Emergency weight loss help for mother

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jessieboyd12
jessieboyd12 Posts: 35 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok MFP family. I need some major help!!!My step mother is very obese to the point where she has to be on oxygen 90% of the time and every time she walks. She can't even walk far like from one side of the house to the car and she has to sit a while for her oxygen to go back up. She can't have surgery for her weight loss until she loses so much and she is always struggling. She has struggled with weight since she was little. She has a daughter which is my sister and a 20 month old grandson she loves more than anything with a heart of gold that would do anything for anybody. If she is on oxygen for another few months doctors said she will probably be on it for life and its not looking good if she don't get that weight off. I am would really love to get her on a training program with Jillian Michaels to help her or bob or maybe someone else. She is in desperate need of this its her life! Please any help or advice anything at all please. I have try to help her as much as possible but me living an hour a way with trying to work and having a family I can't be there with her as much as Id like to.

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  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
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    She probably won't be able to do much working out besides maybe Sit and Be Fit. The main thing she will probably need to do is just watch her food intake. Maybe she can see a dietician?
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
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    Does she want to lose weight? If she doesn't want it for herself you'll probably be beating your head against a brick wall.

    HAving said that, I honestly don't think a training program with Jillian Michaels or Bob would be the answer here. Weight loss for most people is 80% diet anyway and if your step mother can barely walk accross the room it is unlikley that she'll be able to deal with this type of exercise plan initially.

    Cleaning up her diet will be the key. Figure out what her major problem areas are and the focus on making very small incremental changes. Cutting out liquid calories (wholly or partially) are a good place to start or even just cutting down portion size slightly and starting to introduce more vegetables. Put the decision making in her hands though so she feels like she has some cotrol over and input into the process. Get her to pick one thing she is about 90% sure she can change and work on that for 2 weeks. Once she's got that down, pick something else to work on. Slow and steady so it isn't too much of a shock or unsustainable

    It may also be helpful to speak to the person who does the shopping and meal prep for her household (if it isn't your step mum) and get them on board to help out.

    Exercise can be added in later once she has lost some initial weight and with the advice and supervision of a Doctor. Probably just very low impact exercise such as walking, cycling or water-based exercise to begin with. Once again, a slow build up

    Good luck
  • VegGirl62
    VegGirl62 Posts: 35 Member
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    Who does she live with? Who does her cooking? That person can set up a MFP account for her and plan and cook her meals for her while slowly teaching her news eating habits.

    Best of luck! :)
  • aquarabbit
    aquarabbit Posts: 1,622 Member
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    Calorie deficit is going to be what helps get the weight off. Fitness is a whole other thing. Make sure that if she does decide to start a program, she's has the ok from her doctor. He may even have a few ideas on programs for her. Is she a part of the site yet? Even just getting out and walking. So many people have gotten great results just from taking a walk and making little steps to get healthier.
  • jessieboyd12
    jessieboyd12 Posts: 35 Member
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    Thank you all. My husband might be getting a job out of state where he will be gone for 2 weeks then home for 1 then back again and the weeks hes gone (if he gets the job) I will be staying at her house to help her. Yes she does want to lose weight. She cries all the time and will do good for a while and lose 20+ pounds then gains 30 back. Its been up and down for her, her entire life. She actually has a MFP account and she was doing good on it then back slid again. She got a bike in her living room now and I told her even if she can only do 5 minutes at a time and eat better then that is a start and eventually she can go to 10 minutes. Its just so hard seeing her like that it breaks my heart and I wish I could just do it for her! Please prayers needed. Lord knows I need her in my life!
  • jessieboyd12
    jessieboyd12 Posts: 35 Member
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    My dad mostly does the shopping but hes a big junkie freak that needs to start watching what he eats too because he is over weight too now. They work so much (mom is office manager at small town water company) they don't cook a whole lot. Fast food is something that needs to go!
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
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    I don't know if any exercise is safe for her right now. She could easily have a heart attack. Does her doctor recommend exercise right now?
  • jessieboyd12
    jessieboyd12 Posts: 35 Member
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    He wants her to do a little at a time to help with losing.
  • jalara
    jalara Posts: 2,622 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear she's in such a bad place health-wise. You obviously care for here a great deal. But the truth is, she needs to be asking this - not you. She needs to take charge of her own health and life before she can change it.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    This is something that should be discussed with her medical providers and if they cannot provide specifics, they should refer to someone who can answer these types of questions.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    I don't know if any exercise is safe for her right now. She could easily have a heart attack. Does her doctor recommend exercise right now?

    ^^^ this

    if she's on oxygen for normal household stuff, then she shouldn't be on any kind of exercise programme without medical supervision. You could see if her doctor has any recommendations.

    For the most part, she needs to lose weight through eating at a deficit. As she's carrying so much extra weight her body can probably tolerate a very big deficit, although that too should be medically supervised to ensure her nutrition is adequate. In the severely obese, loss of lean tissue isn't a big risk anyway, so losing weight just with food (i.e. eating at a deficit) to begin with is fine. Then once she's lost enough weight to be more mobile, not need oxygen, improved stuff like blood pressure and blood lipid counts, then she can start to exercise, though again get a doctor's advice before starting exercise, even after she's lost a fair bit. It's possible that the lung issues are more than just from obesity, she needs to be checked out for any heart and lung issues before exercising.

    I agree with whoever said that she has to want it.... maybe she doesn't believe that she can, so it might help if she could read success stories of people who lost weight from being so obese, with just eating less (to begin with). but dont' just shove success stories in her face, wait until she tells you she's so sick of being obese or that she wishes she could get thin, or something. Or maybe speak to her doctor about it and leave these kinds of conversation to her doctor.
  • cassylee
    cassylee Posts: 107 Member
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    I have been watching a show called the "Fat Doctor" it is mainly about people who are morbidly obese and what they have to do before they can go to surgery for a Gastric Bypass. One of the things is the doctors prescribed a liquid diet of a sort of Jelly to loose weight so that they are a candidate for Gastric Bypass. So if I was in your position, I would

    A) talk to both your parents and make sure both are really onboard with losing weight. (There is no point your mom doing this if your father is going to enable her to eat more unhealthy food.

    B) get both your parents to specialist appointments where the Doctor can explain the ramification of their health and then give them this jelly like substance to enable her to loose weight so that eventually doing the Gastric Bypass.

    Please note, I had a Gastric Band and it did not really work for me. I did loose weight initially and then I put it on again. The main reason is I was addicted to sweet things like ice cream and biscuits. I could eat all these yummy creamy or chocolatly things but it was harder to eat cooked carrots or some vegetables. Raw foods tend to go easier than cooked foods. However, my sister and her husband had a Gastric Bypass and they seem to be going quite well.
  • jessieboyd12
    jessieboyd12 Posts: 35 Member
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    Great idea, she has said that to me multiple times about she wants to lose weight but don't think it will ever happen. I will show her some success stories. Thank you!
  • dark12222000
    dark12222000 Posts: 3 Member
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    Water based exercise routines can work well for people who are very overweight. You may also want to get a consultation from a physical therapist who can probably point you in the right direction.
  • 2spamagnet
    2spamagnet Posts: 60 Member
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    Like others have said, calorie restriction! If she has a hard time with smaller portions, then pitch the idea of skipping breakfast when possible, and eat a normal lunch. Coffee may help with hunger in the morning;

    For example, say she goes to 1200 cal/day. That is 400 cal per meal (pretty small, but manageable). Skipping breakfast allows for two 600 cal meals, or a 400 and an 800...

    Best wishes to you and your family.
  • rmdaly
    rmdaly Posts: 250 Member
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    I don't know if you can help her. I have seen too many cases of kids trying to tell their parents things and it has no effect.

    If she is on oxygen, she must have a doctor. Make an appointment with the doctor to discuss her weight and her options. Look into if she can be recommended a dietician by the doctor. Those are professionals that can help her if she listens.

    If she is crying all the time, she is depressed. Possibly her eating and weight is a comfort mechanism that can't be solved simply by a calories-in/calories-out approach. She needs to tackle the reason she is eating for comfort. Possibly that could be discussed with her doctor as well. If not, find a therapist for her. Maybe someone who deals with food issues. Maybe if she felt better about herself in general she would be more willing to work on her weight.

    Good luck. You are a good person to try to help her, but in the end it is her decision to change.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
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    Like everyone said, losing weight is 80% diet anyway and she will not be able to exercise, so focus on diet.

    But she has to want it. You can't want it for someone else.

    If she is like me, having the temptation of junk food in the house is what destroys the willpower for a diet. If your father is bringing in the junk food, he may be sabotaging her efforts.

    It does not sound like she is able to go shopping on her own, so if she is eating a calorie surplus she needs and enabler for that.
  • osothefinn
    osothefinn Posts: 163 Member
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    Like everyone said, losing weight is 80% diet anyway and she will not be able to exercise, so focus on diet.

    But she has to want it. You can't want it for someone else.

    If she is like me, having the temptation of junk food in the house is what destroys the willpower for a diet. If your father is bringing in the junk food, he may be sabotaging her efforts.

    It does not sound like she is able to go shopping on her own, so if she is eating a calorie surplus she needs and enabler for that.

    This. Someone needs to make it clear to dad that he's basically killing her in slow motion. She's probably not running to the store to buy junk food, so someone is enabling it.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Ok MFP family. I need some major help!!!My step mother is very obese to the point where she has to be on oxygen 90% of the time and every time she walks. She can't even walk far like from one side of the house to the car and she has to sit a while for her oxygen to go back up. She can't have surgery for her weight loss until she loses so much and she is always struggling. She has struggled with weight since she was little. She has a daughter which is my sister and a 20 month old grandson she loves more than anything with a heart of gold that would do anything for anybody. If she is on oxygen for another few months doctors said she will probably be on it for life and its not looking good if she don't get that weight off. I am would really love to get her on a training program with Jillian Michaels to help her or bob or maybe someone else. She is in desperate need of this its her life! Please any help or advice anything at all please. I have try to help her as much as possible but me living an hour a way with trying to work and having a family I can't be there with her as much as Id like to.

    When I had my "aha moment", I went to see a bariatric surgeon, and was told I needed to lose 90 pounds before they'd do the surgery. I felt like if I could have lost the weight on my own, I wouldn't have gone to see him! He set me up with a dietician who I checked in with once a month. He set me up with a therapist who I'm still seeing. The therapist suggested I join weight watchers as another form of accountability. I've since lost that, then gained some back, but I'm still 90 pounds down, and I'm back on track.

    Is your mother set up for success? (Is she seeing a dietician? Is she seeing a therapist)
    Who are her enabler's? (Who's giving her the worst food? Who will give her whatever she wants whenever?)
    Does she WANT to lose weight? (She HAS to be a willing participant.)

    She has to be willing to do what they tell her to do. She has to be willing to quit eating badly.

    There's an old story about a farmer sitting on his porch - he has a hounddog sitting on the porch with him bellowing. His neighbor comes up and asks why the dog's bellowing. The farmer explains that the dog is laying on a nail and it hurts. Why didn't the dog move? Because it didn't hurt enough.

    The food is filling some need for her somehow, and she's having a hard time reeling in those feelings and coping with them. I remember my therapist asked after losing that weight if things ticked me off more now than they used to. Of course. He laughed and said it was because I was owning my feelings instead of eating my way through them. My inner child (and the insulin resistance) really wanted to just eat eat eat....I thought I deserved it. I was jealous of all the people I knew who could eat whatever they wanted whenever they wanted it. I was going to show them!!! I could eat what I wanted when I wanted it too!! Yeah, that got me really far. In order to move forward, I had to deal with my demons.

    Bottom line: she has to come to find a way to deal with her demons. She's not perfect, she's human. She can do this without feeling deprived and without feeling like there's no use to putting forth the effort.

    I've recently struggled to get back on track, and I've done markedly well this week compared to past weeks. Have I been perfect? NO. But it's a great improvement.

    She can do this, but on if she wants to.

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