How do you deal with grumpy servers?

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Cakewalk25
Cakewalk25 Posts: 71 Member
in Motivation and Support
So now that I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying not to eat out and eat as many meals at home as possible. Part of the reason why I ended up gaining weight was that I got into a lifestyle of going out for almost every meal - I'm single and I live alone, as do most of my friends, so it's much easier for all of us to meet up after work than go home and cook alone. And because the majority of my friends are male, they usually end up at some pub with zero healthy options on the menu.

I don't want to stop going out to see my friends and end up having no social life, so I've been trying to eat at home and then go out to see them while they have dinner and drinks. Problem is, the waitstaff has been visibly annoyed when I do this and only order a Diet Coke or water. The last time I did this, the waitress continued to pop by every five minutes asking if she could get me "anything else" for the whole hour I was there. I can understand why they're annoyed - I used to be a waitress and I know they're thinking the spot I'm taking up is one that could have gone to someone who would spend $35 on dinner and then $20 on drinks. The last time I was out, I tipped $10 on a $2 Diet Coke, do you think this would be enough to hinder their annoyances at my presence?

I've also considered just explaining "I'm on a diet" but that just seems like an unnecessary conversation you should have with a server.

How do you guys handle this? Not eating out has been out of the biggest challenges I've faced trying to lose weight.

Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I haven't experienced this, honestly. And I've gone out with friends and just ordered a drink (non-alcoholic). I do feel it would be rude to order only water, or to take up a whole table if I was solo and just got a drink. But generally when I am out with others who are getting something more (a meal or beer etc) I haven't noticed an annoyed server.

    Like you I often tip really well to make up for my small order. For example when I go out with girlfriends to 2-for-one happy hour...they all get 4 drinks, an appetizer, and a full size entrée. I typically get 2 apple ales and an appetizer or a la carte item...making my check very small. But I still leave a good tip.

    I actually thought your post was going to be about annoyed servers when you special order things. That seems way more annoying honestly. I've been out with a former coworker who was like "What's in that?" about every menu item and then wanted to combine 2 entrees, add tomatoes, drop the mayo, substitute cabbage for lettuce, etc...I honestly feel a bit sheepish just asking for the sugar free syrup at a breakfast joint, myself (but I do).
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
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    I used to be a waitress too and this would only annoy me if a huge group of teenagers would take up a bunch of my tables and order bottomless Mt Dew. However, if there's a group of people having dinner or drinks and one or two of them are only having water, it didn't bother me at all and I usually bought the soda for the one drinking it since I always assumed he/she was being nice enough to drive all of their drunk friends home :) Don't worry at all about the servers when you go out. They are there to bring you what you want and you should tip them accordingly (which you do and then some!).
  • fallenoaks50
    fallenoaks50 Posts: 84
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    Do you ask for the check for your diet coke right away? Maybe that would make it more clear that you aren't going to order anything else, and getting the large tip up front might help make them more agreeable for the rest of the evening.
  • Arydria
    Arydria Posts: 179 Member
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    My husband and I do go out quite a bit for meals, and we special order out the wahzoo (I often will get a kid's meal, he substitutes right and left) and it now only rarely annoys servers. And those are servers that don't know us, because those that do, know that we tip well. I believe if you are paying for your meal, you should get what you want.

    I never feel guilty about meeting friends and only ordering a soda water. The way I've dealt with it in the past is to place a $10 on the table, order the drink and then tell the server to keep the change. They may check on me again during the visit, but they're always pleasant (and my drink stays full). I make it clear I'm not ordering food.

    Explaining that you are on a diet should not be necessary. Be pleasant with the servers, and they won't have much choice but to be (at least relatively) pleasant back.
  • mamacoates
    mamacoates Posts: 430 Member
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    How about just offering in a friendly manner that you already ate earlier but that a diet coke while you visit with your friends sounds great.

    The other perspective is that they keep coming back in case you change your mind and they don't want you to feel ignored or overlooked if this is the case ...

    Up front communication saves them the hassle of having to come back and repeatedly check on you.
  • wanttolose40lbs
    wanttolose40lbs Posts: 239 Member
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    I had that issue years ago, when I quit drinking for a while. I was drinking water and everyone else was ordering drinks, and every time I asked for more water she would get annoyed. I would only ask for more water when everyone else ordered drinks. I told her she could just bring me a pitcher of water, but they were for beer. I really didn't understand the annoyance when everyone else ordered drinks, either way the table was occupied.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    I'd inform the server after the first time she asked me that I was not planning to order anything.
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
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    If it's a windows server, I usually reboot it.

    If it's unix, I start looking at syslogs and such to diagnose the real problem.
  • Cakewalk25
    Cakewalk25 Posts: 71 Member
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    LOL mister_universe!

    Thanks for the suggestions guys. Maybe servers in Canada are grumpier than the ones in the States? (Which goes against the whole polite steroetype). I'll try your suggestions of telling them straight up I'm not going to order any more and paying and tipping right away - before I've just been saying "I'm good" and "No thanks" but you are probably right that I need to be more direct!

    Seltzer mint, I know what you mean about special requests! I have a friend who's like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, it takes her fifteen minutes to order anything. Another one is vegan and gluten free, so she pretty much has to get the chef to custom make her orders at non vegan restaurants. One of my friends really hates going out with people who make special requests, she says as a former server it's very stressful for the server and chef to accommodate them, and she'll get mad at me when I ask for no sesame which I'm deathly allergic too!

    Interestingly, if you go outside of North America to highly-populated places like Hong Kong or Japan, they will pretty much tell you to FO if you ask for any special requests. Allergies are pretty much unheard of over there, so they also don't care if you have a deathly allergy!

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