Food etiquette question

just_jess7 · February 2014

I will start by saying that I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it - no if's, and's, or butt's about it barring allergies or other health concerns. To say 'no' is simply rude.

That being said, I am a bit frustrated when it comes to family gatherings. I have a large extended family and we tend to have family gatherings for any possible reason, which is excellent because I love getting to spend time with my family and all of the kids. However, it's also stressful in the sense that there are rarely many, if any at all, healthy options available. I recently dropped my calories, and I have even less wiggle room than before.

I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

Anyway, the question at hand is this: Do you think it would be considered rude for someone to pack and bring a salad or some other healthier option for themselves to eat at a family gathering?

Flab2Fab27 · February 2014

No I don't think it's rude to bring a dish to a family gathering. If that dish is a nice salad, veggies or fruit, even better.

Alatariel75 · February 2014

If you know you're just going to have to take the leftovers home, take something you don't mind having leftovers of and use it for lunches etc after.

just_jess7 · February 2014

It's not so much the leftovers I mind - it's the fact that so much of it ends up wasted and in the trash because people will dish themselves out some and then not eat it, etc.

Alatariel75 · February 2014

I think that's just something that comes with 'bring a dish' type events, unfortunately.

brevislux · February 2014

For me there's no question here. You don't have to eat something just because someone offered it to you. You have every right to say "I'm not putting this in my body", and hope people would understand. Your body isn't a waste bin.

If you don't want to bring your own food, eat before you go there and just have some drinks and a salad if they offer it. That's what I do when I know the dinner I'm going to won't have suitable options for me. Usually no one notices.

2nd_Coffee · February 2014

I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

By your own admission, they would be considered rude not eating what you have brought. I think the whole "it's rude not to eat food offered" was more for the time we were kids and would say " I don't want that". Just my two cents.

walterm852 · February 2014

I would think if you are making a lifestyle change the best option in the long run maybe to bring a dish of what you want and let there be waste or take home if that happens.

- people with peanut allergy kids usually bring a safe dessert
- vegetarians usually bring a vegetarian dish
For you, look for the base proteins (eat legit portions of the chicken, turkey or ham), eat very small portions of others, it can work if you plan your day. Just watch how you talk to yourself (like justifying things not in your plan).

One cool thing could be an injection of healthy options to the family.

Greytfish · February 2014

Pack your own food and bring it with you. Health first.

Also, it's family, not the sultan of a foreing land or future in-laws you're meeting for the first time, so there's no ettiquette problem. They're family - and probably at least contributory to your not being a healthy weight at that.

rondaj05 · February 2014

For me there's no question here. You don't have to eat something just because someone offered it to you. You have every right to say "I'm not putting this in my body", and hope people would understand. Your body isn't a waste bin.

If you don't want to bring your own food, eat before you go there and just have some drinks and a salad if they offer it. That's what I do when I know the dinner I'm going to won't have suitable options for me. Usually no one notices.

+1

arewethereyet · February 2014

It is hard I know, but you have the right to eat what is good for your body.

Funny, I used to feel so guilty when I was changing my lifestyle. I'd go to a friend's party and not eat their food, and would be sure every eye was on me.

Now that I have a medical condition which prohibits me from gluten, tomatoes, citrus, alcohol and high fats, I find that no one cares! (I don't tell people of my issues, I just go and eat what I know I can)

So bring what you want your family to eat, dole out that food, and enjoy time with your family! That is just my humble opinion of course.:flowerforyou:

ekz13 · February 2014

I will start by saying that I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it - no if's, and's, or butt's about it barring allergies or other health concerns. To say 'no' is simply rude.

That being said, I am a bit frustrated when it comes to family gatherings. I have a large extended family and we tend to have family gatherings for any possible reason, which is excellent because I love getting to spend time with my family and all of the kids. However, it's also stressful in the sense that there are rarely many, if any at all, healthy options available. I recently dropped my calories, and I have even less wiggle room than before.

I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

Anyway, the question at hand is this: Do you think it would be considered rude for someone to pack and bring a salad or some other healthier option for themselves to eat at a family gathering?

I think the question is being slightly missed.. If I read this right your saying bring a small salad or something just for yourself to eat since you don't want to waste the big dish (veggies,etc) and you don't want to eat the food they have... then yes, it would be rude for you do to that. Just nibble at what's being offered, or continue to bring a large dish, but move it down a size or two (smaller bowls)

2nd_Coffee · February 2014

I will start by saying that I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it - no if's, and's, or butt's about it barring allergies or other health concerns. To say 'no' is simply rude.

That being said, I am a bit frustrated when it comes to family gatherings. I have a large extended family and we tend to have family gatherings for any possible reason, which is excellent because I love getting to spend time with my family and all of the kids. However, it's also stressful in the sense that there are rarely many, if any at all, healthy options available. I recently dropped my calories, and I have even less wiggle room than before.

I've tried bringing vegetables or fruit for everyone as a contribution, but it invariably ends up either getting wasted (left out too long, dished out but not eaten, etc.) or I end up just packing it back up and taking it back home. I can't afford to keep watching people waste food that I've provided.

Anyway, the question at hand is this: Do you think it would be considered rude for someone to pack and bring a salad or some other healthier option for themselves to eat at a family gathering?

I think the question is being slightly missed.. If I read this right your saying bring a small salad or something just for yourself to eat since you don't want to waste the big dish (veggies,etc) and you don't want to eat the food they have... then yes, it would be rude for you do to that. Just nibble at what's being offered, or continue to bring a large dish, but move it down a size or two (smaller bowls)

Great point.

punkypenny · February 2014

I hear you. My mom will sometimes make me large dishes of pasta or sweets to take home. I used to argue with her about it but now I just take it, say thank you, then bring it to work for my co-workers to enjoy.

If you allow yourself a cheat meal during the week maybe you could save it for the family gathering and have a little of the "bad" stuff with what you bring. As far as people wasting what you bring, maybe just make or bring half as much. Take as much as you want and leave the rest for whoever wants it. If they see there isn't very much, they may be inclined to take less of it.

mccindy72 · February 2014

I have a lot of food intolerances, and I bring my own food to family gatherings. Everyone knows about it by now, and no one thinks anything of it anymore. It shouldn't be any different because you choose to eat differently than what is being offered. You should be free to bring the kind of food you prefer to eat (and enough to share), and choose not to eat the kinds of food you don't want to. If others take the food you brought and toss it out, well, that's what happens at family gatherings. People take stuff, decide they don't like it or took too much and toss it out. Not the end of the world.

rockmama72 · February 2014

I think you should keep taking enough to share (even if it's a bit less, like others here have mentioned). It sounds like the family could stand to have some healthy options around anyway.

It's good to keep family traditions, and it sounds like sharing is a big thing for your family! Always travel with Tupperware if you're worried about waste.

Unknown · February 2014

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Ctrum69 · February 2014

Heheh.. take a tray of cut veggies.. and an awesome dip to go with em.

People will eat just about anything if it gets dip in their mouths. You can just eat the veggies.

MinnieInMaine · February 2014

I agree that it's kind of rude to bring something for yourself unless you have an actual medical condition that doesn't allow you to partake in the food offered. Better to bring something you know you can have and still share with others. As others mentioned, waste is part of functions like this. They took it thinking it looked good but decided they didn't want it after all. Or maybe there was something they didn't like the taste of. Hard to say for sure.

I've found a healthy pasta salad can be a big hit. Whole wheat/grain pasta, tons of different colored veggies (tomato, yellow pepper, zucchini, etc), a little low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni and fat free italian. Gets gobbled up every time.

@ Ctrum69, good point on the dip. OP, are you providing dip/salad dressing to go with your veggies/fruit? Might get more attention that way and you can make tasty dips in a healthy manner.

SummerIsis · February 2014

Fruit on skewers might grab people's attention. Everyone loves a skewer!

Ctrum69 · February 2014

I agree that it's kind of rude to bring something for yourself unless you have an actual medical condition that doesn't allow you to partake in the food offered. Better to bring something you know you can have and still share with others. As others mentioned, waste is part of functions like this. They took it thinking it looked good but decided they didn't want it after all. Or maybe there was something they didn't like the taste of. Hard to say for sure.

I've found a healthy pasta salad can be a big hit. Whole wheat/grain pasta, tons of different colored veggies (tomato, yellow pepper, zucchini, etc), a little low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni and fat free italian. Gets gobbled up every time.

@ Ctrum69, good point on the dip. OP, are you providing dip/salad dressing to go with your veggies/fruit? Might get more attention that way and you can make tasty dips in a healthy manner.

Define "medical condition"

Far as I'm concerned, I'm on a lifestyle choice of eating that is promoting weight loss, and it's just as "medical condition" as a dairy intolerance.

I see no difference between bringing my own food, if nothing I "can eat' is offered, than bringing my own almond milk or dairy free dessert if I'm lactose intolerant.

I can't eat artifical colors or flavors, as they are huge ADHD triggers for me. That means I pass up on just about every dessert people make. If they are offended, that's their problem, not mine.

rml_16 · February 2014

It's rude to say, "No, thank you," to an offer of putting something into your own mouth?

Be rude, then.

I offer food and drink when people visit because it's polite. If they don't want it, I accept that and move on.

somefitsomefat · February 2014

I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it

And now you're an adult so you don't have to follow your training anymore. That's the beauty of being grown up. You can do whatever you want.

mccindy72 · February 2014

I was raised in a manner that when you visit someone's home and they offer you food, you eat it

And now you're an adult so you don't have to follow your training anymore. That's the beauty of being grown up. You can do whatever you want.

I was raised in a manner that when someone offers you something and you don't want it, it's polite to say, "no, thank you". And not eat it.

just_jess7 · February 2014

Thank you everyone for responding, a lot of people gave great advice that I will be able to utilize next time we have a family function!

I really appreciate it.

knra_grl · February 2014

I don't think it's rude to take something for yourself and you shouldn't have to explain why - but I would also take something healthy for the buffet table - maybe not as much as you usually do - there must be some people that like to eat fresh veg or fruit - or make it into a big salad.

Rdlm1001 · February 2014

If you want to pack yourself a diet friendly meal for a family gathering, it should be supported. My mother did a doctor assisted liquid diet and had no choice and I have friends that do weight watchers and really control their points. Maybe you will get a little teasing or ribbing, but whatever. A lot of times people who eat freely and conventionally are uncomfortable when someone else chooses to clean up their food intake. That being said, if you are going to a friends or business associates house for dinner, suck it up and control your portions. Family should understand. Good luck!

lisalsd1 · February 2014

I don't think it is rude, BUT I have a feeling that your family will think it is rude. It would be better to eat the salad at home, fill up before you go, and just take a bite of some of their food.

MarKayDee · February 2014

Oh my gosh, are you the dieting aunt?! I love it.

In my family, every Christmas SOMEONE in my family is on a diet (usually crazysauce fads they never stick to). Whoever it is that's on a restricted diet simply calls the host and let's them know what is they aren't eating at that time, not in a rude way but in a "I just started this new diet, it's great but I can't have this, what were you planning for the party so I can plan what I need to bring" kind of way. No one ever gets offended or their feelings hurt, except for the year I brought cookies when all of my aunts and grandmother had sworn off white sugar, that hurt a little until I came back from the bathroom to find them all huddled over a plate of them.

The big thing is that family can't hold it against you for trying to be healthy, and communication is what matters most when there is something you're avoiding. If you have to bring your own food ask the host f the think anyone would want some of what you plan on bringing or if you should only brings bough for yourself.

Food etiquette question

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