Lazy Work Out Buddies

spdoughe
spdoughe Posts: 51
in Fitness and Exercise
Last night was my first night working out with my new gym friend. There were pros and cons to working out together. Pros were that she made my cardio time fly by, it was a social outlet for me, who doesnt like a new friend? Cons.. well I shouldnt say cons, it wasn't that it was a super negative thing, but I felt like she wasnt as motivated as me to work out HARD. I just dont want it to hold me back, there were several times in the workout that she was ready to call it quits and I could have easily said yah this is good for today.. but I knew I wanted to keep going so I would say "well I'm going to do this this and this still but if you are ready to leave thats fine!!" She always stayed and sort of followed suit with what I was doing, but even when it came to our abs, I said lets pick 4 exercises and do 3 sets of 25. I picked planking as our first one,a nd she said oh i dont like planks, so she did sit ups. The second one I grabbed a round weight and did those side to side twist things (is there a name for that?) and she was like ughhh I dont want to do those! and did something else. I just felt like I had to be the motivator, which is fine it actually put me in a position to be true to myself, but I dont know if I want to make it a regular thing. I want a work out buddy who pushes me too, one that I can challenge and work hard toward both of our goals. Maybe this was just a bad first work out and next time she'll know what to expect when she works out with me.

Has anyone else had this happen to them? I like working out with others as opposed to alone, but how do you find an equivalently matched partner?

Replies

  • 40andFindingFitness
    40andFindingFitness Posts: 497 Member
    Saw this on your blog and answered there. ;-)
  • gkauf744
    gkauf744 Posts: 128 Member
    I used to have some fab workout partners at my old job. I tried yoga with one woman in my new office, and that was fine, but awkward because she was a noobie and we've never done it again. I found some people who like to walk for about a mile and a half at lunch. That's the best I've got at the moment. I agree, I like working out with people. Hope you find what you're looking for!
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    You don't have to be the motivator. Just be the driver. Pick the plan, tell her she can stop when she needs to rest and quit when she's ready to quit. Then you just push thru as if she's not even there. She'll step get game up soon enough. Or she'll quit working out with you. Either outcome is acceptable.

    Get a watch with a timer (or gymboss or phone app) and set it to go off after 1 or 2 minute intervals. Between sets, start the time and then socialize and have a good time. Don't talk about the workout unless it's part of being social. When the timer goes off, just jump back into the next set without saying a word. That way you don't have to feel rude for cutting off the convo.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I said lets pick 4 exercises and do 3 sets of 25. I picked planking as our first one,a nd she said oh i dont like planks, so she did sit ups. The second one I grabbed a round weight and did those side to side twist things (is there a name for that?) and she was like ughhh I dont want to do those! and did something else. I just felt like I had to be the motivator, which is fine it actually put me in a position to be true to myself, but I dont know if I want to make it a regular thing. I want a work out buddy who pushes me too, one that I can challenge and work hard toward both of our goals.

    I would never work out again with someone like this.
    I don't LIKE doing lots of things- but the only reason I don't do something is because it is going to cause me physical pain- so I work around it- or do a modified version. I would never make it with someone who says "oh I don't like those" and just never does them for that reason.

    Russian Twists are the name for those.

    A good work out partner is about your level- some things you're better at- some things their better at- so you can push each other. If one of you is significantly above the other who also lacks motivation- it's going to feel like you're pulling her and draggin you down.

    otherwise- DavPul has it down-Just do the thing- and she can do it or she can not.

    I don't have time to try to CONVINCE someone to work out. and pushing someone with a JUST ONE MORE- or FIVE MORE SECONDS- is not the same as "come on you should really do these"

    I've only honestly ever had success with one person- he was stronger than I was- but I had better endurance- and I'm strong ENOUGH so we weren't moving hundreds of pounds of weights between our sets- and we just really knew how to focus and do the work- offer form corrections as needed- and pick the next thing as needed. sigh- I miss working out with him sometimes- it can be fun.
  • Gearjammer71
    Gearjammer71 Posts: 151 Member
    Things could turn around though... You may be the motivator now, but she may pick you up when you're not feeling it. It's worth a shot, plus It's better than no workout buddy at all. I've been flying solo for a few weeks and it's not good. Not just with escape plans for when your muscles fail and you need out from under the weight, but there's always that old dude lurking around hoping to help you out by putting his junk way too close to your face. It's a clear cut choice to either find a work out partner you like, or risk being tea-bagged by grandpa.
  • spdoughe
    spdoughe Posts: 51

    Russian Twists are the name for those.

    A good work out partner is about your level- some things you're better at- some things their better at- so you can push each other. If one of you is significantly above the other who also lacks motivation- it's going to feel like you're pulling her and draggin you down.

    I don't have time to try to CONVINCE someone to work out. and pushing someone with a JUST ONE MORE- or FIVE MORE SECONDS- is not the same as "come on you should really do these"


    Thanks for the name! And I definetly wasn't being a drill sergant and saying we HAD to do certain exercises.. She was just laying on the mat and not coming up with any so I thought i would take the lead. And who knows, maybe she will turn around and start motivating me! I like all of the responses on here, I hope nobody thinks I was being a B word, i really wasn't ! I was just curious on peoples' experience with workout buddies :)
  • UnoDrea3732
    UnoDrea3732 Posts: 342 Member
    UGH!! I have a friend like that. We would go walking and she would always want to take the shortest route or she would always flake out on me and "over sleep". Needless to say - I stopped working out with her.

    Actually I've found out that working out by myself is the best thing for me.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    but there's always that old dude lurking around hoping to help you out by putting his junk way too close to your face.

    Really?! Sorry but that made me :laugh:
  • ImpishVanity
    ImpishVanity Posts: 224 Member
    It's one thing to not want to do something, quite another to refuse. I work out with my roommate and I'm at a higher level than she is. I've worked on finding or making workouts that challenge both of us, without being too overly hard for her or too easy for me. If she doesn't like a specific exercise she will tell me, but she will do them. Next time I may find a different exercise to work the same group of muscle to compromise. I do things she likes that I don't. We work together on it. Neither of us refuses to do anything or tries to do something different because we don't like what the workout was for the day. If your workout buddy isn't willing to do things she doesn't like, find a new one or workout alone.
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
    Girrrrrl, I feel ya. I work out alone for that reason. OK, maybe I'm a little anti-social too, but that's another issue.

    Generally, when women I know say "let's work out! You can motivate me! Yeahhhhh!" (bobbing head side to side like a valley girl) I don't set up meets with them because I learned from experience that they are just not that into it. They want to say it out loud to convince themselves, but the willingness is not there.

    In my whole life, I have found one person who is actually into it. Every now and then I meet her at her local Planet fitness and we work out. I have another friend, a guy but these days he's busy with school.

    I also have started to feel a little lonely at the gym. I mean, I go, I don't have a problem doing it alone. I work out, but it would be nice to have an equally motivated person who is up for every challenge. And now that I'm considering movign to heavier stuff, I may need a "spotter." I mean, there are things I can't do yet like pull ups, but I'm game to try;I'm game for any workout except zumba. "Dance aerobics" I don't do, unless it's at home and alone. I suck at that stuff.

    I'm still looking though. I will find someone.
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
    The search may be endless... if you REALLY need to work out with someone, you may have to find someone at a similar level of fitness as you. Try going to a fitness class at your local Y or community centre and make a new friend. Either that or learn to work out alone. I have to give you props, I can't workout with other people because I feel slowed down by them.
  • MRSpivey
    MRSpivey Posts: 270 Member
    It took me nine months to finally find a workout partner that's 95% compatible.
  • katro111
    katro111 Posts: 632 Member
    This is exactly why I limit my workouts with my workout buddy to what I consider my days off.. I don't do weights with her anymore and I do my intense cardio alone, now, too. So now when she says, "Oooh, wanna go to the gym today?" And I say, "Sure! We can walk the track!" and she gets super excited I know I've already put in my desired level of effort for the week without her. lol.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I went through several workout buddies before finding one that's pretty much a perfect match. We both have days like your new workout buddy did (we call it whiney - seems to coincide w/ TOM) so if it was me, I'd follow through on your plan to give her a chance and see if that's how she always is or if she was just having a whiney day.

    And if she doesn't want to do exactly what you're doing, no harm done IMHO. My gym buddy and I have had to deal with some injuries over the last couple years. She had bad plantar fascitis and so had to stop running and was actually limited to just biking for a while. So I'd try to ride on the stationaries with her but some days that just bored the hell out of me (or my rear was still sore or I just wanted a more intense workout) so I would hop on a different machine or go for a run for at least part of the time. At least we were still there encouraging each other to continue working out even if we weren't doing the same thing.

    Bottom line is, it's pretty much like any other relationship. Maybe yuo can work it out and come to a good compromise or maybe you'll decide that you're not a good fit for each other. It is nice to have someone there to help the cardio time fly!

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