Dating advice needed!!

ican♥and♥iwill
ican♥and♥iwill Posts: 176 Member
edited September 22 in Chit-Chat
So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, it's still completely new - so I'm a little unsure of how to handle this situation!

I was talking to C last night about possibly making plans tonight, because my mom is taking my daughter to a movie, and so I have free time. He didn't give me a yes, but he didn't give me no, either. And the conversation over all was just not pleasing to me. (It wasn't bad, it just didn't go MY way!:o) So this morning, being a little unsure of things, I hold off on texting him. In the meantime, I'm on Facebook and one of my friends, M - who is a gay engaged male - posted that he was going to a bar tonight. I replied on the status that I may be joining him, and to just text me later and let me know what's up...

Well fast forward a few hours... C texts me and invites me to stop by tonight... I said maybe (not wanting to seem tooooo eager!) but then I retracked my statement and suggested we go get dinner instead. His reply was "Eh, it seems you already have plans for tonight." He then posts on his FB that he's "done with it" and after a few of his friends commenting he proceeds to say that he's just tired of women lying, not exactly lying - but omitting the truth.

I mention the status via text, and he ignores me and so I try to call him. He doesn't answer.

For the record, I did nothing wrong. I'm not a scandolous girl. I genuinely like this guy, and he's someone I'd consider being with. I understand from his POV - he sees me on FB trying to make plans with another dude - it doesn't look good. But he doesn't know M, or his sexual preference, and that it's harmless.

So the question is, how do I fix this? I'm thinking about going to his house after work - I'd at least like to explain myself, because I'm not a liar and I don't appreciate being called one. Is that too weird? Too forward? Should I give him space to vent and fume? Or should I just let it go?

TIA guys!
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Replies

  • ashlee954
    ashlee954 Posts: 1,112 Member
    I feel your frustration. I know I would want to explain myself. However, it seems he didn't care much to discuss this with you. I mean, he read you had made plans and then just gave a snooty remark like oh I see you already have plans...He could have asked. I don't like games so my advice is to give him space. If anything send him a text stating you had made a plan B to hang with your friend and HIS partner just in case you didn't get to see him tonight. That way at least all is disclosed and miscommunication is taken care of.
  • jrich1
    jrich1 Posts: 2,408 Member
    If it was me I would sit down with C in person (preferred) or phone and discuss it out.
  • epa422
    epa422 Posts: 1,009
    I'd just text him an explanation that you felt he didn't want to do anything with you and so you were making alternative plans with a friend. If he won't discuss it with you after that, then it's probably better to wash your hands of the whole mess.
  • xxthursday09xx
    xxthursday09xx Posts: 85 Member
    Ok, In my opinion and situations I have been in, facebook sucks. A lot of my friends don't "follow" who they are seeing for that reason. He shouldn't be jumping to conclusions and he definitely shouldn't be as harsh as he is. Just feel it out but stay guarded...IMO. Good luck :)

    Anything on facebook,e-mail, text can be misconstrued that's why its good in these situations to talk person to person or over the phone. So nothing gets taken out of context.
  • amstein18
    amstein18 Posts: 131
    personally, i wouldn't waste my time driving to his house if he won't even pick up the phone for you. that is immature and he is just jumping to conclusions without even confronting you. if it were me, i'd simply send him a text message or facebook inbox (since he won't pick up the phone) explaining that you would've loved to see him tonight but since he is refusing to speak to you, you will just go meet up with your GAY friend at the bar tonight like you had planned. don't even bother justifying anything to him because HE is the one who blew this up & assumed stuff, NOT you! so just mention it casually & make him feel like an idiot :)
  • eillamarie
    eillamarie Posts: 862 Member
    Oh girl, I have been there so many times. If a guy likes you he will MAKE time to hang out with you, anybody who doesn't just isn't worth your time. Guys don't like to "fight" or even have a little tiff, but if he actually cared about you he would have made plans with your earlier to secure his time with you. Also, guys like an independent woman, and most LIKE it when you make plans with your friends. Also, guys HATE when you try to track them down.
    My advice? Go out, have a GREAT time, post pictures of how fabulous you looked, and know that he is kicking himself for being a douche ;)
  • ktbug1186
    ktbug1186 Posts: 266
    I agree with Erica! I would text, and if the doesn't respond...he's SO not worth your time. Your gorgeous and deserve way better than a guy that acts that way!
  • jillybeanruns
    jillybeanruns Posts: 1,420 Member
    I understand your need to clarify, but it seems like he's a bit of a hothead (or maybe just is today) and I would give him time to think/cool down a bit. And if he doesn't come back to you with some sort of explanation, then move on along because he's probably not mature enough for you.

    Go out with your friends tonight and if C does get back to you, you can always ask him to come join up. Then he'll see what the deal was before. One of my best friends is a gay male and it's not something that I ever felt was my place to discuss with guys I dated. It's just one of those things that I always felt I shouldn't talk about...most of the guys figured it out eventually :)
  • kikrgal
    kikrgal Posts: 1 Member
    I agree with ashlee954. It also sounds like your guy is controlling. Be careful. If you are always trying to make him see your point, bending over backwards to justify YOUR actions, it will be a neverending and unhappy time for YOU. I fell into that rut. Hence, here I am 21 years later trying to lose the weight I ate myself up to. My guy is gone and I'm working on myself now. Go out with M and have a great time. Don't worry about C.
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
    If you really like him and truly want to try and fix it, call - no more texting, facebook, etc. to deal with the situation. If he doesn't return your call, to quote: "he's just not that into you". Not worth chasin'. And if you guys do talk - discuss communication because neither of you were really clear about what you wanted to do. Be open and state it.

    I have to say in general though, this is why I've never thought it was a good idea to post comings and goings on FB - most people don't care and its too easy to misinterpret stuff. Plus there was a story in the news recently about a woman who posted she was going out with friends on a given evening and a acquaintance who was also one of her FB "friends" knew where she lived, knew she wasn't going to be home, so burglarized her place.
  • murf19
    murf19 Posts: 453 Member
    I agree with amstein18.
    Looks like the guy has a trust issue. Is he worth it? Is the the first of many issues? Text him, say'll have to meet your gay friend since he's not answering.

    I just realized I'm old enough to be your father! Ha
  • VBos
    VBos Posts: 213 Member
    i had a guy like that. and after being with my new bf for a few months now i've realized that the ex was deffinitly not what i wanted. kinda like a drama queen. and it makes things really stressful! and you sound stressed too. doesnt sound like the "right" guy to me. nip it in the bud!
  • sexygenius
    sexygenius Posts: 1,078 Member
    he sounds kinda douche-y, sorry but who gets that upset that quickly..it will always be a battle to keep him and i dont really think he's worth it...he's being a jerk, he wont even answer your calls.....
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    I agree with amstein18.
    Looks like the guy has a trust issue. Is he worth it? Is the the first of many issues? Text him, say you'll have to meet your gay friend since he's not answering.

    I just realized I'm old enough to be your father! Ha
    Took the words right out of my mouth.
    Well, except for the father thing.
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
    Drop him. Problem solved. You don't need someone who plays lame games. In the first place, if he really wanted to see you he would have come out and said so right away not waited til you had better plans. Sounds like he isn't boyfriend material. You can find better.
  • tissyazd
    tissyazd Posts: 221 Member
    My personal opinion is that you are only a month into this relationship and already drama??? I deal with this kind of stuff with my friends all the time. Doesn't ever end well. BUT, if you really like him, go for it. But, my advice--Guys don't understand the games. Just tell him, YES! I want to see you. They don't get the playful, hmmm-maybe! If he's not the one, DON"T SETTLE! You're too young and pretty and HE is out there!
  • Jena_72
    Jena_72 Posts: 1,057
    So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, it's still completely new - so I'm a little unsure of how to handle this situation!

    I was talking to C last night about possibly making plans tonight, because my mom is taking my daughter to a movie, and so I have free time. He didn't give me a yes, but he didn't give me no, either. And the conversation over all was just not pleasing to me. (It wasn't bad, it just didn't go MY way!:o) So this morning, being a little unsure of things, I hold off on texting him. In the meantime, I'm on Facebook and one of my friends, M - who is a gay engaged male - posted that he was going to a bar tonight. I replied on the status that I may be joining him, and to just text me later and let me know what's up...

    Well fast forward a few hours... C texts me and invites me to stop by tonight... I said maybe (not wanting to seem tooooo eager!) but then I retracked my statement and suggested we go get dinner instead. His reply was "Eh, it seems you already have plans for tonight." He then posts on his FB that he's "done with it" and after a few of his friends commenting he proceeds to say that he's just tired of women lying, not exactly lying - but omitting the truth.

    I mention the status via text, and he ignores me and so I try to call him. He doesn't answer.

    For the record, I did nothing wrong. I'm not a scandolous girl. I genuinely like this guy, and he's someone I'd consider being with. I understand from his POV - he sees me on FB trying to make plans with another dude - it doesn't look good. But he doesn't know M, or his sexual preference, and that it's harmless.

    So the question is, how do I fix this? I'm thinking about going to his house after work - I'd at least like to explain myself, because I'm not a liar and I don't appreciate being called one. Is that too weird? Too forward? Should I give him space to vent and fume? Or should I just let it go?

    TIA guys!
    Oh Gawd Let It Go! You didn't do anything wrong at all. In the future when he dates someone maybe he should 1. Understand you JUST started dating and owe him NO explanation of what your doing or with whom gay or not 2. Make plans not maybes 3. He obvios has issues you just don't need or want a jealous guy in your life! OH AND Don't call him anymore!! Won't answer you what are we 12?
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I feel your frustration. I know I would want to explain myself. However, it seems he didn't care much to discuss this with you. I mean, he read you had made plans and then just gave a snooty remark like oh I see you already have plans...He could have asked. I don't like games so my advice is to give him space. If anything send him a text stating you had made a plan B to hang with your friend and HIS partner just in case you didn't get to see him tonight. That way at least all is disclosed and miscommunication is taken care of.

    I agree...unless you like hyper drama in your life...if you do, then go ahead and head over to his place...sounds like he's begging for attention
  • Craig772
    Craig772 Posts: 100 Member
    Firstly in my humble opinion men and women think differently and even if they try to take on the others point of view it's not the same. So I'd listen to the male advice in this thread. I am not saying ignore the female advice by the way.. Any idea of the age? To me (being a man, now aged 38 and having had and lost a few girlfriends I bet he's early 20's) it seems like he's working through trust issues. Don't chase, don't call him immature, don't blame him, don't say he has trust issues. Just drop it. He'll contact you and when he does just state the facts. You weren't available, I didn't want to stay in by myself so I planned to hook up with friend and his boyfriend as they're good friends. We like facts. We don't like being told we're wrong. You know you're right, he know's you're right and he'll sulk if you tell him.

    Up to you if you think he's worth helping him work through it.
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    Firstly in my humble opinion men and women think differently and even if they try to take on the others point of view it's not the same. So I'd listen to the male advice in this thread. I am not saying ignore the female advice by the way.. Any idea of the age? To me (being a man, now aged 38 and having had and lost a few girlfriends I bet he's early 20's) it seems like he's working through trust issues. Don't chase, don't call him immature, don't blame him, don't say he has trust issues. Just drop it. He'll contact you and when he does just state the facts. You weren't available, I didn't want to stay in by myself so I planned to hook up with friend and his boyfriend as they're good friends. We like facts. We don't like being told we're wrong. You know you're right, he know's you're right and he'll sulk if you tell him.

    Up to you if you think he's worth helping him work through it.

    ^ what he said :smile:

    you shouldn't chase C....C should be chasing you
  • ican♥and♥iwill
    ican♥and♥iwill Posts: 176 Member
    Thanks everyone for the advice!! Can I just say that I HATE dating?! And men think women are complicated?! Holy crap! I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions!


    ETA: I really really LOVE the man perspective!! He's 27, btw.
  • tissyazd
    tissyazd Posts: 221 Member
    Firstly in my humble opinion men and women think differently and even if they try to take on the others point of view it's not the same. So I'd listen to the male advice in this thread. I am not saying ignore the female advice by the way.. Any idea of the age? To me (being a man, now aged 38 and having had and lost a few girlfriends I bet he's early 20's) it seems like he's working through trust issues. Don't chase, don't call him immature, don't blame him, don't say he has trust issues. Just drop it. He'll contact you and when he does just state the facts. You weren't available, I didn't want to stay in by myself so I planned to hook up with friend and his boyfriend as they're good friends. We like facts. We don't like being told we're wrong. You know you're right, he know's you're right and he'll sulk if you tell him.

    Up to you if you think he's worth helping him work through it.

    OOH yea, listen to him! Then. if he is still being shady, let him go! Good advice! Do you mind consulting with a few of my friends ;)
  • chelekaz
    chelekaz Posts: 847 Member
    My first instinct is to say say to hell with him. But, if he is someone that is special and you feel that there is a strong connection then I would talk to him and explain. I would not just show up at his house though. Call and leave a voicemail if he will not answer. And I would say I saw your post and I wanted you to know that my friend is engaged to another man and that we are friends. You didn't let me know if you wanted to do something and I didn't feel like sitting home. If you want to call me and talk about it then my phone is open.

    Don't beg for his understanding, do not apologize for anything.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    My first thought was...what a girl. Second thought was...gosh he gives up easily. To me, a month in should allow someone the chance to explain themselves before flying off the handle. It is easy for me to pass judgment though. Maturity was not a strong point at that age.
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    Girl--if he is already acting like that, and being immature by not communicating, I would just let him go on by. Men don't change unless God intervenes. If you like him because he showed interest in you, let me tell you, you are beautiful and tons of guys are going to like you. Just don't worry about i. Show the power you don't need him and let him crawl to you, saying he is sorry for putting it in FB. I am happily married for 2 yrs now, and let me tell you--his actions now will be the same always.
  • daniface
    daniface Posts: 338 Member
    I would ignore him until he contacts you again, seems like he's really imature and seeking attention. dont feed the monster. Go out and have fun with your gay friend tonight, they're more fun anyway.

    C will be calling you in a couple days, if not tonight. once he contacts you, you can explain yourself or really you should be letting him expalin himself- think of it as laying some good groundwork for the future, that is if you'd like to continue things with C, it's important to let him know you won't put up with that kind of needy bull****.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    My first thought was...what a girl. Second thought was...gosh he gives up easily. To me, a month in should allow someone the chance to explain themselves before flying off the handle. It is easy for me to pass judgment though. Maturity was not a strong point at that age.



    so when does maturity occur in men? because my man is 32...and he gets his feelers hurt VERY easily:ohwell:
  • ME02134
    ME02134 Posts: 26
    The fact that he decided to update his status about "it being over" is ridiculous especially if it's only a month in. I think that's just screaming he wants attention because he knows you're giong to see that. I wouldnt contact him at all. If he calls you, you can explain yourself and take it from there but if not he doesnt seem worth it in my opinion! Go out and have a good time with your friends-- good luck!
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
    My first thought was...what a girl. Second thought was...gosh he gives up easily. To me, a month in should allow someone the chance to explain themselves before flying off the handle. It is easy for me to pass judgment though. Maturity was not a strong point at that age.



    so when does maturity occur in men? because my man is 32...and he gets his feelers hurt VERY easily:ohwell:

    My boyfriend uses the word feelers too.

    Maturity in men occurs in their 70's about 5 minutes before they start regressing back towards childhood. :wink:
  • brittlynne3579
    brittlynne3579 Posts: 217 Member
    Ugh, I don't like that at all. I would let it go!

    If you really feel like this guy is worth it, I would send a brief email or text (since he's too douchey to take your calls) explaining the situation. That would be THE ONLY effort I would make at this point.

    Don't make someone a priority in your life if they won't make you one in theirs!
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