Judgy know it all's...
Replies
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If it hurts your feelings don't talk to him about it. Sit him down and tell him, "I love you. I appreciate your concern. But new rule: We are not ever to speak of my weight again."
This is not a bad approach if talking with your spouse about your weight makes you feel bad. Surely he doesn't want his comments to hinder your effort rather than help you.0 -
First off, there is no physical way that he can gain 8lbs of fat in a weekend, unless he's eating extremely high calorie foods for pretty much the entire weekend. So when he "gains 8lbs" it's really water weight, and once he goes back to his normal eating and exercise habits the water weight goes away and he is back to his normal. So don't let that make you feel like you're failing.
Second of all, 1.5 pounds a week is awesome! Maybe you need to have a serious sit down with him and tell him how you are trying (and succeeding btw) but you are not feeling like he's supporting you. There's nothing that can send you into a spiral faster than feeling like you're just going to be judged even if you're doing all the right things. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it's affecting you.
Keeping going!
Exactly this. Don't give up, you're doing all the right things!0 -
This has been on my mind for sometime.
My husband lost around 60 lbs three years ago by starting to run and watch his diet better. He still can eat and still eats some junk here and there but he runs about 5 miles five times per week. Honestly, I loved him the same as when he was bigger. Maybe more but I'll get to that.
Meanwhile, I can name all the excuse monsters as to why I put on weight during that time. I got big and I was lazy. I was not/am not happy with how I look. Anyway, in January during a serious talk we were having he mentioned how he'd lost weight and I'd gotten big. It wasn't said in a mean way but having someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally telling you that you need to slim down hurts no matter how you say it. He doesn't criticize me but I know he's not as attracted to me as he once was which is an awful feeling.
Anyway, after that talk I came back here and started a diet bet. I am down almost 10 lbs but its coming off so slowly. I hate that. I have no patience. My husband will travel for a few days and eat junk and put on 8 lbs and in a few days he'll be down 10 lbs. Not the kind of thing I want to hear when I'm busting my butt and losing 1.5 in a week. I know I'm doing it the right way but its so frustrating. I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I'm not giving up and he really is supportive when it comes down to it. He's come with me to buy new running shoes and goes grocery shopping with me and those things really help. I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
You admit he supports you and his actions show he loves you (if he didn't, he wouldn't put up with such neurotic stuff). I see a lot of venting towards him for anger that you really have directed at yourself.
This0 -
Girlfriend, losing 1.5 lbs per week is AMAZING and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I'd sit your guy down and tell him exactly how you feel. He needs to know that he's making you feel like crap with these little things he does.
I know if my husband made any negative comment whatsoever about my weight loss, he'd have a mouth full of my fist. He's naturally thin and working to bulk up while I'm working my butt off to lose these last 10 lbs. The other day we were driving somewhere and he asked if I could go through the McDonalds drive thru so he could get something to eat. I did and as we were waiting for the food, he said he was proud of me. I asked why and he said because I didn't order anything for myself. I had already eaten, but he knows as well as I do that I could've had something from McDonalds as well. Him saying he was proud of me for resisting made me feel all warm inside. He's told me numerous times that he doesn't think I need to lose weight and makes it very clear that he thinks I'm beautiful, but he's super encouraging of my weight loss because he knows it'll make me feel better about myself. Having completely judgement-free support is hugely helpful to me, and you deserve to have that, too!0 -
I have been on WW for awhile and because of $ I switched over to MFP. Of all the things I learned with WW was that 1/2 - 1 lb a week is the healthy way to lose and they healthy way to be able to keep it off. Keep in mind woman have many more hormonal issues to deal with that can in turn hinder our weight loss. Keep doing what you are doing and it will all pay off in the end.0
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It really doesn't sound at all like he's judging you. You say he's supportive and that is a HUGE advantage! We women can be our own worst critics. Maybe you are judging yourself a little harshly. Stay the course, compliment your hubby on how well he has done and refuse the negative. Speak life!
This. We men like to think that every problem has a simple A-to-B solution. Like changing a lightbulb. While you're thinking of your weight loss on several different levels of thought, I can guarantee that his train of thought is "Ug. Wife need motivation. Me man. Me motivate. Ug. Work harder, woman. You must work harder. Ug.". We have the best intentions at heart, it's just unfortunate that we can't understand that not every problem needs fixing.
+1
and stop raggin' on yourself.0 -
Not sure what he's doing to make you feel like he's judging you. In all honesty, it sounds like you're really insecure and comparing yourself to him quite a bit. Everybody is different and weight loss for you is going to be a completely different journey than his.
Stop focusing so much on what he did or what he's doing and concentrate on you.0 -
Just because you don't understand it or agree with me doesn't mean it "had nothing to do with the OP". Perhaps it was you who didn't read it closely enough.What you posted had nothing to do with the OP. It appears you read the thread title and nothing else.
Her SO is supporting her. She even explicitly says so in her post.
She wrote:I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I didn't say he didn't support her. I pointed out that some people - and he appears to be one of them- think that what works for them works for everyone. She wrote, he is "judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly". That ties to my comment that some people think that what works for them works for everyone.
I hope that clears that up for you and I can get back to reading HER story and quit being subjected to criticism of my comments.0 -
It is SO frustrating that its so easy for men. Their metabolisms are faster than ours, so its easier for them. Definitely slow and steady wins the race. I consider any loss of weight a win, even if its only a tenth of a pound, better than putting it on. I have to say though my SO is very supportive, although he still cooks way too much food (he does all the cooking) it is my choice how much I eat. Maybe sit down and have a talk with him about what it would mean to you for him to be supportive and how his opinion of you means so much to you. Maybe he'll be more careful about what he says.
Good luck on your journey.
It's not their metabolism, it's their higher muscle mass to fat ratio.0 -
I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
Telling someone they're fat or unfit or unhealthy isn't being judgemental.
Those are just observations.0 -
I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.
Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.0 -
This. We men like to think that every problem has a simple A-to-B solution. Like changing a lightbulb. While you're thinking of your weight loss on several different levels of thought, I can guarantee that his train of thought is "Ug. Wife need motivation. Me man. Me motivate. Ug. Work harder, woman. You must work harder. Ug.". We have the best intentions at heart, it's just unfortunate that we can't understand that not every problem needs fixing.
This is so true.... and funny :bigsmile:0 -
This has been on my mind for sometime.
My husband lost around 60 lbs three years ago by starting to run and watch his diet better. He still can eat and still eats some junk here and there but he runs about 5 miles five times per week. Honestly, I loved him the same as when he was bigger. Maybe more but I'll get to that.
Meanwhile, I can name all the excuse monsters as to why I put on weight during that time. I got big and I was lazy. I was not/am not happy with how I look. Anyway, in January during a serious talk we were having he mentioned how he'd lost weight and I'd gotten big. It wasn't said in a mean way but having someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally telling you that you need to slim down hurts no matter how you say it. He doesn't criticize me but I know he's not as attracted to me as he once was which is an awful feeling.
Anyway, after that talk I came back here and started a diet bet. I am down almost 10 lbs but its coming off so slowly. I hate that. I have no patience. My husband will travel for a few days and eat junk and put on 8 lbs and in a few days he'll be down 10 lbs. Not the kind of thing I want to hear when I'm busting my butt and losing 1.5 in a week. I know I'm doing it the right way but its so frustrating. I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I'm not giving up and he really is supportive when it comes down to it. He's come with me to buy new running shoes and goes grocery shopping with me and those things really help. I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
You admit he supports you and his actions show he loves you (if he didn't, he wouldn't put up with such neurotic stuff). I see a lot of venting towards him for anger that you really have directed at yourself.
This.0 -
it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.
Not if you are doing it right... giggity. :laugh:0 -
I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.
Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.
I think men just don't have the water-based fluctuations women have, so it seems more linear for men.0 -
I think you are projecting your negative feelings about yourself onto your husband. He may have mentioned your weight but it doesn't sound like he did it in a negative or hurtful way. Sounds to me like you are really hard on yourself and beat yourself up for the weight gain and mistakenly believe that your husband feels the same.
^^ THIS! 100%0 -
He didn't buy that you put on weight during your TOM? Does he watch you weigh yourself and then make you explain your weight to him? If so I say leave.
Also, it's virtually impossible that your husband actually gains 8 pounds of fat in a few days of eating junk and loses 10 pounds of fat in a few days afterwards. I wouldn't put any stock whatsoever in those numbers because they sound like just daily fluctuations and whatever.0 -
I think the same as above. You're not feeling good about yourself so you're thinking your husband isn't attracted to you. That's our own insecurity.
I've done this too. My b/f broke up with me and I thought it was because I was too fat. Some months later I talked to him about it and he said "what are you on about? you're not fat, you're sexy! I fancy you, you turn me on.....!!"
You know what OP? Men just dont think the same way as we do!! :laugh: Okay, some men are shallow and some men want a slim body, but mostly, if a man loves you then he's happy and finds you sexy and attractive. Men are honest and straight forward (in general) and if he said you put on weight he was just saying that you put on weight - nothing more, nothing less!
Do yourself a favour and stop second guessing him and definitely stop comparing your weight loss to his. It really is not comparable!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.
Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.
I think men just don't have the water-based fluctuations women have, so it seems more linear for men.
We have beer based fluctuations ... tasty beer ... mmmmmmmm.0 -
I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.
Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.
I think men just don't have the water-based fluctuations women have, so it seems more linear for men.
We have beer based fluctuations ... tasty beer ... mmmmmmmm.
:drinker:0
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