what do I do?!

freshday957
freshday957 Posts: 1
in Motivation and Support
Hi, I am writing this because I'm feeling so unhappy with myself.
I had always been unsatisfied with my own overweight body and attempted to "lose weight" ever since I was 9, but was never normal weight.
When I was 16ish, I did Power 90, and gained some muscle. After that I tried to eat healthy, and did a contract with my mom so that I wouldn't eat chips/snacks, which are my weaknesses. So then I lost some weight, and in the summer I did a summer program that required a lot of walking and had limited food options, which caused me to lose weight. But now that I'm living in college, I have access to so much junk food, and it's really hard on me (I won't keep up with the contract anymore). I've gained EVERYTHING back and I feel guilty every moment because I can just feel my pants feeling smaller and smaller. And the worst part is that, amidst all of this, I still eat. and eat. and eat. especially Cheetos and soda and chips and cookies and ice cream. I eat even though I'm unhappy and even though I know they're bad for me and even though I know I'm going to gain weight. At these times I just want to punch myself- I know how to "lose weight," yet I feel out of control.
Worst feeling is after I eat, I feel gross and I just want to puke. I feel guilty, confused, annoyed, angry, depressed, and sick. I'm sick of myself and I have no idea what to do. I've tried to talk to my friends but nobody seems to understand me and they think that everyone is going through this. But I genuinely never felt so desperate and depressed in my life.

Replies

  • Cheeky_and_Geeky
    Cheeky_and_Geeky Posts: 984 Member
    Its a viscious cycle. I gained 50lbs my freshman year in 2008 & have hung on to it since 2013 (still 10lbs heavier!)

    Surround yourself with healthier options... Fruits, veggies, 100 calorie snack packs, diet soda, water, Greek yogurt, 2% cheese sticks, nuts. You're college probably has a free gym. Use it! Use it everyday... In between classes, early before class, or the end of the day. You won't regret it!

    Good luck! Its tough, but you have to have the willpower to succeed.
  • nattieb21
    nattieb21 Posts: 3 Member
    You're not alone. I'm addicted to junk food, and I can just sit there and eat it all day. I know it's bad for me, but sometimes I feel like I can't stop. It's so frustrating! I tell my mom, "mom, for the love of god, stop buying junk food." And what does she do? Buy junk food. 3 types of cookies, a big bag of Doritos, ice cream bars, brownies, sprite, you get the picture. It's always in the house, constantly taunting me, and I can never escape.
    I cannot tell you how many times I lost weight and then gained it all back. It makes me want to cry 107% of the time. I binged so bad yesterday I woke up with severe heartburn and almost puked. It was terrible. I hate being like this. All my friends can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. They don't have to worry about calories or portion sizes and it drives me crazy. I watched my stick-skinny friend eat two bags of chips and a pack of twix bars at school today and I almost punched her.
    It's not easy. Some days are good, but most of the time I feel helpless. The day starts off okay but I usually find myself overeating at night. I'm trying to overcome these horrible habits one day at a time.
    For instance, I try to drink lots and lots of water. I also eat slowly, so I can savor my meal and not just shove food in my face. I eat small treats if they're within my calorie limit so I'm not depriving myself. Buy portion-controlled things. Snack pack of pringles, 100 calorie fudge stripe cookies, things like that. Try to exercise every day, even if it's small. Ten minutes on the elliptical is better than nothing at all. Heck, even walking's good. Just anything to get your body moving.
    You will binge, but know that's it's not the end of the world. I binge at least once a week but I try to get back on track as soon as possible. Tomorrow is a new day and every small step counts. Good luck, and if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here.
  • Bagelsan
    Bagelsan Posts: 49
    A lot of people put on some weight when they start college; have you heard of the "Freshman 15"? It's not inevitable but it's common, because there's a lot of junk food available and new stress in your life. Maybe you can find a workout buddy or a diet buddy among your classmates, or even just join an exercise club or gym class. If you start feeling really bummed and hopeless then address your mental health as well as your physical health -- a lot of colleges have free therapy appointments at the student health clinic, and you could set up a time to talk to someone about the stress/poor health habits you're describing.
  • Bagelsan
    Bagelsan Posts: 49
    Also, you're quite young and you could still be growing, which may account for some of the appetite and the weight gain. Try to focus on nutritious food with lots of iron, protein and calcium -- if you can at least eat a couple fruits and veggies each day it might cut down on the junk food intake, too. :)
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    Have you considered counselling?

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