Nutrition Help on behalf of boyfriend please!!!
lrdtrck
Posts: 7
Hello,
I'm asking for some nutritional advice on behalf of my boyfriend who has some very unique (to say the least) eating habits. Long story short, he is extremely selective in what he eats, and he claims that it is based on the sole fact that he simply doesn't like a majority of foods. He gravitates towards food that is predominately carby (white pizza, soft pretzels, french fries, turkey burgers with nothing else on it, beef burgers on very rare occasions, pancakes, french toast, corn chips, plain crackers, and stuff like that). He drinks a lot of milk, soda, and sports drinks, and sugary "fruit" drinks. He also snacks on sugary candy like Twizzlers and things like that. The only vegetable I think I have ever seen him eat is baby carrots, and I could probably count the number of times I've seen that happen on one hand. As far as fruit goes, I think the only fruit he'd willingly eat is apples. Basically, the blander, the better, as far as he is concerned.
I've been dating him for roughly 2 years at this point, and besides his very strange eating habits, he's a wonderful boyfriend. He's very intelligent and kind and while I don't want to diminish these qualities in comparison to his dietary habits, it's not what this post is about. I have expressed concern at his eating habits in the past, and he has responded with nothing but calm denial at the unhealthiness of it. He is very aware of his individuality as a person, and is resistant to people wanting to change him, and I think he would be most hurt (for lack of a better word) that I, as his girlfriend, would try to change him as well, because it would make him question why exactly I like him, or if I really like him at all since (in his mind) his eating habits are part of what makes him him.
He is a bigger guy, in multiple ways. He's 6'2", and he is overweight at roughly 230 lbs, and this is obviously due to his poor eating habits in combination with the fact that he has a job focused around computer work, so he is basically immobile at work. He has apparently had these eating habits all his life, but as a younger person living at home he had a physically active job which apparently counteracted his eating habits since I have seen pictures of a younger him and he does appear to be very lanky and fit. Throughout college, he didn't work that job as often and was able to eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted which lead him to gain weight throughout the four years, and now into his after-graduation life.
Basically, I'm asking for any educated advice for my boyfriend who I love very much. I am terrified that he'll fall into one of those statistics of unhealthy, overweight desk workers who suddenly fall victim to a heart attack or some other such tragedy. And the irony is that he is very adamant about doing fun, active things in his free time such as mud runs, rock climbing and other such outdoorsy things, and when we do that together he can never keep up with me, and I can see that he's disappointed in himself. He halfheartedly states now and then that he needs to get back in shape, and once in a while, he seems to go on stints that last a couple weeks where he'd run on the treadmill, but they're always short-lived, and I guess I just hope that he'll make a lasting decision one day, but I'm getting more and more concerned. I don't want to push him because I don't want him to become resentful of me. When I have asked him about the origin of his eating habits and expressed the fact that I'm simply perplexed at how limited it is, he would respond that he is equally puzzled that that he simply doesn't like a majority of food. He'd say that he can't eat spicy food and tomatoes, which I understand because I know that a lot of people can't stomach spicy food and some people can't eat tomato-based food because of the acidity level, but to be honest, that is the limit of my understanding.
So I guess I'm just looking for advice. Honestly, the longer I'm with him, the more scared I'm getting for him. I want to be with him for a long, long, time, and I want him to take care of himself. Has anyone had experiences with someone else who has such an extremely limited palette? Any advice or inputs would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks in advance for your help!
I'm asking for some nutritional advice on behalf of my boyfriend who has some very unique (to say the least) eating habits. Long story short, he is extremely selective in what he eats, and he claims that it is based on the sole fact that he simply doesn't like a majority of foods. He gravitates towards food that is predominately carby (white pizza, soft pretzels, french fries, turkey burgers with nothing else on it, beef burgers on very rare occasions, pancakes, french toast, corn chips, plain crackers, and stuff like that). He drinks a lot of milk, soda, and sports drinks, and sugary "fruit" drinks. He also snacks on sugary candy like Twizzlers and things like that. The only vegetable I think I have ever seen him eat is baby carrots, and I could probably count the number of times I've seen that happen on one hand. As far as fruit goes, I think the only fruit he'd willingly eat is apples. Basically, the blander, the better, as far as he is concerned.
I've been dating him for roughly 2 years at this point, and besides his very strange eating habits, he's a wonderful boyfriend. He's very intelligent and kind and while I don't want to diminish these qualities in comparison to his dietary habits, it's not what this post is about. I have expressed concern at his eating habits in the past, and he has responded with nothing but calm denial at the unhealthiness of it. He is very aware of his individuality as a person, and is resistant to people wanting to change him, and I think he would be most hurt (for lack of a better word) that I, as his girlfriend, would try to change him as well, because it would make him question why exactly I like him, or if I really like him at all since (in his mind) his eating habits are part of what makes him him.
He is a bigger guy, in multiple ways. He's 6'2", and he is overweight at roughly 230 lbs, and this is obviously due to his poor eating habits in combination with the fact that he has a job focused around computer work, so he is basically immobile at work. He has apparently had these eating habits all his life, but as a younger person living at home he had a physically active job which apparently counteracted his eating habits since I have seen pictures of a younger him and he does appear to be very lanky and fit. Throughout college, he didn't work that job as often and was able to eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted which lead him to gain weight throughout the four years, and now into his after-graduation life.
Basically, I'm asking for any educated advice for my boyfriend who I love very much. I am terrified that he'll fall into one of those statistics of unhealthy, overweight desk workers who suddenly fall victim to a heart attack or some other such tragedy. And the irony is that he is very adamant about doing fun, active things in his free time such as mud runs, rock climbing and other such outdoorsy things, and when we do that together he can never keep up with me, and I can see that he's disappointed in himself. He halfheartedly states now and then that he needs to get back in shape, and once in a while, he seems to go on stints that last a couple weeks where he'd run on the treadmill, but they're always short-lived, and I guess I just hope that he'll make a lasting decision one day, but I'm getting more and more concerned. I don't want to push him because I don't want him to become resentful of me. When I have asked him about the origin of his eating habits and expressed the fact that I'm simply perplexed at how limited it is, he would respond that he is equally puzzled that that he simply doesn't like a majority of food. He'd say that he can't eat spicy food and tomatoes, which I understand because I know that a lot of people can't stomach spicy food and some people can't eat tomato-based food because of the acidity level, but to be honest, that is the limit of my understanding.
So I guess I'm just looking for advice. Honestly, the longer I'm with him, the more scared I'm getting for him. I want to be with him for a long, long, time, and I want him to take care of himself. Has anyone had experiences with someone else who has such an extremely limited palette? Any advice or inputs would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks in advance for your help!
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Replies
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Have you talked to him? Only he can change his eating habits and he has to want to. I suggest starting small...add in one veggie a day and then increase after a month or so. Do you do the cooking? Experiment with different ways to make things.0
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Hi, thanks for answering. We don't live together quite yet, so more often than not he's on his own for what to eat, which is mainly processed foods or takeout. I have talked to him, but like I said in my post, he just sort of calmly denies the seriousness of it. I have been tempted to get more aggressive in expressing my thoughts on how unhealthy his eating is for him and his future, but I'm apprehensive.0
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I wouldn't get aggresive - it's likely to make him deny the problem even more.
I'd hazard a guess that he knows it's unhealthy but possibly feels like its too big a challenge to manage to change. He's probably addicted to the sugar, and, let's face it, it's more interesting than cabbage. Try asking him to change 'one' thing - maybe replace a bag of sweets with some blueberries or something. Small steps etc.0 -
Thanks for the advice. I'm pretty sure you're right at least in part about how he'd think of the task of adding variety to his diet would be an enormous undertaking, and adding variety to his diet seems like a really good idea, but I can't stress enough how much he HATES most other foods other than the ones I listed. He'd say something like "If I'm out at a work lunch (or something like that) and I'm forced by social obligation to eat something I don't like, it feels like my stomach is shrinking..." or whatever. I guess I'm just baffled at how someone can have such a limited palette, but I'm trying really hard to understand it, mostly to no avail.
For instance, I don't like onions. The taste of them just turns me completely off, and I have no rational explanation for it. Everyone has a food they just don't like, period, and the thought of eating it makes them recoil. I'm just wondering if it's possible that my boyfriend just has that inexplicable hatred of so many foods, or if it's psychological and he just needs to be a functioning adult and make himself get over it for the greater good of an improved quality of life.
Ugh, I just get so frustrated sometimes.0 -
And I guess another question I'd like some advice on is when I feel brave enough to confront him on it again, how does everyone think I should go about it to actually get my point across in a way that's not accusatory or belittling, but in a way that might make him see things from my perspective? I know I'm not the first one to attempt a conversation like this with him; what can I do to make it different and leave a lasting impression?0
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What advice are you looking for? How to trick him into eating his veggies like you would a child?0
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Obviously not. Please be respectful. I think I've made my questions very clear.0
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Sorry, I think I was mistaken. Just to clarify, you aren't looking for advice on how to change him or force him to eat food he doesn't want to eat?
And this is after you've already brought it up to him before?
If you want him to resent you, keep nagging him about it.0 -
He will make changes when he is ready to make changes.0
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Do not have this conversation again. It will not go well. He's (presumably) a grown man, and if you've already voiced your concerns once, then it's up to him to decide if and when he wants to change his habits.
If you're going to do anything, try to find an fun, active hobby that both of you can do together... hiking, ballroom dancing, kickball league, martial arts, or something.0 -
As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.
Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.0 -
Tell us more about you0
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has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.
Many people have tried. 99.999% have failed to effect any lasting change on another person. Almost everyone on this board has probably had a friend or family member approach them about changing our eating habits and fitness levels.
We did not change until we were ready.
ETA: And those conversations? They made us feel really crappy, regardless of how well-meant and carefully phrased they were.0 -
My husband has similar eating habits. He eats lots of cookies and sweets inbetween meals. Once in a while, he will eat veggies if I cook and serve him a meal that includes them. The difference is that he is slim and active. I figure its his body and his choice what he eats. And I don't try to make those decisions for him. He is quite healthy by the way inspite of the junk he eats. So, when I cook our meals which is about half the time, I always try to include a veggie or two and most of the time he eats it. If I were you I would just try to serve veggies and fruits if and when you cook for him and leave it at that. I think it would just backfire on you to confront him about it.0
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New responder with no advice whatsoever on how to bring it up again (sorry!) but I just wanted to add that you might not have mentioned nagging but if you keep bringing it up, that's what it's going to look like.
This is really one of those things that has to be on him to change altho asking him to change just one thing at a time is an excellent idea. And if he doesn't or won't, I'm sorry to say it might take something drastic for him to eat healthier.
We've all had our "aha" moments and you might just have to wait for his.0 -
Thank you for the helpful input!0
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Tell us more about you
Seriously.
OP, don't micromanage the guy. You've gotten onto this health kick and that's great. You want others to join you, but you can't force anyone. If you try, he will end up resenting you for treating him like a 3 year old who won't eat his brussel sprouts.
If you want this "boyfriend" to eventually be "husband," back off.0 -
As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.
Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.
Of course your intention is to come off as being caring and loving but in reality, you'll come off as nagging. You've brought it up in the past, you said he doesn't like people trying to change him and you think it would bother him that you're trying to change him too.
You've already answered your own quest for advice.
Leave him alone, lead by silent example and when or IF he decides he'd like to stop eating so much delicious food, he will.0 -
As many have said, he is going to have to decide to change for himself. I was that person for the longest time (although I have always enjoyed a varied diet and generally tend to make healthy choices, I would just eat too much of it...).
In my case, friends and family (and even my doctor) would mention it to me, and I would smile and nod and generally ignore their advice because I thought I had everything under control. It finally took my blood work and BP going wonky after being normal for years for me to actually get motivated to fix things. In my case, since I do generally eat a fairly balanced diet, it was actually eating at a deficit and incorporating exercise.
My advice to you would be to not push anything, and just try to involve him in your activities rather than bug him about nutrition. You can also try to introduce new foods that are similar to what he likes when you cook, but be prepared for him to not eat it.0 -
He's n adult. He's happy. Leave him alone.0
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He will make changes when he is ready to make changes.
This x 1000. It sounds like he's well aware that he needs to make some lifestyle changes, but when and how he does need to be his choices. People start and stop exercising or eating healthier because for one reason or another they're just not ready yet. When he has trouble keeping up with you, he probably feels very embarrassed, and repeated conversations about it is just going to make him more embarrassed. Maybe when he decides he's ready he'll look to you for some advice, but until then, I really think you should just let it go.
My boyfriend is very picky, too, and I worry he doesn't eat enough for how active he is. I really enjoy cooking, and he's more of an "eat to live" kind of guy. Rather than focusing on this difference, I focus on all the things we have in common and all the things I like about him.0 -
has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.
Many people have tried. 99.999% have failed to effect any lasting change on another person. Almost everyone on this board has probably had a friend or family member approach them about changing our eating habits and fitness levels.
We did not change until we were ready.
ETA: And those conversations? They made us feel really crappy, regardless of how well-meant and carefully phrased they were.
This times 1000.0 -
I guess the best thing is try a lot of different things. Keep trying stuff until he finds some other things he likes. It may take awhile but you might get there. But it's really up to him, if he's not willing to make the effort than you will just be the bad guy.
Also you mentioned that he likes the active runs. Maybe sign you both up for a lot of those to really get him pumped about it and wanting to stay focused. I know my husband is no where near me on the cardio level so when we do these runs together I always try to motivate him and we run as a team. So we finish together, which he knows means if he goes slow he slows me down too. Sometimes that's enough to get him pushing a little harder.
Also if he's doing these runs but still not eating well at least you know he's getting some cardio in that could help his heart and maybe quiet your fears of him keeling over at his desk job.
Best of luck!0 -
Has he seen a doctor? Maybe a blood workup and convo with a doctor would spur a different mindset for him?0
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As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.
Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.
Yes, but I was the recipient of the potentially difficult conversations. The helpful hints, the advice, and even the occasional nags were factually correct, but until *I* was ready to change *myself*, nothing was going to change. If he's as smart as you portray him to be, then deep down he knows the correct path that is needed. Hopefully he will choose to take it sooner rather than later. Not a good idea to wait until you hit 50 and your knee starts to go (like me) or develop other health issues (like others). The sooner he decides to accept it, the better.0 -
Your boyfriend is a classic "picky eater" --they tend to gravitate to white/beige/brown foods. I would say that this is who he is and nothing you can do is going to make him want to change; that has to come from him.You need to decide if you can live with this or not.0
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Sounds as though he has a Selective Eating Disorder. I watched an evening program on it and this sounds very similar.0
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I was a smoker when my husband and I got together. He was not shy in stating how much he hated it, but I did not care, I loved smoking. He did not harp on it, but from time to time would express his concern for me getting some kind of cancer or disease from it. I knew the risks, hated the commercials and the ads telling me how harmful it was to smoke, but I did it anyway.
It was not until I was ready to stop smoking that I stopped.(13 years into our relationship) Him giving me a hard time about it did not do anything but make me mad at him.
I tell you this story because this is my experience in trying to get someone to stop doing something that they love. Its not going to happen until he is ready.
Although you can ask him if there is anything you can do to help him have a more nutritionally dense diet, other than that, just get him out moving as often as you can.0 -
As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.
Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.
Anyone that has been in a relationship with another person has seen habits they wished they could change. Many times it is self destructive habits and you want the person to be healthy.
What everyone is trying to say to you is:
Most adults know what they need to change.
The only person we can ever change is ourselves.
Most people grow to resent someone trying to change them for any reason.0 -
Is the OP dating a 7 year old?0
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