Having unsupportive family sucks!

Options
2»

Replies

  • punkypenny
    punkypenny Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    I am so sorry your parents are so unsupportive . It must be very difficult to live in that kind of environment. I haven't read though the replies so forgive me if this has been suggested already. But if you have the money, maybe buy yourself a small refrigerator to keep in your room and keep your dry food in your room too, to keep your parents from harassing you about what you are eating and taking up room in their fridge until you are able to move out. I hope things get better for you.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Options
    Just skimmed the responses so not sure if anyone else has asked this... Have you tried talking to them about it? You said your brother stuck up for you but have you tried sticking up for yourself? I kind of get the mindset of just letting it roll of your back but it's not going to stop if you don't confront them at some point. Even once you're out on your own, you'll probably be seeing them from time to time and could likely continue to get these comments (as you said, regardless of your size you hear negative comments) Better to get this kind of stuff cleared up rather than just letting it continue and fester. Try not to make an argument out of it or react with emotion - just have a nice calm conversation.

    My mother and husband both used to ask me "can you have that on your diet" and I explained to both of them that I'm not on a diet, I'm just limiting my portions - no foods are off limits. Had to repeat myself a few times but eventually the proof of that working came through as I kept losing weight and they stopped asking. OP, sounds like your Mom thinks the same way so share your knowledge with her and let her see the evidence as you get closer to goal and continue to eat what you like.

    Best of luck to you!
  • fentonms
    fentonms Posts: 8 Member
    Options
    I feel your pain! But for me the co-worker are worse than the family! Don't sweat it, it's your diet and you should be proud of the steps that you're making. Even the million mile journey begins with the first step, and if your first step is eating half a candy bar instead of a full, it's progress!


    Feel free to add if you want support.
  • MARTYJOE48
    MARTYJOE48 Posts: 18 Member
    Options
    Or what's even funnier is when you lose the weight.....the ones who did ALL the talking before the weight loss now have nothing to say and you're like REALLY!!!!
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    Options
    just break up
  • pwittek10
    pwittek10 Posts: 723 Member
    Options
    I hear ya!!!
    My Dad's nickname for me was "Fat *kitten*" for my whole adult life.
    Now he says I am to skinny, so I said, does that mean your going to call me skinny *kitten* now?
    He is 83 and I am 61
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    Options
    I see from your profile that you're in college. Can you put a plan together to move out on your own? Maybe live on campus?

    Your parents, if they're anything like mine, have a problem expressing criticism in a constructive, loving way. If they're like mine, the love is there. I won't go so far as to say that they're toxic... but I don't think they know the strength of their words. Hell, if I brought up my "feelings" and junk in front of my mother when she was in "full tiger mom" mode... I just wouldn't do it. I can almost imagine her responce: "Yelling at you is supporting you!" Different strokes for different folks.
  • linda0372
    linda0372 Posts: 27 Member
    Options
    my mom thought i would never stick to my exercise and diet routine, when i started 2 years ago. she even told me to drop out of the avon walk for breast cancer (a 2 day 39.3 mile walk). she said i will never do the 39.3 miles. that was in 2012 when i weighed 321 lbs. She was right; i didn't do the full 39.3 miles. I did 29.2 miles. and I went from a size 26 to a size 20 (22 in a dress). last october i did the walk again and i did 22 miles this time, by the time of the walk i weighed 275. but with my busy schedule, i stayed away from the gym for 4 months. that was a big mistake because i gained back 20 lbs.

    now, I wear a size 18 dress and size 18 pants. I am going to participate in 2 breast cancer walks, an ms walk and a leukemia walk. i am back in the gym and i lost 4 lbs of the 20 i have gained. my mom is proud and has since apologized to me for not believing in me. she believes in me now and encourages me to do more.
  • morethanthis0
    morethanthis0 Posts: 260 Member
    Options
    My mother and husband both used to ask me "can you have that on your diet" and I explained to both of them that I'm not on a diet, I'm just limiting my portions - no foods are off limits. Had to repeat myself a few times but eventually the proof of that working came through as I kept losing weight and they stopped asking. OP, sounds like your Mom thinks the same way so share your knowledge with her and let her see the evidence as you get closer to goal and continue to eat what you like.

    Yea, it's been hard for us to communicate my whole life, she can get on the defensive really fast. So, it's always seemed pointless. However, I did talk to her this morning and explained I know what I am doing and she doesn't need to worry about what I eat. She apologized if her words came accross wrong and she just wants me to succeed. I told her I understood, but I am doing this...I got this. I think she understood. I hope so! Thank you everyone for support and advice.
  • morethanthis0
    morethanthis0 Posts: 260 Member
    Options
    I see from your profile that you're in college. Can you put a plan together to move out on your own? Maybe live on campus?

    Your parents, if they're anything like mine, have a problem expressing criticism in a constructive, loving way. If they're like mine, the love is there. I won't go so far as to say that they're toxic... but I don't think they know the strength of their words. Hell, if I brought up my "feelings" and junk in front of my mother when she was in "full tiger mom" mode... I just wouldn't do it. I can almost imagine her responce: "Yelling at you is supporting you!" Different strokes for different folks.

    Yup! My mom is the same way. She doesn't realize the power of her words, where my brother and I rarely express anything. She's not evil or bad...we just have trouble communicating.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Options
    Yea, it's been hard for us to communicate my whole life, she can get on the defensive really fast. So, it's always seemed pointless. However, I did talk to her this morning and explained I know what I am doing and she doesn't need to worry about what I eat. She apologized if her words came accross wrong and she just wants me to succeed. I told her I understood, but I am doing this...I got this. I think she understood. I hope so! Thank you everyone for support and advice.

    I get that... My mother and I get along really well but we also can get into some real ragers. Glad to hear you had a talk with her and a pretty sucessful one at that!! You may have to gently remind her a few times - old habits die hard. :)
  • loupammac
    loupammac Posts: 194 Member
    Options
    There is nothing worse when the people who are supposed to love you and support you unconditionally, only do the opposite. My heart goes out to you and everyone else who has had the same experiences :((

    I read this article on Nerd Fitness over Christmas which lists a lot of comebacks I guess to unsupportive things. Maybe it would give you a leg up in explaining why you're doing what you're doing. Also kudos for not eating the whole chocolate bar. I have no restraint with delicious things like that :)

    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/11/27/how-to-avoid-holiday-confrontation-while-living-healthy/
  • socunpato
    socunpato Posts: 48
    Options
    Yeah, yesterday when I came back from running my dad very sarcastically said that there was none of me left, and asked how much I'd lost and how much more I planned to lose. When I told him I had lost 17 lbs and had 19 more to go he almost choked with laughter. The same way he did when I told him I was going to start exercising.

    But you know what? A month ago I couldn't run for a minute without being out of breath and yesterday I completed a 20 minute run! And I've lost these 17lbs in a bit more than two months, in spite of Christmas and birthdays and sad goodbyes that made me want to eat all the foods.

    I know it's very frustrating to find negativity where you'd most expect to find support, but remember you're doing this for yourself and find the motivation you need in your achievements, no matter how little they are, you should always be proud of them :)
  • HipsterWhovian
    HipsterWhovian Posts: 195 Member
    Options
    I had a similar situation (nowhere nearly as bad as yours seems though!) My parents were originally very supportive when I started my new lifestyle around 2-3 years ago, praising my enthusiasm and progress, but then they started to turn. If I went to the gym more than 3 times a week, they would tell me I was doing too much. If they felt I hadn't eaten enough one day, they made sure to pick me up on it, and if I had a 'cheat' day, they would admonish me for that too.
    I lost 2.5 stone, but ended up having to stop going to the gym (and abandoning MFP at the same time) because I couldn't afford the gym, and I suffered a horrendous pain in my leg for about 3-4 months, which meant it was painful to even get out of bed some mornings. Because of that, I put on weight again. My parents obviously noticed this, and every so often would mention how good I was when I was going to the gym, and how well I looked, and how I didn't look as good any more.
    I'm now on my 3rd MFP excursion (and hopefully won't leave again) and this is my most serious attempt at it. This means all homecooked food - and cooking for myself instead of what my family cook, because I can control portions and what goes into it - and weighing everything. My dad is brilliant this time round, not criticising me, and supporting what I want to do. My mum on the other hand, not so much. I was making a cheese and ham wrap, and I had the wrap on my electric scales, weighing out my grated cheddar. She comes in, sees what I'm doing and almost shouts at me something along the lines of "Why are you weighing that? You don't need to weigh your food, I don't want you to get obsessed with what you eat! Stupid etc etc." I like to think of myself as a calm person, but she got me riled up, so I snapped back "I have to weigh my food so I know what I'm eating. I've done this for the last two weeks, and I've lost 9lbs because of it!" She got in the kind of huff only a mother can, but thankfully she hasn't said anything since!
    I hope everything gets better for you soon, but remember you always have the support of the MFP community!

Categories