MUST eat cookies at work.

The_Raspberry
The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I am a social worker, working on doing family assessments.Hard work, but rewarding.

One of the most crucial things for me to do a good job, and to help these children and families is having a good relationship with the parents. Which is VERY hard to do while criticizing someones parenting.

I go on a lot of house visit. A lot of the time they will then bring out cookies, cakes, tea and coffee. I would be VERY rude for me to turn it down. A lot of the time they come from other cultures, where turning food down is insulting. But also the whole "a social worker is coming to my house, and that is really scary, and I'm nervous about it and want to show our home and family in the best possible way". Believe it or not, but a small thing like saying no to a cookie can actually be the difference of a parent feeling respected/listened to or not. So saying no is not always an option, even though it works sometimes.

Things like this usually comes unplanned, maybe once or twice a week. I've tried saying I'm on a diet but it doesn't work. I tried saying I don't eat gluten, but then the next time I came they had twice as many cakes and all of them gluten free. If I make my bed I lie in it I guess.

I do love the fact that I get to eat lots of cookies from various kitchens and parts of the world on a regular basis. But it makes meal planning REALLY hard.

Today, i had to eat a (really tasty) deep fried cookie at one of the families houses, and it wasn't planned. And since I'll be working late there is no time for exercise today. If it wasn't to often I would just try to be a few calories under, but it happens to often for that. And I'd rather eat fruit and food if I could choose, a cookie instead of dinner is not really worth it.


Ok. So. Rant over. Thanks for listening, I guess.

Any ideas on how to handle this?
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Replies

  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    I don't think you're whole weight loss journey will be at jeopardy over eating a cookie (or even 2) here and there.
  • lindzgayle
    lindzgayle Posts: 131 Member
    What if you graciously accepted a serving of cookies or cake, then only drank the tea or coffee? Or, maybe just nibbled on it? That's still half a serving versus an entire slice or whatever.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Why not make it into a joke... "Thank you for the offer but as you can imagine I get offered so many cookies a day that if I ate them all I would look like the cookie monster from sesame street"
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    I don't think you're whole weight loss journey will be at jeopardy over eating a cookie (or even 2) here and there.

    It will if she vists 10 houses day.
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
    You don't have to accept them, you're not Santa Claus. Politely decline, they're just trying to butter you up anyway, just like I would if the government sent someone after me. It's the first step to try to better their situation, and comes slightly before trying to figure out what to do with the body.

    Rigger
  • Luvable84v
    Luvable84v Posts: 28 Member
    Try the 'That looks really tasty but I'm afraid I'm a diabetic and have to monitor everything I eat'
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Say you're allergic. Works for me every time.
  • cassjacobsen
    cassjacobsen Posts: 19 Member
    Ask to take it to go and then toss it in the garbage or give it to a friend, when you get back to work! Your weight loss journey must be put first.
  • Marcia315
    Marcia315 Posts: 460 Member
    I do some home visits for my job and I'm scared to eat anything that comes out of those houses. Bleck.
  • kbeckley11
    kbeckley11 Posts: 203 Member
    Tell them you just ate lunch, or breakfast, so you are full, but would it be okay if you could take one togo to enjoy later. That way you don't ever actually have to eat it, but it avoids all the negatives that you mentioned.
  • KHalseth
    KHalseth Posts: 104 Member
    Try the 'That looks really tasty but I'm afraid I'm a diabetic and have to monitor everything I eat'

    Diabetes does make a really good excuse for refusing treats. I use it. But then it can result in low sugar cookies or other diebetes 'friendly' treats.
  • bohemian124
    bohemian124 Posts: 152 Member
    Congrats on finding such an important and rewarding line or work. That is a tough job, and I have a ton of respect for people who can handle it!

    It sounds like you have no choice but to accept the food and find a way to work around it in your meals. You tried the dieting and "gluten free" approaches and they didn't work. You could try vegan, kosher, allergic, etc., but you'd probably still get families who try to work around it and it could cause more problems in your work relationships than it is worth. Plus, like you said, you are getting to sample delicacies from around the world, which is pretty cool!

    The thing you can control on visits is how much you accept - is one cookie enough, or do you need to accept 3 and eat them all in front of them in order to avoid insulting them? If you are offered coffee or tea with snacks, can you drink them unsweetened? If not, can you ask for a glass of cold water, or hot water with lemon instead of coffee or tea?

    At home, you can try to focus on healthy filling meals that are low in fat to make up for the treats. Grilled chicken, eggs, beans, and pork loin are good protein options, or you could go the smoothie route with protein powders. You can also eat lots of greens and veggies without much impact on calorie or fat counts, and they have a lot of fiber so they will fill you up too.
  • SelkathNuggets
    SelkathNuggets Posts: 37 Member
    (I have never been in a situation like this, this is pure speculation on my part)
    I say don't go into this stressing out about it. When you visit a new family, if they offer you food then accept it graciously. Then let them know that you're watching what you eat and while you found their creation delightful, you probably shouldn't be having sweets. If they end up making you healthier food, even better.

    Heck, you can even refer them to this site and show them what you're doing and why extra food can be complicated.

    TL:DR - The truth works!
  • ekztawas
    ekztawas Posts: 114 Member
    Would it be disrespectful to ask for it to be wrapped up for you to eat later? Then you could fit it in when it suits you? But I suppose the families probably want to get the satisfaction of seeing you enjoy their food...Worth a try, I guess?

    I've always admired social workers. Thanks for keeping the kids first :)
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    Tell them you just ate lunch, or breakfast, so you are full, but would it be okay if you could take one togo to enjoy later. That way you don't ever actually have to eat it, but it avoids all the negatives that you mentioned.

    ^^^This.
    Or that you just had a snack before you arrived.
  • The_Raspberry
    The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
    Try the 'That looks really tasty but I'm afraid I'm a diabetic and have to monitor everything I eat'

    Diabetes does make a really good excuse for refusing treats. I use it. But then it can result in low sugar cookies or other diebetes 'friendly' treats.

    Hey, you guys have some really great tips! Might try the diabetes one, and see if it works.

    I also must add that a lot of families don't mind me saying no, but some do. And just the fact that we are doing something together (eating cookies) and that I'm acting human, chewing and things is a great way to make them less nervous. We are sitting down for cookies and having a serious conversation rather than me coming to their house and questioning them. It goes a long way!!

    Thanks for your support!!
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,708 Member
    When I was a young social worker ( when dinosaurs roamed this planet ) the same thing happened to me. I usually accepted the coffee, water or tea and since the cookies were usually served on a plate that was put on the table, I just ignored them. When I was offered one, I smiled, said " thank you " and still ignored them. I did not have a weight problem, but just did not care for cookies ( still don't ).
    I usually was polite and respectful and the fact that I did not eat any cookies made no difference to our home assessment/home study at all. It should only make a difference for you if you let it.
    Also, if you look for a reason to justify eating those cookies, go right ahead, take responsibility and don't blame your job, if you feel those cookies keep you from losing.
    Good luck !
  • _chiaroscuro
    _chiaroscuro Posts: 1,340 Member
    It sounds like you can expect to be offered something fairly regularly, so if it were me, I'd plan for it in my week, rather than worry about it throwing off a single day. I look at my calories on a weekly basis anyway, and if I'm a little bit over, well okay so I'm still at a 12% deficit instead of 15% for the week. No biggie. That way you can be gracious and kind without feeling like you're getting off track.

    And I just want to say I'm impressed with your compassion. That's not easy work.
  • bohemian124
    bohemian124 Posts: 152 Member
    You don't have to accept them, you're not Santa Claus. Politely decline, they're just trying to butter you up anyway, just like I would if the government sent someone after me. It's the first step to try to better their situation, and comes slightly before trying to figure out what to do with the body.


    Rigger, this woman said she works with a lot of families from different countries. There is a cultural norm in many countries to offer guests (especially guests of a higher station in life, such as those with a government job) food as a sign of hospitality. Many cultures even encourage people to put out their best foods to guests, foods they don't normally feed their own families. In many of these cultures, refusing the food is a sign of disrespect and may be considered insulting. Instead of insulting the people she is working with, why not try to read her dilemma more fully so you can appreciate her situation?
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    IN for cookies:love:
  • ♥Amy♥
    ♥Amy♥ Posts: 714 Member
    Before becoming a SAHM to my 2 boys, I worked for Family Services and home visits were a huge part of what I did. At the time I wasn't watching what I ate (since I ate pure crap all.the.time), but I always politely declined any food and/or drink offered to me. I would start off with a "No thank you." If that didn't work, then I'd say something along the lines of not being allowed to. So you could always say something like that (a new rule that was implemented). I didn't want anything because 1) they hated me for taking their kids, so who knows if they were trying to kill me and 2) some of the houses I couldn't even walk or sit down in, there was no way I'd be eating or drinking there.
  • LVCeltGirl
    LVCeltGirl Posts: 473
    I like 2 of the ideas. The have a taste (so eat half or even less than half) and the "to-go" idea. Both of those, you can act like you've already eaten so much today that you really can't eat much more than a bite or two and it's so good, or the it looks so good but I'm so full can I take it home with me. That way "no hard feelings", not saying no but much more control over eating it right then and there.

    The diabetic and having to monitor everything works well too. You can again say that "you have to pre-plan your meals and snacks for the day and didn't plan on that delicious looking cookie, cake, bread, homemade goodie." If you're going to go that route, you need to also say that you're allergic to an ingredient in the sugar substitutes out there, so that next time you show up, they haven't gotten things that are diabetic friendly.

    The other thing is to compliment how good it looks, and then add something about preferring fresh fruit as your sweet thing instead of baked goods (so a setup for your next visit). Example: "That cookie looks really delicious but do you have an apple or other fruit? I really like fruit more than cookies." It doesn't say you're allergic (so no chance of finding a way around that), no mention of a diet and plants the idea for fruit in their heads.

    You can work around it, you just need to be a little creative.
  • The_Raspberry
    The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
    Would it be disrespectful to ask for it to be wrapped up for you to eat later? Then you could fit it in when it suits you? But I suppose the families probably want to get the satisfaction of seeing you enjoy their food...Worth a try, I guess?

    I've always admired social workers. Thanks for keeping the kids first :)

    Yeah, it's about eating it together!

    And thank you, very appreciated. It's a rewarding job in many ways, but you don't get a lot of compliments on a daily basis. :)
  • The_Raspberry
    The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
    You don't have to accept them, you're not Santa Claus. Politely decline, they're just trying to butter you up anyway, just like I would if the government sent someone after me. It's the first step to try to better their situation, and comes slightly before trying to figure out what to do with the body.


    Rigger, this woman said she works with a lot of families from different countries. There is a cultural norm in many countries to offer guests (especially guests of a higher station in life, such as those with a government job) food as a sign of hospitality. Many cultures even encourage people to put out their best foods to guests, foods they don't normally feed their own families. In many of these cultures, refusing the food is a sign of disrespect and may be considered insulting. Instead of insulting the people she is working with, why not try to read her dilemma more fully so you can appreciate her situation?

    This is exatly right. In some families it is disrespectful and insulting to say now. Thanks for explaining :)
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    Say you're gluten free, diabetic, and just had lunch.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Stop making excuses tell them your a Diabetic.
  • _chiaroscuro
    _chiaroscuro Posts: 1,340 Member
    I do some home visits for my job and I'm scared to eat anything that comes out of those houses. Bleck.

    I certainly hope you're very mindful of your interaction with the people in those houses. It's not hard for someone to pick up on the fact you don't respect them even if they are poor, uneducated, or perhaps suffering from mental illness or trauma.
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    Say you're allergic. Works for me every time.

    Or tell them you can have the beverage, but your work rules don't permit you to accept gifts, including food.

    Honestly, I understand the cultural sensitivities, so maybe tell them you can only accept it if you bring it to the office for everyone.

    Not sure what sort of SW you are, but if you're taking gifts or accepting things beyond beverages, it can certainly be used against you or your families to question your professional boundaries and judgment in a situation.
  • sjohnny
    sjohnny Posts: 56,142 Member
    Tell me more about these deep fried cookies.


    Speak slowly.
  • The_Raspberry
    The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
    Say you're allergic. Works for me every time.

    Or tell them you can have the beverage, but your work rules don't permit you to accept gifts, including food.

    Honestly, I understand the cultural sensitivities, so maybe tell them you can only accept it if you bring it to the office for everyone.

    Not sure what sort of SW you are, but if you're taking gifts or accepting things beyond beverages, it can certainly be used against you or your families to question your professional boundaries and judgment in a situation.

    I could try this, but could be weird if they are then referred on to another social worker.

    We actually had this discussion at work very recently, and we are not allowed to accept any gifts at all. But we came to the conclusions that if they offered us something to eat during a home visits it was ok, for the above mentioned reasons. But obviously it's something I could try to use... Maybe I'll try to have this conversation with some colleagues to see what they think. None of them are trying to lose weight at the moment tho...

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