How do you deal with the comments?
LTKeegan
Posts: 354 Member
I'm in the healthy weight range (near the top) and trying to lose some fat and any time I mention it to people (read: close friends), they have something to say, that I find not helpful.
Some of the comments include "well, I'm 130, and I look good, why do you want to be less than this (shows stomach)". Or "Don't be anorexic". And last night I was talking to a friend about how I was gonna go home and have a piece of chocolate cake and he said "does your phone allow it?" (referring to my app) in what I felt was a very condescending tone and when I said yes he asked what kind of diet I was on, and I explained that I had enough calories left. And his response was "Well, what are you eating if you can have cake" and I explained what I had eaten that day and he informed me that I was starving myself (I had eaten 1100 calories by 9pm and had been excited to eat the chocolate cake after kayaking for an hour so I "saved" some calories for that.
So I know people have it way worse than me in terms of comments, but how do you deal with them when they are close friends who I'm sure mean well, but really upset me when they say them. Am I just overly sensitive and need to grow a thicker skin??
Some of the comments include "well, I'm 130, and I look good, why do you want to be less than this (shows stomach)". Or "Don't be anorexic". And last night I was talking to a friend about how I was gonna go home and have a piece of chocolate cake and he said "does your phone allow it?" (referring to my app) in what I felt was a very condescending tone and when I said yes he asked what kind of diet I was on, and I explained that I had enough calories left. And his response was "Well, what are you eating if you can have cake" and I explained what I had eaten that day and he informed me that I was starving myself (I had eaten 1100 calories by 9pm and had been excited to eat the chocolate cake after kayaking for an hour so I "saved" some calories for that.
So I know people have it way worse than me in terms of comments, but how do you deal with them when they are close friends who I'm sure mean well, but really upset me when they say them. Am I just overly sensitive and need to grow a thicker skin??
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Replies
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These problems would be solved by not mentioning it to people, and by not seeking their approval to do what you want to do.
When your condescending friend asked you to explain your diet, why did you oblige? It just puts you in a position to be defensive.
When my friends notice I've lost weight and ask my secret, that can open up a can of worms of unwanted advice. So I just smile and say, "well I've been eating less and moving more."0 -
i'm over-sensitive too and i just rationalize it all out; so, maybe they're stupid and there is no logical basis for their comment or maybe i can take what they say on-board and work with it as constructive criticism. i don't tell people i am losing weight... nobody needs to know unless they decide to offer me cake all the time and i'm like, "dude. can u not, i'm trying not to resemble a whale"... no offense to anyone IRL but online support is better so the only comments i get are from like-minded individuals :laugh:0
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Really the only way to deal with this is to not talk about it.
Don't enter your food into your app when there are other people around. It doesn't have to involve others.
I put "diet talk" in the same category as "my sex life" talk.
If you don't want people saying weird things, you don't talk about it. It's none of their business, it's a personal body maintenance thing.0 -
If/When they have your body, then they have the right to make your decisions for you.
They don't, so they don't.
Don't worry about what other people think. Some very passive/aggressive snark there, for sure.. but don't let it bother you.
And I'd say more than half the time, they don't even mean it that way.
Most people will see no difference between these two responses.
"Thanks, no, I'm trying to lose weight"
A) Good! You loo great!
Why are you trying? You look great!
One is a positive reinforcement, one is an unintentional statement that your wishes don't matter.
Anyway.. good luck. only you know what you actually put into your body, so only you can make the decision to have the cake.
(Me, I don't eat refined sugar whenever possible, so it's a beer, rather than a slice of cake.. but I totally get what you are saying)0 -
I like itThese problems would be solved by not mentioning it to people, and by not seeking their approval to do what you want to do.
When your condescending friend asked you to explain your diet, why did you oblige? It just puts you in a position to be defensive.
When my friends notice I've lost weight and ask my secret, that can open up a can of worms of unwanted advice. So I just smile and say, "well I've been eating less and moving more." 0 -
These problems would be solved by not mentioning it to people, and by not seeking their approval to do what you want to do.
When your condescending friend asked you to explain your diet, why did you oblige? It just puts you in a position to be defensive.
When my friends notice I've lost weight and ask my secret, that can open up a can of worms of unwanted advice. So I just smile and say, "well I've been eating less and moving more."
qft.0 -
I would stop talking about it, and when they make unsolicited comments, just try to ignore it.
I'm aware that my calorie counting annoys some people (and to be honest, I find it slightly annoying sometimes too!) so I don't do it around other people. I wouldn't take out my phone and start logging stuff in front of other people, not that I'm ashamed, but I'd just rather not draw attention to it when I know people are going to comment.
People have a lot of weird reactions to other people dieting or losing weight or changing lifestyles. They can be uncomfortable because they want to make changes but don't feel ready to. Or, they can feel uncomfortable about how to talk to you about your weight loss. Or, sometimes people are so used to you being a certain size that they're genuinely worried you might take it too far. Or, sometimes they are used to you having the same kind of lifestyle as them, and just find it annoying that you no longer do.
Basically, my diet/fitness/lifestyle is my business. I'm happy to share if someone's genuinely interested but otherwise, I just keep it private.0 -
In my experience - and I refer to myself as well - dieters often come across as a bit self righteous. So while you may be picking up "condescension" in their tone, keep in mind they may be reacting to a negative perception of your tone. Just something to possibly keep in mind...
Personally, I only talk about my fitness and health specifics with people who are not only close to me, but also in pursuit of similar goals.
Well, that and anonymous strangers on the internet! :laugh:0 -
In my life I've learned that sometimes it's not a good idea to share our plans. There are too many naysayers. Maybe they're jealous or something, but I'd rather not tell people than to have to defend myself. I once slipped up and said that I was watching what I ate and a coworker made a comment along the lines of "why start now?" That hurt. This time I'm just doing it. My wife knows and two of my close friends know, but no one else. I have enough to deal with w/o worrying about haters dragging me down. Two of my friends know due to a slip up. One I saw yesterday and asked her if she wanted to catch up after work. She said yeah and when we went out we looked at the menu and said "nope, nothing I can eat". We had that "I'm on a diet" look and talked about it. The other is a buddy I do trips with, I told him that I had to skip on the pizza place we normally visit and he said "yeah, I'll be doing a lot of salads this trip".0
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In my life I've learned that sometimes it's not a good idea to share our plans. There are too many naysayers. Maybe they're jealous or something, but I'd rather not tell people than to have to defend myself. I once slipped up and said that I was watching what I ate and a coworker made a comment along the lines of "why start now?" That hurt. This time I'm just doing it. My wife knows and two of my close friends know, but no one else. I have enough to deal with w/o worrying about haters dragging me down. Two of my friends know due to a slip up. One I saw yesterday and asked her if she wanted to catch up after work. She said yeah and when we went out we looked at the menu and said "nope, nothing I can eat". We had that "I'm on a diet" look and talked about it. The other is a buddy I do trips with, I told him that I had to skip on the pizza place we normally visit and he said "yeah, I'll be doing a lot of salads this trip".
See, this kinda gives me a sad feeling.
You can still find something to eat anywhere you go. You either Special Order something (which, restaurants do all the time, and it increases their sales to keep customers) OR you eat whatever they have on their menu, either choosing carefully or just counting the food as a treat.
There is no reason whatsoever for declining food at any restaurant. You can find something or create something. They WILL accommodate you - or lose your business. You are in charge.
Same with the pizza place. Eat a couple pieces of pizza for 800 calories and either exercise a little more tomorrow or eat 100 calories low for the rest of the week.
Life is to be lived. Social eating is a huge part of life - make it work for you.0 -
I used to moderate another weight loss board. One day someone posted "why would someone who weighs 130 lbs want to lose more weight?"
All HELL broke lose!0 -
A loose quote by Mark Twain; I doesn't do any good to argue with stupid people. They will beat you with experience and bring you down to their level. .0
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You're doing too much explaining, too much justifying, too much everything.
Just stop.
What you do, or do not, chose to put in your mouth is your business. Keep it to yourself and you won't be running into this issue. But if you want to share and don't want comments, start informing people frankly that you're not interested in their comments.
I've lost an incredible amount of weight, and I still have learned to smile, nod, and keep my lips shut because I'm not interested in giving a dissertation to anybody in my real life about how I did it.0 -
See, this kinda gives me a sad feeling.
Life is to be lived. Social eating is a huge part of life - make it work for you.
Yesterday we were at a pub. Nothing in there was even remotely good for you. They at one time head some grilled items but no more.
Pizza is my crack. I can't eat a slice.
I am still trying to adapt to changes and I'm too prone to slipping up.0 -
See, this kinda gives me a sad feeling.
Life is to be lived. Social eating is a huge part of life - make it work for you.
Yesterday we were at a pub. Nothing in there was even remotely good for you. They at one time head some grilled items but no more.
Pizza is my crack. I can't eat a slice.
I am still trying to adapt to changes and I'm too prone to slipping up.
Then don't prohibit yourself.
Log whatever you eat. Make the decision that it either is or isn't worth it. You probably will run into trouble if you are having pints or drinks, it will make you eat all the foodz: but pub food and pizza are still part of living! Maybe not four times a week, but you still need those days.
You work them into your plan for the week. One day does not undo everything. It is only a problem when you don't keep track of it and/or you plan to eat/drink cocktails at the local pub. Then it is a huge juggling act - not impossible - but more difficult.
Don't prohibit any one food. It will lead to failure (psychologically).0 -
I don't mention it. If it comes up and I get a response resembling a compliment I say thank you. Lately I have brought up looking at gyms in the area and a few people say, "why? You don't need to go to a gym!" (This is just funny to say to anyone don't you think?)
I just answer ,"for muscles". When it goes on... Ie. " yeah but you don't want to look like (x)". I just say "yes I do". Then we both laugh at how I'm delusional or whatever they think I am. I really don't care. 0 -
These problems would be solved by not mentioning it to people, and by not seeking their approval to do what you want to do.
When your condescending friend asked you to explain your diet, why did you oblige? It just puts you in a position to be defensive.
When my friends notice I've lost weight and ask my secret, that can open up a can of worms of unwanted advice. So I just smile and say, "well I've been eating less and moving more."
^this^
Excellent advice.
We've all been there .. reasonable friends/family and colleagues that turn into pseudo nutritionists and weight loss experts the minute you tell them you're on a diet of some sort. Simple thing to do is just keep quiet .. it's your journey and no one else's after all.
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A lot of people like to make people feel insecure to feed their own ego, I get questioned many times at home "how can you eat chocolate if you're on a diet, you're going to fail" yet I'm the only one in the house who has managed to lose the weight and keep it off for a year (next month). It's irritating to be told you're dieting when you're really not. I choose to ignore it and I am quite sensitive so it does irritate me a lot but try to keep people away from your goals. I'm lucky I have friends my age who are really supportive. People only become amazed by the results, not the hard work you put into it.0
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We've all been there .. reasonable friends/family and colleagues that turn into pseudo nutritionists and weight loss experts the minute you tell them you're on a diet of some sort.
My folks are like that. "But we saw on Dr. Phil....."0 -
I tend to keep this stuff to myself, it's a lot easier. In the past I've gotten the appraising look and the obliging "Oh, you're fine as you are!" (when I really am not). Caught eating a banana at work one day, a larger lady who knew I was watching my intake told me that bananas were full of carbs and were really bad for weight loss. Whilst I get the gist of what she meant (she's probably read a lot about carbs and sugars leading to cravings), I pointed out that nobody who was obese got that way by bingeing on bananas.
My husband is very well meaning, and is generally supportive and encouraging. However...he just does not get that I am not "on a diet". If I factor in some chocolate and have a small amount of an evening, he says "You'd be better off not having that stuff in the house." Or if I have enough cals from exercise one day and I fancy something carby with a nice coffee, he says "Are you off your diet today then?"
I've given up trying to justify or explain...I usually smile benignly and change the subject. I'm doing ok and it's starting to show a little, so......0 -
I tend to keep this stuff to myself, it's a lot easier. In the past I've gotten the appraising look and the obliging "Oh, you're fine as you are!" (when I really am not). Caught eating a banana at work one day, a larger lady who knew I was watching my intake told me that bananas were full of carbs and were really bad for weight loss. Whilst I get the gist of what she meant (she's probably read a lot about carbs and sugars leading to cravings), I pointed out that nobody who was obese got that way by bingeing on bananas.
My husband is very well meaning, and is generally supportive and encouraging. However...he just does not get that I am not "on a diet". If I factor in some chocolate and have a small amount of an evening, he says "You'd be better off not having that stuff in the house." Or if I have enough cals from exercise one day and I fancy something carby with a nice coffee, he says "Are you off your diet today then?"
I've given up trying to justify or explain...I usually smile benignly and change the subject. I'm doing ok and it's starting to show a little, so......
Happens all the time at home - very frustrating...0 -
These problems would be solved by not mentioning it to people, and by not seeking their approval to do what you want to do.
When your condescending friend asked you to explain your diet, why did you oblige? It just puts you in a position to be defensive.
When my friends notice I've lost weight and ask my secret, that can open up a can of worms of unwanted advice. So I just smile and say, "well I've been eating less and moving more."
This is a great shout!
Im obsessed with the whole weightloss/fitness thing and love to talk about it when asked... Only problem is - lad banter always ends in getting abit of stick. I can have a jacket potato at work and people say "you gave up on your diet now mate?" It gets a reaction and they love it so I think if I don't give as much when asked it will help!
Hope that makes some sense0 -
I didn't say a word to my co-workers or family about trying to lose weight or watching calories. One girl at work lost weight and was being a very vocal calorie counter and food conscious -- and people made some snarky comments at the time about it, especially behind her back. So when it was my time, I just didn't really say anything. My husband knows, but he was also losing and thus supportive as well. It's good to just share this with someone you trust if you need support, but most people I have been probably better off not discussing it with them.
Losing weight and watching what you eat, especially openly, will often make people feel defensive or annoyed. In a way it can be good to keep it on the down low because if you're changing your eating habits, it's not just something you switch on and off, like one day is a "diet" and the next isn't. It's just how you eat.0 -
I get that not talking about it to everyone is important. But of the 3 comments I've listed, 2 came from my closest friends who I work out with frequently (both are in better shape than I am/eat healthier, so it not a jealous thing) and 1 came from a fairly close friend who maybe jealous, but I don't know. I just figured you could talk about this stuff with really close friends.
Plus, its difficult when your lunch is a salad the size of your face. I'll eat in the grad lounge, sometimes, but every time I do everyone comments "oh, trying to get healthy?" or something like that. And my stock response is "I'm trying to get more iron" and that tends to shut that down fast.
I'm just sad that I can't talk to close friends about it without getting push back. I'm thankful that my boyfriend is totally supportive and I guess I'll just have to be happy with that.
Thanks guys I'll just come on here and talk to strangers on the internets more. 0
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