Unsolicited Advice

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Beet_Girl
Beet_Girl Posts: 102
in Motivation and Support
Yesterday I was at a party and there was a bowl of Hershey kisses. Someone offered me one, and I said no thanks, that I was trying to watch my weight. He got in my face and said he couldn't believe that I thought one piece of chocolate was going to make me fat. And that if I couldn't enjoy such a tiny piece of chocolate, I had bigger problems than my weight. I tried to explain that one piece usually makes me crave more but I could tell he wasn't listening. It was frustrating because I would like to enjoy things in moderation, but I have to be restrictive on even some of the small stuff. I know myself, and I know I will overdo it.

Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it :/
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  • thewhitedragonfly
    thewhitedragonfly Posts: 33
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    My advice would be to remember that his reaction (probably) has nothing to do with you. Maybe his parents taught him that it's rude to say no to food when it's being offered, maybe he has or knows someone who has a restrictive eating disorder, maybe he's one of those who want everyone to act according to his logic.

    Sorry that had to happen to you.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
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    Maybe just say, no thanks, and move on...change the subject or lie and say you're diabetic. It's nobody's business what you eat so don't worry about it. :wink:
  • spoiledpuppies
    spoiledpuppies Posts: 675 Member
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    I think I would just leave off the part about watching your weight. Next time, just politely say "no thanks." Some people actually don't like chocolate or are allergic (or somehow, just don't like it), so it's not like it would be unheard of to decline. When you mention watching your weight, it can just open a huge can o' worms.
  • GertrudeHorse
    GertrudeHorse Posts: 646 Member
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    Just say no thanks and move on. You don't need to justify or explain why you don't want the chocolate.
  • corinneselene
    corinneselene Posts: 306 Member
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    Sometimes people dont understand that foolish statements are uncalled for. I see it as a reflection of their own unhappiness with themselves. Just remember: you are doing this for you and F-em all hah!
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,711 Member
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    Yesterday I was at a party and there was a bowl of Hershey kisses. Someone offered me one, and I said no thanks, that I was trying to watch my weight. He got in my face and said he couldn't believe that I thought one piece of chocolate was going to make me fat. And that if I couldn't enjoy such a tiny piece of chocolate, I had bigger problems than my weight. I tried to explain that one piece usually makes me crave more but I could tell he wasn't listening. It was frustrating because I would like to enjoy things in moderation, but I have to be restrictive on even some of the small stuff. I know myself, and I know I will overdo it.

    Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it :/

    I do well with just saying " no, thank you " ( because I don't care much for chocolate ). I no longer feel that I need to give an explanation why I do things or don't. This has worked out really well for me. People close to me know that I am trying to lose weight and for those who are not that close a " no, thank you " needs to be enough. So far in almost a year no one has ever asked why I say " no, thank you " and I did not have to give any reasons.
  • TheWorstHorse
    TheWorstHorse Posts: 185
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    We all worry a lot about offending people by turning down whatever they offer, so we take things we don't want or need or feel that we need to justify our choices, even to strangers. What a crazy way to live!

    If someone offers you something you don't want, simply, in a kindly fashion, say "no thanks". No additional explanation, reasons or excuses are necessary. Ever. But if you are really pressed -- which will be rare -- add, "Because I don't want any." That should take care of it.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    Yesterday I was at a party and there was a bowl of Hershey kisses. Someone offered me one, and I said no thanks, that I was trying to watch my weight. He got in my face and said he couldn't believe that I thought one piece of chocolate was going to make me fat. And that if I couldn't enjoy such a tiny piece of chocolate, I had bigger problems than my weight. I tried to explain that one piece usually makes me crave more but I could tell he wasn't listening. It was frustrating because I would like to enjoy things in moderation, but I have to be restrictive on even some of the small stuff. I know myself, and I know I will overdo it.

    Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it :/
    Sounds like someone who has a really, really hard time with the idea that someone could say 'no' to him about anything. You were turning down a piece of chocolate, and he reacted like you were turning him down for a date (and he was in 8th grade).
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    Are you kidding? I have repeatedly asked one of our vendors not to bring c*** into the office. Last week she brought two large Baggies full of candy and two boxes of banana walnut chocolate chip cookies!! When I called her on it, she said, "Well, one of the bags is full of sugar free candy." Believe me when I tell you, sugar free or sugar-ful it will send me into an epic binge. I'm getting ready to call her supervisor and complain. What my assistant didn't take home got thrown in the trash.

    I am no stranger to confrontation, so I guess I'd get back into HIS face and remind him that what I eat or don't eat doesn't effect him AT ALL!

    Having said that, I'll say this: I don't give reasons as to why I say no to food. If someone has the poor manners to ask me, I usually pretend that I don't hear them, if that doesn't work (some people are horribly persistent) I either look at them like they just loudly f****d in a public place OR I just tell them I'm not hungry. It's taken some practice, believe me. Especially the look.

    t126mFg.gif
  • MickeyCastello
    MickeyCastello Posts: 269
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    It kinda sounds like he displayed controlling behavior to me.
  • Justintyme328
    Justintyme328 Posts: 54 Member
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    He got in your face? Was anyone else there to tell him to back off?
  • EllieB_5
    EllieB_5 Posts: 247 Member
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    But if you are really pressed -- which will be rare -- add, "Because I don't want any." That should take care of it.
    Yup, and yup to everything else. I suppose for me it's a lot easier as I am not suppose to eat wheat nor starch so a simple "allergic" (not entirely accurate) cuts off those rude few who'd insist on pressing, but in reality it's no one's business why you wish to eat as you do. I say be nice the first two times ("thank you, no", "because I don't want any") but the third time be as aggressive as they with a simple "my eating habits are not your business, kindly drop it please." They will be highly offended at how rude *you* are being (rolls eyes) but often rudeness is all a rude person understands.
  • bms34b
    bms34b Posts: 401 Member
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    "I don't really like it."
    "I'm allergic"

    If anyone pushes you to eat it after you say you don't want them...smile, nod, walk away, ignore.
  • goldtintedspecs
    goldtintedspecs Posts: 6
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    I think everyone who's ever tried losing weight must've heard such a comment. In my personal experience, "falling in" for this "one x wouldn't hurt" mentality caused me to gain back almost everything I lost the last time I dieted. It tends to escalate for me. Even well-meaning people just don't get that it takes discipline. Half my family is rake-thin, and the fact I deny myself things drives them crazy. My response is usually "this is my choice - if you love me, you need to respect that and stop bugging me."

    But for strangers? I don't excuse my behavior to strangers. I simply say "no, thank you." If you feel rude doing this, saying you don't like Hershey's might be an alternative, I've gotten away with that before :)
  • MizMimi111
    MizMimi111 Posts: 244 Member
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    Maybe just say, no thanks, and move on...change the subject or lie and say you're diabetic. It's nobody's business what you eat so don't worry about it. :wink:

    I think just saying no should be enough. As you said it's nobody's business.

    And fyi, diabetics can eat chocolate. Really!:smile:
  • wozkaa
    wozkaa Posts: 224 Member
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    Politely decline with no explanation. I have known too many people who try to reason out any explanation and get things their way.

    Plus, that person sounds like an epic douche. Go have a cry, *kitten*, she doesn't want your chocolate - sheesh!
  • wozkaa
    wozkaa Posts: 224 Member
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    And fyi, diabetics can eat chocolate. Really!:smile:

    LOL My Dad is diabetic and he does love a bit of chocolate - and he does still eat it.
  • phred_52
    phred_52 Posts: 189 Member
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    Congrats on not giving in. As for some saying add nothing after the "no thanks", why would that be a problem? Why is it wrong just being honest about it? I'd say he had bad, bad parenting myself :wink:

    If this nice gentleman :noway: thinks you have bigger problems than weight, well it's obvious Mr Nice :laugh: has some mental health issues he needs to address.

    As for knowing you'll overdo it, I'm much the same way. Similar experiences? A few times, mostly family at gatherings, and a few ppl I know, I normally just say whatever and that's it. If I'm in a bad mood, and said person/people are heavier than me, and not in a good way, I'll say I don't want to look like you. Bleep 'em I say.
  • thesevolatiletimes
    thesevolatiletimes Posts: 59 Member
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    My advice would be to remember that his reaction (probably) has nothing to do with you. Maybe his parents taught him that it's rude to say no to food when it's being offered, maybe he has or knows someone who has a restrictive eating disorder, maybe he's one of those who want everyone to act according to his logic.

    Sorry that had to happen to you.

    This would be my best guess as well. Don't let other's struggles or negative comments ruin your efforts though - you know whats the healthiest for you, in both your mind and body. Pursue that, to the best of your ability!

    "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
  • LovingLifeInCalifornia
    LovingLifeInCalifornia Posts: 9,362 Member
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    I'm like that, too. I can't just have one. If I eat one...I eat another...and another...and another. My husband says, "Just eat one chip. I can just eat one for taste." Uh, goody for you. I eat the whole box cuz it's there then. HAHHAA. I've learned to just say, "Nah. Don't feel like it." Fortunately, I can also say I'm lactose intolerant and that cuts out most sweets. :)

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