85% of people who do gastric bypass surgery leave their SO.

Options
JamesRustler
JamesRustler Posts: 45 Member
in Chit-Chat
Source: http://rfl.com/Portals/3/PDF/Counseling Bariatric Surgery Patients.pdf
"If a patient in a long-term marriage was a normal weight when the marriage began,” Pilcher says, “that marriage is probably in pretty good shape to withstand the changes following surgery. If the patient was heavy at the time the marriage or the relationship began, however, there’s an 80% to 85% chance that that relationship is going to break up within two years of surgery."

Not surprised one bit. Thoughts?

Replies

  • Greenrun99
    Greenrun99 Posts: 2,065 Member
    Options
    I wonder what percentage of those marriages are when the woman got the surgery and leaves their husband...
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Not surprised at all! Seen it happen over and over not just by surgery but any major weight loss! They got married fat thinking no one but that person would want them and now the weight is gone the compliments come and they are out the door!
  • bnantzak
    bnantzak Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    There might also be feelings of inadequacy on the part of the SO. As in the partner who didn't lose weight now feels threatened by the attention the other half is now getting and as a result acts hostile towards the one who lost the weight.
  • jclist1
    jclist1 Posts: 87 Member
    Options
    My sister got left by her ex-husband about 1.5 years after his surgery. He was a little bigger going into the marriage, but really gained the weight while they were married for 10 years. Even with all her support and everything, he decided he was too good for her I guess. The surgery changed his body for sure, but it really screwed with him mentally too. I don't think people are always prepared mentally for the changes.
  • Armwrench
    Armwrench Posts: 7 Member
    Options
    Being a person who has had lap-band surgery, I hear this all the time. However it is usually because the partner who did not have the surgery has problems dealing with their spouses new ways of living. Being a person who has surgery you now have to spend more time caring for yourself which takes time away from your spouse especially if that spouse is a person who like to go out to eat all the time. I love to still go out but I don't eat much but enjoy the conversation much more. (not to mention its cheaper now)
  • mlanders22
    mlanders22 Posts: 140 Member
    Options
    There might also be feelings of inadequacy on the part of the SO. As in the partner who didn't lose weight now feels threatened by the attention the other half is now getting and as a result acts hostile towards the one who lost the weight.

    And accuses them of having an affair with their personal trainer. Not that I know this from experience or anything....
  • tazhinshaw
    tazhinshaw Posts: 297 Member
    Options
    There might also be feelings of inadequacy on the part of the SO. As in the partner who didn't lose weight now feels threatened by the attention the other half is now getting and as a result acts hostile towards the one who lost the weight.

    And accuses them of having an affair with their personal trainer. Not that I know this from experience or anything....

    sheesh! o.o
  • Rachifloon
    Rachifloon Posts: 129 Member
    Options
    Not surprised at all! Seen it happen over and over not just by surgery but any major weight loss! They got married fat thinking no one but that person would want them and now the weight is gone the compliments come and they are out the door!
    There might also be feelings of inadequacy on the part of the SO. As in the partner who didn't lose weight now feels threatened by the attention the other half is now getting and as a result acts hostile towards the one who lost the weight.

    Nailed it.
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    Options
    Basic water-finds-its-level type of behavior. Any self-improvement course will yield similar statistics. Drop a bunch of weight, get in great shape, and your partner either does the same (thus keeping you compatible) or does not (leading to problems). We tend to pair with those on our own level or close to it, and when one of you changes the expected level...it's pretty obvious where it leads.

    When my wife dropped 35 pounds, it made me think. I concluded that if she could figure out the fitness thing, maybe I could finally beat the ultra skinny physique I had going and do the same. I've added a bunch of muscle in return. Note that I didn't do it because she told me to, or because I felt inadequate, or because I was afraid she'd leave. It was, I think, my natural response to her attractiveness level going up. Her natural, we-never-talked-about-it reaction to my muscles was to get better in bed. Mine in return was to use my new muscles to learn handyman skills. It's a cycle, the good kind, the type that improves a marriage, and what everyone hopes for. We are both far more attractive (to others and to one another) than we were ten years ago.

    But not everyone responds the way we did. Those drastic, attractiveness altering changes put pressure on a relationship. The response matters, and even if we all want to believe we're above such things and are much more advanced and can accept others for who they are...we often can't. Rather than rail against it, acceptance of the real facts and a course of mutual self-improvement is the only path of action that makes much sense.

Categories