Unsolicited Advice
Beet_Girl
Posts: 102
Yesterday I was at a party and there was a bowl of Hershey kisses. Someone offered me one, and I said no thanks, that I was trying to watch my weight. He got in my face and said he couldn't believe that I thought one piece of chocolate was going to make me fat. And that if I couldn't enjoy such a tiny piece of chocolate, I had bigger problems than my weight. I tried to explain that one piece usually makes me crave more but I could tell he wasn't listening. It was frustrating because I would like to enjoy things in moderation, but I have to be restrictive on even some of the small stuff. I know myself, and I know I will overdo it.
Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it
Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it
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Replies
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My advice would be to remember that his reaction (probably) has nothing to do with you. Maybe his parents taught him that it's rude to say no to food when it's being offered, maybe he has or knows someone who has a restrictive eating disorder, maybe he's one of those who want everyone to act according to his logic.
Sorry that had to happen to you.0 -
Maybe just say, no thanks, and move on...change the subject or lie and say you're diabetic. It's nobody's business what you eat so don't worry about it.
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I think I would just leave off the part about watching your weight. Next time, just politely say "no thanks." Some people actually don't like chocolate or are allergic (or somehow, just don't like it), so it's not like it would be unheard of to decline. When you mention watching your weight, it can just open a huge can o' worms.0
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Just say no thanks and move on. You don't need to justify or explain why you don't want the chocolate.0
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Sometimes people dont understand that foolish statements are uncalled for. I see it as a reflection of their own unhappiness with themselves. Just remember: you are doing this for you and F-em all hah!0
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Yesterday I was at a party and there was a bowl of Hershey kisses. Someone offered me one, and I said no thanks, that I was trying to watch my weight. He got in my face and said he couldn't believe that I thought one piece of chocolate was going to make me fat. And that if I couldn't enjoy such a tiny piece of chocolate, I had bigger problems than my weight. I tried to explain that one piece usually makes me crave more but I could tell he wasn't listening. It was frustrating because I would like to enjoy things in moderation, but I have to be restrictive on even some of the small stuff. I know myself, and I know I will overdo it.
Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it
I do well with just saying " no, thank you " ( because I don't care much for chocolate ). I no longer feel that I need to give an explanation why I do things or don't. This has worked out really well for me. People close to me know that I am trying to lose weight and for those who are not that close a " no, thank you " needs to be enough. So far in almost a year no one has ever asked why I say " no, thank you " and I did not have to give any reasons.0 -
We all worry a lot about offending people by turning down whatever they offer, so we take things we don't want or need or feel that we need to justify our choices, even to strangers. What a crazy way to live!
If someone offers you something you don't want, simply, in a kindly fashion, say "no thanks". No additional explanation, reasons or excuses are necessary. Ever. But if you are really pressed -- which will be rare -- add, "Because I don't want any." That should take care of it.0 -
Sounds like someone who has a really, really hard time with the idea that someone could say 'no' to him about anything. You were turning down a piece of chocolate, and he reacted like you were turning him down for a date (and he was in 8th grade).Yesterday I was at a party and there was a bowl of Hershey kisses. Someone offered me one, and I said no thanks, that I was trying to watch my weight. He got in my face and said he couldn't believe that I thought one piece of chocolate was going to make me fat. And that if I couldn't enjoy such a tiny piece of chocolate, I had bigger problems than my weight. I tried to explain that one piece usually makes me crave more but I could tell he wasn't listening. It was frustrating because I would like to enjoy things in moderation, but I have to be restrictive on even some of the small stuff. I know myself, and I know I will overdo it.
Have you all had any experiences like this? What did you do? It's annoying enough when someone who has no credentials thinks they know how you should be eating, let alone when they are aggressive about it0 -
Are you kidding? I have repeatedly asked one of our vendors not to bring c*** into the office. Last week she brought two large Baggies full of candy and two boxes of banana walnut chocolate chip cookies!! When I called her on it, she said, "Well, one of the bags is full of sugar free candy." Believe me when I tell you, sugar free or sugar-ful it will send me into an epic binge. I'm getting ready to call her supervisor and complain. What my assistant didn't take home got thrown in the trash.
I am no stranger to confrontation, so I guess I'd get back into HIS face and remind him that what I eat or don't eat doesn't effect him AT ALL!
Having said that, I'll say this: I don't give reasons as to why I say no to food. If someone has the poor manners to ask me, I usually pretend that I don't hear them, if that doesn't work (some people are horribly persistent) I either look at them like they just loudly f****d in a public place OR I just tell them I'm not hungry. It's taken some practice, believe me. Especially the look.
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It kinda sounds like he displayed controlling behavior to me.0
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He got in your face? Was anyone else there to tell him to back off?0
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Yup, and yup to everything else. I suppose for me it's a lot easier as I am not suppose to eat wheat nor starch so a simple "allergic" (not entirely accurate) cuts off those rude few who'd insist on pressing, but in reality it's no one's business why you wish to eat as you do. I say be nice the first two times ("thank you, no", "because I don't want any") but the third time be as aggressive as they with a simple "my eating habits are not your business, kindly drop it please." They will be highly offended at how rude *you* are being (rolls eyes) but often rudeness is all a rude person understands.But if you are really pressed -- which will be rare -- add, "Because I don't want any." That should take care of it.0 -
"I don't really like it."
"I'm allergic"
If anyone pushes you to eat it after you say you don't want them...smile, nod, walk away, ignore.0 -
I think everyone who's ever tried losing weight must've heard such a comment. In my personal experience, "falling in" for this "one x wouldn't hurt" mentality caused me to gain back almost everything I lost the last time I dieted. It tends to escalate for me. Even well-meaning people just don't get that it takes discipline. Half my family is rake-thin, and the fact I deny myself things drives them crazy. My response is usually "this is my choice - if you love me, you need to respect that and stop bugging me."
But for strangers? I don't excuse my behavior to strangers. I simply say "no, thank you." If you feel rude doing this, saying you don't like Hershey's might be an alternative, I've gotten away with that before
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Maybe just say, no thanks, and move on...change the subject or lie and say you're diabetic. It's nobody's business what you eat so don't worry about it.
I think just saying no should be enough. As you said it's nobody's business.
And fyi, diabetics can eat chocolate. Really! 0 -
Politely decline with no explanation. I have known too many people who try to reason out any explanation and get things their way.
Plus, that person sounds like an epic douche. Go have a cry, *kitten*, she doesn't want your chocolate - sheesh!0 -
And fyi, diabetics can eat chocolate. Really!
LOL My Dad is diabetic and he does love a bit of chocolate - and he does still eat it.0 -
Congrats on not giving in. As for some saying add nothing after the "no thanks", why would that be a problem? Why is it wrong just being honest about it? I'd say he had bad, bad parenting myself
If this nice gentleman :noway: thinks you have bigger problems than weight, well it's obvious Mr Nice :laugh: has some mental health issues he needs to address.
As for knowing you'll overdo it, I'm much the same way. Similar experiences? A few times, mostly family at gatherings, and a few ppl I know, I normally just say whatever and that's it. If I'm in a bad mood, and said person/people are heavier than me, and not in a good way, I'll say I don't want to look like you. Bleep 'em I say.0 -
My advice would be to remember that his reaction (probably) has nothing to do with you. Maybe his parents taught him that it's rude to say no to food when it's being offered, maybe he has or knows someone who has a restrictive eating disorder, maybe he's one of those who want everyone to act according to his logic.
Sorry that had to happen to you.
This would be my best guess as well. Don't let other's struggles or negative comments ruin your efforts though - you know whats the healthiest for you, in both your mind and body. Pursue that, to the best of your ability!
"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".0 -
I'm like that, too. I can't just have one. If I eat one...I eat another...and another...and another. My husband says, "Just eat one chip. I can just eat one for taste." Uh, goody for you. I eat the whole box cuz it's there then. HAHHAA. I've learned to just say, "Nah. Don't feel like it." Fortunately, I can also say I'm lactose intolerant and that cuts out most sweets. 0
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I just tell people I have a food allergy, works every time! Especially at Costco on Sundays when the food stands are throwing it at you.0
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Great analogy.0
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If this nice gentleman :noway: thinks you have bigger problems than weight, well it's obvious Mr Nice :laugh: has some mental health issues he needs to address.
Haha, I like how you think! Hopefully next time I will be able to stop myself from saying why. It just came out. But after that, I will hopefully think before I speak. I don't think I could get away with the food allergy excuse. I will have chocolate once in a while, when there is not an entire bowl of it in front of me!0 -
Just punch him in the nose and walk away.0
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Are you kidding? I have repeatedly asked one of our vendors not to bring c*** into the office. Last week she brought two large Baggies full of candy and two boxes of banana walnut chocolate chip cookies!! When I called her on it, she said, "Well, one of the bags is full of sugar free candy." Believe me when I tell you, sugar free or sugar-ful it will send me into an epic binge. I'm getting ready to call her supervisor and complain. What my assistant didn't take home got thrown in the trash.
I am no stranger to confrontation, so I guess I'd get back into HIS face and remind him that what I eat or don't eat doesn't effect him AT ALL!
Having said that, I'll say this: I don't give reasons as to why I say no to food. If someone has the poor manners to ask me, I usually pretend that I don't hear them, if that doesn't work (some people are horribly persistent) I either look at them like they just loudly f****d in a public place OR I just tell them I'm not hungry. It's taken some practice, believe me. Especially the look.
You sound pleasant..0 -
I agree with the people who advise just declining without providing a reason - you don't owe anybody an explanation.
On top of that though, if someone DOES push the issue, I find that laughing and acting puzzled and asking "why does it matter to you so much if I eat a hershey kiss?" will quickly switch to putting the other person on the defensive instead of you. As it should be, they are the weirdo nosy ones who care what other people are eating or not eating.0 -
Just say "no thanks". If someone tries to talk you into doing something you just said "no" to .. you should quickly move away.. The worst thing you can do is to try "explain" your reasons to them because it makes you appear weak. You do not need justify anything. Just repeat "no thanks", turn and walk away. He is trying to bully you .. and you don't have to allow that.0
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Are you kidding? I have repeatedly asked one of our vendors not to bring c*** into the office. Last week she brought two large Baggies full of candy and two boxes of banana walnut chocolate chip cookies!! When I called her on it, she said, "Well, one of the bags is full of sugar free candy." Believe me when I tell you, sugar free or sugar-ful it will send me into an epic binge. I'm getting ready to call her supervisor and complain. What my assistant didn't take home got thrown in the trash.
I am no stranger to confrontation, so I guess I'd get back into HIS face and remind him that what I eat or don't eat doesn't effect him AT ALL!
Having said that, I'll say this: I don't give reasons as to why I say no to food. If someone has the poor manners to ask me, I usually pretend that I don't hear them, if that doesn't work (some people are horribly persistent) I either look at them like they just loudly f****d in a public place OR I just tell them I'm not hungry. It's taken some practice, believe me. Especially the look.
You sound pleasant..
LOL. I thought the same thing. Wow.0 -
even saying your allergic doesn't cut it with many people. and I actually Am allergic to a ton of stuff. People get offended at the damnedest things.0
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just laugh.
he acts like that, he's probably lacking in... certain... ways... *cough*0
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