Restrict and Binge Cycle

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frankiehermanek
frankiehermanek Posts: 1
in Health and Weight Loss
I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted. When I was 17, I started birth control and gained about 10 pounds, weighing in at 149 at 5'10". It's silly that I was distraught over this, because I would kill to weigh 149 now. Summer came and I went off birth control, but gained even more weight from mindless eating and little exercise. By October, I weighed 170, trying out the myfitnesspal app with a little success, but gaining all the weight back after a four day long retreat in which I binged every day. After that, I decided it was time for a change. For the next two months I religiously used the app and ate no more than 1500 calories a day with at least 500 burnt off from cardio. I had a binge day here or there but it didn't daunt me much. By early December, I weighed 154. I was so proud of myself. However, things started to go downhill. The entire month of December was a restrict and binge cycle. I couldn't go one week without binging, the type when you eat until you hurt. It was almost a way to spite the part of me that forced myself to restrict. I would retain water, but get back on track the next day, always working out. I decided to hide the scale for a bit. When school started again in January, I went two weeks without binging. I was starting to get back on track. However, last Saturday, I broke the cycle again and had an entire DAY of binging. Once again, got back on track. Then, last night, I binged so badly that I had to curl up in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, I was in so much pain. I didn't even work out at all, the first time that's ever happened. I woke up distraught this morning and stayed home from school. And yet, I just binged again an hour ago. I feel absolutely out of control. I am terrified I've hit 170 again. I haven't weighed myself in a month so I have no idea. This is starting to conflict with my relationships and obligations. I chose not to go out to celebrate one of my closest friends' birthday tonight, and I have a college audition tomorrow morning and am in no way prepared. I'm struggling to find the motivation to work out today. I'm disgusted with myself. I am convinced I've gained 10 pounds. I feel obese, and the only way I can cope is by going to sleep. I've been in bed all day. I just want to feel in control again. I think I have some type of eating disorder, even though it's not a cut and dry specific one. I need help. I'm so terrified I've gotten fat again. I just want to be thin, that's all I want. I feel trapped. Please please help. Will I gain weight because of these two days of binging? How do I stop?

Replies

  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    I suggest you speak with a professional.

    I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but it's all I can offer.
  • Sunka1
    Sunka1 Posts: 217 Member
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    All you want now is to be thin. But trust me if you let this disordered eating get out of control, being thin will be the least of your problems. I would get help while you are mentally well enough to know you may need it. This is not criticism. This is having seen many go through similar experiences and lose a decade before they are unhealthy, deathly thin or obese, and so depleted of nutrients they are literally going crazy. Talk to someone besides us. Please. Good luck.
  • thesimsisters
    thesimsisters Posts: 73 Member
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    Please speak with a counselor at your school. You mentioned a eating disorder, and I truly think you could benefit from talking with a professional about your unhealthy relationship with food. They can help you.
  • charskii
    charskii Posts: 9
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    I agree with Ninkyou, We are here to help you as much as we can, but this is something that is bigger than us, you have took the 1st steps to admit you might have a eating disorder, there are many medical persons out there to help you, it doesn't mean you are weak or going mad, it is a medical illness which can be treated, you will be taking control of your life, you know it's not good to eat till the point where you are in physical pain. Get yourself booked in with the dr, life is too short, enjoy every day, spend time with your family and friends, don't lock yourself in the bedroom hoping the issue will go away because it wont, it will only get worse. All the best sweet xxxx
  • JustMeee333
    JustMeee333 Posts: 233
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    I could have wrote that post myself, this is exactly what I am going through at the minute. It's been a whole month on and off of binging and good days. I keep telling myself I'll get back on track, I do well all day then usually pig out before bed. I can't really offer any advice, but I wish you well. :flowerforyou:
  • KateK8LoseW8
    KateK8LoseW8 Posts: 824 Member
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    "I think I have an eating disorder, just not a cut and dry one."

    Binge eating disorder is indeed an eating disorder. Worth seeing a therapist about that possibility.
  • 81Katz
    81Katz Posts: 7,074 Member
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    I'd seek out a counselor or a therapist.

    Binge Eating IS an eating disorder. You might also fall into Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) because sometimes some meet some criteria for one eating disorder, yet criteria for another, or only some of one, not all, etc. I'm not diagnosing because, well I am not a doctor. I think people think well if you starve yourself THAT is an eating disorder. If you vomit up all of your food THAT is an eating disorder. There is A LOT of 'in-between'.

    I could have written your post. :ohwell:

    Good luck.
  • lemonshredding
    lemonshredding Posts: 71 Member
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    You're exactly like me.

    Sending you a friend request I know we can beat this!

    I am seeing a therapist at the moment and hoping it helps!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    Frankie,

    Thank you for sharing that. Please speak with a professional. It sounds like you have some eating disordered issues going on.
  • jeskuhsmeekers
    jeskuhsmeekers Posts: 131 Member
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    i also think you need to talk to someone.. i don't know if it's a professional or not but you do need to talk about it. I hope writing this made you feel a little better. I am also 5'10 so i can tell you that being 5'10 and weighing 170 lbs is no way close to being obese. Take things one day at a time and try to not tell yourself you can't have certain foods just limit yourself on how much of it you can have. but please please please talk to someone
  • lenapb
    lenapb Posts: 6 Member
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    This is definitely something I can relate to. Except I tend to have a really large struggle when it comes to getting back on the proverbial horse after even one bad day. If you have a therapist or counselor your could talk to at your disposal I'd really recommend it. I was seeing a therapist for a good 6 months before I moved to college and it was honestly something I'd look forward to. I'd meet with her once every two weeks and I felt like it was the same as talking to a really good friend, except the advice that she gave me and the outlooks that she pointed me towards were ones that very clearly came from an adult and a professional. Best friends are awesome, and I have a few that are extremely important to me, nevertheless they are my age and are struggling with the same things as me and they haven't figured it out so advice from them, while valuable, never really hit the nail on the head. We talked more about my relationships with my family and my friends, and about motivation for school than we did about my relationship to food and my body. Never the less while I had her to talk to I felt much more put together, and my diet and exercise were at very healthy, high points.

    Apart from this, I'd say another thing that is useful is writing some type of journal entry DURING a binge. Even if you write down, "I'm eating a ton and I'm already full and I don't know why I won't just stop and I'm frustrated and I know I'll be even more tomorrow so why can't I stop this..." If you can think of anything that triggered it also write that down, "My day was *kitten* and now i'm eating because of it and bla, bla, bla.." Both those little examples are things that I have for sure written, and no one needs to read or see them, but looking back over it a few days later might make you figure out triggers and how to get past them. Think of it as almost a brain storming session that you can come back to when you are in a healthier or clearer mindset. In any case reading, "I feel like crap about myself and I am currently, actively making it worse" might prevent it from happening as much in the future.

    Ultimately, stay on track with exercising if you can. Even if you binge, still getting a workout in will keep things moving a bit more smoothly internally and reduce bloating and all that stuff which is always a plus.
  • Butterpecan888
    Butterpecan888 Posts: 79
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    upping your calories, allow yourself for treats an dont kill yourself on exercise. hidin the scale will help too. thats what helped me stop binging
  • nomorebingesgirl2014
    nomorebingesgirl2014 Posts: 378 Member
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