What drive your fitness goals?

I do not believe in God. Not in the created in our image, heavenly father, 10 commandments, splitting the sea walking on water sense of the word anyways. I am a firm believer in science. And like most, this also means a firm disbeliever in the existence of God. As a child and teen, this had little effect on my sense of self. But as an adult my interest in science, particularly astronomy, have left me with a lack luster outlook on life.

Carl Sagan said it best -“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

But now consider where this places me. Without the purpose that God offers those who believe I become simply one of multitudes of human beings populating a gigantic rock amidst an infinite expanse of space. Am I the only one holding this position who is having difficulty finding purpose to life? To what end does anything a person does, matter against the almost unimaginable breadth of space and time?

This was, until very recently, my outlook on life. And boy did it leave me depressed. My only refuge was in my family. By some uncontrollably biological impulse, I have no choice but to love them unconditionally. I could not, would not, ever give up on myself for it would mean too, giving up on them.

To some this might appear as light at the end of the tunnel. But what about me...How can I be a good husband and father without my own positive outlook on life? I can't. The depression it creates extends to all my interactions. I've said I have difficulty making friends because I'm an introvert when in reality I think "what difference did having/not having friendship matter in the end". I had, and still have, difficulty finding joy in most activities, particularly large social gatherings, because it left me feeling like the butt of a cosmic joke.

But I think there's hope...

Something that has always brought me joy is art. This began with video production as a youth, evolved into interactive media as a young man, and programming as a professional. The way a physical and emotional response can be achieved from interaction with an elegant set of 1's and 0's is one of the most beautiful things to me. but...bringing joy to someone(s) thru my own creations, a goal of mine that has still never been fully realized, might just be the most fulfilling experience I could imagine.

I think that is what I must cling to...that will be my salvation...that is what has convinced me to turn my life around. I feel now that I will achieve that goal. And for me in this point in my life, that begins with fitness. I must first prove to myself that I have what it take to push myself beyond what I thought I could accomplish. Only then can I begin my journey on my true goal. Art.

So now I ask you...what drives your fitness goals?