My wife is driving me insane

I think we've all been there for a certain time. I've been in the same place for the first part of my life, when I decided to lose weight I was almost 21, so I was young, but I've been trying to do this several times while growing up (they tried to put me on a diet at the age of 7...) and I've never been that successful before, if at all. It's usually because of so many different factors.
Most people are actually unsatisfied about being overweight, especially if they're also concerned about their health, but at the same time, it's hard to just change. It's hard because you have to accept that you need to change something about yourself and it feels like you've failed somewhere or made a mistake. It's hard to actually start losing weight when the pressure is so big. And in the end we all like to eat, and it's hard to give up certain "bad habits" to start eating healthy or exercising. It takes a lot of effort, and it's worth it, but this doesn't mean that it's not easy.
I think she might be in denial of her situation, she can speak about it clearly but can't decide to do it. Or she's just trying to see what you think about it by sharing with your her intentions.

Basically, she wants to continue to live and eat as she has always done, but wants the body of a supermodel. To me, this is the equivalent of waking up every day for 10 years insisting that you want to be an MD, but refusing to ever enroll in med school. I just want to scream every time she brings up the diet quest again because it's just the same tired *kitten* discussion about all the things she wants and all the things she *won't* do.

Are you my dad? Haha... this sounds just like my mom... except she doesn't want to be a supermodel. She just doesn't want to hurt/be sick anymore. Considering health, wellness, and food are main topics in my life, I can't be around her, hardly at all. It's way too frustrating.

Good luck to you!

I really wish she would get her blood glucose checked. Uncontrolled diabetes can have serious complications such as blindness. If she doesn't want to see a doctor she could buy a test kit from the pharmacy and have the pharmacist show her how to use it. Test fasting level first thing in the morning and 2 hours after the start of a meal.

It sounds like your wife has two opposing "priorities".... wanting to be healthier and slimmer and wanting to alleviate negative feelings through eating. Both goals are understandable. Unfortunately, when faced with opposing priorities, one wins out and most people choose to alleviate negative feelings/pain through eating (and a variety of other negative behaviors that seem like they work short term but backfire in the end - drinking, gambling, shopping, etc. )

Has your wife thought of getting counseling for emotional eating?

When you use food for emotional reasons, it is hard to think about giving it up.....food appears to fill many voids - the love you don't get from your spouse, the satisfaction you don't get from your job, the interesting life you want to be leading, etc. It can also make anxiety about stuff (money, kids, aging, problems, etc.) feel more manageable.

The truth is that your wife is getting something out of overeating. What she needs to realize is that ultimately, overeating is NOT helping her to have a better life.

If she senses that you are trying to "manage" her weight loss or if you are offering her unsolicited advice, that will only backfire. She may feel like you are trying to control her and she will resent you, even more so if she feels like you are not being compassionate and accepting of her. Remember, if weight loss were easy, everyone would be skinny!

Perhaps the next time she complains about her weight, you can simply say "I love you, babe. You'll get there when you are ready..." and leave it at that. You may also wish to say to her in a gentle, caring way (has to be gentle and caring) something like "I love you and it's hard for me to see you struggling. Is there any way I can help you?" Because in the end, aren't you most frustrated with the fact that the person you love is spinning her wheels and seems stuck? It's hard to watch someone struggle and not be able to do anything about it, but such is the nature of life.

Take her to the doctor for a check up. Make the appointment and go together. That way maybe it will be a wake up call for her?

I apologize if this was already mentioned, but next time she brings up how much she needs to lose weight, just tell her you don't want to hear it. If she is not will to put in the effort, then fine, but you're sick of hearing about it. Your wife is like most people when it comes to losing weight, which is why the diet industry is a multi-billion dollar business. It took something in me to finally click, to start watching my portions, and making smarter choices about the food I ate. Hopefully something will "click" in your wife, but until then, tell her to STFU.

No good comes of complaining about your spouse on the internet.

If you want to see her change then shut up and set a good example. That's really all you can do. She either will or will not finally make the decision to change.

Don't we all want to live and eat what we want...........AND have the body of a super model??????

Something has to give!

Sounds like your wife is not willing to make change - Then no change????

my wife was the same way. I was losing weight, she said she was fine because her BP and blood work was good even though she was way overweight. Eventually it began to be not ok, and by the time she was pre-diabetic, it hit her that she couldn't continue. Add in knee problems and some other weight related issues, and she finally figured it out.

I do all of the cooking here, and while we always have a healthy dinner, she ate junk at work, fast food stuff a lot for lunch, junk food snacks and candy all day etc. She started eating like I do for all 3 meals, counting carbs and calories, and the pounds started coming off, 40lbs since Octoberr. She feels better about herself, she looks better, and she's happier. It's really easy to show support because every week she has success towards her goals, and that success makes her more excited about how she's changing her life around.

The reason I shared that is, that I'm not sure you can do anything to help her until she's ready to make a change. I tried as well, to no avail, until the proverbial lightbulb went on in her own head. Once that happens, the experience you've gained with your own journey will really help her out on hers.