OMG are you for REAL right now?

I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this. I don't really have any suggestion for you.....I just hope it doesn't take a major health problem for him to realize that you are right to be concerned.

That's ok, I'm at work too and I'm pretending I have nothing better to do than read other peoples' ramblings lol! My husband is super supportive of my new lifestyle. He eats crap a lot, and could handle losing probably 20 pounds (he thinks 5 will be perfect!). When this whole thing started I told him that if he chose to eat it, he had to keep it away from me, and out of my sight. I cannot know it's there. He's usually pretty good about it because he knows that if I see it, I will throw it away. But......that's not the issue here! I have told him at times that I am worried sick about him and his health, and that it freaks me out that he could die because he refuses to change his ways. That has helped sometimes. I really don't know what to say, except.....sorry :flowerforyou:

Wow!! First of all, how are your babies now? How rough and I can totally understand the need to pacify.

I have the same issues with my husband. He comes from an Italian family and his mother totally overfed her kids (I call her Marie Barone LOL) and they were all overweight. When I was a kid we were all active and thin. So when we got married he was at his highest weight ever of 320 (6'5") and I adopted some of his bad habits until after I had my 2 kids and I started exercising a lot and eating healthier. He took the cue and lost 50 pounds which was great. This was 5 years ago. Since then I have maintained my weight and continue my fitness regimine, and he goes through his yo-yo dieting. He's gained about 10 pounds back and he keeps losing and gaining the same 10 pounds.

My theory is he doesn't "get it". He doesn't understand it is a constant thing, not eat good all week long then blow it on the weekend. It will never work in the long run if you have that mentality. He thinks I am obsessed, I prefer to call it educated. He tells me I worry too much, I look good already, why do I have to count every calorie? Well, news flash, if you don't count every calorie (and I don't mean that literally, just watch what I eat) you will gain it all back!! He doesn't feel the motivation I guess. And you know what, it irks the CRAP outta me. So I can relate to what you're going through.

I have the same issues you do, I worry about his health and heart and all that. He is actually back on right now and eating gluten free, because I have been reading so many things about how eating gluten free can help prevent Parkinson's, which his father has (and is in bad shape at 70) and his grandfather died from in his 70's. I figure, anything we can do to possibly prevent issues later on we should do, right? But he comes from an Italian family, so he LOVES pizza, pasta, bread, etc.. We'll see how long he lasts, but I figure, if I can cycle it like I do (2 weeks on, 2 weeks off) that is something.

Anyway, long winded too, but I totally relate with you. It is so FRUSTRATING!

wow congrats on keeping everything together despite all you and your family have been through. I don't have much advice on how to help your husband eat healthy. I did have a thought about your M-I-L.
I come from a family that equates food with love (no wonder I've had weight problems my whole life) My mother and grandmother were not able to verbalize thier love or even hug, but man could they push the mashed potatoes. I doubt life long habits like that ever change. You just have to nod and smile but put your foot down if she tries to pass the unhealthy eating on to your children. As you know, children with CF have to have a lot of calories, but healthy calories and a well balanced diet. I managed to break the cycle and raised a very fit and athletic daughter. She's 20 now and never been overweight. No doubt you have a long road ahead but you have the best motivators in the world, your children.

I am kinda going through a similar thing right now.. lol its funny cause this post made me smile.. what is up with these men its almost as if my husband it trying to slip me up... its like he has been eating worse than ever and gaining some poundage...i am more concerned about my hubs health than anything..like coming home from work with a entire digorno pizza and eatting the whole thing except a slice.. waking up to having the whole lemon maragne pie gone that i got one slice of.. (he works nights) buying the whole thing of oreos because the baby likes them and then eatting like half the thing.. he was never like this.. i told him i was concerned about his health and he needs to start watching what he eats and that it was not about his looks.. witch is true.. it is frusterating.. its almost like he is insecure now that i am looking hot again and he is like going the opposite way.. hes all like i dont have to look good im old.. haha like rebeling.. these men what are we gonna do with themm....

The best thing you can do is be an example.... it's KIND of worked in my house. My husband just got his cholestoral checked, so we'll see what happens. Maybe that will get him back on track. lol

My Husband and I have been together since 1998 and there was only 1 time that we fought so bad that I considered ending it. That was when we were dating and he suggested I lose weight to be more healthy.

I had to listen to that from my friends, I had to listen to that from my family, I had to listen to that from myself every time I looked in the mirror... what I needed from him was unconditional love and support no matter what or how badly I was screwing up.

He promised never to bring it up again and he hasn't. Every time I lose weight he tells me how proud he is of me and if/when I gain he says nothing to make me feel even worse about it than I already do.

Your Husband has to change for HIMSELF. You can't guilt, nag, push or pull him into doing it. He'll only come to resent you and hate himself more.

That's my 2 cents.

Wonder if her mother in law tried out for the role of Norman Bates.s mother in that movie classic "Psycho".........lol

I can just hear her now..............."Norman,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Norman, you come here right now. Eat Norman, Eat.......we dont have time to slice and dice in the bathroom......we must eat Norman"

Too funny...........

In all kidding aside hun, your mother in law isnt playing with a full deck. Shes a "control freak" , just like 2 of my 4 brothers. Good luck, been there and done that..............

Again, its your house, your rules and regulations. Seems you need to put Mommie Dearest in her place, esp when it comes to rearranging your furniture.............Best wishes, .........Lloyd

I love the guy, but his diet freaks me right out. We have 2 young kids both with a fatal disease. Like i told him last night, I CANNOT raise these kids on my own. I can't take on that burden without him (not the burden of raising my kids but of fighting back against this disease which is the hardest battle i've EVER fought in my life). I'm terrified for him but anytime I say anything he tells me I'm annoying or i'm "bothering him".

My suggestion....Start making preparations to do it on your own. Make it obvious what your doing When he figures it out you can explain to him that you are preparing to raise the kids on your own because you know eventually you will have to... IF he doesnt notice than well at least your preparing ahead of time.

Im pretty sure he will get the drift . Chin up you got this !

So sorry that you have got to go through this when you are trying to make a lifestyle change of your own, and live with it. I have nothing for you with the mother in law, or the husband, really, but I can offer a suggestion. In our house I do all of the meal planning, grocery shopping, couponing, cooking, etc. My husband, well, my family, are all supportive but they like their treats. My children have really gotten into the healthier, or 100 calorie treats, that I keep on hand, usually to the point that they eat it all before I can. But, my husband doesn't like that. He wants his treats. Coincidentally, my husband, too, runs a bar/nightclub and comes home in the middle of the night and has a complete munchie attack. (the proof is on the coffee table when I get up in the morning.) Ok, fine, that is his thing, it's what he wants, it's the middle of the night and I don't see it. I do keep some of the stuff in the house that he likes, but I don't, so he has some things to munch on and that I am not tempted to have. So, here is what I am suggesting; don't keep the stuff in the house! If there is NOT raw cookie dough in the house is he really going to go to the store, himself, and get it? (in my case, no my husband would not do that) If you cook healthy, lower calorie dinners, that taste good, is he going to eat that or run to his mother's house? (if he runs to his mothers house I would tell him to stay there!!!!) The point is, if you are getting healthier, lower calorie meals in him, and your children, and then around there he has "some" junk, it might balance out a little bit. I understand that you are worried about him but you have to remember what it took, within you, to make the different changes that you have. Did it have to come from within or were you open to someone telling you to change? That could be where he is and you need to make little changes, in the cooking, grocery shopping, and so on, to help the situation along. If the mother in law continues to bring CRAP over every day I honestly can tell you that I would throw it away right in front of her. After once or twice she won't do it anymore. Hope maybe that helps a little and gives you some options. Chin up and although you are worried about your husband, remember you are making a change in yourself, for yourself, and that you have children to stay strong for.

I don't know that I can be much help, other than listen and tell you that you have every right to be upset / frustrated / angry / etc. Your feelings are valid. My situation is milder, and it stresses me out too, so I can imagine you must have been simmering at your boiling point for quite some time!

As for MIL...
OMG - change the locks! How is she getting that food into your fridge while you are out? :noway:

The tough love approach: If your husband really means it that he doesn't want the stuff either, ask him to tell her to take her next offering back home, or that he will throw it out. If she refuses to take it, have him throw it in the garbage right in front of her. She will probably be shocked by the blatant waste of food, and may stop. But don't make him do this if he doesn't mean it, because she will just say that you put him up to it, and resent you.

And now for the nicer approach: Perhaps your MIL is using all this baking as her own coping mechanism. Try to be truly understanding, and thank her for her efforts, but that you are ALL (hubby and kids included) eating your doctor-recommended healthy diet, which does not include cookies, cakes, pies, etc for ANY of you. If it's the physical act of cooking them that she can't give up, (and then doesn't want to eat them all herself so she's trying to slough them off on you), suggest that she donate them to a local community soup kitchen, or a meals on wheels program, or open a gosh-darn bake shop! Or find some alternatives that you would accept that she can make for you that are healthier options, like banana bread or carrot muffins.

Good luck, you need it! I'm very lucky with my MIL. She is more supportive of my attempts to eat healthier than my own mother. Her cooking may not always be the healthiest choices (the deep fryer is used almost as much as the toaster), but she tries to include vegetables at each meal when I am there, and last night for my bday dinner, she did not have a cake, since she knew I was trying to cut out sugar. Instead, she made us a cup of tea, and offered a dessert plate with slices of banana bread and lemon loaf, and a few scotch cookies. It's not quite a fresh fruit tray, but the thought was there.

As for hubby... if I knew how to fix the hubby issue, I would fix my own. :laugh:

My husband is 38, 5'10" and currently weighs over 300 pounds. He was still overweight but reasonably so when we met over 10 years ago, at 230-240 pounds, but he's put on weight over the years. He's now on high doses of blood pressure medication, and both his father and his grandfather died at age 50. At this rate, he may not even live that long, and even at 50, that would not be old enough to see our two beautiful daughters graduate from high school. It's not so much the junk food (like chips or chocolate) that gets him, it's that he eats huge portions of food (including fast food). I hear a lot of women complain that their husbands have to have their "meat and potatoes", well for my husband, it is more like "chicken and pasta", not to mention pizza and burgers and hot dogs, etc. And Coke, by god, the Coke that man drinks... Ack!! He eats very few fruits or vegetables. Ok, enough, you get the picture. It blows my mind.

But, he doesn't care. He actually believes that this food contributes to his happiness. It's what he likes, and if he can't eat it, then he might as well die anyway. His general attitude is that you're going to die anyway, you might as well eat what you want and enjoy your life.

I agree with JulieBo, that he has to decide to do this on his own. I don't want nag my hubby and I wouldn't want him nagging me. If/when I have more time, I know I am able to make a bit of a difference - like today, I said "oops I washed too many grapes", and threw a handful on his plate. If I place the select few fruits/veggies that he will eat in front of him, he will eat them. But he would NEVER do it on his own. It's like healthy foods are so inconvenient - you have to peel a banana? wash the grapes? oh no, cry me a river!! :sad:

My biggest piece of advice when it comes to your hubby, GET SOME LIFE INSURANCE!! especially with your 2 sick little ones. My DH and I have two life insurance policies on each other (one for the mortgage and one for 'living'). You may have a hard time getting coverage, with his weight and history, but it's worth your peace of mind. Not that money can replace him, but can you imagine being alone PLUS having money concerns??!! I am paying a high premium on the second policy for my husband, since he had gained weight by then, so he was a higher risk, but it's still worth it to me.

OK... if you're still with me after this long post, I want to say one more thing...
YOU have amazing strength and courage, and have already battled more than your fair share of issues in life. KEEP THE FAITH! You will overcome this too!!

(oh god, I sound like a weirdo preacher, but I do mean it from the bottom of my heart)

pressure that put me in the hospital for nearly a month & caused me to retain water resulting in a nearly 100lb weight gain. Right after the birth of my children (and many medications for blood pressure and diaretics later) I dropped 80+lbs in a week. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes & felt amazing.

You lost 80 pounds in a week?

Well, she did have twins, and a lot of water weight. That is totally doable.

I too have a husband who should lose at least 100lbs, maybe more. He always has headaches, he's on the limit to have high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes (which is in his family anyway). He already made an effort 3 times to lose weight, all of them he lost some 20 lbs, felt better, no headaches anymore, but all 3 times he fell back into old habits and put everything back on. Of course headaches came back...

What can I say? The more I nag, the more he gets stubborn. The more I say, the more he eats.
I started using MFP in August, not telling anybody as I was not sure if I really would stick to it. I started doing stationary bike, which I could not do unseen, so he noticed there was a change somehow. He started asking for fast food, cakes and cookies ever so often, and eating out all the time. Of course that doesn't help with losing weight. Sometimes I manage to bring fast food home for him only, and nothing for me. He notices it and wonders.... He asks for cookies and cakes, I have one pieces, he can have the rest. I do not always manage to be firm in my choice. Sometimes I give in, but I forgive myself.

My recommendation to you is:
Do stay with your healthy choices, for yourself and your kids! Have healthy meals as much as possible, it won't be possible all the time, but that's ok. Do exercise as much as you can, for yourself.
Be egoistic, do it for yourself.
It doesn't help to worry about a husband all the time, making yourself sick about it ( which results in unhealthy choices for yourself very often), because once your hubby has died (worst case) you'll be unhealthy too and on your own...
So watch after yourself and the kids. Leave him out of your health plan.
The more you nag, the more he finds you annoying and his reaction will be the opposite of what you want it to be.

Do what you need to be healthy yourself, then at least there's one healthy person present to watch after your children. Either he gets on the way he does, and you can't help him, or he might just be intrigued by your way and eventually get curious and follow you on the healthy path.
You can't make him change, he has to do it himself. If he doesn't want to, you spend unnecessary energy on trying. He has to want it, and then he'll ask for your help, but as long as he doesn't want to, there's no point in trying to make want it.

At least that's my experience on this.

MM

I personally wouldn't want someone going on and on about my eating habits. It would probably cause me to eat more out of spite. Your intentions are good and I completely understand where you're coming from, but it's not changing anything. All you can do is continue your healthy eating, provide healthy snack alternatives at home, and let him watch you get continually healthier and more fit. Making the healthy dinners is good. You could also invite him to go on a walk with you or invite him to go to the gym with you. I am so sorry to hear about the health problems of your twins. I hope your husband finds it in himself to get healthier for his family. What I know about healthy living is, you have to find the motivation in yourself. Nobody else can do it for you.