How many of you have Asperger's Syndrome?

2

Replies

  • vegipete
    vegipete Posts: 3
    Sheldon Cooper, PhD.
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    I know people who have Asperger's and what you are describing doesn't really sound like Asperger's to me. It sounds more like a different sense of humor, different opinion/viewpoint, etc.
    it's a spectrum disorder. OP could just be on the upper functioning side.

    You are correct.
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
    Sheldon Cooper, PhD.

    Indeed. :P
  • toolzz
    toolzz Posts: 163 Member
    My 16 year old son is an Aspie. When I told him they are eliminating Aspergers as a diagnosis he said "so what, I don't have it anymore". Haha.
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
    My 16 year old son is an Aspie. When I told him they are eliminating Aspergers as a diagnosis he said "so what, I don't have it anymore". Haha.

    Haha. Aw. :)
  • Titanuim
    Titanuim Posts: 331 Member
    My 16 year old son is an Aspie. When I told him they are eliminating Aspergers as a diagnosis he said "so what, I don't have it anymore". Haha.

    That's what my formerly Aspie 13 year old would have said also.
  • christa279
    christa279 Posts: 222 Member
    My 7 year old daughter has Autism and shows signs of ADHD. It seems that once she got the Autism label, they stopped diagnosing all the comorbidities (is that even a word? lol) and everything just gets a mention.

    My 16 year old was diagnosed with ADHD and Mood Disorder-NOS, but I am thinking he may be an Aspie. He was diagnosed when ADHD was a "hot" diagnosis and started refusing to go back to the doctors when they kept wanting to medicate for every little thing, so we never got a clear answer.

    My daughter's doctor mentioned that she would recommend I be evaluated for ADD and Asperger's (yes, this was before the DSM-V changes). I (jokingly) told her that I didn't really want anymore diagnoses, as I already have a long enough list. It would explain some things though.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    I use Sheldon, from Big Bang, and also Max from Parenthood, as teaching tools for my son sometimes. With Sheldon, he laughs at him, and also sees things about himself that he can relate to, and has learned to laugh at himself when appropriate as well. He also has learned how NOT to speak to your friends by seeing what happens with Sheldon.
    As for Max on Parenthood, he is very much like my son, if Max had a better sense of humor. Sometimes it is hard for my son to watch Max because he CAN empathize with him so deeply. It is a misconception that Aspies don't feel emotions. They actually feel them SO deeply sometimes that they simply cannot deal with them, so they shut down, or explode. Watching Max work thru an issue has helped my son be able to see his issues from safer perspective, and he also lets him know that there are others out there dealing with the same things.
    My son was a rager when he was younger. His anxieties would build up inside until something set him off, then The Hulk emerged. Max's meltdowns are nothing compared to our son's, but fortunately he hasn't had a bad incident in well over a year.

    We decided last year to homeschool our son. So far it has been one of the best decisions we have made for him. Public school's spec ed dept was great to help bring him to the point he is now, but he is doing great at home now. He has several friends now who are also homeschooled and 'get him', whereas he never had any friends in public school. The focus there was too much on fitting in and being popular. We can focus more now on letting him excel academically, and he certainly is.

    I love my Aspies. ( hubby has a mild form as well). They have both learned to find a place in society that works for them, while still keeping the awesomeness of AS. I have to admit, there was a time when I would have gladly accepted a 'cure' for my son, when it seemed like our world was exploding with him. But patience, education, and unconditional love has made all the difference.

    We have taught our son many things, but I think he has taught US so much more.
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    I feel a slight bit of smart *kitten* in this and if you're being serious then what the hell? If you try and avoid them then why are you my forum? :laugh:
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
    I use Sheldon, from Big Bang, and also Max from Parenthood, as teaching tools for my son sometimes. With Sheldon, he laughs at him, and also sees things about himself that he can relate to, and has learned to laugh at himself when appropriate as well. He also has learned how NOT to speak to your friends by seeing what happens with Sheldon.
    As for Max on Parenthood, he is very much like my son, if Max had a better sense of humor. Sometimes it is hard for my son to watch Max because he CAN empathize with him so deeply. It is a misconception that Aspies don't feel emotions. They actually feel them SO deeply sometimes that they simply cannot deal with them, so they shut down, or explode. Watching Max work thru an issue has helped my son be able to see his issues from safer perspective, and he also lets him know that there are others out there dealing with the same things.
    My son was a rager when he was younger. His anxieties would build up inside until something set him off, then The Hulk emerged. Max's meltdowns are nothing compared to our son's, but fortunately he hasn't had a bad incident in well over a year.

    We decided last year to homeschool our son. So far it has been one of the best decisions we have made for him. Public school's spec ed dept was great to help bring him to the point he is now, but he is doing great at home now. He has several friends now who are also homeschooled and 'get him', whereas he never had any friends in public school. The focus there was too much on fitting in and being popular. We can focus more now on letting him excel academically, and he certainly is.

    I love my Aspies. ( hubby has a mild form as well). They have both learned to find a place in society that works for them, while still keeping the awesomeness of AS. I have to admit, there was a time when I would have gladly accepted a 'cure' for my son, when it seemed like our world was exploding with him. But patience, education, and unconditional love has made all the difference.

    We have taught our son many things, but I think he has taught US so much more.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I tend to have a lot of meltdown and anxieties. I'm glad you've educated your little one at a young age. It will make him the best he can be for our future. Well done and good luck for the future! :)
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
    My 7 year old daughter has Autism and shows signs of ADHD. It seems that once she got the Autism label, they stopped diagnosing all the comorbidities (is that even a word? lol) and everything just gets a mention.

    My 16 year old was diagnosed with ADHD and Mood Disorder-NOS, but I am thinking he may be an Aspie. He was diagnosed when ADHD was a "hot" diagnosis and started refusing to go back to the doctors when they kept wanting to medicate for every little thing, so we never got a clear answer.

    My daughter's doctor mentioned that she would recommend I be evaluated for ADD and Asperger's (yes, this was before the DSM-V changes). I (jokingly) told her that I didn't really want anymore diagnoses, as I already have a long enough list. It would explain some things though.

    Well all I can say is, I got diagnosed by a professional when I was around 5 years old. When I was about 18 or 19 I went to see other specialist/doctors (since I was having lots of issues) and they said I also suffer from OCD, paranoia, social anxiety, normal anxiety and ADHD and god knows what else so I can totally relate to the long list diagnoses. Personally, I believe some of those tie into ADS so I don't know why they are trying to make them out to be separate. They tried to medicate me (and I did for a few different times) but I don't believe in poisoning my system so I'm on nothing now.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    This is a common attitude towards those with Aspergers, and is a big part of the problem. AS is not a disease, it is a different way of thinking. The brain simply works in a different way than the general population. When people simply consider them rude or mean, and avoid them, then they contribute to the ostracism by society, simply because they are 'different'.

    If you take the time to get to know someone with AS, you will find some pretty fantastic people. It takes longer to get to know them, but it is often worth it. They mostly do not realize that they are coming off as rude or mean, because they don't pick up on social cues very well. They need to be taught more directly how to interact socially. They are very logic minded and don't understand why people don't just say what they mean. Passive aggressive people would be the opposite of Aspies, but at least Aspies are honest, and you know exactly where they stand.

    Children can be quite cruel when they are faced with others that are different than they. This behavior is generally taught to them by their parents. When parents don't let their kids be around kids that are different, they miss out on an opportunity to teach their kids acceptance and love towards others.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    I feel a slight bit of smart *kitten* in this and if you're being serious then what the hell? If you try and avoid them then why are you my forum? :laugh:

    Ok, maybe this is what your OP is referring to? I am being very serious. I am trying to learn about this. I am not joking at all. :flowerforyou:
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    This is a common attitude towards those with Aspergers, and is a big part of the problem. AS is not a disease, it is a different way of thinking. The brain simply works in a different way than the general population. When people simply consider them rude or mean, and avoid them, then they contribute to the ostracism by society, simply because they are 'different'.

    If you take the time to get to know someone with AS, you will find some pretty fantastic people. It takes longer to get to know them, but it is often worth it. They mostly do not realize that they are coming off as rude or mean, because they don't pick up on social cues very well. They need to be taught more directly how to interact socially. They are very logic minded and don't understand why people don't just say what they mean. Passive aggressive people would be the opposite of Aspies, but at least Aspies are honest, and you know exactly where they stand.

    Children can be quite cruel when they are faced with others that are different than they. This behavior is generally taught to them by their parents. When parents don't let their kids be around kids that are different, they miss out on an opportunity to teach their kids acceptance and love towards others.

    Thanks.

    I don't choose my kids' friends for them. But also, I am very ADHD and can be quite sensitive myself. I have trouble dealing with it when I perceive others are being mean. It has always been my own defense mechanism to hide/avoid situations that require any kind of confrontation. I do believe that my personality is the polar opposite of someone with AS, at least based on my understanding.

    If you know anything about the Myers-Briggs personality types, I am a female INTJ, which is apparently less than 2% of the population, so I am very familiar with being misunderstood and with having a brain that functions differently than most people. This is how I developed the defense mechanism of hiding/running to avoid confrontations.
  • lizzyclatworthy
    lizzyclatworthy Posts: 296 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    I feel a slight bit of smart *kitten* in this and if you're being serious then what the hell? If you try and avoid them then why are you my forum? :laugh:

    Ok, maybe this is what your OP is referring to? I am being very serious. I am trying to learn about this. I am not joking at all. :flowerforyou:

    OP I am neuro typical and I thought the same thing you did, that was a badly worded post and I am not surprised you felt that way about it.
    nice to see you both stuck it out and got to a place of better understanding tho!
  • Unknown
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  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    I feel a slight bit of smart *kitten* in this and if you're being serious then what the hell? If you try and avoid them then why are you my forum? :laugh:

    Ok, maybe this is what your OP is referring to? I am being very serious. I am trying to learn about this. I am not joking at all. :flowerforyou:

    You can google Asperger Syndrome and get quite a bit of information about it. Someone earlier mentioned a book called "Look Me In the Eye", and it is a very good look into the life of an Aspie.
    The author used to create guitars for KISS's lead guitarist. All the smoke and lasers than came out of his guitars were all created by him.

    Biologically, Aspies have a very overdeveloped left brain, which gives them an advantage when it comes to logical, methodical thinking. They excel in the Maths and Sciences, but have trouble with open-ended questions, and subjective areas. They like order and sameness. Changes in schedules throw them off and cause a lot of anxiety. They find calmness in knowing what is going to happen.
    In children, quite often they think more like adults, and have more of an adult awareness of their surroundings. These are often things that children do not have the emotional maturity to deal with, so this creates a lot of stress and anxiety for them. When they start feeling anxious because the world is becoming scary, they try to get their world back into control. This often comes across as bossy and rude, but this is their coping mechanism. They don't know any other way than this, because they haven't had someone take the time to teach them other ways to cope.
    When people take the time to understand them and teach them how to cope better, and adjust to society better, then they become amazing people who can change the world.
    Most of the greatest inventions and discoveries have come from Aspies.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    I feel a slight bit of smart *kitten* in this and if you're being serious then what the hell? If you try and avoid them then why are you my forum? :laugh:

    Ok, maybe this is what your OP is referring to? I am being very serious. I am trying to learn about this. I am not joking at all. :flowerforyou:

    OP I am neuro typical and I thought the same thing you did, that was a badly worded post and I am not surprised you felt that way about it.
    nice to see you both stuck it out and got to a place of better understanding tho!

    Yeah, I am accustomed to being misunderstood. Online though, it can be dealt with by simply trying to choose different words to explain. It's being misunderstood IRL that has caused me problems.


    ETA: (I have been told that I intimidate others and that people are scared of me, which I find quite strange. If they only knew how scared i am of them. LOL)


    I don't have time or wherewithal to read a book right now. But this is interesting to hear about in this forum.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    This is a common attitude towards those with Aspergers, and is a big part of the problem. AS is not a disease, it is a different way of thinking. The brain simply works in a different way than the general population. When people simply consider them rude or mean, and avoid them, then they contribute to the ostracism by society, simply because they are 'different'.

    If you take the time to get to know someone with AS, you will find some pretty fantastic people. It takes longer to get to know them, but it is often worth it. They mostly do not realize that they are coming off as rude or mean, because they don't pick up on social cues very well. They need to be taught more directly how to interact socially. They are very logic minded and don't understand why people don't just say what they mean. Passive aggressive people would be the opposite of Aspies, but at least Aspies are honest, and you know exactly where they stand.

    Children can be quite cruel when they are faced with others that are different than they. This behavior is generally taught to them by their parents. When parents don't let their kids be around kids that are different, they miss out on an opportunity to teach their kids acceptance and love towards others.

    Thanks.

    I don't choose my kids' friends for them. But also, I am very ADHD and can be quite sensitive myself. I have trouble dealing with it when I perceive others are being mean. It has always been my own defense mechanism to hide/avoid situations that require any kind of confrontation. I do believe that my personality is the polar opposite of someone with AS, at least based on my understanding.

    If you know anything about the Myers-Briggs personality types, I am a female INTJ, which is apparently less than 2% of the population, so I am very familiar with being misunderstood and with having a brain that functions differently than most people. This is how I developed the defense mechanism of hiding/running to avoid confrontations.

    I just read a definition of the INTJ personality, and quite frankly it sounds very much like an asperger brain. There are a few minor differences, but not every Aspie is 100% like every other Aspie. Personalities and the environment in which we are raised, result in unique individuals. Some Aspies are introverts and turn their anxieties inwards. They usually end up with ulcers and even possible suicidal tendencies. Others are more extroverted, which can result in rages and aggression. Finding a balance takes a lot of work.
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,294 Member
    Having worked in schools for about twenty years I think you made the right decision for your son. Again I say he is blessed to have such an understanding mother. I like how someone reframed thinking about Asperger's as a different way of thinking rather than like a disease or condition.
    I use Sheldon, from Big Bang, and also Max from Parenthood, as teaching tools for my son sometimes. With Sheldon, he laughs at him, and also sees things about himself that he can relate to, and has learned to laugh at himself when appropriate as well. He also has learned how NOT to speak to your friends by seeing what happens with Sheldon.
    As for Max on Parenthood, he is very much like my son, if Max had a better sense of humor. Sometimes it is hard for my son to watch Max because he CAN empathize with him so deeply. It is a misconception that Aspies don't feel emotions. They actually feel them SO deeply sometimes that they simply cannot deal with them, so they shut down, or explode. Watching Max work thru an issue has helped my son be able to see his issues from safer perspective, and he also lets him know that there are others out there dealing with the same things.
    My son was a rager when he was younger. His anxieties would build up inside until something set him off, then The Hulk emerged. Max's meltdowns are nothing compared to our son's, but fortunately he hasn't had a bad incident in well over a year.

    We decided last year to homeschool our son. So far it has been one of the best decisions we have made for him. Public school's spec ed dept was great to help bring him to the point he is now, but he is doing great at home now. He has several friends now who are also homeschooled and 'get him', whereas he never had any friends in public school. The focus there was too much on fitting in and being popular. We can focus more now on letting him excel academically, and he certainly is.

    I love my Aspies. ( hubby has a mild form as well). They have both learned to find a place in society that works for them, while still keeping the awesomeness of AS. I have to admit, there was a time when I would have gladly accepted a 'cure' for my son, when it seemed like our world was exploding with him. But patience, education, and unconditional love has made all the difference.

    We have taught our son many things, but I think he has taught US so much more.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    My best friend runs an Asperger's Blog (The Saved Aspie). http://savedaspie.blogspot.com/

    While not Aspergers myself, I am a scientist and share many traits. I can TOTALLY identify with what you are saying.

    Last year sometime I suggested that one of the guys in a forum I frequented might have Aspergers. Apparently it offended everyone because the "normal world" thinks it's a horrible horrible thing to say about someone (that they might be Autistic). I don't feel this way at all, as most of my best friends ARE Aspies. I thought it might help him to understand himself, and help others to understand why he wouldn't let go of a point.

    Hope you find some good support here.
  • toolzz
    toolzz Posts: 163 Member
    Watching my son go through elementary school was painful. He used to tell me that it didn't matter if kids knew he had Aspergers because he looked normal so they just thought he was an *kitten* and a freak. At 16 he has developed his own ways of making his way through the world and continues to develop new coping mechanisms.

    Anybody who discounts the impact the Aspies will have on the future world is short sighted - they have an unique view and the ability to think outside the box. I have learned more from my son that anyone else I have ever encountered in life.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    It just came to my attention today that I can come across as rude when people are joking because I sometimes don't see it as a joke and can't identify it as a joke and sometimes take offence to it (mind you I was also in a mood but anyway). It's probably happens with basic things too - like in the way I write about a certain topic that I believe in in a reply to other peoples forums or comments in my own forum, etc. I never try and intentionally hurt/be rude to people but it can come across as I am and if I feel bad most of the time I say sorry.

    My question is - can anyone else relate to that?

    This is interesting. When I have come across rude people IRL, it turns out they have Asberger's. I then end up avoiding them because I get frustrated trying to communicate with them. My friend's son has it, and we have been unable to hang out much because my kids refuse to be around him since he is so mean all the time.

    I don't really know much about it, just that like ADHD, suddenly people are being diagnosed left and right with it. My friend's son is on meds that don't seem to help at all. Is there anything that can be done?

    This is a common attitude towards those with Aspergers, and is a big part of the problem. AS is not a disease, it is a different way of thinking. The brain simply works in a different way than the general population. When people simply consider them rude or mean, and avoid them, then they contribute to the ostracism by society, simply because they are 'different'.

    If you take the time to get to know someone with AS, you will find some pretty fantastic people. It takes longer to get to know them, but it is often worth it. They mostly do not realize that they are coming off as rude or mean, because they don't pick up on social cues very well. They need to be taught more directly how to interact socially. They are very logic minded and don't understand why people don't just say what they mean. Passive aggressive people would be the opposite of Aspies, but at least Aspies are honest, and you know exactly where they stand.

    Children can be quite cruel when they are faced with others that are different than they. This behavior is generally taught to them by their parents. When parents don't let their kids be around kids that are different, they miss out on an opportunity to teach their kids acceptance and love towards others.

    Thanks.

    I don't choose my kids' friends for them. But also, I am very ADHD and can be quite sensitive myself. I have trouble dealing with it when I perceive others are being mean. It has always been my own defense mechanism to hide/avoid situations that require any kind of confrontation. I do believe that my personality is the polar opposite of someone with AS, at least based on my understanding.

    If you know anything about the Myers-Briggs personality types, I am a female INTJ, which is apparently less than 2% of the population, so I am very familiar with being misunderstood and with having a brain that functions differently than most people. This is how I developed the defense mechanism of hiding/running to avoid confrontations.

    I just read a definition of the INTJ personality, and quite frankly it sounds very much like an asperger brain. There are a few minor differences, but not every Aspie is 100% like every other Aspie. Personalities and the environment in which we are raised, result in unique individuals. Some Aspies are introverts and turn their anxieties inwards. They usually end up with ulcers and even possible suicidal tendencies. Others are more extroverted, which can result in rages and aggression. Finding a balance takes a lot of work.

    I guess that's what i am not seeing. Where I see Meyers-Briggs as personality types, Autism and such is described as a disorder. To me, it seems very different to say that so-and-so has a certain personality type rather than saying they have a disorder that requires medication. Does that make sense?

    I remember when ADHD was described as a disorder. To me, it's just my personality, and many of my friends are the same way. None of us are on any meds. (One head-shrinker wanted me to take Prozac along with an anti-psychotic. I said, "Are trying to make me crazy?" I just wanted some Adderall or Ritalin to help me stay focused at work. It has worked for me before, but now that ADHD is no longer "flavor-of-the-month" they wanted to medicate me with other things first.)

    My friend's son has been on and off a bunch of different meds, trying to find something that works. I suggested trying behavioral therapy instead of meds, and she thought I was nuts for suggesting it because she says it's a chemical imbalance that causes it.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    Smile.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    Having worked in schools for about twenty years I think you made the right decision for your son. Again I say he is blessed to have such an understanding mother. I like how someone reframed thinking about Asperger's as a different way of thinking rather than like a disease or condition.

    Thank you for your input. It was only a few words, but meant a lot. Thanks so much.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member

    My friend's son has been on and off a bunch of different meds, trying to find something that works. I suggested trying behavioral therapy instead of meds, and she thought I was nuts for suggesting it because she says it's a chemical imbalance that causes it.

    This is very common. Most people want a quick fix, so they use whatever medication is available. AS is not a chemical imbalance, so there is no medicine that can fix it. It can have some behaviors that mimic other mental disorders and imbalances, but it is NOT the same, and cannot be 'cured' by taking the same meds that work for those who do indeed have those disorders.

    The only medicine my son takes is Tenex. It is a blood pressure medicine that helps restrict the adrenaline spike that can fuel the rages when he has a meltdown. When he started taking it around 7, it certainly was a miracle tool for him. It didn't prevent the rages, but it helped him to prevent them from being so strong and lasting so long. It was a TOOL, for him, but he still had to do the work.
    Behavior therapy and social skills training is the best thing for Aspies. Learning coping mechanisms for their anxieties, and learning how to understand others and how to help others understand them, are vital.
    His first doctor wanted to put him on Risperidol with the Tenex, but I said no. Risperidol is a very strong psych drug that is used for bipolar and schitzophrenia. Many people do use it for children with AS, as it really zones them out and limits the rages, but that is really for the benefit of the parents and the teachers. It does nothing to teach the children the skills they need. And because children's brains are still developing, there is no way of knowing yet what damage psych drugs could be doing to their brains.

    But it often easier to just drug a kid up, rather than doing the hard work of teaching them what they need to learn.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    Watching my son go through elementary school was painful. He used to tell me that it didn't matter if kids knew he had Aspergers because he looked normal so they just thought he was an *kitten* and a freak. At 16 he has developed his own ways of making his way through the world and continues to develop new coping mechanisms.

    Anybody who discounts the impact the Aspies will have on the future world is short sighted - they have an unique view and the ability to think outside the box. I have learned more from my son that anyone else I have ever encountered in life.

    YES!! My son has made us better parents, and I think better people all around. He has opened our limited minds up to so many possibilities. Before he entered our lives, I had very narrow thinking about how kids should behave and how to parent them, (based on my strict upbringing), but we had to throw everything we knew about parenting out the window and start over.
    We also are much more patient with others who have challenges now, rather than avoiding them because we are uncomfortable around them.

    The best Tshirt I saw one day read "Be nice to Aspies, they will be your boss one day". :laugh:
  • toolzz
    toolzz Posts: 163 Member
    Debbielyn63 - I agree with all the comments you have posted. Only a parent of an Aspie can really appreciate their unique qualities. I could not agree more with how they expand our closed minds. I am definitely a better person because of my son.

    I hope the parent that considers Aspergers a chemical imbalance gets some education so that they can help their child develop skills to use in the future. I have found working one on one with my son using experiences as learning tools for the future was very successful. Identifying why something happened and how to work through it next time has been invaluable.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    Yep I have ADHD which is not that far off from Asperger's

    They are completely different.

    Actually, they aren't

    The main differences between Aspergers and ADHD deal with focused attention ability as well as whether or not obsessive behaviors and sensory issues are present.

    It is possible for a child to have a cormorbidity of ADHD and Aspergers (i.e., both conditions are present). A child with both conditions will have more ADHD symptoms (e.g., impulsivity and hyperactivity) than common in Aspergers.

    The problem with the Aspergers - ADHD overlap is that, at the more severe margins of the ADHD spectrum and the less extreme margins of the Aspergers spectrum, clinicians can legitimately argue for one over the other diagnosis. It is common for a child with Aspergers to first be diagnosed with ADHD due to attention and behavioral issues. As further tests are done and more specialists get involved, a more specific diagnosis of Aspergers is often made.

    Most of the processes to get these labels placed are not an exact science, and the frustrating process for parents, teachers, and medical professionals is finding the right label to make sure that the right approaches are taken to help the child progress in the best manner possible.

    Source: myaspergerschild.com


    Not to mention frustrating for the child , as a young adult I wanted extra help for college and even though I had all my medical documents from the Royal Ottawa hospital to prove testing and diagnosis the school psychologist and the DSW team wanted to retest which is fine but then later on in life when I went back to college and went in with my paperwork I still had to meet with the DSW department and needed to do more testing. Now at 40 I want to get help for my ADHD and not sure I want to go through all the testing yet again. It feels like because people cannot physically see it then they do not believe you when you say you have it even when there are medical records to prove it.

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