I need advice

For me it took a lot of soul searching and determination to finally say enough is enough, i am gonna do this once and for all...FOR ME....You have to want it bad enough. You have to want to change for the healthy version and decide that you have had enough and just go for it. I used to eat whatever I wanted to in the past. It took me 2 months of being alone after a really bad break up to make my head flip and say...I AM DONE WITH ALL THIS CRAP, I AM DONE WITH BEING HEAVY AND UNHEALTHY...IT IS MY TIME TO SHINE AND I AM GOING TO DO THIS... You have to make that decision. No one can do it for you. And when you do make that decision there is no stopping you.

I agree with all other poster you have to want it bad enough. When my twins were born in 2004 I had only gained 24lb in pregnancy and thought the weight would drop off like it did after my first child I was wrong. A combination of eating chocolate to comfort myself during night feeds and stress due to my oldest child special needs found me still at the same weight 4 years on. I joined a number if slimming classes lost a bit of weight regained it tried another fad regained it. This cycled with periods of binge eating. I was stressed, depressed and not coping with my children, my family deserved better but I didn't have the motivation or the inclination. I don't recognise myself in photos from that time.
2 things happened to change this my niece joined MFP and when I saw her logging in I joined up too and was hooked (well I stopped logging in for a few months but then restarted). The second thing was the biggie though. Piers (one of the twins) was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, to begin with I became even more depressed and thought why me ( my oldest child has autism too). One day piers ran away from me in the street I had no hope of catching him being 36lbs overweight and so unfit and he was almost hit by a car. That was the turning point, I decided my kids and myself deserved more i also decide that my life was always going to stressful with the boys needs and I needed to make the best of the life I had and stop feeling sorry for myself. I went home logged into MFP and started running the very next day. It was tough to begin with but I persevered now I am training for my 3rd half marathon, lift weights and am on my way to a six pack. I am also no longer depressed. Sorry my reply is lengthy but I thought my story might help someone out there. I have a new habit now working out, I am not saying I don't sometimes turn to food for comfort but for me it us just not worth it. Good luck on your journey and I hope you find your motivation.

I just rejoined MFP for about the 20th time. I to get into ruts. I binge eat and drink to much, feel sorry for myself, so I repeat the cycle. I have done this so many times that I am now about 25 pounds over weight. I have lost almost all motivation and have started to feel sorry for myself. Which makes me angry, because the only person I have to blame is myself. It is a vicious cycle, and I so want to stop repeating it. I woke up this morning and was praying that I would keep the motivation going, not only to look and feel better, but for my health and self respect. Your post and the others really hit me hard. It was like my prayers were answered. We all struggle with something, and I think we all feel alone at times. I am taking one day at a time, and trying to forgive myself for allowing this to happen to my mind, body and soul. I am the only one who can make the change. Stay strong and know that your not alone.

I would not call it laziness.

In fact, your striving for perfection is the key!
You want to do it the very best; in a perfect way. If that is not possible; why even try? This sounds extreme and is not a conscious choice, but it's there. We don't want it to be halfway done, and even though it's stupid, we prefer to don't do it at all instead of accepting just an average result.

What we have to accept is that we will NEVER be perfect. "being perfect" is like a certain point in the future we want to jump to, without waiting for the progress itself. And this is not possible because 1) there is no real "perfection", just a theoretical one and 2) even if there were, we would never just suddenly "get there".

What we have to change in our mindset is changing "being perfect" to "giving our best". Because we CAN give our best. And "being the best we can in this situation" makes it more realistic. There is no fixed point in the future we want to get to.
Instead, we get to a certain point where we give it all. And maybe, two months later, we can already give much more, which we couldn't do before!

[img]http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll282/thianari/save/graph.jpg [/i] It requires a change in your mindset, but it's possible. Try to do it step for step. Maybe this helps you: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1198789-how-to-stay-motivated-while-being-depressed-after-a-relapse Good luck :flowerforyou:[/img]

YES! This makes so much sense! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :flowerforyou:

joybedford, Thanks for sharing. I also have children with special needs. It can be hard to find time to take care of yourself when you constantly have to needs of your children and family in the forefront. I know it makes sense that taking care of myself is the best way to be the best mom I can be, but I needed the reminder. I know I feel much better, energetic, ect. when I eat right and exercise, but it is so easy to forget all of that when you feel overwhelmed by life and it seems easier to just call in a pizza for dinner than prepare a healthy meal. Anyway, I appreciated your candor and it helped! (Even though I wasn't the one specifically looking for advice)

I post this a lot but this helps me:

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.

I'm cheeky and outgoing but a proper miss negative about myself. Age 46 I am a different person because I worked on changing myself, I thought my personality type was predetermined but you CAN change it or make it work better for you. I'm not cured but I know how to manage it now and have been maintaining for a year.

This book is great, not for depression but for negative thinking and I think is why I have succeeded this time and have a more positive attitude http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mindful-Way-Through-Depression/dp/1593851286

Morning! It's all about timing. You have to finally be tired of the person you see in the mirror and then it will motivate you to change. I have said "I'm going to exercise and change my eating" for a few years now. But about three weeks ago I just decided it was time. I'm still a "newby" two weeks in but I refuse to give up this time around. You'll change when you desire it more than your chocolate. lol Good luck to you on your journey.

Tagging because I want to come back and comment on this later, running out the door right now. :flowerforyou:

In reading your post, I don't think your problem is with food. I don't think you have food addiction or issues with food. I think the problem lies with the change in your life situation in becoming a mum and being at home with your little one. I know what it's like not to bother with your appearance because you aren't going anywhere; to eat when you are tired, or frustrated, or bored; to not care what you eat because you feel stuck and unable to do the things you need to do to lose weight; piling on the food because you're not happy, all the while knowing that the food isn't going to make you happy, but not eating it isn't going to make you happy or the weight magically fall off either, so you might as well eat the food and enjoy the emotional comfort/sugar rush.

I don't think that you necessarily don't want it enough, I think you're just overwhelmed by obstacles right now. I don't know enough about your situation to say "do this to succeed," but what I can do is ask you "what CAN you do that you know you can succeed at?" I know you said you are an all or nothing person, and as a mum myself, sometimes little victories and "good enough" are the way to go just to keep your sanity. I started this journey just by adding in 30 min of exercise a day. I knew trying to cut my food intake was going to be a recipe for disaster at that point, but I could exercise. I knew I could do that. Even if there weren't any results (and there were not for about 7 weeks until I got my diet in check), I could say that I was able to accomplish that each day. So what's the one thing you know you can do?

I suggest making small changes at a time that will ultimately motivate you as you have success with those. Make your "usual" serving size smaller at least a couple of times today. Substitute something healthy for your usual "faves" at least once a day -- i.e. sweet potato for white potato, or broccoli or green beans for your starch. Substitute ground turkey for high fat hamburger meat. Eat your salad dressing on the side -- if you dip your fork into the dressing and then grab some salad, the calories are significantly less even if you use your favorite high cal dressing. If you don't want to count calories, track the number of "small successes" you have per day and try to add gradually increase it until you find you enjoy eating healthy with good habits instead of thinking of it as a chore.