Aren't Goals supposed to encourage you, not depress you???

kmcgrath1
kmcgrath1 Posts: 175 Member
in Motivation and Support
After a very loud heart to heart with my husband it truly came out that I am disgusted with myself and NOT happy. He pointed out that I shouldn't bother putting so much pressure on myself to lose weight when all I do is gain it back. Although it didn't come out that way. LOL

I told him he didn't need to point out the obvious, I know how my body is. He also pointed out that I should be happy with how I am, that I have so much to be happy about and this one thing...this black cloud of weight destroys my life every time, and he's right. I don't know how to be happy with myself. I can't understand him for loving me and my body the way it is because I don't. With my constant losing and regaining the same 10-15 lbs over the past few years has driven me to under go so many drastic weight loss plans, pills, exercise routines, etc.

So is having a goal weight helping me or hindering my progress? I finally believe it's the latter. Because of my constant lose and regain, I never see myself making it to that goal, perhaps it is unrealistic, maybe...but it is depressing and discouraging. Especially when I try to be so strict with myself and see it backfire. It just throws me into a deeper depression.

I finally had my AHA moment...No more goal weight to drive me to insanity. I will have a goal, but it will be a daily goal. To follow my WW points, enjoy the foods that I have been forbidding myself to eat because this is life and it is a life plan. I will stay within my points and continue to exercise daily. If I slip up, oh well, it is one day and tomorrow is a fresh start. Everything in moderation, right? Once a week I will continue to weight myself, maybe even drop it to monthly but it will no longer define me. I will take my life day by day, enjoying my life, my friends, the food that fuels me and perhaps even enjoy my workouts a little more. If I lose weight, then it will be icing on the cake but No more letting it destroy me. Today is a new day.

Replies

  • mish24canada
    mish24canada Posts: 152 Member
    I really can relate to what you wrote i feel the same way. I lost almost 30 pounds and im slowing gaining it back. I have countiued exercing but really have a hard time with food and making good choices and saying no. I have never reached my goal because i seem to give up and eat what i want and then end up gaining all the weight back
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    Sounds like a good plan! Take each day one at a time and make it something you can sustain even when you've lost the weight.

    EDIT to add: If I try to focus on the amount I want to lose as a whole, it gets me down because it's a big number. So I try to make smaller goals which are more achieveable and celebrate each one of those.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    Is the goal weight that is the problem, or your expectations? Just from what you've written, you say that you have trouble being happy with yourself. It left me wondering if maybe the issue isn't the goal number, but expectations of how your life is going to be at that weight? I think all of us attach some ideals of how our life is going to different once we've lost the weight, but when we get there and see that the same issues still exist, whether it's our confidence, or happiness in relationships, or self-esteem (just examples), we get discouraged and it's easy to backslide. It's easy to blame our weight for other issues in our lives, so I just wanted to throw the idea out there since I know it's an obstacle lots of people here face.
  • CamelNinja
    CamelNinja Posts: 1 Member
    Goals are suppose to help motivate, but alot depends on what your goals are. You need to have both long term and short term goals. If all you are focused on is the long term that can be very discouraging. I myself use to focus on the end result not the progress. Everything was so dependent on what the number was when I stepped on the scale. It wasn't until I started strength training that I truely learned how goals should be. I started focusing on the smaller things. Hitting my protein minimums, getting one more rep or increasing weight. After my focus was shifted the results I was looking for just kind of fell in place.
  • TMClark319
    TMClark319 Posts: 1
    Kris we love you for who you are, no matter what. In terms of goals, stop making them so large and focusing solely on them. If you need a goal, make it small, something attainable. And definitely stop focusing on the scale. I didn't start feeling better until I stopped weighing myself daily. I've even cut it back to every two weeks or so because I was getting so discouraged. Your goal needs to be to become a healthier you, a more fit you. If you lose weight, great. If you gain muscle but lose fat, even better. If along the way you start feeling better about you...that is what it should be about.

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