I'm dislking my older brother right now......

I mighta told him, just to give him a little fair warning. But that's just me. Don't worry about it! It's the blow that's hurting him, not you!

That is a tough call. I would have probably done like you and kept my nose out of it, though. What if you would have told him and he got mad and confronted her? Then it could have caused arguments earlier.

I guess I'm a bad sister.
I don't like getting into peoples business and that's including his. She came to me and told me. I can care less about her new man. ....

Damned if you do, Damned if you don't.....:mad:

Nah, you aren't a bad sister.
Just cause others do things different then each other doesn't make one better then the other. Just different. We all handle things differently. I do as I would want someone else to do for me.

They have 2 daughters so it's been a very stressful situation for a very long time.
Just b/c I'm his sister doesn't give me the right to be in his business. All I care about are those girls.

*sigh*

Jo you did the right thing. Don't stress yaself out about it sweety!
:flowerforyou:

Jo-Jo I'm not sure if there *is* a right answer for this. All I can tell you is that divorce is possibly the most painful emotional event you can ever live through. Mine totally crippled me for over a year and to be honest, I'm *still* dealing with issues from it.

I understand where you felt like it wasn't your place, but your brother is in desperate need of allies right now. He most likely feels more alone than he ever has, and he feels like there is no control at all. He needs to feel like you are on his side, and he needs to be reassured of this every single day. I am sure that you haven't done anything at all to make him see you as an enemy, but seriously, divorces make you absolutely crazy. I lost several friends over mine, simply because they refused to choose a side. I understood where they were coming from, but damnit, I didn't need fair weather, everything is good friends, I needed friends that were going to stand by me, come hell or high water.

My so called best friend knew all about Nicole's cheating, as well as the fact that she got knocked up by the guy she was cheating with while we were seperated. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me....Now that logic is all well and good, but I needed, and I'm talking *NEEDED* to hear that stuff from someone I knew, loved and trusted, I didn't need to find that out by accident. Part of his deal though, was that he didn't want to get involved, as it wasn't any of his business. Like hell it wasn't! He was my best friend!

*sigh* (gotta take a deep breath, this is starting to stir up some deep emotions for me)

I guess the best thing I can advise you to do is go and reassure him that you are still on his side, and that you are gonna walk with him until he doesn't need you to anymore. That's what he needs more than anything. He has been hardcore betrayed by someone he loved and cared about deeply once, and he's going to see betrayal in absolutely everything everyone else does for him for a while. Just reassure him, make him feel safe and loved. He'll get through it and he'll get over it. Just love him as a sister and be honest with him. The last thing he needs to hear is that he needs to 'man up and move on'. That's extremely unfair, and most likely pretty impossible.

Last thing, Jo-Jo my beautiful love is something that may actually be more of a regional southern thing. The fact you are his sister *does* give you a right to be in his business. Not so much as a meddler, but as someone who is genuinely concerned about his situation. My brother and I went at it like cats and dogs before my seperation and as things developed, he ended up being the one person I knew I could trust and confide in, the one person I felt like loved and took care of me through it. He became my best friend by virtue of just being there for me when my world was falling a part.

My point is, there is no correct way to deal with a situation like this. The best thing you can do is to try to be patient and understanding. It sounds like he can be difficult, but I promise you that he's lashing out at everyone because he feels like he is in a corner. Try to go stand in the corner with him, throw some love his way, and more than anything pray for him. I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. It was the absolute worst experience of my life, even if now my life is all the sweeter for having survived it.

hugs Jo Jo!!!:flowerforyou:

Hugs Jeremy bro....

My brother went through a divorce too and when his ex wife who I still love and consider my sil started dating, we knew....not him because he would flip out and follow her etc....he was baaaad....which made me feel bad for every one....so when I found out things about her and her dates etc...I'd keep it hush hush as not to start wars....ya know.....:ohwell: .....he got pissed at me a few times because I w/held info....but seriously I'm glad I did....because of where he was mentally at the time. And while he was mad, he was dealing w/ it much better at the time he found out. So each situation is different, only you know best if you did the right thing boo...

and so what's done is done honey and I know you're heart was in the right place, just be there for him, he'll understand....its sooo hard especially if children were involved like in our case....

thinking of you all!!!
hugs and much
Ali

I really do understand where you're coming from J but everytime I "butt" into things, I get a tongue lashing and now that I've stayed out of it I get the same outcome. He was not the best husband. he cheated on his wife so many times that I've lost count. She left him once but took him back. It wasn't going to work out b/c he kept in contact with some of the other women. She is finally rebuilding her trust and started to love again.

I don't know, I just don't like people getting into my business so I try to do the same for others... unless I post it on MFP:huh:

Anywho... I'll take your advice J and tell him that I'm here for him... not gonna say I'm on his side b/c I'm on no one's side... don't like taking sides..

so.... here I go.. wish me luck:ohwell:

BTW, sorry for stirring up emotions J:indifferent:

Jo-Jo, for the record, I *do* think you did the right thing as you saw it. You are a beautiful and wonderful person, and I am blessed to call you friend. I never have, nor will I ever, doubt your sincerity, nor your loyalty to your loved ones.

HUG TO MY JO-JO!!!!

I would have done what you did. If you had gotten into the middle of it the only thing you would have succeeded in doing is causing more drama. Those girls don't need it and neither do you. It isn't easy but all you can do is be there when they need you.

You are not a bad sister.