How do you keep from comparing yourself to others?

Mizeri
Mizeri Posts: 9
in Motivation and Support
I have been having a real hard time with this lately. I am almost at my goal weight and I started to think I was actually looking decent until I started reading post here and hearing my friends complain about their weight. Most of my friends are still smaller then me (about 3 to 5 pounds mind you), but they always complain about how they need to lose more weight. Its also discouraging seeing people having my goal weight as their starter weight and wanting to lose another 10-15 pounds. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but its hard not to wonder if maybe I should be losing more weight or not.
Any advice?
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Replies

  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Some people (not just women, some men too) say things like "oh, I'm so fat" and "I need to lose 10 pounds" just to get attention and compliments. They may not even do it consciously. When I was obese, this used to bug me quite a bit. If you're supposedly "fat" (when you obviously aren't even remotely overweight and I know this because you just last week bragged about being a size 2) then what the hell does that say about me?! Then I realized, it didn't say anything about me. It only said something about them. How their self esteem and self worth is totally shot and they need validation from others to feel better about themselves. Actually makes me feel bad for them...

    Bottom line is, you just have to start changing the way you think. What others think about themselves or you is none of your business. As long as you're comfortable with your body at your goal weight, that's all that matters. Even if someone is the same height, they could have a completely different build than you and be happy and healthy at a higher or lower weight. Only worry about yourself, not others.
  • veggiebound
    veggiebound Posts: 78 Member
    Don't worry, everyone has their own journey to go on. I know what you mean though, when you see posts about being sooo big at a size 2, it's baffling. The main thing to remember is that as you get closer to your goal, you will feel fantastic. :happy:
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
    When I realized how annoying it was when other people compared themselves to me, I stopped.

    Learning to care for and love the body I have made it a lot easier.
  • vorgas
    vorgas Posts: 741 Member
    The only person you really need to compare yourself to is the person you used to be.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
    Some people (not just women, some men too) say things like "oh, I'm so fat" and "I need to lose 10 pounds" just to get attention and compliments. They may not even do it consciously. When I was obese, this used to bug me quite a bit. If you're supposedly "fat" (when you obviously aren't even remotely overweight and I know this because you just last week bragged about being a size 2) then what the hell does that say about me?! Then I realized, it didn't say anything about me. It only said something about them. How their self esteem and self worth is totally shot and they need validation from others to feel better about themselves. Actually makes me feel bad for them...

    Bottom line is, you just have to start changing the way you think. What others think about themselves or you is none of your business. As long as you're comfortable with your body at your goal weight, that's all that matters. Even if someone is the same height, they could have a completely different build than you and be happy and healthy at a higher or lower weight. Only worry about yourself, not others.

    This hits the nail on the head, I think.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Get to your GW and see how you feel at that weight, then do what you feel is best for you.

    Comparison is a natural thing to do, don't be so hard on yourself about that.....just remember do to things for you not because others are doing them
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    the thing is, there will always be someone who is thinner/prettier/better hair/longer legs/better abs/more money/nicer car/nicer house/fitter boyfriend/whatever whatever whatever... but really, who cares? you need to love yourself for who you are...
  • LongMom
    LongMom Posts: 408 Member
    I don't really care about what people think of me period. I'm aware we're all different and I'm aware people sometimes say things for attention.

    A lot of my friends say I'm lucky I'm this way - I happen to believe it's a choice :)
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
    Are you happy with yourself at your goal weight? Then who cares what others want to do? If you are happy, then you are at goal. If your friends want to lose weight, let them, encourage them even. All that matters in this world is how you feel about yourself. If you are happy, be happy. If you're not, think about changing something. I think you're forgetting that a "goal weight" is not universal. It's YOUR goal. Someone else might have a different one and it might be lower or higher than yours. Be proud of the hard work you put in to get you where you are today!
  • pixtotts
    pixtotts Posts: 552 Member
    The only person you really need to compare yourself to is the person you used to be.
    This! Superb way of putting it. x
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    The only person you really need to compare yourself to is the person you used to be.

    This...so this...
  • chankanaab07
    chankanaab07 Posts: 48 Member
    We've all fallen into the comparison trap from time to time. Pick yourself up and climb out! Every time you compare yourself to someone else, try bouncing your mind to another thought, such as how far you've come or how great it feels to be on this journey or how inspiring it will be for others, not to mention yourself, when you achieve that next goal. It takes practice, but over time it will help "train" your mind to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. Hope that helps!
  • 212019156
    212019156 Posts: 341 Member
    Not valid to compare yourself to other people since genetics play such a huge role in how one's body is structured or how strong one is. Best to compare yourself to yourself. Unless you have a twin of course.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    I'll always compare myself to other people. The difficult part is keeping a perspective.
  • Greywalk
    Greywalk Posts: 193 Member
    I am me...and I am unique...just as you are you and you are unique...how can you compare two unique people or even 1 billion unique people. We are wonderfully different and it is great. What works for you may not work for me because we only have some general things in character...but in the end you are you and I am me...unique and both enjoyably good. That is how i keep from comparing myself to others. Best to you.
  • jessicagilb
    jessicagilb Posts: 69 Member
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  • laddyboy
    laddyboy Posts: 1,565 Member
    Not valid to compare yourself to other people since genetics play such a huge role in how one's body is structured or how strong one is. Best to compare yourself to yourself. Unless you have a twin of course.

    This. I'm in competition with myself. I ALWAYS try to beat my last best. Keep track of everything...how you gonna know where to go if you don't know where you've been. No my line but it's a good one.
  • mkghbrad
    mkghbrad Posts: 20
    I love my sister to pieces - she is 14 months older than me, and we talk about absolutely everything.

    Even when I am feeling really good about my weight - she is micraculously 7lb lighter....always!! she isn't trying to wind me up or annoy me by telling me we just talk about our weight often.

    She's now 48 and I'm 47 and I am only just beginning to accept that this is just the way it is - we're the same height but a different build and I exercise much more than her. My point is - we will always compare ourselves, even with those who love and care for us the most but it does us now good. Please don't take 47 years to accept that we are all different!!
  • shaynepoole
    shaynepoole Posts: 493 Member
    you can only worry about yourself, comparing yourself to other people is an exercise in futility - why? we are all different and have different hopes, dreams and goals. You need to figure out what makes you happy and go with it. Life is too short overall to make yourself into someone elses ideal of perfection.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    To get very scientific: Sociology teaches us that we identify ourselves by comparing us to the people around us. It's part of human nature. I think everyone does it, but validation is a big part of it. Remember also that you never know what's going inside another person's head. Miss size 2 might be feeling particularly bloated today and needing some comfort and not know how to go about it. We are all just trapped inside our own bodies and can only feel like who we are. I don't know what you feel like inside your body.

    All that being said, just remember, you really just want to be better than you were yesterday. Each day is a new beginning!
  • iampurebeautie
    iampurebeautie Posts: 21 Member
    The only person you really need to compare yourself to is the person you used to be.

    perfectly said!
  • phily8576
    phily8576 Posts: 1
    WOW!!!! You are totally right! Best peice of advice I've ever seen!
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    No two people are alike it really depends how you carry your weight and how you feel about yourself, some people have fab hourglass shapes with kicking curves but may be heavier than someone who's straight up and down and carries all their weight on their stomach.

    I am one of those people that is a healthy BMI weight but my belly measurement puts me at overweight as it's above 32", also I do no exercise at the moment so someone my weight who hits the gym will have a better figure due to dense lean muscle mass opposed to volumous fat.

    Don't let anybody elses insecurities get you down, if you're happy that's all that matters. :)
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
    Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. Do that every day and you'll be so focused on making yourself better you won't have time to worry about how you compare to the people around you.

    Rigger
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    Adolf Hitler — 'Do not compare yourself to others. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.'

    "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

    http://zenhabits.net/comparing/
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    Adolf Hitler — 'Do not compare yourself to others. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.'

    "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

    http://zenhabits.net/comparing/

    While I can appreciate the context, I have to wonder at the wisdom of sharing quotes from historical figures known for 1) hating everyone who didn't fit his ideal and leading a nation to murder millions of people and 2)drinking for most of his self-hating life and then committing suicide.
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    Adolf Hitler — 'Do not compare yourself to others. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.'

    "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

    http://zenhabits.net/comparing/

    While I can appreciate the context, I have to wonder at the wisdom of sharing quotes from historical figures known for 1) hating everyone who didn't fit his ideal and leading a nation to murder millions of people and 2)drinking for most of his self-hating life and then committing suicide.

    If the quote is relevant, why should it matter who said it? If I had just shared the quote without revealing the source would that have made a difference?

    Just because he was a delusional mass murdering fascist does not mean everything he ever said or thought was wrong.

    And Hemingway was a genius.
  • ChelseaGoneAwry
    ChelseaGoneAwry Posts: 53 Member
    The only goal that matters is your own. Everybody is different, and honestly, when it comes to losing weight, once you reach your goal, you will always think you could lose more. And granted, you COULD lose more, but do you really need to? Reach a point where you're satisfied with the way you look and feel, and maintain that weight. Congrats on almost reaching your goal!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    I struggle with this too, lol. I see women thinner than me complaining that they want to lose 20 lbs and I'm like 'ok then well I guess I should lose another 30'. It's disheartening. BUT the truth is, I can eat more than they do to maintain my 'overweight' body, and I do happen to love eating, so it's a good thing. And I do like my curves (or at least I think I'll be happy when I lose those last pounds, except my belly, but it's mostly loose skin at this point anyway so pretty hopeless).

    So, to each their own.
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
    Adolf Hitler — 'Do not compare yourself to others. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.'

    "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

    http://zenhabits.net/comparing/

    Well, that quote from Hitler is probably referring to comparing the German Volk to the Jews so...probably not the best.

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