ladies, late 20s childless? feelin pressured/stress?

aarilynn
aarilynn Posts: 74 Member
in Chit-Chat
*currently childfree, but wanting children*

I'm 28 and I want to have kids when I get the pounds off that I gained last year. However, I don't know how long it'll take and if I'm even ready... and I feel at 28, that I need to hurry up! Especially if I'm planning on having 2! I just feel like 28 years stuck up on me. The thought of waiting or having a child at 30 (my first) scares me. I know women do it more and more these days though.... I think if I knew I could handle it and get my body back, I wouldn't be so scared. Anyways, just a random post about my current dilemma.
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Replies

  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I'm 28 and I just had my first 9 months ago. She wasn't planned, and I was never ready. I never felt pressured by anyone since I had only been married about a year. 28 isn't that old of an age, you know.
  • aquarabbit
    aquarabbit Posts: 1,622 Member
    Nope. I'm going to be 27 in a week, been with my husband for 6 years, and feel no pressure. Sometimes my family will ask me about it, but they know that my perfect age to have a child is 34. I don't know why that age stuck with me, but I never wanted kids before 30, and I'm still not sure that I want them at all. I just became an aunt too, so I feel like any pressure that was going to happen has been delayed until they get used to my new niece! :tongue: My family and friends are great about letting us decide and I guess I never really notice society pressures (I'm a bit off in my own world). Right now all I can think about is how much I want a dog!
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    Wish I'd started earlier. Almost 37 now, been trying for over 5 years...
  • Amazonbella
    Amazonbella Posts: 338
    LOL I am 10 months from being 40 and I still NEVER WANT CHILDREN, despite all those people my WHOLE LIFE saying "one day you will" well guess what, not every woman on earth wants children. Do for you, no one else, on your time, when you are ready, and if you don't have them or don't want them that is okay too. I don't know where women get this thought in their head they need to live by others rules or societies 'expectation' of them.


    yourownterms.png
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    I waited until my mid-late 30s to have kids.

    I'm glad I waited.
  • dswolverine
    dswolverine Posts: 246 Member
    Not in the slightest. 29, engaged. I don't plan on having kid #1 til i'm 33 or so. NO RUSH whatsoever for me!!!
  • aarilynn
    aarilynn Posts: 74 Member
    I know 28 isn't old. I've got a brother who already had his two and we both grew up without cousins we were close to. I'd of liked to change that for our kids, but... I don't know if that's going to happen. Not feeling as young as I once did too kind of concerns me. Am I even going to have the energy to do it crosses my mind time to time. SIGH.
  • futurestarz
    futurestarz Posts: 510
    I just turned 28 a few weeks ago, and I want to have a baby this year. I know how you feel. My husband and I want three kids, so we think we need to get started right away, so we aren't 60 with kids still in high school :)

    I am always thinking about how 5 years ago, the idea of starting a family (or even getting married) was not even an interest of mine. Now that I'm a little older and married, my perspective has totally changed.
  • Cal28
    Cal28 Posts: 514 Member
    Getting married later this year and will have just turned 30. Don't feel old enough for kids at all! Don't really feel the pressure though as my parents only had me in their late 30's but I'm sure once the wedding is done the questions will start.

    Just do what makes you happy.
  • gobonas99
    gobonas99 Posts: 1,049 Member
    NEVER feel pressured to have kids. It's pointless. I know MANY people who have had their first child in their late 30s/early 40s (38-42). And on the flip side of that, I know MANY people who have had fertility issues in their late 20s/early 30s (26-33). Whatever happens, happens. No need to stress over it. :flowerforyou:

    ETA: and by the way, it's "childFREE", not "childLESS". :bigsmile:
  • frood
    frood Posts: 295 Member
    31. No kids. No pressure or other nonsense from anyone who matters.

    Although I'm not sure why distant relatives and other near-strangers are so concerned with my uterus. *shrug*
  • HanaNikki
    HanaNikki Posts: 22
    I'm 26 and married since last year, but I don't feel any pressure at all. I'm looking forward to kids, but right now it's simply not possible, because I'm still in teacher training. However, I want to get pregnant before I turn 30 at the latest.
  • aarilynn
    aarilynn Posts: 74 Member
    LOL I am 10 months from being 40 and I still NEVER WANT CHILDREN, despite all those people my WHOLE LIFE saying "one day you will" well guess what, not every woman on earth wants children. Do for you, no one else, on your time, when you are ready, and if you don't have them or don't want them that is okay too. I don't know where women get this thought in their head they need to live by others rules or societies 'expectation' of them.


    yourownterms.png

    I've thankfully have not had anyone to tell me to hurry up. I guess it's just more stressed, not so much pressured, because it's not really society that is getting in my head. it's more of me hoping that I'll be able to and have the energy.
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
    No, my mom had me at 33, her first. Didn't stop till 39.

    I could never even imagine having a child until this past year. In my early 20s, I still felt like a child myself. No where near ready for a kid. At 27, I'm not even close to being married! I want a husband and kids, but I don't want to force it. It will happen in good time.
  • jaecobb86
    jaecobb86 Posts: 25 Member
    I am 27 and divorced and feel pressured all the time to remarry and have a baby. I would love to be a mom but its not on the horizon right now. I have recently lost weight and am enjoying this body and getting my life back on track after getting divorced and going through hardships. I want to have a baby, believe me, but I don't want to struggle to raise it. I want to be a little more settled.

    Live your life according to you! My mamma was 34 when she got married, 35 when she had my sister and 40 when she had me. If anything, she and I are closer because she waited.
  • aarilynn
    aarilynn Posts: 74 Member
    NEVER feel pressured to have kids. It's pointless. I know MANY people who have had their first child in their late 30s/early 40s (38-42). And on the flip side of that, I know MANY people who have had fertility issues in their late 20s/early 30s (26-33). Whatever happens, happens. No need to stress over it. :flowerforyou:

    ETA: and by the way, it's "childFREE", not "childLESS". :bigsmile:

    :) Oops.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I know 28 isn't old. I've got a brother who already had his two and we both grew up without cousins we were close to. I'd of liked to change that for our kids, but... I don't know if that's going to happen. Not feeling as young as I once did too kind of concerns me. Am I even going to have the energy to do it crosses my mind time to time. SIGH.

    LOL I had plenty of energy to conceive the baby, but sometimes I wonder where I come up with the energy to keep up with her now. If you ever find yourself pregnant, don't worry about having the energy to do it or not. You won't have any choice! If you are active and healthy, that's half of it right there. I certainly couldn't imagine doing this baby-raising thing if I wasn't fit.

    Don't force anything just because of your age, though. That's the wrong reason to start having children.
  • Amazonbella
    Amazonbella Posts: 338
    My brother is 7 years older than me and has a 7 year old son, (meaning he and his wife had him when they were 40) and he is in the best shape of his life, his son keeps him fit, keeps him energized, it's a mind set, and he chose to go with what happened when it happened and it was the best thing for them! So don't worry, whenever it is meant to be, you will be fine :)
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    30 is still plenty early to get started. Fertility rates and prenatal complications don't change significantly until the late 30's. Do NOT be one of those women who suddenly decides at 40 that she is ready, unless you have a history of late fertility in your family. My generation was lied to, don't let yours be taken in by the lies.

    That being said, it looks like you are already in a healthy weight range. That says to me that "when I get the weight off" is just an excuse and you aren't really all that interested in having children at this point. Perhaps you are more interested in the Ideal Happy Family (TM) than actually having kids?
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
    Try and get that "Number" out of your head. True, waiting until MID 30's and lower your fertility rate, but you're Only 28, you have time if you're not ready!

    I need to add more pics here, but I don't think my body is that bad. Had my first at 41 and second at 43. both c-sections. I think I did pretty darn good, considering.
  • uncharted01
    uncharted01 Posts: 105 Member
    i don't feel pressured but i want to have a child so badly! i'll be 28 in september and would love to be pregnant by then. i'm working hard to get myself into shape so i can be at my healthiest when i do get pregnant. now i just need to convince my hubby that now is the time!!! :wink:
  • rdeysher
    rdeysher Posts: 22
    I had my one, and probably only, at 29. She is a little over a year old now and I feel that I would have plenty of time to have another one if I wanted too! I am also already back to my pre-baby weight (had a difficult birth and other health issues during her first year - much better now!) and I have better muscle tone than I used to. My husband and I were married 7 years before we chose to have her and boy were we feeling the pressure for years! Don't let anyone tell you what to do! We are both really glad we waited and did what we wanted to do. Kids are a handful and they change your whole life (for the better for the most part).
  • toiletski
    toiletski Posts: 126 Member
    I'm 31, and have come to terms that MAYBE it won't happen. I'm still on part one of this process: find a good fella! I do get pressure from some members of the family. I pretend to get offended because my three "furry kids" are often ignored. :angry:
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    im 25,single and most likely will never want kids
  • bperkins88
    bperkins88 Posts: 357 Member
    in 25 and want children some day too, but I don't feel pressured to go knock some girl up right away. I'd like to at least take her out for dinner!! LOL
  • uncharted01
    uncharted01 Posts: 105 Member
    in 25 and want children some day too, but I don't feel pressured to go knock some girl up right away. I'd like to at least take her out for dinner!! LOL

    screw the formalities! hehe jk! :tongue:
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
    I started when I was 28. I turn 30 next weekend and I am now in the best shape of my life.

    We will start our family in the next year or two, but I COMPLETELY relate to the "pressure" and dilemma you feel.

    If you want feel free to add me as a friend on here! It helps to surround yourself with like minded people :) Listen you can do this. You can do ANYTHING you want if you put that nose to the grindstone. You got this.
  • mteague277
    mteague277 Posts: 145 Member
    I started young, had my daughter at 22. My husband and I are going to start trying in 2-3 months for another and I will be 24 in a week. As far as getting my "body back" that will never happen because my body underwent permanent physical changes (my hips are wider, nothing you can do about that!) but that doesn't mean I can't still have a great body ;) I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly. I had ZERO problems healing and was going for light walks the day I got home from the hospital. I am glad I had my daughter when I did.
    My mom didn't start having kids until 33, had her last at 40, and if she could do it again she would've had kids earlier. My little sister is still living at home and my mom is almost 60. She feels out of touch and like she can't relate. I also don't want to put a time stamp on women but there is only so many child bearing years we have before it gets really difficult to conceive and risk for mother and baby increase. Now, I don't think everyone should have kids as young as I did (that is a terrifying thought, most 22 year olds are not close to being ready!), but I do think there is only so much waiting "until things are perfect" you can do before you have a kid. Things will NEVER be perfect, there will never be an ideal time, so if kids are something you really want I would start thinking about it now. There will never be enough money, space, time, etc.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    ... I still NEVER WANT CHILDREN, despite all those people my WHOLE LIFE saying "one day you will" well guess what, not every woman on earth wants children.

    ^^^THIS x a googolplex.
  • Jade0529
    Jade0529 Posts: 213 Member
    I met my husband later in my life so my son was born when I was 35. I can tell you that for me personally, it was a very difficult being pregnant and for labour. I had complications and they do consider 35 "high risk" Don't let anyone tell you that there isn't more risk the older you get, there is. Don't believe the Hollywood myth of perfect pregnancy in your 40's. Yes it can happen and some women are lucky that way. It is def harder all around the older you get. Having said all that I cherish my son and wouldn't change a thing

    If you and your partner want kids great. If you don't want kids great too. The only people that matter in that decision are the two of you.

    We did felt a lot of pressure because of my husbands heritage, but between us we knew what we wanted to do

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