Anyone else losing weight to feel 'accepted and normal'?

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  • Brina4777
    Brina4777 Posts: 40 Member
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    Absolutely! Sometimes I wish I can just be fat and happy! Unfortunately I feel the need to lose weight in order for people to accept me. Deep down I know that this is not what my friends and loved ones care about, I think it stems from childhood.
  • AmyMgetsfit
    AmyMgetsfit Posts: 636 Member
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    I have 2 30 something daughters. The oldest one is happily single, has a great job she loves and travels the world. She does want to buy a townhouse or something in the next couple of years but it will probably be as a single woman. She likes to have the fun and companionship with guys, but from a distance and not get too serious and certainly not live with anyone. She knows she does not want the husband and kid thing. At the end of the day, she does like her own space. She does get the "when are you going to settle down" question once in awhile. She just says I am settled down. The younger one also has a great job she loves, but also has a husband, a son and daughter, a mortgage, 2 cars and vacations that are family oriented. I think they would love to trade places for a day, but then go back to their own lives. What is right for one person may not be the right thing for the other. You have had a taste of the power job and mortgage bit and it wasn't for you, and that's ok. Do what makes you happy, life is too short. Which my girls know about that too, as the youngest daughter/sister passed away unexpectedly at 21.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
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    All I can say is, I struggle with the same issues and feelings.
    I do not work, due to health issues (bipolar, severe OCD, COPD, Asperger's), am single, no kids, and a sense of having no purpose in life because I am not doing the things society views as being worthwhile and valid. In fact, the last few months have been my hardest yet, and have been a real battle against feelings of being utterly lacking in worth and use. I need to feel I am of use to the world, and serving a purpose. It reached a point where I felt guilty for watching a DVD, for reading a book, for doing my cross stitch, because I thought, this is not enough, it is not actually giving to anyone else.

    I do what I can to help others on this little world called the internet, and am planning on some voluntary work. There are many, many things I still wish to achieve, but depression and loss of motivation can be a real obstacle.

    I like to think that everyone has their place in the world, everyone has a role to play and everyone has worth, even if they are not living according to how everyone else lives. You have made a good start by focusing on your health and fitness. I think we just need to learn to be accepting of ourselves, as we are, whilst doing the best we can to achieve those things we do wish to achieve in life, regardless of what everyone else is doing. There is no shame in walking a slightly different path to others.
  • Treneaking
    Treneaking Posts: 30 Member
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    Honestly, not having it "all together" by 40 isn't really a big deal nowadays. I think you're doing an awesome job jotting down a few goals for 2014 and having accomplished more than half of your weight loss goal is amazing. Pride yourself on the things you have accomplished throughout your life rather than the things you think you need to accomplish based on society. You seem like a brilliant guy with a good head on your shoulders, so don't give up the fight. Don't do anything in your life for anyone but yourself. Lose weight for yourself, get a girlfriend for yourself, etc and you'll find that when you work towards that goal everything else will fall into place.

    Good luck love x

    I have to agree with her!! Do it for you. Start a list, which you already have, and spend everyday doing something small to reach towards those goals, whether it is education, or losing weight, or being healthier. It doesn't matter. If they are goals that YOU want to do then do it for YOU!! You will notice that once you start doing the things you want to do and start caring about yourself, (because only you can be the one to take care of you), then you will gain self confidence and self success, the feeling of doing something you set your mind to and accomplishing is rewarding and makes you happier than any other thing you can do.

    I was a 22 year old girl, at 194 pounds, I started to lose weight for the same reasons, to fit in and to please my husband, (he never said anything about it but I wanted to be the "trophy wife", like all the other wives I knew. and it was totally depressing just constantly reminding myself of what I was not.

    NOW, and throughout my journey, it switched to, wow, look what I did for me, look what I am accomplished, and now, what I have accomplished. Somewhere along the way it became a new goal, to better MYSELF for ME!! And when you start to love yourself, and realize what you can do for YOURSELF with determination, the tables turn. You take in all the victory, and you impress yourself, and then you want to keep going, it is amazing. Not only that, but because you are so happy and feeling self accomplished, people start to see it, they see the shine. They say, wow I wish I could have that motivation to change myself.

    I read something once "if you want something bad enough, do it for you and you should be thinking about it every day". In my opinion, if I am not doing something every day to accomplish my personal goals, even if it is something small, then I am only letting myself down and delaying my own personal progress. I try to do something every day to work towards my goals. At the end of the day, no matter how inconvenient it may have been, I tell myself it was worth it, and the difference it will make in the long run. If you can feel accomplished at the end of every day, it is extremely self rewarding.

    KEEP IT UP, DO IT FOR YOU!!! If you are not good to you, then who will be???
  • Treneaking
    Treneaking Posts: 30 Member
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    Honestly, not having it "all together" by 40 isn't really a big deal nowadays. I think you're doing an awesome job jotting down a few goals for 2014 and having accomplished more than half of your weight loss goal is amazing. Pride yourself on the things you have accomplished throughout your life rather than the things you think you need to accomplish based on society. You seem like a brilliant guy with a good head on your shoulders, so don't give up the fight. Don't do anything in your life for anyone but yourself. Lose weight for yourself, get a girlfriend for yourself, etc and you'll find that when you work towards that goal everything else will fall into place.

    Good luck love x

    I have to agree with her!! Do it for you. Start a list, which you already have, and spend everyday doing something small to reach towards those goals, whether it is education, or losing weight, or being healthier. It doesn't matter. If they are goals that YOU want to do then do it for YOU!! You will notice that once you start doing the things you want to do and start caring about yourself, (because only you can be the one to take care of you), then you will gain self confidence and self success, the feeling of doing something you set your mind to and accomplishing is rewarding and makes you happier than any other thing you can do.

    I was a 22 year old girl, at 194 pounds, I started to lose weight for the same reasons, to fit in and to please my husband, (he never said anything about it but I wanted to be the "trophy wife", like all the other wives I knew. and it was totally depressing just constantly reminding myself of what I was not.

    NOW, and throughout my journey, it switched to, wow, look what I did for me, look what I am accomplished, and now, what I have accomplished. Somewhere along the way it became a new goal, to better MYSELF for ME!! And when you start to love yourself, and realize what you can do for YOURSELF with determination, the tables turn. You take in all the victory, and you impress yourself, and then you want to keep going, it is amazing. Not only that, but because you are so happy and feeling self accomplished, people start to see it, they see the shine. They say, wow I wish I could have that motivation to change myself.

    I read something once "if you want something bad enough, do it for you and you should be thinking about it every day". In my opinion, if I am not doing something every day to accomplish my personal goals, even if it is something small, then I am only letting myself down and delaying my own personal progress. I try to do something every day to work towards my goals. At the end of the day, no matter how inconvenient it may have been, I tell myself it was worth it, and the difference it will make in the long run. If you can feel accomplished at the end of every day, it is extremely self rewarding.

    KEEP IT UP, DO IT FOR YOU!!! If you are not good to you, then who will be???

    Also, please feel free to view my photos on my profile, I just want you to see where all of that came from, it took me about 8 months to lose almost 60 pounds, and now I have self confidence, with that you can do anything. Never give yourself because you are the only one yourself can count on. you have one body and one life and your health, treat it with care and you will feel great in return!!! KEEP IT UP!! I cannot say it enough. you have already came a long way, imagine if your number was doubled. in the same amount of time, look at what just happened and look at what will keep happening!!! ANYONE CAN DO IT, especially if they are doing it for the right reason. Love yourself!!
  • J3nnyBeanz
    J3nnyBeanz Posts: 134 Member
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    I know how you feel. I used to feel that way, my sister is a glacier climbing, thin, fit women who has never had a weight issue. I was compared to her most of my life, which caused me to eat more. I finally realized that what others and society thought, and the standards that I felt the pressure to uphold were just causing me more pain. I am losing weight for me now. My husband and I are still in school (40 &41 years old) and when someone is rude enough to have a negative comment I just simply say "we are late bloomers" we do have a 3 year old that took us 10 years to have and people are also rude to comment asking why we waited so long. I felt great pressure when we couldn't conceive, again from outside sources, and got even more anxiety until I remind myself that if it was meant to happen it will and it did. The point of my rant lol is to let you know you never need to live up to anyone standards but your own. You have to live life for you and for your happiness. Society as a whole can be harsh and at times makes me question my progress in life, but I am happy I am on the right road to satisfy my own goals and that's all that matters.
  • zealey77
    zealey77 Posts: 104
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    Thank you everyone for sharing. And I really mean that, thank you. Everyone's story is different, unique and personal to them. My issue is low self-esteem and ego. Cognitive Dissonance I think they call it. LOL. On the one hand I realise my quality and skills, but on the other hand I am plagued by insecurity and a realisation that I'm only average and will only ever be average, and to pretend I'm something special is to fall into the vanity ego trap. But in a world that teaches us we need to be happy and brilliant, I understand why ego becomes so important and we must believe we are confident and wonderful to survive.

    Thanks to everyone who responded, it really means a lot. I wish you all peace and fulfilment in your unique lives. x

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