I NEVER feel good enough - please help :(

The thing that I would really recommend for you to do is to find a support group. Find something more than even this site. Find a group of tangible people who can encourage you and love you and hug you. Try to keep the negative people to a minimum in your life. If you can think about joining somewhere like Curves or look around for support groups. And dont be ashamed of it either! There is noting to be ashamed of. You are trying to make a positive change in your life but you need help, support and encouragement. Use this site as much as you can. Especially for things like this when you have tough questions that you may not feel comfortable to ask face to face. Some of the most beautiful people are beautiful because they believe they are. We have all met (reguardless of our own personal size) overweight people who just shined and glowed. They brightened your day when they came into the room and we loved to see them coming. Try to change your outlook on yourself. Realize that you are worthy of love and you are priceless. Realize that it cuts you to the heart when people do these horrid things to you but you possess the strength and power inside of you to rise above it and over come them all. If you didnt have the strength you would have never joined the site and asked the question. You are on your way now. Now you just have to keep it up. I think if you can find a personal support group then you will be more likely to be able to keep up the strength to fight off all of the rancid negativity that is unfortunately part of your life due to the people who are a part of it. Dont loose heart, dont give up, dont let them win! You can do this!!! I know you can!

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Being skinny is a skill I've never aquired, and I don't believe that I ever will. Just like I can't juggle, walk a tight rope, wear a shoe size less than huge, or ever wear women's gloves. Some people aren't skinny, and some people aren't fat. I'm not entirely impressed with seeing my 300 lb body in the nude, but I'm totally impressed with me.

At the tender age of ten, I remember my pant size, 18, now it's bigger, but I can tell you it's never been lower than that number in my adult life. I've been picked on for being fat, I've been judged, and I've gotten the judgemental eyeball. One thing that helps whether it's people you know or people you don't know, they've got something about themselves they can't stand just as much as you are uncomfortable with your size, and they'd give anything to stop thinking about it for a minute, so they choose to point out your insecurities to you, as if you weren't already well aware.

Also, don't dwell on what those nasty people say. You have a boyfriend who obviously thinks that you are beautiful inside & out or he wouldn't deal with you pishawing his compliments on your body so well. You have to start telling yourself that the circumference of your waist does not define you, but the things you do, the things you care about & the people you love & who love you are what matter & should be the only things you consider when self-evaluating.

You may want to seek counceling, if not to help you with your depression, it will also help you to understand the views of people around you from a better perspective (ie it might help you understand why your mother thinks your weight is her business, and at the same time how to accept & appreciate the comments your boyfriend gives you on your lovely appearance). It's not so much not caring about what other people think, but understanding and accepting how other people think that's important (you don't have to like it).

I wish you luck & I hope you start feeling better

PS...You're totally allowed to have a sex life.

When I get really down about my weight I remind myself that it is only a part of who I am. I am not just my fat body. I am a woman who is many things. I am sure that you are person who is many things as well. I remind myself of that all the time.

An exercise that helps me is to look in the mirror and say three good things about the way I look. I like my hair, my cleavage is outstanding , and I have a nice sense of style. Then whenever I find someone giving me the "fat ogle" that you talk about I tell myself that they are also seeing the beautiful parts about me. When I feel better about myself, it makes it more difficult for others to get me down. Now, don't get me wrong there are days, but really, you have the power to be as beautiful as you feel!!

Hang in there! You are working hard on yourself and that is something to be proud of!

Look, I dont know who you are, but i bet anything in the world you have an amazing personality. For the longest time i was so insecure about my body, that i never let my personatlity shine through. But i PROMISE!!!!! I promise people will change the way they look at yoiu if you start letting your personatlity shine through your skin. A body, ...is just a body. everyones willl change throughout their lifetime. HOWEVER, your personatlity and who you are will always be the same. Talk about yourself in a more positive way, and stop critizizing yourself in front of others. See where that takes you:) I challenge you to have a positive outlook on yourself for just a week:)

Sounds like your boyfriend already loves you. Relax and let that be. As far as the other stuff, I think we have to LEARN to love ourselves. Yes, there are people who are "in love" with themselves, but accepting and loving ourselves for who we are is something altogether different. It is something I have worked on all my life, and while I have made a lot of progress, I am not at the finish line yet. I have found it helpful to read self-help books, be part of support groups, etc. I also found that when I allowed myself to grieve for the body I had, it helped me accept myself and also to begin in earnest the journey to becoming healthier, both physically and emotionally.

Good luck.

Whatever our size (large or small), it's my belief that all we ever truly want is the approval of the people that are closest to us (parents, significant other, etc). And by getting their approval, we then feel validated. I don't tell this story as a comparison, because I don't think I'll ever know what you're going through, but I understand how it feels to be unacceptable in the eyes of a parent.

In my family (including aunts, uncles, cousins), almost everyone is/was heavy and has been on some sort of diet most of their lives. When I was a kid, I always felt out of place because I was very small. Whenever my mom would talk about me, I was "the skinny one" or "annorexic" because I could eat a lot and didn't gain weight. (I was a very active kid, playing a lot of sports, took dance lessons and was in an active Girl Scout troop.) And even though that may sound like a great "problem" to have, the tone she used when saying it was just as hurtful to me as if she were the thin one and calling me "fat". It made me feel as though I didn't fit in and wasn't part of the family. That's a terrible feeling to have as a kid, especially since it was coming from a parent. I'm 37 now, and it still bothers me.

Over the last 10 years, I became more sedintary (?) and have gained some weight... a lot, for me. When I was out shopping for some new clothes with my mom a while ago and she asked my size, I actually saw her smile when I told her what my size was. It seemed to me that she was finally happy because I was "fitting in" with the rest of the family. Of course, she then found something else to criticize me over.

I guess my point is that we're never going to make everyone around us happy, no matter what lengths we go to to try to please them. I know it can be difficult when you're in a dark place in your life to snap out of it. I've been there. I've been scared to stay where I was, but too scared to take a step forward toward improving, too. While I never took the route of seeking professional help, that's a suggestion that several of the previous posters gave that I sometimes wish I would have done. Instead, I found a great company that I'm working with, that encourages personal development through reading books and listening to CDs. To help with the mental/emotional side of things, Anthony Robbins and Jim Rohn have some great books and CDs available. I would recommend checking them out... to go along with seeking professional help.

Whichever way you decide to resolve this, I wish you well.

My family was never supportive. It's taken me half my life to really realize it. And the main thing to realize is that many people don't grow up in supportive families or get what they need growing up. That doesn't mean they can't build it for themselves when they are adults and in charge of themselves.

Finding the supportive people, and people that are not bad for you can happen, if you make sure you push back and turn away from the unsupportive (bad for you) people and situations. Begin to surround yourself with positives, and positive people that DO have whats best for you in mind. Be a good friend back. There are many people that will be that person for you, or even another Mom for you that doesn't make you feel judged and supports you. Just let them, and ignore the rest. It takes time. It takes you realizing that you keep trying to please people that you won't please and stop trying. They have their own issues.

Know what? People don't always like skinny pretty girls either, or successful people, or people that do better than them Find your real friends, and keep believing in yourself. I have a 10 yr old. I'm trying to teach her what real friends are like. They care for you as much as you care for them. They don't use you as a stepping stone, or to compare themselves with so they feel better, or wallow in pity with. It's a 2 way street when it's real friends, and the street goes in good directions.

You are working on yourself, and not giving up! It's all going to come together. I promise.