Nutrition Help on behalf of boyfriend please!!!

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  • writergeek313
    writergeek313 Posts: 390 Member
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    He will make changes when he is ready to make changes.

    This x 1000. It sounds like he's well aware that he needs to make some lifestyle changes, but when and how he does need to be his choices. People start and stop exercising or eating healthier because for one reason or another they're just not ready yet. When he has trouble keeping up with you, he probably feels very embarrassed, and repeated conversations about it is just going to make him more embarrassed. Maybe when he decides he's ready he'll look to you for some advice, but until then, I really think you should just let it go.

    My boyfriend is very picky, too, and I worry he doesn't eat enough for how active he is. I really enjoy cooking, and he's more of an "eat to live" kind of guy. Rather than focusing on this difference, I focus on all the things we have in common and all the things I like about him.
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
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    has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.

    Many people have tried. 99.999% have failed to effect any lasting change on another person. Almost everyone on this board has probably had a friend or family member approach them about changing our eating habits and fitness levels.

    We did not change until we were ready.

    ETA: And those conversations? They made us feel really crappy, regardless of how well-meant and carefully phrased they were.

    This times 1000.
  • bf43005
    bf43005 Posts: 287
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    I guess the best thing is try a lot of different things. Keep trying stuff until he finds some other things he likes. It may take awhile but you might get there. But it's really up to him, if he's not willing to make the effort than you will just be the bad guy.

    Also you mentioned that he likes the active runs. Maybe sign you both up for a lot of those to really get him pumped about it and wanting to stay focused. I know my husband is no where near me on the cardio level so when we do these runs together I always try to motivate him and we run as a team. So we finish together, which he knows means if he goes slow he slows me down too. Sometimes that's enough to get him pushing a little harder.

    Also if he's doing these runs but still not eating well at least you know he's getting some cardio in that could help his heart and maybe quiet your fears of him keeling over at his desk job.

    Best of luck!
  • will2lose72
    will2lose72 Posts: 128 Member
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    Has he seen a doctor? Maybe a blood workup and convo with a doctor would spur a different mindset for him?
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.

    Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.

    Yes, but I was the recipient of the potentially difficult conversations. The helpful hints, the advice, and even the occasional nags were factually correct, but until *I* was ready to change *myself*, nothing was going to change. If he's as smart as you portray him to be, then deep down he knows the correct path that is needed. Hopefully he will choose to take it sooner rather than later. Not a good idea to wait until you hit 50 and your knee starts to go (like me) or develop other health issues (like others). The sooner he decides to accept it, the better.
  • evileen99
    evileen99 Posts: 1,564 Member
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    Your boyfriend is a classic "picky eater" --they tend to gravitate to white/beige/brown foods. I would say that this is who he is and nothing you can do is going to make him want to change; that has to come from him.You need to decide if you can live with this or not.
  • kristy6ward
    kristy6ward Posts: 332 Member
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    Sounds as though he has a Selective Eating Disorder. I watched an evening program on it and this sounds very similar.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    I was a smoker when my husband and I got together. He was not shy in stating how much he hated it, but I did not care, I loved smoking. He did not harp on it, but from time to time would express his concern for me getting some kind of cancer or disease from it. I knew the risks, hated the commercials and the ads telling me how harmful it was to smoke, but I did it anyway.

    It was not until I was ready to stop smoking that I stopped.(13 years into our relationship) Him giving me a hard time about it did not do anything but make me mad at him.

    I tell you this story because this is my experience in trying to get someone to stop doing something that they love. Its not going to happen until he is ready.

    Although you can ask him if there is anything you can do to help him have a more nutritionally dense diet, other than that, just get him out moving as often as you can.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    As I have clearly mentioned before, I'm not trying to "force" anything, and I never mentioned nagging. My intention is to talk to him out of care and love with a clear intention to avoid resentment.

    Just to clarify to any new potential responders: has anyone had to have a potentially difficult conversation with a loved one about poor eating habits based on real concern of their well-being? I can't be the only one.


    Anyone that has been in a relationship with another person has seen habits they wished they could change. Many times it is self destructive habits and you want the person to be healthy.

    What everyone is trying to say to you is:

    Most adults know what they need to change.
    The only person we can ever change is ourselves.
    Most people grow to resent someone trying to change them for any reason.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    Is the OP dating a 7 year old?
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    Anyone that has been in a relationship with another person has seen habits they wished they could change. Many times it is self destructive habits and you want the person to be healthy.

    What everyone is trying to say to you is:

    Most adults know what they need to change.
    The only person we can ever change is ourselves.
    Most people grow to resent someone trying to change them for any reason.

    ^^^ So true!
  • rmdaly
    rmdaly Posts: 250 Member
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    My husband isn't as bad as your boyfriend, but if there is a choice between healthy and unhealthy food (white or wheat, fruit or chocolate), my husband will choose unhealthy. I've been with him for more than 20 years. On the other hand, I am vegetarian, eat pretty clean and limit added sugars. I have also done several marathons and triathlons. He was slender when I met and now has a gut from sitting at a desk all day and has an overweight BMI.

    Nothing I say or do is going to change my husband and you are not going to change your boyfriend. He may not decide to change, ever. You need to decide if that is okay with you in the long term. If you want to be active, he might not want to join you and you will have to find other people to do stuff with. Also, if you are together for the long run, you may end up taking care of him as his poor habits become real illnesses. You have some tough decisions to make about what is important to you.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Is the OP dating a 7 year old?

    No, a meatatarian.
  • naeyha1
    naeyha1 Posts: 15 Member
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    I ha same situation. My husband and I are both slightly overweight, Me more than him., I used to tell hium that we both shouold go healthy and workout, He always agreed and did nothing. Later i stopped nagging and started makes changes to my diet, Its just been 2 months on my diet that he has stopped most of his junk eating. He watches my progress and commitment and he himself realizes that its not as tough as he thought. now he worksout with me at least 2-3 days a week. I wont say he initiates it but he accompanies me in it. So i would say try to be an example for him and he will follow... Worked for me.. good luck
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    Is the OP dating a 7 year old?

    No, a meatatarian.

    Hah, no, otherwise they would be drinking differently.

    I'd say just hide some broccoli in his spaghetti o's and get on with it.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    My boyfriend has....to put it nicely, "the finely developed palate of your average American 8 year old." Pretty much exactly as you stated. Says he hates a lot of food, is extremely picky, yadda yadda yadda. Bland. Beige food. Won't eat anything with a funny sounding name. So on and so forth.

    There is absolutely nothing to be done about it. None. Not at all. I've learned to cook the things I like that he won't eat. And as per the rest - there is nothing to be done about it.

    It drives me CRAZY. It gets on my nerves. INCREDIBLY. Like, teeth-grating, want-to-scream-at-him kind of annoying. But that's his mouth and his stomach and his hands putting the food in.

    But for health or otherwise, as other posters have said - he has to be the one to do it.

    Good luck.

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