What am I doing wrong?

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ashielauren
ashielauren Posts: 17
in Health and Weight Loss
I've been in recovery from an eating disorder (AN) for 5 years and have gained back the weight my doctors wanted me to, and overall my thoughts have become much healthier in that time and I'm a lot more comfortable eating again.

However, now I'm struggling with unwanted weight gain, and I'm not quite sure why it's happening. For a little background, I'm a 21 year old woman, 5'1 and now about 98 pounds. My "recovery weight" was around 90 pounds, and at my last doctor appointment in May 2013 I was 93 or 94 pounds. I've always been petite/underweight even before my ED and my doctors were never concerned with my weight being in the low 90s. I've been a vegan for the past 2 years, and have been eating very cleanly for the past year or so--basically gluten free and for the past 6 months mostly grain free too, very little added sugar but a few servings of fruit every day, variety of veggies, mostly beans and raw plant-based protein powders for my protein and drinking only black coffee, unsweetened tea and water. I also started strength training last February and I alternate a few days of strength with some cardio or yoga, working out generally 7 days per week for 45 minutes to an hour.

I'm confused as to why my body is gaining weight now, when I'm eating cleaner than ever, working out more than I did a few years ago and haven't changed the calories I've been consuming. I started tracking my calories and macros again and I haven't been eating more than 1000 to 1300 calories per day, tops. I usually log about 1000 calories, so there's some room for error, but I'm keeping pretty good track which is why I'm giving myself a few hundred calories give or take. I burn about 500 to 700 calories a day working out. I don't have a way to test my body fat, so I have no idea of knowing whether my weight gain of 5 pounds in 9 months is fat, muscle or water but all my clothes still fit the same. It's just frustrating to see the scale go up when I feel like I'm doing all the right things. I'm not opposed to increasing my calories to speed up my metabolism, but I'm scared it will make my weight go out of control. I'm just not sure what to do at this point to lose those few pounds, because nothing is working!

Oh, and I also have not gotten my period in 9 months since I've gone off birth control, so messed up hormones could be playing a role in this!
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Replies

  • ashielauren
    ashielauren Posts: 17
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    Bumping because I'd really like some kind of answer on this! My eating history is complicated but it's confusing as to why I'm now gaining weight when nothing has changed--if anything, I've cleaned up my eating and am working out more than ever. Maybe I need to change things up so my body doesn't get used to my current routine?
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    It sounds like you are still struggling with an ED. Hopefully, you are still working with a professional.
  • meaganorton123
    meaganorton123 Posts: 5 Member
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    What nomeejerome said.
  • hnyzthms
    hnyzthms Posts: 393 Member
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    That sounds a very low weight for your height. I would agree with above I think your struggling still with an ED. Another sign that you are underweight is the periods, many people with ED due to their low weight will stop having periods. I advice you go to the drs and discuss it x
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I agree with the others. With ED recovery involved, it's really best for you to get professional advice on this. Please don't just take advice from random strangers online who may or may not have the knowledge/experiance to give you proper guidance.
  • dani_bee
    dani_bee Posts: 45 Member
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    I'm not qualified to counsel you but I don't think you're doing anything "wrong" to cause weight gain. I would agree, talking to a professional sounds like a good idea.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    This isn't meant to be rude: eating 1000-1100 calories and burning 700 from exercise is like eating 300-400 on days you don't exercise, this is a type of anorexia, often referred to as "exerexia". Exercising off most of the calories you consumed, end result is the same as eating little with no exercise.

    This is assuming you are eating that little. Do you weigh your solid food and measure liquids? If not, you may be eating 10-50% more than you think, and if it is in the 50% range at your size you may gain at 1500 calories.
  • dianapops
    dianapops Posts: 1
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    I strongly agree with the other replies, it might be a good idea to speak to a professional.
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
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    1. Your weight, even at 98lbs, is on the very low end of "healthy" according to the BMI, so you can afford to have that "extra" weight on you, regardless of what it is.

    2. You've been strength training and most likely eating at maintenance or slightly above (or should be; if you aren't, talk to your doctor and make sure you're eating enough). As such, at least some of that weight is muscle, a fair amount is water, and some probably is fat. This is all a very good thing for you. Remember - a nominal amount of body fat is a good thing. Women need, at absolute bare minimum, 10% body fat for more, and generally do best around 20% body fat. I know, this is a scary thing to you, but yes, your body does need that fat to stay healthy.

    3. As others have said, it sounds like you're still struggling with your ED. Talk with your doctors about your feelings and get their help in reframing your mindset around this.
  • MarKayDee
    MarKayDee Posts: 196
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    1000 calories a day is not enough to maintain your weight, it isn't even enough to healthily lose weight. As someone who has seen a lot of family members struggle with eating disorders, and who has a pretty shaky relationship with food themselves I have to agree with everyone else, it sounds to me like you're on a slippery slope towards lapsing back into old habits. It's great that all of the foods you are putting into your body are healthy, and that you want to be healthy now, but my advice would be to go talk to a nutritionist and/or your primary to see where your weight really should be now (as opposed to when you were in your teens) and how to properly maintain that weight.

    You should be very proud of yourself for wanting to do right by your body, but if everything fits right you shouldn't be too concerned about the scale.
  • Runfaster14
    Runfaster14 Posts: 90 Member
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    Of course none of us are qualified and while I do not disagree with anything others have said:
    If you are working out, depending on what you are doing, for someone with your natural metabolism you are going to gain weight. I would say you should increase your calories and Net 1200 but depending on what your workouts are like you may be gaining muscle. That is NEVER a bad thing.
  • ashielauren
    ashielauren Posts: 17
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    This isn't meant to be rude: eating 1000-1100 calories and burning 700 from exercise is like eating 300-400 on days you don't exercise, this is a type of anorexia, often referred to as "exerexia". Exercising off most of the calories you consumed, end result is the same as eating little with no exercise.

    This is assuming you are eating that little. Do you weigh your solid food and measure liquids? If not, you may be eating 10-50% more than you think, and if it is in the 50% range at your size you may gain at 1500 calories.

    Thanks for all the answers! I'm going to my doctor in 2 weeks and I will be bringing up these lingering ED thoughts with her then.

    What I'm confused about in this post is how I could be gaining at 1500 calories. I do measure my food, but I don't weigh because I don't have a scale, so I know my measurements may be a bit off. I know I've slowed my metabolism being in quasi-recovery from my ED but it's scary to think that I have to eat 1200 or fewer calories for the rest of my life to maintain my weight. I'd love to be able to eat 1500 calories per day with exercise without gaining weight, and I know of others my size who do just this or possibly eat even more, but it's discouraging to me to think that I have to eat under 1500 if I don't want to gain.
  • JJJJ25
    JJJJ25 Posts: 37
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    No you don't need to starve yourself forever just to maintain your weight.

    Full disclosure - I was actively anorexic for 8 years before committing to full recovery.

    You are, and have been, in quasi recovery.

    Full recovery means eating a normal amount - at your height and activity level that's a lot more than 1000-1300 - and a reasonable amount of exercise (incorporating rest days), and then letting your weight settle where it does.

    After starving, sometimes the body's hormonal responses are completely messed up. I went through a period where even though I was eating super clean, definitely at a deficit, and working out daily, I kept getting softer and softer.

    You must connect with a professional - a doctor, registered dietician, and/or counselor who is EXPERIENCED WITH ED PATIENTS. Do NOT see a health care provider who does not understand the peculiar needs of a recovering anorexic; they are not necessarily trained to guide you through recovery eating and exercise because it is pretty much the opposite of what is considered "healthy" in that you need to be eating a LOT more and exercising a lot LESS.

    Please read these extremely helpful articles:

    http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories.html

    http://gokaleo.com/2013/01/25/adrenal-fatigue-as-a-cover-for-starvation/

    Finally, and most importantly, quasi recovery is characterized by a willingness to gain to your minimum healthy BMI. But you need to be open to the reality of full recovery, which is gaining to what your body needs. And it is almost always more than the minimum.

    Basically, you're not doing anything wrong. Your body is trying to get to a healthy weight. Find people to help you accept and pursue this process.

    And get off MFP if the numbers / stats / conversations are triggering!
  • lafilledelarue
    lafilledelarue Posts: 66 Member
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    Are you still a vegan?

    I'm not an expert, just someone who is on a journey to learn more about nutrition and exercise.

    It seems to me that you are exercising too much. Erickirb (screen name) might have hit a good point for you. If you are eating 1000-1100 calories per day, but burning off 700 exercising, you are effectively in a state of STARVATION. Starvation means your body is going to hang on to as much body fat as possible. Do you know what I mean? This is my understanding.

    Also, have you ever entertained the thought of leaving your vegan ways? Have you considered adding a bit of animal fat to your diet? Perhaps oily fish like salmon or mackerel? Perhaps a bit of dairy (eggs, cheese)? I would be willing to wager that if you ate 1500 calories per day, and stopped over-exercising, you would maintain a very healthy weight, and nourish your body with the nutrients needed to help get your hormones back on track. What do you think?
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    You must connect with a professional - a doctor, registered dietician, and/or counselor who is EXPERIENCED WITH ED PATIENTS. Do NOT see a health care provider who does not understand the peculiar needs of a recovering anorexic; they are not necessarily trained to guide you through recovery eating and exercise because it is pretty much the opposite of what is considered "healthy" in that you need to be eating a LOT more and exercising a lot LESS.
    Basically, you're not doing anything wrong. Your body is trying to get to a healthy weight. Find people to help you accept and pursue this process.

    ^^ This.
  • ashielauren
    ashielauren Posts: 17
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    No you don't need to starve yourself forever just to maintain your weight.

    Full disclosure - I was actively anorexic for 8 years before committing to full recovery.

    You are, and have been, in quasi recovery.

    Full recovery means eating a normal amount - at your height and activity level that's a lot more than 1000-1300 - and a reasonable amount of exercise (incorporating rest days), and then letting your weight settle where it does.

    After starving, sometimes the body's hormonal responses are completely messed up. I went through a period where even though I was eating super clean, definitely at a deficit, and working out daily, I kept getting softer and softer.

    You must connect with a professional - a doctor, registered dietician, and/or counselor who is EXPERIENCED WITH ED PATIENTS. Do NOT see a health care provider who does not understand the peculiar needs of a recovering anorexic; they are not necessarily trained to guide you through recovery eating and exercise because it is pretty much the opposite of what is considered "healthy" in that you need to be eating a LOT more and exercising a lot LESS.

    Please read these extremely helpful articles:

    http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories.html

    http://gokaleo.com/2013/01/25/adrenal-fatigue-as-a-cover-for-starvation/

    Finally, and most importantly, quasi recovery is characterized by a willingness to gain to your minimum healthy BMI. But you need to be open to the reality of full recovery, which is gaining to what your body needs. And it is almost always more than the minimum.

    Basically, you're not doing anything wrong. Your body is trying to get to a healthy weight. Find people to help you accept and pursue this process.

    And get off MFP if the numbers / stats / conversations are triggering!

    I'm glad someone who's also struggled with anorexia posted here, because I feel like there's more of a sense of understanding.

    I have to agree with you about the doctor situation. I've been seeing my current doctor since 2012 and she has not had the most helpful of comments when I've had appointments with her. She's said some triggering things but I'm seeing her again only because she said if I didn't get my period back within 6 months of going off BC that I should come back in. I think after this visit I will look into a doctor who's more specialized in treating disordered eating because I do feel I need that kind of support to fully recover.

    Thank you for reminding me that my body is just trying to get to a healthy weight. I've been the same height since I was diagnosed anorexic as a 16 year old and sometimes I feel like I should still be at my prescribed recovery weight because I'm still the same height but I guess my body is maturing into an adult woman's and I need to learn to respect that!
  • ashielauren
    ashielauren Posts: 17
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    Are you still a vegan?

    I'm not an expert, just someone who is on a journey to learn more about nutrition and exercise.

    It seems to me that you are exercising too much. Erickirb (screen name) might have hit a good point for you. If you are eating 1000-1100 calories per day, but burning off 700 exercising, you are effectively in a state of STARVATION. Starvation means your body is going to hang on to as much body fat as possible. Do you know what I mean? This is my understanding.

    Also, have you ever entertained the thought of leaving your vegan ways? Have you considered adding a bit of animal fat to your diet? Perhaps oily fish like salmon or mackerel? Perhaps a bit of dairy (eggs, cheese)? I would be willing to wager that if you ate 1500 calories per day, and stopped over-exercising, you would maintain a very healthy weight, and nourish your body with the nutrients needed to help get your hormones back on track. What do you think?

    I am still a vegan, and have been for the past 2 years. Since then, I've cleaned up my diet a LOT and no longer eat soy, faux meat/dairy products or gluten. I honestly feel a lot healthier eating this way and I don't have any intention of eating animal products anytime soon. I tried eggs a few months ago, which I haven't eaten in years, and had a bad reaction to them. I do get plenty of fat in the form of coconut oil, avocado, raw nuts/seeds/nut butters. However, I do believe that cutting back on exercise and eating more than I currently am may make a difference and I may hopefully stop gaining weight and instead maintain where I am.
  • beekaki
    beekaki Posts: 12
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    Hi,

    I do understand how and what you are going through. I became anorexic through High School and turned bulimic after a health scare prevented (heart problems) trying to control my weight and feeling guilty about eating. It has been an on going struggle my entire life. Patterns of weight gain and then anorexia and bulimia...

    I agree with many that you are still showing tendencies of control over food. It's not easy to eat healthy and work out without going over board and reverting to excessive food control and exercise.

    I too recommend talking to your doctor about these issues you are experiencing and having him/her develop a goal and plan that is healthy!

    I understand your struggle and hope you will find the balance you are looking for.
  • JJJJ25
    JJJJ25 Posts: 37
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    Absolutely - the doctors or counselors who are not experienced can be so triggering, and in some cases, harmful.

    I forgot to mention - aging is the other thing to consider. My body maintained a certain low weight for a while with x amount of calories until I turned 24, and then suddenly, it didn't. I had to dip even lower.

    It was a long time coming, but I finally realized that - hello! - this is not sustainable.

    The hard truth is to prepare yourself for gaining weight. It might be just a bit (all though it may feel like a lot to you) and it may actually be a fair amount (sometimes the body initially overshoots and then, with consistent nourishment, lets go of a few pounds).

    You can do this. Build a support team of informed professionals, empathetic friends and family, and most importantly, yourself. Take the initiative in recovery and it makes the entire process more bearable. You are CHOOSING to do this. Good luck!
  • JJJJ25
    JJJJ25 Posts: 37
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    And look at this woman's experience of how clean eating and overexercising led to a suppressed thyroid and weight gain: http://www.thegreatfitnessexperiment.com/2013/10/how-my-exercise-addiction-suppressed-my-thyroid-and-made-me-gain-10-pounds-in-one-month-research-the-relationship-between-exercise-and-hypothyroidism.html

    BTW - she reversed it by eating more, working out less.

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