fat girl mindset....

Kwauhop
Kwauhop Posts: 27
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
My husband tells me that I'm a fat girl in a small girls body. He says since I lost the weight I can't seem to see it and still judge myself too harshly. I find it hard to believe when he tells me how beautiful I am because he would think that even if I weighed a thousand pounds. I weighed 245 after giving birth to my second and the weight stuck around for quite a while. I recently lost 55 pounds and now I weigh 186 which is only 6 more pounds than I weighed before having any kids. It's only 6 pounds more than what I weighed when I dated my husband. Why is feeling good about myself so hard? I felt great back then and I thought I was very attractive. I've been a bigger girl my whole life, but with my build and my nice shape it never really got to me. Plenty of men have always been interested. What happened? I should feel great. I still feel like I weigh about 250 pounds and I never believe my husband when he compliments me. He has never once put me down and he always says I'm beautiful. Most days I just hate myself....

Replies

  • swtally80
    swtally80 Posts: 278 Member
    I totally feel you. I weigh less than when I started having kids and at 240 I would look back at those pictures and think I was so thin back then. Now I am BELOW that weight and still do not feel slim. I wonder if it will ever change, if I will ever be happy with my body. It is a mental battle as well as a physical one... don't fret I am sure you will make it! as will I, I suppose.... lol :flowerforyou:
  • Kwauhop
    Kwauhop Posts: 27
    I hope that it changes. I feel like there's something wrong with me. Physically I feel healthier and able to do more, but mentally I'm worse then ever. I just want to love myself whether I reach my goal or not.
  • Temika
    Temika Posts: 1 Member
    I hear you. I feel the same way. I have not lost the amount that you lost. But will be working towards that. I applaud you for the dedication. You just keep doing what you are doing and you will eventually change your mind about feeling bad or not accepting your great accomplishment.

    Temika
  • eglass64
    eglass64 Posts: 180
    If your Husband is telling you your beautiful is because you are. Keep working on it and you will be even more. Good Luck.
  • Kwauhop
    Kwauhop Posts: 27
    thanks for the encouragement and good luck on reaching your goal.....
  • Kwauhop
    Kwauhop Posts: 27
    If your Husband is telling you your beautiful is because you are. Keep working on it and you will be even more. Good Luck.
    well thank you....
  • Naomi91
    Naomi91 Posts: 892 Member
    My boyfriend says the same. He says I am the most beautiful girl out there even though I feel like a cow some days.

    I am about 131 lbs and still very unhappy with how I look when I see all the pretty girls prancing around campus.

    I am not sure that we will ever be satified with how we look, but I will continue to work on it until i feel great!
    Hopefull you can do the same dear :]
  • msbanana
    msbanana Posts: 793 Member
    I'm notorious for this behavior. It's self destructive, self defeating and plain dumb. I was 30lbs under weight when I was in high school and was convinced I was the biggest heffer alive on the planet. When I hit 282lbs still convinced I was the biggest heffer on the face of the planet. Thinking the whole time- well, you've always been big... It's strange how we pick ourselves to bits and destroy our self esteem. for what? There are people who love us for who we are and we should too.

    I'm back to practicing a trick that I learned when I was recieving therapy for the eating disorder (I can't say how well it worked since I bounced back up the other side... ) BUT What does help me is to reaffirm my self worth. Try this (I promise you'll feel REALLY silly the first time you do it and it will be hard but it's worth it once you get the hang of it.)

    After your shower stand nekked in front of a full length mirror.
    WITHOUT judging pick 1 part on your body that you LOVE. (My default are my legs specifically my calves)
    Say it out loud "I love my calves" and then say why "the are muscular, they are strong, they help me run faster and propel me forward on my journey."
    Then pick another part (if you can WITHOUT judging- this means NO Negativity. This doesn't work if you say "I like my butt except...")
    When you have run out of parts you love LOOK YOURSELF IN THE EYE and say out loud "I am beautiful, I am Strong and I am loved" If you don't look like you believe it tell that girl in the mirror again.

    I know it sounds silly but it's hard. We all need ot break the fat girl mindset. I still need to work on not CALLING myself fat. It's just so danged hard to do...:flowerforyou:
  • priskar
    priskar Posts: 156
    I can totally empathize and am working on the same issue myself. In the past I lost over 100 lbs and shimmied my way into a size 6 but might as well have been wearing a 26. I am back on the weight loss track again some 20 years later with the same 100 pounds to lose and have lost close to 30 lbs so far but always seem to down play my success. I get good feedback from my wonderful husband and those around me who are supportive but, for some reason, I don't really hear it. My inner dialogue seems to overrule what I hear.

    I blogged about it on MFP just the other day and tried to turn it around. What would I tell my best friend if she were talking with me about this issue? What advice would you give her? It really kind of opened my "inner eyes" a little. Perhaps journalling or blogging about it might help you see it from a different perspective.

    One of the things I that came up was that I really needed to hear and believe people when they complimented me. There's no reason for them to lie. Your support system loves and supports you. Try to believe their motives, say "Thank you!" and celebrate yourself if you can.

    I had hoped to get comments from others who have overcome this problem. It will be interesting following your post to read the recommendations you get. I wish you all success. Just know you have supporters here who fight the same battle and who care. Good luck!
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