emotions and stress, and that puts you in good company around here. This is something you can overcome, you just need to learn to identify what is going on when you have the urge to binge. If you have the means, working with a counselor can be a great way to develop the tools that will help you do this. If you cannot afford a counselor, I find it helpful to figure out a list of questions to ask myself before going for the food. Here's an example when I have the "argh must have food now":
- I have the urge to eat everything in sight. Is there something going on (anger, frustration, sadness, boredom) that is making me want to cope with food?
- Where am I in my cycle? Am I about to get my period?
- Am I hungry or thirsty (thirst can be misinterpreted as hunger)? I'll drink some water and see how I feel in a few minutes.
- Ok, I still feel like stuffing my face. Let's look at the food diary and see where I am for the day on my calories and macros. Maybe I just need a snack.
- How have I been eating the last few days? Have I been eating enough? Could I be having cravings because I've been way off and eating way below my calories?
- What happened the last time I binged? How many calories did I go over? How did that impact my progress?
It's not a perfect system, but forcing myself to focus logically on the urges and the consequences has reduced my binges. I really can't remember the last time I binged.
One thing I will add about the computer and its location to the kitchen is that while proximity doesn't cause a person to binge, people do tend to snack and overeat when doing things like play on the computer and watch TV because they are not giving their full attention to the amount of food they are eating. You might also have some luck tackling your binges by changing your behavior in terms of how you eat, as in always eating at a table, no distractions, weighing/measuring then logging your food. I noticed for me that binges tended to be on my feet, shoving handfuls of food in my mouth, going from one thing to another with or some kind of media (TV, computer, phone).
After you answer these questions, and you want to eat for emotional reasons - how do you stop the urge to binge or get rid of the thoughts?
You learn better ways to deal with your emotions. Odds are that isn't just effecting your relationship with food either. So its more efficient to correct the root cause of the problem than to focus on dealing with the symptom
^^ That's pretty much what I do, which is why the motivation to eat is the first question I ask myself. If it is emotional, I don't even need to get to the other questions. I identify what is bothering me, and I figure out a way to deal with it that doesn't involve food. Sometimes just writing about it helps, even if I never read it again or show anyone else. Once I know what it is and take a moment to consider my options, it's easy to see that while stuffing my face may help me feel better in the moment, it doesn't serve any other purpose. Whatever is bothering me is still going to be there after the cookies are gone, with the added bonus of tighter pants and guilt.0 -
You can think of it any way that suits your personality.
For example, if you can manage a little masochism, you can stir up enough anger at yourself to keep the pudding away. You don't deserve the pudding. You deserve the pain. I'm guessing this isn't the most popular solution, and It may not sound like total consciousness, but a little self-rage helped me quit smoking. When you have a habit you use to fili a void in your life, and then you try to overcome the habit, you're bound to feel quite empty. Nothing will ever fill the void. That kind of thing. A little self-hatred can work, here, as long as you can use it wisely.
Love works, too, of course. If you can manage to love yourself enough, forgive yourself enough, then you can appreciate that emptiness for what it is . . . you won't need to cover it up or fill it.
Like I said, it's a personality thing. But you have to put your faith in it.0 -
Yes because I love it here so much I willingly stay.
Obviously I have no choice.
You can make a plan with regards to your eating and stick with it. Every time you feel like deviating from that plan, you go for a walk. The mere presence of the kitchen should not be enough to make you eat (we have an open plan house, the only place where you don't see the kitchen is when you are in the toilet).
You are perfectly able to move out, you have a choice. It is not an easy choice both financially or otherwise, but you have a choice.0
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