Anyone else losing weight to feel 'accepted and normal'?

Honestly, not having it "all together" by 40 isn't really a big deal nowadays. I think you're doing an awesome job jotting down a few goals for 2014 and having accomplished more than half of your weight loss goal is amazing. Pride yourself on the things you have accomplished throughout your life rather than the things you think you need to accomplish based on society. You seem like a brilliant guy with a good head on your shoulders, so don't give up the fight. Don't do anything in your life for anyone but yourself. Lose weight for yourself, get a girlfriend for yourself, etc and you'll find that when you work towards that goal everything else will fall into place.

Good luck love x

Hi,

First let me say I think you are doing GREAT although I have never met you.....I understand how you feel, but let me assure you that the only way you will be happy is to do it for you, not others. Your health is important, and I promise that once you focus on that aspect, the progress will start to make you feel better about yourself. There is nothing wrong with not owning a home, most people who own one (including myself) feel that it's nice but in the long run a headache! The jobs, I say reach out to do something that you enjoy, NOT something that will stress you to the point of a fat bank account and high blood pressure. The 2 don't mix well. As for children, there is no sin in not having kids. Have you seen the news lately?

Just a little side note, although there is nothing wrong with the family and the coffee/play dates....if a person has to constantly brag about how great their life is and cut you down for not having the same, they are usually not that happy and only trying to convince THEMSELVES. It may not be all they make it out to be. Ever heard the term "misery loves company". You hang in there and do YOU!

Honestly, not having it "all together" by 40 isn't really a big deal nowadays. I think you're doing an awesome job jotting down a few goals for 2014 and having accomplished more than half of your weight loss goal is amazing. Pride yourself on the things you have accomplished throughout your life rather than the things you think you need to accomplish based on society. You seem like a brilliant guy with a good head on your shoulders, so don't give up the fight. Don't do anything in your life for anyone but yourself. Lose weight for yourself, get a girlfriend for yourself, etc and you'll find that when you work towards that goal everything else will fall into place.

Good luck love x

Ah wow, you've made my day with that post. Thank you x

It's hard though - the pressure I feel to be 'normal' (whatever normal really means).

On a side note, I'm a 39 year old white guy and if I'm feeling this pressure to conform from society, then god only knows what a teenage girl must feel growing up seeing social media and TV and trying to be 'successful' by matching those impossible images with what she sees in the mirror or in her bank account.

Guess I should be grateful for my own small pity party

There is no "normal". Flaws are what make people, people and imperfections are what make people perfect. As a 22 year old woman I've felt the same pressures every day, especially being overweight. I've learned to say to hell with everyone else and just live my life the way I want, which is what you need to do as well! You have every right to have a pity party for yourself; I have one every day I promise you everything will fall into place, some people it just takes a little longer x

Hey M,

I don't want kids either. I don't want a mortgage, and heck, I don't want a career either! I want a life of doing what I enjoy and helping people that I love.

I have a bf, neither of us "believe" in traditional marriage as it is rooted in religion and neither of us are, and we both see our friends on Facebook getting engaged and taking obnoxious pictures of the $5,000 diamond rings they bought with their life savings.

I'm 31, by the way. I hope you can learn to love yourself and your beliefs for what they are, because even at 40 lbs overweight you ARE lovable. My bf met me at 45 lbs overweight, and he still went for it. He totally supports me getting healthy, but he loves me for the intelligent caring understanding human being that I am, and because we think the same about life and society.

Maybe in your circle of friends they think if you don't have mortgage and kids by 40 you're doomed, but that's not a universal belief. There are PLENTY of us out there that reject these things and are happier because of it! You'll find someone that thinks just like you!

So, yes you should get to a healthy weight, just so you're a healthy person, but in the process learn to love what makes you happy - your thoughts, your beliefs. Embrace them, make them your own, and transform yourself physically and emotionally into a stronger person. I truly believe that if you believe you're more lovable, you will be. It's really all in your head.

And, for the people who may put you down for rejecting the "normal" road in life, their beliefs are all in their head too. Don't forget that!

E

'Nothing is so common as the desire to be remarkable'....... William Shakespeare.

Losing weight gives confidence, self esteem, but do it for health and longevity. Losing weight is not the magic bullet to cure life's woes. As far as what is expected. ....... I have such a wide range of friends and family, who never married or couples who never wanted children, and some married with kids, grandkids. Who wants to be another brick in the wall anyways. I do not worry about marriage and society norms , some things I leave to a Greater Power. Be yourself. Even if you have kids that does not mean happy life or that they will even be there for you in old age.

Hi. I don't think I am losing weight to feel accepted and normal. I am doing it to feel good and look good. It helps that my husband is loving the new me. Not to say he didn't love me before I lost weight. Your right raising kids is hard and I won't lie and say I don't enjoy my little bit of time without kids. I can't imagine not having had my children but that is me. I am one of those wives who must have my own home. I want my children to be secure with having a home to come home to that doesn't change every six months to an year. If you are secure in not wanting them make sure your future wife wants the same thing. Good luck with your weight loss goals. Maybe you will gain confidence and attract an beautiful girl.

Hi,
I'm just writing to vent, so sorry if this comes off as a bit of a rant, but I'm 40 this year and feel such pressure to 'succeed' by my peers and society-at-large standards. Pathetic huh? But nearly all my friends I grew up with now have a mortgage, great job, wife and kids, most of them seem real happy and content too. I'm overweight, underemployed, single and childless, mortgage-less and out of ideas. I finally decided to take myself in hand and get fit/healthy at the start of this new year because 40 has always been a massive deal for me. I've made a checklist of things I want to achieve by my 40th in October and one of them is to have lost 40 pounds. It's March and I've lost around 22-28 pounds (depending which time of day I weigh myself lol) but I can't help feeling I'm doing all this just to feel accepted and loveable and when I get to my goal weight I'll just realise that it makes no difference to the 'real' me - I'll still be facing all the same life issues I did when I was 40 pounds overweight.

I don't want to have kids - for many reasons - some valid, some just based on fear and selfishness, I used to have a well paid stressful job and a mortgage which sent me slowly insane. These past few years have been tough and I let myself go. I'm now trying to get back on track, but I fear I haven't really learned anything from the experience and am just kidding myself that if I lose weight I'll suddenly become loveable and achieve all the things society tells me I should be - even though I had it and hated it. But all my friends - in real life and on Facebook - especially female - seem to think if you haven't had kids by 40 then your life is meaningless and you're just kidding yourself (even though they always seem to ***** about what 'hard work it is looking after kids', spending their days meeting up with other mothers and drinking coffee, living off their hubby's credit card whilst he works himself into the grave).

I guess I'm just a confused little bloke really. lol. OK, rant over. thanks for listening. I feel better having got it all out now, so back to the cabbage soup and self-denial

Not everyone lives life the same way and not everyone has their life figured out by the time they are 40. Just because your friends have a wife, a mortgage, and a great job doesn't mean you have to have those things. Hell, I'm not "normal." I don't want to have my own children… I want to adopt… a child with Down Syndrome. That's not the norm AT ALL.

Once you accept that you don't want to live the way others choose to live, you will be a lot happier and satisfied with your own life.

What matters is that you have taken a step in the right direction in terms of your health and overall well-being. Having goals is everything! Like Albert Einstein said, "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects."

If you aren't happy with your current job, maybe consider going back to school for something that does spark your interest. If there's one thing I believe the most it's that loving your job is SO important and critical. Who cares whether you're making 6 figures or not. It's all about happiness and loving what you do. Think about your interests and hobbies and go from there.

Hi,
I'm just writing to vent, so sorry if this comes off as a bit of a rant, but I'm 40 this year and feel such pressure to 'succeed' by my peers and society-at-large standards. Pathetic huh? But nearly all my friends I grew up with now have a mortgage, great job, wife and kids, most of them seem real happy and content too. I'm overweight, underemployed, single and childless, mortgage-less and out of ideas. I finally decided to take myself in hand and get fit/healthy at the start of this new year because 40 has always been a massive deal for me. I've made a checklist of things I want to achieve by my 40th in October and one of them is to have lost 40 pounds. It's March and I've lost around 22-28 pounds (depending which time of day I weigh myself lol) but I can't help feeling I'm doing all this just to feel accepted and loveable and when I get to my goal weight I'll just realise that it makes no difference to the 'real' me - I'll still be facing all the same life issues I did when I was 40 pounds overweight.

I don't want to have kids - for many reasons - some valid, some just based on fear and selfishness, I used to have a well paid stressful job and a mortgage which sent me slowly insane. These past few years have been tough and I let myself go. I'm now trying to get back on track, but I fear I haven't really learned anything from the experience and am just kidding myself that if I lose weight I'll suddenly become loveable and achieve all the things society tells me I should be - even though I had it and hated it. But all my friends - in real life and on Facebook - especially female - seem to think if you haven't had kids by 40 then your life is meaningless and you're just kidding yourself (even though they always seem to ***** about what 'hard work it is looking after kids', spending their days meeting up with other mothers and drinking coffee, living off their hubby's credit card whilst he works himself into the grave).

I guess I'm just a confused little bloke really. lol. OK, rant over. thanks for listening. I feel better having got it all out now, so back to the cabbage soup and self-denial

Well I guess we all have our reasons and many to look 'normal' but here is what you will have when you turn 40 by doing all this, you will have a healthy body and a happy heart! That right there is more important than anything. So you actually will have achieved more than many ever do... priceless! (trust me they will envy you in a few short years for being healthy!)

So the job, well if you like what you are doing now then stick with it, if YOU feel like YOU are failing YOU then do something about it, but do it for you! If you want a house or condo then buy one again, if not then don't... those are really simple things you are almost 40 and you have picked your own roads thus far, keep doing it!

OK now kids, well if you do not want them do not have them, pretty basic. Many will not understand but that's ok too because those who matter will accept you for you. If you want a relationship, well now days there are woman who just don't want kids either or have all the kids they plan to have, so if you don't mind step-type children those work, if you don't like kids around at all then only look for someone who feels the same. your friends who have kids, just be the nice 'uncle' and if you are cool with that roll and happy for your friends with their rolls then it should be OK.

Most likely this all sounds crazy but bottom line is - this is your life and you need to live it the way that fits YOU... and whoever you are to be with will fit with you, if you have to change for them then they aren't the right one for you.

I have 2 30 something daughters. The oldest one is happily single, has a great job she loves and travels the world. She does want to buy a townhouse or something in the next couple of years but it will probably be as a single woman. She likes to have the fun and companionship with guys, but from a distance and not get too serious and certainly not live with anyone. She knows she does not want the husband and kid thing. At the end of the day, she does like her own space. She does get the "when are you going to settle down" question once in awhile. She just says I am settled down. The younger one also has a great job she loves, but also has a husband, a son and daughter, a mortgage, 2 cars and vacations that are family oriented. I think they would love to trade places for a day, but then go back to their own lives. What is right for one person may not be the right thing for the other. You have had a taste of the power job and mortgage bit and it wasn't for you, and that's ok. Do what makes you happy, life is too short. Which my girls know about that too, as the youngest daughter/sister passed away unexpectedly at 21.

Honestly, not having it "all together" by 40 isn't really a big deal nowadays. I think you're doing an awesome job jotting down a few goals for 2014 and having accomplished more than half of your weight loss goal is amazing. Pride yourself on the things you have accomplished throughout your life rather than the things you think you need to accomplish based on society. You seem like a brilliant guy with a good head on your shoulders, so don't give up the fight. Don't do anything in your life for anyone but yourself. Lose weight for yourself, get a girlfriend for yourself, etc and you'll find that when you work towards that goal everything else will fall into place.

Good luck love x

I have to agree with her!! Do it for you. Start a list, which you already have, and spend everyday doing something small to reach towards those goals, whether it is education, or losing weight, or being healthier. It doesn't matter. If they are goals that YOU want to do then do it for YOU!! You will notice that once you start doing the things you want to do and start caring about yourself, (because only you can be the one to take care of you), then you will gain self confidence and self success, the feeling of doing something you set your mind to and accomplishing is rewarding and makes you happier than any other thing you can do.

I was a 22 year old girl, at 194 pounds, I started to lose weight for the same reasons, to fit in and to please my husband, (he never said anything about it but I wanted to be the "trophy wife", like all the other wives I knew. and it was totally depressing just constantly reminding myself of what I was not.

NOW, and throughout my journey, it switched to, wow, look what I did for me, look what I am accomplished, and now, what I have accomplished. Somewhere along the way it became a new goal, to better MYSELF for ME!! And when you start to love yourself, and realize what you can do for YOURSELF with determination, the tables turn. You take in all the victory, and you impress yourself, and then you want to keep going, it is amazing. Not only that, but because you are so happy and feeling self accomplished, people start to see it, they see the shine. They say, wow I wish I could have that motivation to change myself.

I read something once "if you want something bad enough, do it for you and you should be thinking about it every day". In my opinion, if I am not doing something every day to accomplish my personal goals, even if it is something small, then I am only letting myself down and delaying my own personal progress. I try to do something every day to work towards my goals. At the end of the day, no matter how inconvenient it may have been, I tell myself it was worth it, and the difference it will make in the long run. If you can feel accomplished at the end of every day, it is extremely self rewarding.

KEEP IT UP, DO IT FOR YOU!!! If you are not good to you, then who will be???

I know how you feel. I used to feel that way, my sister is a glacier climbing, thin, fit women who has never had a weight issue. I was compared to her most of my life, which caused me to eat more. I finally realized that what others and society thought, and the standards that I felt the pressure to uphold were just causing me more pain. I am losing weight for me now. My husband and I are still in school (40 &41 years old) and when someone is rude enough to have a negative comment I just simply say "we are late bloomers" we do have a 3 year old that took us 10 years to have and people are also rude to comment asking why we waited so long. I felt great pressure when we couldn't conceive, again from outside sources, and got even more anxiety until I remind myself that if it was meant to happen it will and it did. The point of my rant lol is to let you know you never need to live up to anyone standards but your own. You have to live life for you and for your happiness. Society as a whole can be harsh and at times makes me question my progress in life, but I am happy I am on the right road to satisfy my own goals and that's all that matters.