Me? Not a priority.

I can totally relate. I hear alot of "you have to make time", but that is easier said then done.

I know what you mean. I feel this way a lot, and especially in the past. I was a caregiver since I was old enough to assist. Its hard, and people always say well sacrifice an hour from sleep, or some smart butt reply. I hope you can find time. I'm trying now... with school, work, and house work...and it does sadly involve cutting into my sleep

I can *so* relate. I'm a caregiver to a disabled adult child, mother to another young adult still living at home (launching hopefully in June), with two aging parents and a 99-year-old MIL and no siblings or extended family to help.

I find myself often at the bottom of my to-do-for list.

I woke up yesterday with a fiery determination to change that. So I'm logging my food, finding time for exercise, and thinking of other ways to nurture myself. Frankly, if I don't do it, ain't nobody will.

It feels good to know that I absolutely must put ME on my own list if I am survive this.

What do you need/want? Do you know where and how to start with self-kindness?

Rosey

It's not selfish because you want some time to take care of yourself, and it actually benefits your loved ones in the long run.

When my hubby and I first started living together he would get really annoyed that when his kids came to stay with us, I would still go to the gym first thing in the morning instead of staying home to keep an eye on them, make sure they showered, had breakfast. It was a non-negotiable point for me. I laid out very clear rules, which if broken would result in getting shipped back to their mom (things like don't leave the house, no using the stove), they had plenty of cereal & milk, and if they chose not to shower, get chores done while I was gone then they couldn't go hang out with their friends until everything was done. It worked out. Nothing bad happened and I kept my sanity, took care of my needs. Rest of the day was devoted to them but I never missed my workout.

Yes. That is part of what got me here. It does get easier and now that my kids are heading out to college I definitely have a bit more time for myself. That being said I did carve out little bits of me time when they were younger. We took karate courses together. So even though I was with them I was also doing it for me. I also kept sneakers in the car so if I was running them to a practice or a lesson I could walk the field or parking lot while waiting for them to get out. I also made sure we all ate healthy nutritious food. So I was doing it for them but also me.

At my yoga class, the teacher always includes an affirmation to the effect of "Thank yourself for taking this hour to do something good for yourself." We're women of all ages--moms of kids still at home, moms with grown kids who still have FT mom habits, folks like me who don't have kids but are self employed and might work 24/7 if left to our own devices. I don't know if it's as bad for men, but apparently for women it's a common problem.

I believe it is part of the nurturing instinct for women to routinely self-sacrifice. The thing that most women don't realize is that it is a slippery slope. Self-sacrifice can ultimately become a detriment to your family.

That being said, I wanted to say that a lot of the housework that you do IS as much for you as it is for others. Do you really want to have to live in filfth? Others might be benefitting from your efforts, but so are you. Perhaps, instead of resenting those activities, you should solicit more help from your family. That way you can make time for yourself.

You can still lose weight just by eating right. Cleaning and laundry are actually great physical activities. Focus on the things you can control instead of what you cannot. And really everyone can go to sleep later or wake up earlier by 30 min to have time to get a workout in. I understand where you are coming from, but making excuses doesn't solve much try to look for solutions.

Single dads can have the same issue too... I understand intellectually that I must make time for myself but there is always something or someone asking for my attention...

I am right there with you. It is only now that my kids have reached their teens that I feel as though I can start to worry more about me and less about them.

ETA: Also, regarding housework.... Since I am the only one with a full-time job, I do the least amount of housework. I do the grocery shopping, most of the cooking, and the laundry. My husband is in charge of our bedroom and bathroom, and the living room and dining room. My daughter is in charge of the kitchen and all vacuuming. My son is in charge of the upstairs bathroom, and the floors upstairs and the stairway, as well as helping Dad with any outdoor chores, lawn-mowing, etc. Your kids live there too! Everyone who lives there should contribute in some way. Smaller ways when they're young, then larger jobs as they become capable.

One profound metaphor I've heard is "What if you treated your car the same way you treat yourself?"

You could fold laundry instead of getting gas. You could do the dishes instead of rotating your tires. What would happen to your car?

The thing is that your body - your physical health - is infinitely more important than your car. You aren't going to be doing much unless you make at least as much time in the week for yourself as you do for your car.

I devoted myself to motherhood for many years, to the extent that almost my entire self-concept revolved around that role. Now my "baby" is 17 and about to graduate from high school, and I'm re-discovering myself. I'm still the chief nurturer in my house, but it's a lot easier to focus on myself, too.

Kids thrive when they have healthy, happy parents. Taking good care of yourself means taking care of one of the most important people in your children's life. They deserve for you to feel healthy and happy and able to enjoy your time with them because you also have time for yourself.

One of the best small investments I ever made was to hire a housecleaning service to come every other week. Costs us $89 every two weeks, but to me it is well worth it for the freedom to spend my time doing other things.

It's a habit you have to practice. You have to practice doing at least one kind thing for yourself every day. Honestly, when I used to be in your shoes I didn't even know what to do for myself so I had to ask others for ideas and make things up. I started with bubble baths just for me or reading a fictional novel. It actually felt like work to make the time at first.

I started out with peppermint tea alone and fancy bubbles in my bath. Forward ten years and I have taken university classes for me for fun, become more advanced with crocheting and knitting, danced competitively, rehabilitated abused and abandoned dogs, joined mfp, created a garden, lifted weights and joined running groups. Yesterday I took my first belly dancing class. I started small, and now I do fun stuff for me automatically. The result is I seem to have more to to give to my husband and children and I do so with joy. I also work in a sometimes stressful helping profession so self-care is mandatory. (Start with easy small steps)

I want to share my experience, maybe someone younger (and wiser) will listen. The BEST thing you can do for your family is to take care of yourself. If you dont do it no on else can or will. I will share my story as briefly as I can. Im a Mom to 4 kids, married young and had my children within a span of 10 years, they are all grown now with lives of their own, the last will graduate from college this summer and be off on her own too. I was one of those women who for my whole life made everyone else, and everything else a priority. I got put to the bottom of the priority list and and in those 32 years I grew to 300 lbs! Ive come to realize that I really could have made the choice to take time for myself throughout those years, if I want to be completely honest I could have found the time, if I had valued myself more. I sometimes wonder if keeping a spotless house was my way of making up for being fat. Like I could prove my worth in that way? Last summer I ran into a lady that had been my size ever since Ive known her, she was tiny! I was amazed and thrilled for her! It gave me hope! I asked her what she had done to accomplish such a great transformation and she said that suddenly "it became all about me" that hit me like a ton of bricks, those words....wow. I have not forgotten it, and never will. I thought alot about my own life and choices throughout the years and have come to realize that putting yourself first is NOT selfish. Women are raised to believe otherwise, at least I sure was, as well as most women I know. Im sure there is the exception, as with anything. Life has a funny way of setting things in motion for us, this past year due to corporate downsizing, I became unemployed. This forced me to look at my life as a whole and finally take the plunge and make it " all about me " My kids are thrilled. When I look back at how they were teased over the years for having a fat Mom, I have to wonder and re-evaluate my choices back then....stay home, clean the house, bake cookies and cakes or maybe go to the gym a few days a week. I showed my family I loved them by doing too much of the wrong things. Life is all about balance, and choices. Looking back I would have chosen better.As I said before, my kids are thrilled that Ive decided to make a change, why?? Because they are afraid that if I dont, I wont be around for them much longer. Would they remember the spotless house? Maybe...but in essence I would have let them down by not being around to enjoy their lives and accomplishments with them. What good are spotless shiny floors then? Dont get me wrong, my house is still clean, but not spotless. Im making time for ME now, and I dont feel one bit guilty about it. Every day I remind myself that " It's all about ME" and in turn....my becoming healthier and happier turns out to be all about them, the ones I care about and love to the moon and back! After that, everything else falls into place and life is much more fun.