Hats off to those of you living with your parents

Francl27 · February 2014

My mom is visiting. And oh man. Ok she was pestering me about my weight for years. Then was all happy I was losing. She saw me 16 lbs ago and said I looked fine (I was still 6 lbs in the overweight category then).

And now she's trying to sabotage me. Saying I look good and shouldn't lose more... Saying 'but it's really cold out, you should eat more, you're burning more calories'. I'm cold a lot so she's saying I need to eat more, I lost too much weight... Or she's like 'want some dessert?' at the restaurant. Pushing me to have more salmon because 'it's just a little bit'.

She is PISSING ME OFF. My willpower has been wavering lately and it's really not helping. I didn't have dessert. I didn't have more salmon. I got a tiny piece of ice cream cake for my kids' birthday, that put me 48 calories in the red. She keeps telling me I need to finish the leftover pancakes from Saturday's breakfast (that have syrup in them), and she keeps eating them... and having cake... and she's diabetic but 'didn't have sushi at lunch because the soy sauce is bad with the sugar in it'.

So pissed off. She brought brioche and madeleine cakes and chocolate with her, plus it's been a bad week with my kids' birthday on Sunday and I don't need anyone giving me any reason why I should have dessert!

So... hats off to those of you who have to live with this every single day. Thankfully she's only staying a week.

alibee88 · February 2014

My mum came to stay with me for a couple of days last week and she was telling me that I was losing too much weight. Going on and on and on "don't deprive yourself..." "you're too thin..."

Like my BMI is now 29 and when I started I was obese. I'm not sure what to call it, it's like body dysmorphia or something like maybe she actually can't see that I'm really overweight!?

I just try and ignore her, I know what I'm doing is healthy for me and like you I thank my lucky stars that she lives far away :laugh:

SusanBT1954 · February 2014

And hats off to parents with adult kids living with them. I'm one of those and never know what to say or do that won't seem out of line. Trying so hard and I do love her dearly, but it is tough for her and for me.

fificrazy · February 2014

Aw well, she's your mom! I mean, I can't believe she ever felt like it her her place to criticize your weight to begin with, but now that you're losing, I think I understand how it feels for her to witness someone put themselves through that, as I know it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable to see my own friends/family say they want to lose weight when I genuinely think they look great and they don't have any health problems. Or when they're a healthy weight and still want to continue, or they're at the point where they are experiencing the same restriction symptoms as you, and letting food stress them out during special visits and events. For her, seeing you then and now- or even between the 16 lb difference alone- that probably IS really a huge change for her to witness!

draco706 · February 2014

As an adult who moved back home (do to extended illness) my advice to parents who want their kids to lose weight is to keep healthy food at home in abundance. Don't buy junk. If your adult child is low on funds they will eat at home so they can splurge on clothing, gas or health and dental insurance:flowerforyou: If you can cook breakfast and dinner having prepared healthy options is easier than grabbing something. If they are gone most of the day (school, work) offer to pack them a lunch. If they are gone evenings, keep a portioned plate ready to microwave and eat. Don't let them come home hungry and tired and put together a meal it will be too big. This works with my younger brother too. He wants to drop 25lbs more (he put on the freshman 30 last year and is now living at home to save money and avoid the all you can eat for $4,$5 and $7 breakfast, lunch and dinner buffets respectfully. When he gets home from classes at 9pm dinner is ready to microwave and eat, when I get home from work (nights 12am-8am) breakfast is usually still waiting for me (eggs with cheese and turkey

) hopefully this will help parents with adult kids at home and adult kids at home with parents

Chezzie84 · February 2014

Not all moms are saboteurs, mine is extremely supportive and helps me all she can. Ok so I don't live with her anymore but I used to and it was the same then.

cafeaulait7 · February 2014

I feel ya. My dad doesn't live with me, but I let him set up his office at my house, so I see him every day. He's actually really good about me losing weight and exercising, but he still asks me too much about when and what I've eaten for my taste.

I'm a grown-*kitten* woman and hate people asking too much about my food habits. My eating isn't bad, and it isn't perfect, but it's just generally boring and frustrating to be questioned on in detail very often. Who cares if I finished my meal by the time he gets home and calls? It's not like he wants the rest of it if I didn't finish yet

Sorry, I just don't get parents always asking about eating/food! I eat more than he does and he knows it.

Don't get me started on him telling me what the weather might do so I'd better take my dog walk immediately. I'm fine with a temperature range of 10 degrees or a little wind, thank you to anyone who wonders

Edit: and for anyone thinking he's just trying to make conversation, it's not that. We debated Afghanistan for over an hour today. We have lots we like talking about with each other

nenshali · February 2014

My parents slowly accepted (after YEARS) that I am cooking and eating for myself (eating only because my parents eat at times rhat absolutely mess up my own schedule).
But they are still making comments and if my mother wants me to eat something she made, she is reckless enough to lie about it.

When I was a vegetarian, she lied and told me the soup was only with veggies, when chicken stew was used for example. Or she commanded me "not to make a fuzz"when she made baked potatoes with a whole chicken in the middle and this.. liquid chicken soup was all over the potatoes. :grumble:

And nowadays it's simply because she knows that I won't eat certain foods or if she uses too much fat (and honestly, I'm surprised my dad had no heart attack yet, they must both eat >100g fat a day, and not the healthy kind of fat).
It absolutely annoys me and the only positive aspect about living home is that veggies can be so expensive and I can buy much more than I would be able to if I lived alone :laugh:

Pinkranger626 · February 2014

As an adult who moved back home (do to extended illness) my advice to parents who want their kids to lose weight is to keep healthy food at home in abundance. Don't buy junk. If your adult child is low on funds they will eat at home so they can splurge on clothing, gas or health and dental insurance:flowerforyou: If you can cook breakfast and dinner having prepared healthy options is easier than grabbing something. If they are gone most of the day (school, work) offer to pack them a lunch. If they are gone evenings, keep a portioned plate ready to microwave and eat. Don't let them come home hungry and tired and put together a meal it will be too big. This works with my younger brother too. He wants to drop 25lbs more (he put on the freshman 30 last year and is now living at home to save money and avoid the all you can eat for $4,$5 and $7 breakfast, lunch and dinner buffets respectfully. When he gets home from classes at 9pm dinner is ready to microwave and eat, when I get home from work (nights 12am-8am) breakfast is usually still waiting for me (eggs with cheese and turkey ) hopefully this will help parents with adult kids at home and adult kids at home with parents

If the parents buy the healthy foods and cook healthfully for themselves and don't mind saving you some of what they cooked for themselves then that's totally fine. As for making it the responsibility of the parents to make food just for their grown adult children I'd have to disagree. If you want to act like and be treated like an adult then you shouldn't expect your parents to cook for you. Do you expect them to wash and fold your laundry too?

When I moved back home as an adult due to limited funds I contributed to the household by buying groceries and cooking even after working two jobs and going to school full time. I believe that you should be responsible for yourself and your own decisions, and that includes food, how you spend your money, and what you do with your time.

This is not meant to be an attack, just a difference of opinion.

randomtai · February 2014

Really? :noway: :noway: :noway:

dym123 · February 2014

My grandmother stayed with me for 10 days recently, though she didn't try to sabotage me, she would stare and poke at my food and constantly ask "what's in that?" The morning she did it without her teeth in, made me not want to eat at all. I love my grandmother to death, but man am I glad she's back home.

Munn0025 · February 2014

wow! congratulations on your progress so far! try to ignore your mom or make it very clear that you feel like shes sabotaging you. But whatever you do, don't beat yourself up! You are looking and I'm sure feeling great! Stay positive and focused!

The diabetic thing, more than anything is an indication of bad habits and denial, maybe even miseducation.. probably not any ill will intended by your mom. Hang in there! Your story is inspiring!!

DamianaKitten · February 2014

I'm floored. I guess I'm lucky that my folks, and my in-laws, are very respectful of my husband and I.

When my folks are in town, my mom jogs with me. My dad even puts up with some weird foods. While they did bring their own snacks/sodas/etc. they never once pushed them on us. They were happy to have a "proper" serving of ice cream. If they wanted more, they were welcome to it, but didn't try and convince us to do anything different. Both of them need to lose weight, so that may be part of it, but the bigger part is that they respect us and if they wanted more/different foods, they handled it on their own.

My MIL is on the opposite end of the spectrum. Somewhere around 5'10" and rail thin. I'm actually afraid to hug her tightly for fear that she'll snap in half. At their house it's low fat/skim/etc. foods. She never gets upset when we go out and buy full-fat things (nommy). If she cooks, I eat what she prepares. If I cook, she does the same. I never tell her to "eat some pie" or mock her, and she never says "you really shouldn't eat that, fatty" or things of that nature.

I can't imagine putting up with some of the things people post on here about. :noway:

lemur_lady · February 2014

Me and my partner are living with my mother. Its not too bad as I usually cook our food so I can control what goes in it and portion sizes. Occasionally though she will come home with a 'treat' of something that has a stupid amount of calories in and I feel obligated to eat it. I usually save some calories for the evening so I can have a treat but I want to pick what I want. l if im going to spend calories on it I want to really enjoy it!

I also miss having my own space and not having someone who insists on hiding everything when she tidies up! But I am going to miss having her here when we move out, she is a great help with our toddler!

kwlmson · February 2014

My Mom is the same way. She would visit and expect dessert every night. Complain that there wasn't any snack(junk) food in the house. She is on 25 meds, diabetic, HBP, way overweight and complains all the time how crappy she feels. When I started my weight loss journey I was on 5 migraine meds, HBP med, and high cholesteral med. I am no longer on any meds and feel great. I think that they are just so unhappy with theirselves that they want everyone else to join them. Stay strong, know that you are doing everything to improve your health and dealing with food nagging from your parents is so little in the scheme of things. Our time with our parents only lasts so long and then they are gone.

SezxyStef · February 2014

interesting...doesn't sound like sabatoge to me sounds like a mom mothering. You are cold because you've lost weight

If you are wavering on your resolved perhaps you are just looking for a reason to break it and eat all the foods and then you can blame your mom instead of taking the responsibity on yourself.

This is one of the reasons I eat what I want when I want..then my resolve doesn't waver...

I mean being 48calories over bugs you??? really???? wow. Her bringing sweets etc sounds like a mothering thing as well...

I have a mother in law who thinks Im too skinny but her telling me that doesn't make me "angry", I just tell her what I weigh and she doesn't say it again until the next time I see her...

alasin1derland · February 2014

It really is hard for moms to change their habits. For years we pick up a special food or bake or cook something sinfully delicious and as moms and wives gets oooo's and awww's as we are pleasing people. Its hard to find an alternate option to please our loved ones when this has been the go to habit for so long. I am in no way saying its right, just habit. When everyone starts getting older and no longer appreciate those simple gestures and all of a sudden they are seen as sabotage instead of "love", moms need help in finding an alternate gesture. Never take it personally. There is no such thing as a perfect mom. Don't try to control her or you'll end up tearing your hair out. Control you, and know that no matter what she says frustrating or helpful, she loves you. You've had amazing success with your weight loss. Pick and choose what you want to hear. She is proud of your weight loss. Ignore the rest.

19TaraLynn84 · February 2014

And hats off to parents with adult kids living with them. I'm one of those and never know what to say or do that won't seem out of line. Trying so hard and I do love her dearly, but it is tough for her and for me.

This!

People who are eating less are going against the grain. It's a supersize culture, whether we like it or not. The world is simply not going to cater to us. And neither are our parents! And they shouldn't have to since they are adults, as well!

Hats off to those of you living with your parents

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