what keeps you going even on your worse days?!?!?

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mrsward2010
mrsward2010 Posts: 61 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So a little about me!! . My mom had passed away in december 2011 after a battle with cancer 10 days after my youngest was born. At first I was so busy with my daughter and by new born son that i didnt grieve for my mom. In january 2012 My step brother went missing on 3rd january and was found hanging from a tree 4 days later.

over the next year i comfort ate and tried pretty much every anti depressant going. In september 2012 i felt like i couldnt carry on living like i was. I felt numb to every emotion and felt like a bad mother and wife. it was a sunday when i got a bottle of wine and all my antidepressants and took an overdose. I by no means wanted to die i just needed someone to realise that i needed help and with the frame of mind i was in this seemed like the only way! All throughout my moms illness and my pregnancy and afterwards every one kept saying how well i was coping little did they know i was crumbling inside!

It wasnt until that overdose that i realised i had hit rock bottom and the only way was up. It still took me another 2 months before i finally plucked up the courage to do something. I joined a local gym on 22nd december 2012 aimed to go at least once a week more if i could fit it in round work commitments. I started at 280lb/ 127.3kg/20 stone and as of today im 207lb/94.1kg/14stone 11lb.

It has been hard work and at points i want to give up but then i think back to when i was at rock bottom and know i dont want to go back there again! Ive had bad weeks (over summer of 2013 i maintained for around 20weeks. id lose a pound gain a pound but always stayed around 16 stone) over christmas i went from 220 to 225 but then in january up till now ive lost on average of 1-2lb a week taking me to 18lb loss since new years day.

I am struggling at the moment as ive been at 207 for nearly 2 weeks now. (ive increased activity as normally do a couple of mile runs and then pt session but over next 4 weeks im at bootcamp 3 times a week and running at least once a week.) so i know it will soon start coming off again but when u feel crap it seems like it will never come off!! i can remember being 20stone and crying at my husband saying ill never get into 18 stones then it happened same with 17stone, 16stones,15 stones and now 14 stones.

Although i still have a lot of weight to lose i can finally see the light at the end of the long and dark tunnel that is weight loss. I will be the first one to admit i eat things that i really shouldnt at times and sometimes to excessive amounts but what keeps me going is my kids, my husband, my family and the urge inside me to want to be a better person!

It might take me another 2-3 years to get to my ultimate goal of 154lb/70kg/11 stone but i know with the support of my family/friends/ personal trainer and you guys i know ill get there!!!

Heres a few pictures to show you where i started and where i am now xx

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Start december 2012

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Now

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Start 2012

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Now

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And Finally Only lost 1lb?!?!?!? Look at this!!!

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Replies

  • caitconquersweight
    caitconquersweight Posts: 316 Member
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    Oh wow, what a difference! You want to know one thing that keeps me going? People like you. I see the amazing transformation and want that for myself. I took before pics the other day (even though I'm down 25lbs lol) and couldn't even stand to look at them for very long. I want that after pic soooooo freaking bad, I can almost taste it.
  • ggilbert95
    ggilbert95 Posts: 33 Member
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    I have no choice.
  • mrsward2010
    mrsward2010 Posts: 61 Member
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    Oh wow, what a difference! You want to know one thing that keeps me going? People like you. I see the amazing transformation and want that for myself. I took before pics the other day (even though I'm down 25lbs lol) and couldn't even stand to look at them for very long. I want that after pic soooooo freaking bad, I can almost taste it.

    Ive actually got my before picture on my cupboards so if i feel like reaching for the bad snacks i can see where i came from. Pictures and measurements are the best thing really as sometimes the scale will not move but inches will drop and body shape will change. good luck xx
  • tesha_chandler
    tesha_chandler Posts: 378 Member
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    I was literally reading this and thinking.. "oh no, oh no, hormones, oh no.. tears.. tears.. fight them back.." You are such an amazing person. I'm so sorry that you have had such a rough time in life. That is a horrible string of events to have to push your way through.. but girl, you have lost 73 pounds!! You are wonder woman! You are so strong because I'd still be laying on the couch crying and eating ice cream.. And what keeps me going is being inspired by people like you, who were given the worst and made the best out of it! Seeing the power of some of the people on here who just keeping pushing through the madness no matter what happens to them is just incredible.
  • SKME2013
    SKME2013 Posts: 704 Member
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    What a superb transformation! You look superb!!!

    I agree with the poster above, people like you keep me going. I am sorry to hear about your difficult times, but glad you seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

    I find that with getting into shape my self confidence grows. I like the feeling of being in control of what and how much I eat. Before embarking on losing weight I ate anything and everything. Now trying to eat healthy and controlling portion sizes has become like a hobby. I think a lot more about what I can cook that is yummie and at the same time healthy.

    I have got three kids, 14/17 and 20 and my new life style has influenced their eating habits as well. No more pop in the house, brown or wild rice instead of white rice and many other changes. Also my family is impressed by my willpower which in return gives me a boost to continue.

    All the best for your journey! Keep going!
    Stef.
  • MarKayDee
    MarKayDee Posts: 196
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    My son, and my mom. All my life no matter what amazing thing my mother had done or made she never felt good enough because she wasn't the right size. I don't want my son to have memories like that of me. My mom did so many wonderful things to give my sister and I magical childhoods, but she was always ashamed of her waist.
    My son is two, we've always been sure to give him a wide variety of healthy foods, and are finally letting him try some less than healthy ones. He's got abs, it's impressive. My husband doesn't want to lose the weight he's gained in our marriage, he just complains about his weight and his clothes not fitting right anymore, so I have to set the healthy example for my son. I don't want him growing up feeling like he isn't good enough because he is bigger than other kids like I did or my mother did, so I have to get myself healthy and fit and change the negative things I say about my body. So many body issues are learned from parents before we even understand them, I want to break the cycle with my little angel.
  • mrsward2010
    mrsward2010 Posts: 61 Member
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    I was literally reading this and thinking.. "oh no, oh no, hormones, oh no.. tears.. tears.. fight them back.." You are such an amazing person. I'm so sorry that you have had such a rough time in life. That is a horrible string of events to have to push your way through.. but girl, you have lost 73 pounds!! You are wonder woman! You are so strong because I'd still be laying on the couch crying and eating ice cream.. And what keeps me going is being inspired by people like you, who were given the worst and made the best out of it! Seeing the power of some of the people on here who just keeping pushing through the madness no matter what happens to them is just incredible.

    Thank you! It wasnt really until afteri hit rock bottom and the year anniversary of my moms death that i started to really deal with my emotions and make wiser choices. In the year since mom died to the point of me wanting and needing to lose weight i had gone from 18stone 252lbs to 20 stone 280lbs. I really think joining MFP has helped keep me on track and focused. xxx
  • mrsward2010
    mrsward2010 Posts: 61 Member
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    I find that with getting into shape my self confidence grows. I like the feeling of being in control of what and how much I eat. Before embarking on losing weight I ate anything and everything. Now trying to eat healthy and controlling portion sizes has become like a hobby. I think a lot more about what I can cook that is yummie and at the same time healthy.

    Yeah totally agree with this!! I still sometimes struggle with portion control on bad days but getting there xx
  • mrsward2010
    mrsward2010 Posts: 61 Member
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    My son, and my mom. All my life no matter what amazing thing my mother had done or made she never felt good enough because she wasn't the right size. I don't want my son to have memories like that of me. My mom did so many wonderful things to give my sister and I magical childhoods, but she was always ashamed of her waist.
    My son is two, we've always been sure to give him a wide variety of healthy foods, and are finally letting him try some less than healthy ones. He's got abs, it's impressive. My husband doesn't want to lose the weight he's gained in our marriage, he just complains about his weight and his clothes not fitting right anymore, so I have to set the healthy example for my son. I don't want him growing up feeling like he isn't good enough because he is bigger than other kids like I did or my mother did, so I have to get myself healthy and fit and change the negative things I say about my body. So many body issues are learned from parents before we even understand them, I want to break the cycle with my little angel.

    My husband is exactly the same!!! hes gained 5 stones since we got together and has bad back problems. His physio has advised him to lose weight to help with his back but still not wanting to do it. My mom was over weight and she always wanted me to be fit and healthy. I saw her do so many diet pills and diets that i lost count but in the end non worked for her. I want my daughter and my son to know food is for fuel and that fitness is their friend! xx
  • MarKayDee
    MarKayDee Posts: 196
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    My husband is exactly the same!!! hes gained 5 stones since we got together and has bad back problems. His physio has advised him to lose weight to help with his back but still not wanting to do it. My mom was over weight and she always wanted me to be fit and healthy. I saw her do so many diet pills and diets that i lost count but in the end non worked for her. I want my daughter and my son to know food is for fuel and that fitness is their friend! xx
    It's very frustrating, he's gained nearly 100lbs in the last five years. A always talks about wanting to lose weight and join a gym, but he won't just monitor what he eats. I love him, but he's developed high blood pressure at 23.
    Both my mother, and my mother in law were/are heavy. My mother less so because she was taller. My motet in law is 5'1" and 330lbs, she watches my son on weekends when I work, I love her, but she gives up on weight loss when it gets hard. I try and be supportive and encourage her but both she and my husband eat fast food 2-5 times a week.
    It was hard growing up watching someone struggle with weight, I wish my husband wanted to spare my son from that as much as I did, but I am glad your kids have a positive role model too. It's so much more important to be healthy when someone else looks to you to show them what to do/who to be.
  • HannahAliHealth
    HannahAliHealth Posts: 142 Member
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    Wow! You are such an inspiration person! You are so beautiful too! God bless you and your lovers! I respect you so much and I'm seeing my self through those pictures since we almost start at the same wait!

    Thanks for sharing and push me up! Thanks for believing and trying so hard! You've touched my heart and soul!
    I know you gonna reach your goal and be the healthy mom, wife and person!

    Good luck to us
  • mrsward2010
    mrsward2010 Posts: 61 Member
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    Wow! You are such an inspiration person! You are so beautiful too! God bless you and your lovers! I respect you so much and I'm seeing my self through those pictures since we almost start at the same wait!

    Thanks for sharing and push me up! Thanks for believing and trying so hard! You've touched my heart and soul!
    I know you gonna reach your goal and be the healthy mom, wife and person!

    Good luck to us

    thank you Hannah!
    xx
  • AngelWings0609
    AngelWings0609 Posts: 105 Member
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    Wow!! :) I'm so glad things worked out for you! :)I to started out around 280 (279) I can completely relate to the way you felt weight wise! I'm actually down to 224.0 and I can't wait to get to where you are now!! :) your an inspiration to many, thanks for sharing you're story!

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