Breakups and stress eating :(

Noley87
Noley87 Posts: 26 Member
in Motivation and Support
My boyfriend of 5 months recently asked me to marry him, and even though it is too quick and I told him we needed more time, I was really, really excited. I want to have a family with you, I want to love you forever, I want to grow old together he said. Blah blah blah.
Well, this morning I found out that he has a DATING profile up and he checks it daily. And when confronted he told me that it is old and his phone checks it periodically. YEAH RIGHT! Of course he is a liar and I dumped him immediately.

But now I am feeling pretty low, I can't help letting this be a blow to my self esteem. I immediately go into chubby girl mentality: it I was thinner, maybe he wouldn't be looking elsewhere. And perversely, I am super tempted to comfort myself with food.
I need some sort of replacement crutch right now. Wine? Bad plan. Smoking? Then I can't run at the gym without hacking up a lung.
HELP!

Replies

  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    That's rough, but I'm confident that the answer to your question is handstands. Do lots and lots of handstands. They never fail to cheer me up.
  • sarahliftsUP
    sarahliftsUP Posts: 752 Member
    Go for a walk, listen to music. Clean out your fridge. Organize your closet, go to the bookstore and get a good book. Anything to keep your mind off of eating. Look up healthy recipes and plan out a nice meal for YOU because you deserve it!

    So he wasn't the guy for you, onto the next one!
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Nothing wrong with a night of indulgence. When I have a break up I drink and smoke, too. Then the next day hit the gym like my life depends on losing 10 more lbs!
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Do you have a kickboxing gym near you? I go to 9Round and love it because if I am upset about something I can go hit bags hard and I leave feeling 100x better and not upset.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Yep.. punching bags and sledgehammer workouts.

    You can also lift until the physical pain is so great you can't feel the emotional pain anymore.
  • Shampres
    Shampres Posts: 64 Member
    Have you looked for a running group or volunteer opportunities? Not only will it preoccupy you, but it'll make you feel good for reasons completely different. Do you like to read? Start a new series. If you feel like you have to be in the kitchen (I do; cooking is a hobby for me) look for new ways to cook favorite foods or figure out how to make indulgent foods in healthier ways.

    Breakups suck. Good for you for recognizing that you deserve better. It gets easier, promise.
  • Noley87
    Noley87 Posts: 26 Member
    That's rough, but I'm confident that the answer to your question is handstands. Do lots and lots of handstands. They never fail to cheer me up.

    ha.ha.ha. :-)
  • Noley87
    Noley87 Posts: 26 Member
    I've organized my bookshelf four times :D Went shopping for new clothes for my daughter, took her to the park, and I am working on an art project for an auction a local homeless shelter does annually. And this happened this morning :) I think I will look into the kickboxing thing, that is brilliant. I am pretty sure I can find a sledgehammer around here somewhere...
  • ajmaupin
    ajmaupin Posts: 44
    Lifting.... lots of lifting...
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Keep busy. Don't turn this on yourself, it was about HIM being an *kitten*, not about how you look. I know it is hard, but try to think of it as very lucky that you found this out now, instead of later, when you may have had so much more invested. Stay as physically active as you can, this will keep you busy, the endorphins will help you to feel better, you will be able to eat because you are moving a lot. Just don't eat more than maintenance and then you won't gain.
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    You do not need crutches. I know it's tempting to reach for one because it feels easier in the moment, but this will not make you happy in the long term. I've been working hard to let myself "feel" my emotions instead of numbing them with food, sex or booze, or any other typical emotional "crutch" people use. Take this time to focus on yourself and learn who you are and how to love yourself and be happy on your own. Go to the gym, this has helped me get rid of some of my crutches and deal with stress/anxiety. Do things that make you feel good. Volunteer in your community. But don't replace a crutch with another. You can walk on your own if you let yourself. You might stumble a bit at first, but you'll eventually get where you're going on your own and you will feel so powerful and awesome about it! What he did is not about you, it's about him. I've always been suspicious of this saying, always thinking that it's just something people say when they're not that into you. But cheating on someone reflects badly on the cheater. Not the victim. Some of the most beautiful people get cheated on. It has, often, nothing to do with them but everything to do with the cheater's own emotional issues. Don't let someone ruin the way you feel about yourself. You can't control what other people do or say, but you can control how you react to it and how you feel.
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    You know dating multiple people isnt taboo?

    You assumed the worst, not cool.

    Why would he ask to marry you if he wants to bang other chicks on the side? That doesnt make much sense unless you have something else he wants. Im not saying that married people dont sleep around, but, why get engaged while you're in the market?

    ETA:Odds are hes a POS, but, maybe not.
  • EmotionalEater84
    EmotionalEater84 Posts: 311 Member
    5 months .. going from marriage to walking away from him. What happened to working things out when there's a problem in a relationship? I mean, if you caught him cheating that's one thing .. but a dating profile? Tell him to delete it, oy.

    Anyways, as per my nick name I am usually in the same boat. Comfort = Food
    Then, Food = Guilt and finally Guilt = Food .. vicious cycle.

    You are on the right path by wanting to find an alternative outlet. Unfortunately I don't know you well enough to know what you enjoy. Thus not letting me provide you with alternatives.

    Personally, I focus on my workouts, family and friends, a cup of tea .. You'd be suprised at how the simple things in your world can calm you down and distract you from that negative mind set. I treat my emotional binges like I do a craving .. drink some water, distract myself with something else, wait 5 minutes and you can usually get over it.

    There will always be times you make a mistake. Just try not to be too hard on yourself and if you can stop before too much damage is done.

    Good luck!!

    PS - You'll find another guy that will treat you the way you should be treated. Chin up!
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    I recently left my boyfriend of a year and the situation was devastating.

    I immediately started kickboxing again and weight lifting. I'm down 15lbs and I feel fan ****ing tastic.

    Find something that is going to be a healthy outlet for you. Eating will only cause you to feel worse. Exercise. Endorphins work wonders on your system.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Yeah, I'd say after 5 months of dating that's most definitely a red flag and better to catch it now than later. Look at it like you just dodged a bullet!

    Check to see if there's a 9Round in your area. The 1st workout is free so you could try it out and see how you like it.

    Personally, I love love love love it. I can't wait to go when I'm having a bad day. Even though some of those bad days I'm trying to talk myself out of going and hitting up a pub instead, I feel 500x better if I go.
  • EV76
    EV76 Posts: 7 Member
    "Take this time to focus on yourself and learn who you are and how to love yourself and be happy on your own"

    This is THE best advice from single female lawyer! After my divorce, I decided not to date, or go out at all for at least two years. It's been three. And it's been great. Spending time with my daughters, spending time on my own. I'm not over the hill just yet at 37. So you definitely got plenty of time at 26. Hit the gym. Let off some steam. We're here for you. ????
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    it sounds like straying forced him to "**** or get of the pot" so to speak. is that how you understand it?

    I know breakups can bring up a world of hurt, more so if you have tangled connections. best way to move on is to find someone else-- get out there, put on some hot clothes and motivate yourself to keep looking amazing for someone who deserves you.
  • elghee123
    elghee123 Posts: 489 Member
    Drastic move but it's your deal, your decision, your life.
    If he doesn't come then it is really done.

    Now, move on!
    Food will only create another problem so focus on looking better!
  • dintentions3
    dintentions3 Posts: 43 Member
    i understand. i am in the same boat in a way. my ex is a good man but we had some (mostly outside) problems and honestly,i let myself go when i was with him. (a year). i called it off bc i need to focus on getting myself healthy physically (losing 50 lbs), and mentally. but i do find that when i would normally be with him (like on the weekends that i DONT have my daughter) i am lonely and its very hard for me not to contact him. what im trying to do in "replacement" of him is only healthy things (i.e. exercise, being strict with my diet, a lot of reading, quality time with my daughter... even helping my DOG to get in shape lol) i still struggle not to call him up when im loney, but i just think to myself: "maybe ill be ready to be in a relationship when i have MYSELF healthy and figured out, and not before then. :brokenheart:

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