I need help...

ruikoh
ruikoh Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ladies, I need help. I don't know where else to run to. I'm afraid to share it with my friends and family as they might not understand. They might even say, there are bigger problems in the world than mine. I know that they would probably be right coz they are have not been in my journey. I feel safer to share my problem here as I know, many of you can relate to me and probably give me words of encouragement.

I have been extremely overweight my entire life. That changed when I learned about calories, food and exercise. I lost a lot of weight and I'm currently loving my current weight (although I'm still overweight as per BMI). I'm 150lbs at 5'5". Been in this weight (+/-5) for probably over a year now. Food, exercise, nutrition and calorie-counting has become an obsession for me.

My relationship with food has been extremely intense. I am a control freak and an emotional eater (Yeah, you heard me. A bad combination but yes, it's true). So sometimes, when I feel bad about myself and become human, I lose control and eat. And when I say eat, this is eat as if there is no tomorrow. It's eating like I'm punishing myself. It actually feels like I'm committing some sort of suicide on food. After eating like that, I feel half-dead. I already had a bad day plus it feels like I ate the entire world.

I read a lot of books and articles about this. Learned the importance of self forgiveness, of resiliency, of addressing the root of the actual problem. It works. Yeah, it does when you know what your problem is. Example, you are tired. Instead of eating, you need to get your *kitten* home pronto! And sleep. Another example, you are stressed. Instead of eating, you take a good hot bath. This works. Yeah sure. I testify. But the problem is when you don't know what the problem is. It's just those days that you feel like **** and you don't know why. These are the times when my eating habits are so hard to control and instead of helping me feel better, it actually multiplies how bad I feel about myself!

My post seems really bad. But to assure you girls, I'm still fine. I'm still keeping my wits together. My weight is still the same. It has just been a few days. I'm just afraid it's getting worst as days go by. Day after day, I talk less. I become anti-social. I am becoming negative. So, I feel I really need to let it out. Share it to someone. Reach out to someone and admit I need help.

Everyone who knows me think I lost weight so gracefully. They even say I made it look so easy. If only they knew how nerve-wrecking it is to fight this never-ending cycle.

Replies

  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
    Log it accurately & honestly, and move on. Forgive yourself! (If it helps, I forgive you.)

    Eat "good" (whatever that means to you) 80% of the time. Fit yummy, portion-controlled treats into your calorie goal. Deprivation can lead to bingeing.

    Read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • mfp2014mfp
    mfp2014mfp Posts: 689 Member
    Everyone who knows me think I lost weight so gracefully. They even say I made it look so easy. If only they knew how nerve-wrecking it is to fight this never-ending cycle.

    I feel your pain in this sentence right here. Sometimes we need to find someone to open up to and share our pain with. If you are a religious or spiritual person I would strongly encourage you to engage in that community, it can give you an enormous sense of unconditional love which sometimes can be so lacking in our lives and a real key to the emotional and spiritual progress to tie in with physical progress.

    I wish you all the best in your journey, please dont be too hard on yourself. You are capable and stronger in so many ways that you dont even realise. :flowerforyou:
  • sophieR1693
    sophieR1693 Posts: 5 Member
    If binging is a big problem for you try getting rid of all "bad" food from your house. If the cupboard/fridge is only filled with fruit, veg and other healthy options and you end up binging, binging on these kind of food would be better than crisps, chocolate, biscuits.... I don't think that this is a permanent fix for it. I think you need a friend to reach out to that know what you have been going through if you have a bad day. I'm here to help if you need it :)
  • ruikoh
    ruikoh Posts: 10 Member
    Log it accurately & honestly, and move on. Forgive yourself! (If it helps, I forgive you.)

    Thank you for the quick reply. I especially love this part about your reply. Really calmed a nerve or two. Made me think, if a complete stranger can forgive me, why can't I? :)
  • ruikoh
    ruikoh Posts: 10 Member
    I wish you all the best in your journey, please dont be too hard on yourself. You are capable and stronger in so many ways that you dont even realise. :flowerforyou:

    Thank you so much. Your words of encouragement means so much.
  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
    Log it accurately & honestly, and move on. Forgive yourself! (If it helps, I forgive you.)
    Thank you for the quick reply. I especially love this part about your reply. Really calmed a nerve or two. Made me think, if a complete stranger can forgive me, why can't I? :)
    Because we're always way harder on ourselves than we would ever be to others.

    It sounds cheesy, but try to treat yourself as you would a friend. (And as SophieR1693 says, surround yourself with supportive MFP friends. You're not alone!)
  • ruikoh
    ruikoh Posts: 10 Member
    If binging is a big problem for you try getting rid of all "bad" food from your house. If the cupboard/fridge is only filled with fruit, veg and other healthy options and you end up binging, binging on these kind of food would be better than crisps, chocolate, biscuits.... I don't think that this is a permanent fix for it. I think you need a friend to reach out to that know what you have been going through if you have a bad day. I'm here to help if you need it :)

    Been there, done that. Still doing it. It helps a lot but eating so much of anything is still bad and still leaves me feeling like ****... that's the problem. But thank you for letting me know you are ready to lend an ear. I think right now, that is all I can ever ask for.
  • ruikoh
    ruikoh Posts: 10 Member
    Log it accurately & honestly, and move on. Forgive yourself! (If it helps, I forgive you.)
    Thank you for the quick reply. I especially love this part about your reply. Really calmed a nerve or two. Made me think, if a complete stranger can forgive me, why can't I? :)
    Because we're always way harder on ourselves than we would ever be to others.

    It sounds cheesy, but try to treat yourself as you would a friend. (And as SophieR1693 says, surround yourself with supportive MFP friends. You're not alone!)

    I've been a member for almost 3 years now. Why haven't I thought of this sooner? :) You ladies are gifts from heaven. Finally some people who'd understand what I'm going through.
  • allunits
    allunits Posts: 95 Member
    I think you're doing the right thing by reaching out. You nailed it when you said that sometimes we just don't know the reason why we're sad, down, depressed, unmotivated, lethargic, anti-social. You're fighting a big battle and you obviously got the food part down. Even if it doesn't always feel healthy or "good" or easy, you've lost a lot of weight so you know how to reach that goal. The other side you have to conquer is how you feel about this whole thing, about yourself, about your own emotional mechanisms, about how those around you perceive you. For that, you have to reach out and talk about it because that side won't be fixed with controlling food. You know that already. It's brave of you to say that you need help and to reach out. Take a breath and really see that you're already doing the work just by reaching out and sharing how you feel. You're doing it.
  • JengaJess
    JengaJess Posts: 109 Member
    Sounds like you have some issues that extend past food. Getting rid of all your junk food and accurately logging the calories of a binge can only do so much.
    Sounds like you need someone to talk to.
    I moved very far away from home almost 2 years ago. A good friend of mine had passed away the year before, and 3 after I moved, my long distance boyfriend cheated on me and ended our relationship. I was felt so ****ty, and the worst part is, I felt like I didn't have anyone to turn to. So I turned to food. I would just sit and watch TV and eat and eat and eat. I felt like I couldn't turn to any of my friends and I ended up gaining about 25 pounds in that year alone.
    My point is, find someone to talk to. Of course there are people in the world who have it much worse than you, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel pain, sorrow, anger, disappointment or just feel plain bad some days. These feelings are all natural. Now that I've been away from my family and friends for almost 2 years, I've made some great friends. Whenever I'm feeling ****ty and just don't know why, I send them a text. They either send me some love and support, or just make me laugh. It's a lot more comforting than junk food. And I feel a lot better about myself reaching out to someone then I do reaching in my fridge.

    You look incredible. Your ticker says you've lost an amazing amount of weight. Don't be so hard on yourself! And don't be afraid to reach out to someone when you're feel bad and don't know why. Sometimes all you need is to know someone is there.
    Good luck, girl! You're amazing and you'll continue to be!
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    I would recommend finding a counselor or therapist to help you work through some of this and get to the root of your emotional eating. Making a behavioral change is hard enough on it's own, but weight loss can be an entirely different animal. There are so many emotions surrounding weight and self-perception, and just because the weight comes off doesn't mean the feelings go away. Talking to someone might help.
  • ruikoh
    ruikoh Posts: 10 Member
    Thank you ladies! I love reading all of your replies. This does feel so much better than eating. Before I posted this, I actually felt compelled to eat again. But after I posted it, I felt better. Moreover, after I read your replies, I feel a lot happier. I think tomorrow is gonna be a good day... a sunny day finally.

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