Friends not happy for you!?
allana1111
Posts: 390 Member
I don't talk a lot about my goals out loud or to my friends/family because I feel like, for me personally, if I talk about them, it gives me a false sense of achievement, as if they're already accomplished. I'd rather type out my thoughts on here on these forums to get more advice....
but when I DO hit one of my goals I let my best friends know... and I found that they rarely respond. its not like I tell them often.. I don't hit goals every day or every week... so when I do I'm really happy and I thought they'd be happy for me too? I just want someone in my real life to be happy about it!
but when I DO hit one of my goals I let my best friends know... and I found that they rarely respond. its not like I tell them often.. I don't hit goals every day or every week... so when I do I'm really happy and I thought they'd be happy for me too? I just want someone in my real life to be happy about it!
0
Replies
-
I only have a few friends I discuss my goals with...most don't get it and think I am nuts for lifting weights...most are women and believe I will get "bulky"
I discuss it with people who get it usually...otherwise I get that deer in the headlight look...
As for someone in real life being happy...you be happy...this is about you...0 -
Yeah and maybe its human nature to not want others to succeed when it's something they haven't succeeded at yet themselves....and maybe they don't realize that they definitely CAN succeed. its not luck of the draw.0
-
Some people are just crappy friends and put their own feelings ahead of yours. In my experience, this seems to be common for young women. Instead of being happy for you, all they can think is negative thoughts because they're envious and wish they had your drive (or going back to your other thread, think you're "lucky") or are jealous for other reasons. Adjust your expectations accordingly...
If they express a desire to lose weight, share your experiences with them and let them know you're there to help them and leave it at that. These kinds of things can ruin friendships if you're not careful.0 -
Yeah and maybe its human nature to not want others to succeed when it's something they haven't succeeded at yet themselves....and maybe they don't realize that they definitely CAN succeed. its not luck of the draw.
Agree! I'm on the same boat, even my family, their telling me I looked anorexic, then they will be asking how I'd do it and if I still eat. I mean really?! I'm dead by now if I don't eat. maybe because I've somehow lost a lot of weight and they can't imagine I'd succeed. WTG for us!0 -
I agree that most people don't get it. Don't understand how hard you work and the dedication you put in. They are either skinny/fit themselves or if they are not don't want to see someone have the success that they wished they have but don't want to try.
Working 24 hr shifts I still have guys that ask me every shift if I want to eat this or that or will I make this or that. ( I do most of the cooking for the shift). They just look at me like why would you not eat for example biscuits and gravy or refuse to make it for the guys at breakfast. Some understand and are supportive others not. So I don't share my losses and such with them.
Be happy for yourself. Remember this is about you.0 -
Yeah and maybe its human nature to not want others to succeed when it's something they haven't succeeded at yet themselves....and maybe they don't realize that they definitely CAN succeed. its not luck of the draw.
Agree! I'm on the same boat, even my family, their telling me I looked anorexic, then they will be asking how I'd do it and if I still eat. I mean really?! I'm dead by now if I don't eat. maybe because I've somehow lost a lot of weight and they can't imagine I'd succeed. WTG for us!0 -
You seem overly worried about what everyone around you thinks. Whether they are calling you "lucky" or not patting you on the back, dont let it bother you, are you trying to get fit for them or for yourself?0
-
I think it's not always a "bad friend" situation. maybe they just dont know what to say because they dont know how to relate? not saying there are never any bad friends, that happens. but im sure ive made people feel crappy by just smiling and nodding about things. i care, and im glad for your, but i cant relate and dont know what to say.0
-
All my girlfriends are supportive so I don't have this issue. I have one girlfriend who can't really relate, shes all of 4' 11' 90lbs and eats her weight in bacon lol. However I have one close friend that doesn't have the same goals but its health and gym focused as well and we constantly share ideas and recipes and tips to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. We also have plans to start running outdoors together once the weather improves, this is something that I haven't really done before so I'm excited.
I would not focus on the amount of friends that support you/are happy for you but the quality of the few relationships that support your goals and achievements. Rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies
0 -
Unfortunately we are always going to encounter jealousy from someone somewhere
There is a point when you first start losing weight that people are very supportive and happy for you 
But then when you continue... sometimes you hit a jealous barrier 
Try not to let this hinder you though! As long as you are aiming for a healthy weight then continue on your way I've had people give me snarky comments like "well I could lose weight but I ain't going to starve myself..." implying that was how I lost weight, when in reality I eat usually at least 2000 cal/day so I'm not starving!! But I guess maybe it makes them feel better somehow? Honestly there are only a few people I talk to in real life about my weight loss, the rest are my mfp friends 0 -
Let's not go down the road of jealous haters just yet and look at this logically. Are your health and fitness goals important to you? Yes.
Are they important to everyone else? No.
It's a big deal to you right now because you're focusing a lot of time, energy, and attention on it. But it's not a big thing to anybody else. If I told my friends I'd lost x lbs this month, it might get a "good for you" or "great job, I know how hard you've been working" and then the conversation would move on. I know family and friends are happy for me, but seriously, I finally got my *kitten* in gear and lost weight - it isn't like I cured cancer. I don't even really talk about because I've found that unless the other person is focused on fitness as well, it's just not something people want to hear about.0 -
not want others to succeed when it's something they haven't succeeded at yet themselves....
^^This....
Here's what I have found in my life:
The "always thin friend"- says its great when I hit my goals but it seems to be a brush off because they have never had this struggle and don't realize the work it takes to hit one of these goals.
The "overweight friend"- politely smiles and seems happy for me while deep down is slightly jealous that I am accomplishing something they are not.
The "once overweight, now skinny friend"- This is my favorite friend to share my goals with because they have been in the same boat and truly understand the blood, sweat and tears it can take to reach some of these goals.
It sucks when you can't really talk to your best friend about these things but please don't let it discourage you! You have all of us to cheer you on! 0 -
I don't talk a lot about my goals out loud or to my friends/family because I feel like, for me personally, if I talk about them, it gives me a false sense of achievement, as if they're already accomplished. I'd rather type out my thoughts on here on these forums to get more advice....
Isn't it weird how we do that...? I have a personal policy to NOT advertise my diet or fitness goals, or even my health issues in general. For me it just seems such a private, personal thing. In fact, only two of my MFP friends are also real-life friends, and only one or two other people know what is going on with me health-wise as far as the diabetes. I don't even talk about it much with my husband (doesn't get it and just leaves me frustrated so I don't bother.)
I haven't yet lost enough weight for anyone to notice... my friends are not the type to give me a hard time about it but it will be interesting to see people's reactions in general (including my family.)0 -
Let's not go down the road of jealous haters just yet and look at this logically. Are your health and fitness goals important to you? Yes.
Are they important to everyone else? No.
It's a big deal to you right now because you're focusing a lot of time, energy, and attention on it. But it's not a big thing to anybody else. If I told my friends I'd lost x lbs this month, it might get a "good for you" or "great job, I know how hard you've been working" and then the conversation would move on. I know family and friends are happy for me, but seriously, I finally got my *kitten* in gear and lost weight - it isn't like I cured cancer. I don't even really talk about because I've found that unless the other person is focused on fitness as well, it's just not something people want to hear about.
all of this!0 -
its not even that I care about what they think, its just that they have the same goals and I'm proud of myself and would like to be an inspiration for them and show that even though I have a desk job 7-5 it IS attainable once you decide what your priorities are! I just thought I could be an inspiration and instead I feel like I can't share any successes because I won't get a response. its not that I get a negative response..i just don't get a response. but oh well... I have MFP to share successes on. and I love seeing the transformation in the mirror0
-
The cliche "misery loves company" is real, I experienced it along the road to my success.0
-
its not even that I care about what they think, its just that they have the same goals and I'm proud of myself and would like to be an inspiration for them and show that even though I have a desk job 7-5 it IS attainable once you decide what your priorities are! I just thought I could be an inspiration and instead I feel like I can't share any successes because I won't get a response. its not that I get a negative response..i just don't get a response. but oh well... I have MFP to share successes on. and I love seeing the transformation in the mirror
This is not the same as them not being happy for you. This is you feeling butthurt, for lack of a better term, because everyone else isn't following your lead and making you their fitness mentor. In this case, you need to accept that they are going to making changes when they are ready and that they may not be responding because they feel like you are being preachy and pushy. Celebrate with your fitness friends and let your other friends decide for themselves if they want to make you their inspiration.0 -
I think this is hard for anyone… I know when I first started really seeing results, my husband sort of politely ignored my celebrations. It took me some time to realize it was because he was unhappy with his own progress. It’s really hard to be happy for someone else when you aren’t happy with yourself. Don’t let them bring you down – this is less about you and more about how they are feeling, inwardly.0
-
Well I don't personally have any girlfriends to share this sort of thing with anyway. But I do have girls in my family who I tend to tell whenever I have hit an achievement or talk about the gym etc...my sister can't stand talking to me about it and gets very jealous (even though she herself has lost 4 stone) and gets angry with me so I can't talk with her. My mum is supportive but can't relate to me as she's naturally thin so I usually chat to my cousins about it. One is a guy and is quite health and fitness focused so he's easy to talk to about it.
I usually find that if someone is not happy for you, they're somewhat jealous of your success or your ambitions with yourself. That's what I find anyway 0 -
I've adopted the phrase "Love Thy Hater."
There are certain friends AND FAMILY members who have been jealous due to academic and professional decisions and now it's getting ugly with my weight loss. Because I poured myself in professional endeavors, I really let myself go a bit. But now that I'm down nearly 16lbs (3-4lbs while in MFP), people are only getting nastier. Someone yesterday wasn't happy that I didn't praise them and said "I should punch you in your stomach." Funny thing is.. I don't have much of one and they have a protruding one.
Breathe. Stay Focused on your healthy weight loss goals and what makes you happy. And remember that you're are living for yourself and not anyone else.
Love Thy Hater. And keep it moving.0 -
I've adopted the phrase "Love Thy Hater."
I love this!0 -
this is one of the most common problems.....I think there are several reasons for why it happens. I have found that it's a wonderful thing when you can celebrate it here on MFP with people who have similar struggles and understand what you working toward. Use this as your place to find encouragement and inspiration and let your IRL friends just be "friends" rather than support groups....different friends are for different purposes and MFP will provide you with the support and understanding you need in that area so find people here to share those successes with 0
-
People with common goals usually are higher support. That is the value of MFP. I find that my personal friends noticing without my saying anything is the greater reward. Beware though; as you near your ultimate goal, many times they will view you as having gone "too far" due to the general public misconception of what "healthy" is... Many times, especially in the South, they have a concept of "healthy" as being about 25 pounds overweight to mildly obese... anything less than that and you will find that they will think you are "anorexic"...0
-
I also think that many "friends" consider what we're going through as a fitness phase and that we'll eventually "return to normal." What they don't realize is how much positive energy it takes to become physically fit and that positive energy opens up other doors in life. I totally agree with the cliche "AwesomeSauce" mentioned that misery love company and now I try very hard to establish relationship boundaries with toxic, negative people. Once those people aren't around then more positive people seem to show up in my life.0
-
its not even that I care about what they think, its just that they have the same goals and I'm proud of myself and would like to be an inspiration for them and show that even though I have a desk job 7-5 it IS attainable once you decide what your priorities are! I just thought I could be an inspiration and instead I feel like I can't share any successes because I won't get a response. its not that I get a negative response..i just don't get a response. but oh well... I have MFP to share successes on. and I love seeing the transformation in the mirror
I totally understand this! I came to the realization that my IRL friends just don't want to hear it, so I don't mention my losses. If they want me to be their inspiration, then they can come to me when they see I've met my goals. It sucks, though, because I'm proud of how far I've gone and I can only really share this with my husband and my mom. So I come here, because EVERYONE here understands and is supportive.0 -
I tend to find that people give the deer-in-headlights look if you haven't mentioned much to them in the past about your goal(s). But my friends in general are very supportive and encouraging. I DO find that people who have a history of failure with their own diet and fitness are the least interested and supportive. I have one friend in particular who seems to feel bitter and threatened. But I think that's because we go way back, and as teens we were a similar (obese) weight and that's continued to the present day. However, as I've gradually lost weight and become more active, she has gained more and tried a lot of the fads (shakes etc) and therefore is not supportive. She is jealous, and does not believe that I have lost over 100 lb without some sort of "secret" which in her mind is either pills, starvation, voodoo, etc. It has put a huge wedge in our friendship and I'm at the point of not even caring anymore.0
-
Let me just throw out a bit of (calorie-free) food for thought.
I know someone who lost a bunch of weight. Someone I care about very much! She was quite obese and it was absolutely awesome to see the changes.
As she lost, things like this started to happen:
ME: Ugh. I gained five pounds over the holidays.
HER: I don't know how I did it, but I managed to LOSE five in December!!!
ME: I could really use some new jeans.
HER: (standing up to demonstrate): ME TOO! Look at how these are FALLING OFF!
ME: mmmmmmm... Cheeseburgers
HER: UGH! I have absolutely NO appetite for greasy foods!
It got pretty hard to be around her for a while. She thought I was being unsupportive.
I'm not saying this is the case with you, OP, because I don't know you and your friends. But maybe take a second to look inward?0 -
I get the same thing...,... I get lectured about how I should just love my body and every size is beautiful blah blah blah BUT they don't even bother to ask why I am doing it.... I am unhealthy!!! I have so many medical problems it's unreal...... I was on a quick road to my death bed.... I'm not doing it because I hate myself... I'm doing it because I love myself.
Most people are supportive... But some just dismiss it. I'm glad that some of my bigger friends love their bodies..... More power to them.... But I can't just be like I am big and beautiful and hear me roar.... Im not aiming to be skinny.... I'm aiming to be healthy!0 -
Let me just throw out a bit of (calorie-free) food for thought.
I know someone who lost a bunch of weight. Someone I care about very much! She was quite obese and it was absolutely awesome to see the changes.
As she lost, things like this started to happen:
ME: Ugh. I gained five pounds over the holidays.
HER: I don't know how I did it, but I managed to LOSE five in December!!!
ME: I could really use some new jeans.
HER: (standing up to demonstrate): ME TOO! Look at how these are FALLING OFF!
ME: mmmmmmm... Cheeseburgers
HER: UGH! I have absolutely NO appetite for greasy foods!
It got pretty hard to be around her for a while. She thought I was being unsupportive.
I'm not saying this is the case with you, OP, because I don't know you and your friends. But maybe take a second to look inward?
Great perspective. It took me a while to realize I was your friend. When I had lost a lot of weight, I was constantly screaming about my excitement without even noticing that I was making my other friends feel bad about themselves.
Now I am back working to lose a few lbs and eventually gain muscle, I try to make sure I am not really talking about it around certain people as they take it as "Well if you're fat, what the hell am I?"
You need to find the friends that are supportive of you on your journey. Which might just be your MFPals 0 -
All my friends sort of distanced themselves as I became thinner, I don't know why.. I guess they were always just used to the funny fat girl and they thought I had changed or something #sigh
Plenty of fish in the sea I guess 0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions