That jerk friend.
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Replies
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Dump her. You really don't need people like that in your life. She's not a friend - friend do not treat each other the way you have described her behavior.She was probably hungry haha. Don't let those peeps get you down. BTW, can I get that pineapple whip recipe? Sounds yummy!
Agree - I'd love that recipe since pineapples will be hitting our markets any month now.0 -
I think she is a jerk, that said - its not nice to offer people who you know are dieting a cupcake. So while I don't agree with her - you could be seen as sabotaging her in her thread...
yes and no imo. if we caved every time someone offered us something, we'd all weigh 500lbs. my company buys breakfast/lunch for everyone's birthday, and it's never ever healthy. you just have to make smart decisions. :flowerforyou:
that said OP, you really should have mentioned that you shoved the cupcake down her throat...0 -
Sorry if anyone missed it! The pineapple whip recipe is up there^^0
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I have a couple jerk friends. But after 20+ years, they know where the bodies are hidden so they stay lol.
But, I do limit my contact and nod, agree and know that they/she is full of *kitten*.
I'm confidant in what I'm doing and instead spend my free time with my more encouraging and positive friends.
I also find that they lecture everyone about how to "Get their lives on track, quit *****ing, etc" but in all honesty I know there lives are train wrecks, so I figure they are just looking to knock someone else down to make them feel better.
In fact this is what my jerk friend posted on FB a while back, "Don't be pissed off at your life...if you don't like it do something to change it. sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to make it better, and no one wants to hear it anyways"
(FYI she just moved back in with her mom after dumping her 5th cheating, gold digging fiance after losing her job for whatever reason.)
Is she a toxic friend, yes. But so is a bottle of Jack.
Everything in moderation... even jerk friends!!0 -
You really have two options:
Option A
The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."
or
Option B
The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:0 -
She's a jerk, not a friend. I would let her know I didn't appreciate her comments, and if it were me, I really wouldn't want to spend time with her.0
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You really have two options:
Option A
The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."
or
Option B
The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:
Definately option B0 -
You really have two options:
Option A
The direct method; tell her you didn't appreciate her "team fat" comment. Remind her that you are support of her efforts to get healthy and inform her that you are trying to make better choices and won't offer her foods that will tempt her in the future. The approach is along the lines of "we can encourage each other as one aspect of our long time friendship."
or
Option B
The satisfying yet passive aggressive method; don't tell her you are working to slim down. Don't sabotage her, but continue to make really good choices. One day, she will suddenly realize that you have lost weight (my experience was 20 lbs lost before anyone else noticed) and when she asks you can say you lost a "couple" of pounds but it might just be your new jeans. She can then dismiss it, and as you continue to reach your goals a couple of months later she might ask again (for me it was an additional 15 lbs). Then you can casually say you have lost a "few" pounds but you have just been trying to make healthy choices. After a length of time you can see her turn green with envy when she realizes you are thinner than she is. At which point she will probably say "Are you okay, I'm really worried about you. You look like a cancer patient, etc." You will know when she says anything along these lines you have won the game. :laugh:
Definately option B
the best revenge is living well!0 -
Yeah, I don't think I'd have a friend anymore. I have enough negative self hate in my own head, what do I need with a "friend" saying something like that to me?
I don't agree that it's not nice to offer someone on a diet a cupcake, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating a cupcake on a diet. There are no bad foods, only bad eating habits. It's about moderation not deprivation.0 -
I think she is a jerk, that said - its not nice to offer people who you know are dieting a cupcake. So while I don't agree with her - you could be seen as sabotaging her in her thread...
It wasn't sabotaging - the friend said that day was her cheat day. If she'd said "I"m trying to be so good, look at me eating my super healthy cardboard dinner!", then maybe offering her a cupcake would be a little rude. But she opened the door to "I can eat whatever I want today", so offering a cupcake in that situation is perfectly acceptable.0 -
Seriously, when you need motivation, just remember her.
I have a friend like that and it's what got me through, knowing that at the end of the day, I just got on with it, quietly got to the weight I wanted to be, impressed all my other friends and they were still messing around making lots of noise but losing nothing.
The empty can rattles the most
Those that can, do, those that can't, talk about it.0 -
I don't see a jerk friend. I just see a jerk.
When someone says nasty things to me in front of other people, I simply stop being around them. That's one of my very few instant dealbreakers. Definitely I'm not telling you what to do with your friend list ... however, definitely if you want to trim it, you won't find me saying "Oooh you so mean."0 -
I was friends with a girl at work. She found me and we also connected on Facebook and Myfitnesspal. She was giving me tips and I was eating a set amount of calories and I was walking/running for an hour a day. I would typically burn a significant amount of calories. Well, she never had her diary open to the public. Every day she was under. Also, every day she did about 700 calories in "cleaning, light effort". I never once criticised her or exposed her to anyone. I just went about with what was good for me---despite her constant "Do this" and "do that" unwanted critiques. Anyway, went out with some other girlfriends from work a few weeks back. Yeah....the girl that was supposedly my friend had been spreading rumors that I lost all my weight by smoking Meth. I could NOT believe it. I went to her when I was struggling and when I was feeling back about either not losing weight that week or only losing a pound. She hasn't lost any weight--in fact she has put some on. I have lost 56lbs--so to make herself look better she tells people SHE is eating and exercising properly and I must be doing drugs to lose weight. Yeah---I have deleted her from my life and only tolerate her when I have to work with her. If people want to spread rumors that is fine. If people want to say they burn 1000 calories and eat 500 calories--I DON'T CARE. In the end--they are lying to themselves and will never get a real result. I can't believe how bitter I still am about this girl. Ugh!!!!0
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I was friends with a girl at work. She found me and we also connected on Facebook and Myfitnesspal. She was giving me tips and I was eating a set amount of calories and I was walking/running for an hour a day. I would typically burn a significant amount of calories. Well, she never had her diary open to the public. Every day she was under. Also, every day she did about 700 calories in "cleaning, light effort". I never once criticised her or exposed her to anyone. I just went about with what was good for me---despite her constant "Do this" and "do that" unwanted critiques. Anyway, went out with some other girlfriends from work a few weeks back. Yeah....the girl that was supposedly my friend had been spreading rumors that I lost all my weight by smoking Meth. I could NOT believe it. I went to her when I was struggling and when I was feeling back about either not losing weight that week or only losing a pound. She hasn't lost any weight--in fact she has put some on. I have lost 56lbs--so to make herself look better she tells people SHE is eating and exercising properly and I must be doing drugs to lose weight. Yeah---I have deleted her from my life and only tolerate her when I have to work with her. If people want to spread rumors that is fine. If people want to say they burn 1000 calories and eat 500 calories--I DON'T CARE. In the end--they are lying to themselves and will never get a real result. I can't believe how bitter I still am about this girl. Ugh!!!!
I think I woulda smacked a b***h0 -
Yeah… I don't know what it is about losing weight that brings out the worst in our friends… I lost 36lbs total last year and my 2 best friends in the whole world both had something to say. It hurts. But moving forward, they're still my friends, I still love them, none of us are perfect, and honestly, I'm a big girl and can choose to look past it.
Keep doing what you're doing. Keep her at a distance until she becomes less toxic. We all have friends like that. If she never becomes less toxic, she'll just always be at a distance…. Love yourself, take care of yourself and limit your exposure to toxic substances!!0 -
Only you can decide whether your friend is toxic, stupid, kidding, insensitive (or all of the above), and whether she is worth keeping around. Whether you keep her or kick her, I recommend making the decision to forgive her and refusing to get bitter. Bitterness and resentment are a lot like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It just isn't worth it. What your friend says and does is simply no reflection of you. However, your actions are. A wise fellow once told me that the best thing to do when others talk bad about you, is to act right and do right, and let your actions show everyone else how wrong the others are. You are making changes. You. You are doing them in a slow and sustainable method - which is what this site is all about. Are the changes happening fast enough to suit you? Probably not. The changes rarely occur as fast as we want. That is OK, it just makes it sweeter when we finally get to where we want and we know that we did it by sticking to it. Stick to your guns. Stick to your changes. Keep making changes. Keep making progress. When the progress slows down, keep sticking to it. You aren't doing this for other people. You are doing this for yourself. Make it. Own it. Keep it healthy, and keep it going! Rock this thing! Good luck.0
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Only you can decide whether your friend is toxic, stupid, kidding, insensitive (or all of the above), and whether she is worth keeping around. Whether you keep her or kick her, I recommend making the decision to forgive her and refusing to get bitter. Bitterness and resentment are a lot like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It just isn't worth it. What your friend says and does is simply no reflection of you. However, your actions are. A wise fellow once told me that the best thing to do when others talk bad about you, is to act right and do right, and let your actions show everyone else how wrong the others are. You are making changes. You. You are doing them in a slow and sustainable method - which is what this site is all about. Are the changes happening fast enough to suit you? Probably not. The changes rarely occur as fast as we want. That is OK, it just makes it sweeter when we finally get to where we want and we know that we did it by sticking to it. Stick to your guns. Stick to your changes. Keep making changes. Keep making progress. When the progress slows down, keep sticking to it. You aren't doing this for other people. You are doing this for yourself. Make it. Own it. Keep it healthy, and keep it going! Rock this thing! Good luck.
Exactly this!0 -
Don't let her negativity undo all of your hardwork! You should keep doing what you're doing and let her notice that your body is slightly changing in a positive way. She is just a negative person and can't get herself where she needs to be mentally so she is trying to blame everyone else rather than owning her issues.0
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I'm sorry you two are going through that. I wouldn't dump her, I'd set boundaries with her and myself. I would never offer her dessert again and let her know that she should ask if she sees something she wants to eat at my house. I'd tell her to stop calling me fat and any synonyms of the word fat for good. I would discuss why she thinks you would want to sabatoge her and clear the air. Friends are hard to come by. If it continues after all that, then it might be time to rethink the relationship.
I have a friend I have conflicts with, but mostly in the past because we cleared the air. Of course clearing the air only works when all parties are relatively healthy and want to live in peace with others.
You are doing so great losing weight and getting healthy. You did the right thing reaching out to others who have been there. When you change your life and get healthy you really find out who your friends are. It's complicated.0 -
If she's such a jerk, why is she your friend? Sound like you need to raise your standards in who you hang out with.0
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