Never in my life have I ever lost weight....

You most certainly can do this. And if TDEE is stressing you out, then use the NEAT approach: let MFP calculate your daily caloric goal, and then eat back 50-100% of your exercise calories (I eat back 100%, others vary - do what works best for YOU). Note: for many people, using a 1.5 lb/wk loss goal and/or "lightly active" setting is most beneficial for feeling good while losing.

Please do read the sexypants link - it's good information, and will remind you that what works is slow and steady. Not some big painful food restriction/deprivation coupled with ridiculous workouts 6 days/week.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

Two other things, given where you are:
1. This is a little long, but has information you really need to see. There are so many NON-extreme, simple things you can do, and avoid some of the well-meaning advice that may not make sense for right now:
http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/training-the-obese-beginner.html

2. My diary's open, as is my blog. Have a look. It's not "clean" eating. I'm not doing extraordinary workouts. And I'm losing pretty steadily at a little over 2.5 lbs a week. Will our numbers be exactly the same? Of course not. Still, the point is, with no extreme measures, the weight is coming off. 16 lbs in ~45 days. You CAN do this.

Step 1? Commit in a POSITIVE way to your health - and burying your head in the sand, refusing to think, and hoping that bootcamp will fix everything, isn't it.

Read those 2 links.
Log.

If you're refusing to take the time to digest the information you're being provided, maybe you're not committed to giving it your best shot.

Well, I lost 50 pounds and got to my goal weight and size and have maintained that now for 18 months, so I'm going to say it is possible. Turns out my parents are wrong. I am NOT a special snowflake.

I went the Phen-Fen route and lost 75 pounds without even having to think about it. As soon as I went off, the pounds came back. I went the South Beach route and lost 75 pounds again. As soon as I started eating normal food again, I started gaining the pounds back and then some. Because I denied myself foods that I otherwise enjoyed, I enjoyed them entirely too much! This time, I started back in May, on MFP in July. not only do I not feel like I'm denying myself anything, I'm understanding my body better and more aware of what I'm putting into my mouth. Yes, there are foods that i might avoid, but most of the time, I just eat less of what I like. If I'm learning nothing else, I'm learning that I CAN be satisfied on less than I was eating before. I've also learned that occasionally "cheating" isn't the end of the world, as long as I don't let it give me permission to keep dong it.

TL;DR You can do this. Take your time, don't freak out if you backslide occasionally (you are human), and know that this community will support and encourage you every step of the way.

I think I get what you're saying. In my experience it turns out I was kidding myself on some major parts of the weight loss process; I thought I was eating less, or healthier, but in reality I was just over-compensating with different foods. If you have been trying to lose weight for most of your life and have not succeded, it simply means you have been doing it wrong. Change it up and try again; that's all you can do. It's like this quote: We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. ~ Albert Einstein

Everytime I hear about TDEE. I get so confused, but I looked up a calculator http://iifym.com/iifym-calculator/ <- there's the link. And it says if I put all my info in that my TDEE is 2447, and my BMR is 1780. If I go further, it says for fat loss I should eat 1872 cals.

No. no way.

I know right now this is all probably just overwhelming my brain right now, and that's what's got me upset.
If I just let it go, keep going to bootcamp 1-2/week, I'll eventually seee something. I've got to be building metabolism somewhere.

I'm just going to do it at a much much slower pace than my friends who go every day. I have to accept that I can do only what I can do.

Thank you all for your input and listening to my rant.

I think a lot of people fail to have long term success with weight loss because they refuse to let go of black/white thinking and see life in extremes. They're either "on a diet" or have "fallen off the wagon". They're being "good" or "naughty". They're either eating too much and can't be bothered to exercise or they get a sudden wave of motivation, cut calories far below what they need to and "go hard" in the gym - doing far more exercise than they are used to and far more than they really enjoy doing. So, inevitably, that doesn't last long.

You say "No. no way" to 1872 calories, but why not? Why don't you give it a try and see? Not for a few days, but a few weeks, consistently weighing your food and tracking it. If you aren't losing, then reduce that number a bit. I find when I talk to people in real life about losing weight, a lot of them assume you have to eat 1000 calories a day or something. At the same time, most of them assume they normally eat around 1500-1800. Of course, they're not tracking their food and in most cases are vastly underestimating their normal intake.

I maintain on around 1850 calories PLUS exercise calories (I use the MFP method), and I'm (slightly) older, and lighter than you. If you're using the TDEE method (ie you DON'T log exercise calories and eat those back) then 1872 sounds very reasonable to me for you to lose weight. That should work out to be about 1 lb a week if your TDEE really is around 2400, and 1 lb a week is a very reasonable, sustainable rate of loss for where you're at now. I'd try 1872, give it a few weeks and if you don't lose anything and see no changes in measurements, then knock it down a little bit, say 1700 or 1650.

Also, I only had a 2st (28lbs) goal loss and am only 5'2.5. Short and not tons to lose makes it harder in theory but I still lost on 1400ish cals a day (without avoiding social events etc) plus normal levels of exercise/activity but at no time did I turn myself navy blue doing cardio which I hate. I just put my head down and kept having a go. Slow and steady wins the race.

Try small changes at first. Exercise 3x week walking or something. Buy more fruit n veggies to snack on. With 1800 calories you could afford to budget in some treats. Some nights I have one scoup not 3 of icecream which is usually around 150. So its not all or nothing. Small changes at first soon become habits. There will be good days and not so good just gotta keep pushing forward.

You aren't committed to this change - you drink soda or diet soda for breakfast - your diet lacks a variety of good wholesome food and you do not log consistently - When you actually commit to changing things you will lose weight but you don't have anyone to blame for your situation but yourself - I am not usually this blunt but you have been on this site for more than 31/2 yrs and it would seem you are not taking advantage of the things you can learn here.