Recovering anorexic

Having recovered from 3 years of anorexia myself, I'd be happy to talk to you about recovery if you ever feel alone or worried about it, just send me a PM. I know how life-consuming the problem is!

Does your family know about your problem, or have you talked to them about it? They can be a great help when you are unsure of whether you've eaten too little, or feel you are still hungry but are denying yourself more food - I often found that just by someone I knew and trusted replying to my question of "is it ok if I eat this?" with "yes, do it" it made things a little easier. If you don't have close family, do you have any friends you could talk to? If not, then perhaps going to a dedicated re-feeding place might be a good option (though I didn't do that, so I can't say for sure).

People say "go see a doctor, you can't do it by yourself". I saw people in the NHS to try to get help, and I'm still "on the waiting list" and ended up recovering at home, so it's not impossible. It is good to get professional advice, but YOU need to be ready to recover. Try to step back and see how much devastation this is taking on your body, and probably how you interact with people around you. Again, I found that by saying my anorexia was a demon sitting on my shoulder, I used to try to tell it (not very politely, mind you!) to p*** off when I felt thoughts creeping in. It might help you see the anorexic thoughts as not-you and help you ignore them, and hopefully conquer them with time!

Last thing - recovery hurts. I know people say you have to eat "the right things" but don't be afraid to eat "the wrong things" too. When I was recovering, I ate mostly cake, ice cream, etc (along with regular meals), because the cravings came after having denied them for so long. DON'T deny the cravings, as that may be taken in your mind as "letting anorexia win this round". There will be times when you're sad and feel like you can't take it, but it is WORTH IT in the end.
A note about the "recovery hurts" part that I said - when I began to gain weight, my body took on a lot of water weight, which lasted a fair few weeks - this felt sore and achy, and can be perceived as "oh my gawd I have ballooned!" - ignore it and keep soldiering on, once you get past that bloating bit, you really feel your mind and body starting to heal!
(I think the water weight is due to swelling as your body begins to repair, a bit like when you first start weight training, you get a bit of inflammation).

Once again, feel free to contact me with any questions, any time, and I wish you all the best in your recovery x

I am also recovering at the moment, luckily my case was caught on to pretty quickly and it doesn't look like I have done any permanent damage. My dietitian has gradually increased my food so that I found it easier (but not easy!) mentally. Just to give you an idea, I am at approx 2500kcal a day at the moment (with a supplement to help me get there), and eating back exercise calories. There is no rule that says you have to eat unhealthy foods to get to a high calorie goal, and it sounds like you have the right idea with the trail mix if that's how you want to do it . That said, don't be afraid to eat foods you love - as others have said, you can't eat too much at the moment. Eventually if there are foods that you love that you have been denying yourself, it's probably a good idea to challenge yourself to eat them again. You don't have to eat them all the time, just on the odd occasion if that's what you want to do. I don't know exactly what you will need, I am only going on my own experience, and you could easily need much more food than what I am having. I have gained weight slowly, and I was shocked by how much food it really took. I am still technically underweight, and this amount of food may need to increase in the future. I don't mean to freak you out, I know that when I started recovery the thought of eating even 1000 calories a day seemed ridiculous and really scary. I know that it's really hard to fight the mindset and recover, but I can honestly say I am feeling so much better than I was, and have managed to gain back some muscle and I honestly think that I look better for it. Good Luck!