How can I Positively Motivate My Spouse to Workout?

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  • YogaRunner
    YogaRunner Posts: 652 Member
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    I'm a Marriage Therapist and a fitness coach....there is no simple answer to your question. Others have said that you can set a good example by being active yourself and inviting him to join you and this is very true. Be creative with the activities so that it is not about "working out" but about having fun in an active way. And, at a quiet moment, invite him to talk with you about your motivations and goals and his goals and how you can support him. Remind him that you love him no matter what, but that your health and fitness is a part of living a long life together. This may be more than one conversation over time and hopefully he will accept your great ideas, just as you would accept his ideas on things. In the end, he has to find his reasons for making the change. You already have found your reasons...keep going and keep the dialogue open...
  • szarlotka717
    szarlotka717 Posts: 85 Member
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    My husband and I both want to get healthier, though lately we seem to be taking turns being more serious about it. :P Here are some things that have personally helped me in my times of laziness (and things that I try to do for him in his down-cycles):

    *doing fun active things with my spouse (walks, hikes, kayaking rentals, bike rentals, skiing)
    *positive feedback from my spouse when I do something active
    *seeing my spouse do active things in front of me (basically, practice what you preach :P)
    *making exercise while watching TV (ie stationary bike, situps, pushups, etc) be something normal in our household
    *recognizing more physical household chores/cleaning as exercise
    *making it easy for exercise to fit into my schedule (for me, this means having a way to exercise at home and making sure that extra chores/making dinner/etc. won't eat up my time after work hours)


    For spouses that like games and competitions, I also recommend www.fitocracy.com. You get rewarded with points for various physical activities, for which you "level up." There are also "quests" and "achievements" to try to complete. Paid account members also can compete against each other in "duels." Unlike MFP, non-cardio activities (ie weightlifting, bodyweight exercises) are also rewarded with points. I think MFP is better for weight loss since Fitocracy doesn't track nutrition at all and doesn't track weight usefully, but Fitocracy is better at inspiring physical fitness (especially strength training).
  • momofthreesons
    momofthreesons Posts: 162 Member
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    Reward with sex. ha kidding heck I dunno I cant get my husband off the couch or out of the deer stand long enough to think about it. LOL He is in pretty good shape.. he is a treeman for Asplundh.

    Yes hold back sex until you get what you want

    This is the key to a successful marriage

    Extra sex.. never withhold!! LOL
  • rezn8
    rezn8 Posts: 263 Member
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    I find the same issue with my better half, problem is she's unhealthy and depressed over her weight and goes to weight watchers and another self help club but doesn't want to listen to any advice I might give. Never has.
  • dohm84
    dohm84 Posts: 1
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    There is only one thing you can do that will help. PRAY that God can change his heart and make him see that fitness is an impotent issue. I'm not coming at you as a bible quoting church girl, I'm coming at you as a girl who had issues and prayed about them only to see amazing changes. It was those changes that brought me back to church and I believe 100% that if you pray about something God will do one of two things: Change the heart of the person you are praying for, or change your heart to find peace is what you are praying about. Fitness is impotent and as long as your husband is really out of shape, I'm sure God will answer your prayer. It can't hurt to try it, but you have to be patient. My life changing prayer took two years before it was answered but I've had 5 years of joy from that ONE prayer request that God gave me. Since then, I've found many of my prayers to be answered. Just this morning I was upset over something and I could not stop thinking about it (even though I new it was a stupid reason to be upset). I prayed and asked God to help me get over this feeling, and I went on with my day. About 5 minutes after I said that, I just felt peace come over me and I was happy. I ended up going out for breakfast with my husband and we had an amazing morning!! The weather predicted rain (a reason I was upset, cuz it was messing up my plans for the day) yet the sun has been shinning since I prayed that one simple prayer to God!
  • jillian_fan2425
    jillian_fan2425 Posts: 167 Member
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    My husband doesn't like doing the same kind of workouts that I do, but he does like exercising in other ways, like hiking and fencing. My advice would be to encourage him to try some new things with you. He may not agree to everything, but he might try one or two and decide that he does enjoy them. Maybe do something in a group with some friends so that he can use "guy time" for working out once in a while. He may respond better if you don't call it "working out" or "trying to lose weight" but focus on the fun leisure aspect.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    Make it more about distress together time. Going for a before or after dinner stroll to talk and relax together is a nice way to start. The weather around here has finally started getting nice enough to do this.
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    Just keep doing what you are doing, eventually it might influence him to do something. He's a grown man and will do what he wants to do. I wouldn't push him to do it as a couple thing, let him do this on his own, you can tell him that you are concerned about his health and just want a long happy life together, but he needs to decide to do it on his own.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    I talk about how much more energy I have, how much farther I was able to go today...basically just focusing on the positives.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    oral
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    ...oops i mean prayer.:blushing: ( i really gotta remember to read the threads first for context.)
  • lindsaymarcin
    lindsaymarcin Posts: 81 Member
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    Maybe suggest having a free date night each week and then pick an activity that will get him some exercise ex. nature trail walk, bike ride, or dancing. Like others have said you can't force someone who doesn't want to do it themselves, but there are small ways to help encourage :)
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Tell him if he works up a sweat you guys can shower together afterwards c:
  • LozPenguin
    LozPenguin Posts: 139 Member
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    All I can think of...take up a sport that isn't too intense (or at least one that you can just play casually), one that you think he could find fun and requires a partner. Then tell him you really want to do it and beg him to come with you so you can. Make it all about you wanting to do something and not about 'getting him to exercise.' Maybe tennis or something. Hell even table tennis is a good start-you get a good bit of arm movement in and if you're bad at it, there's a lot of running after the ball. ;) If you make it a positive and relaxed experience, have some laughs; perhaps then he'll gradually start to enjoy less-stagnant activities and be more open to trying new ones as a couple, and you might be able to work your way up to work outs or going for a jog together. But in the end, when it comes to his health and fitness, its all up to him. You can't think for him, and it has to come from him to really make a solid change.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    Nope, can't be intentionally/forcibly done.

    He may eventually be motivated to do it, and it may very well be something you did that caused it, but it could be any number of an infinite number of things that lead to it. (And one of those things actually could be you nagging him...but it's doubtful...and could (and more likely will) lead to an unintended outcome too.)

    Best of luck.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    Life lesson: The only behavior we can change is our own.
  • biddy249
    biddy249 Posts: 76 Member
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    A man is not going to start working out until he has that "ahha" moment, sometimes that is a health scare or the light finally goes off in ones head and they say it's time to get moving. Until he decides for himself to get moving there is not much you can do. I would advise just setting a good example yourself. Lead the way by exercising regularly and leading a healthy lifestyle. Hopefully after he sees you committed to healthy living he may jump on board. Good luck to you.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    I think this is a man thing... I really wish some men woukd chime in here...

    It's a man thing? Yeah, sure. Let's see a man come in here and ask how to get his wife to work out. He'd be in a coma for three months after that berating.
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    Someone bumped up a thread from 2012.
  • makingamiracle
    makingamiracle Posts: 41 Member
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    You, topless. Hold his feet while he does sit ups. Works in my house.


    I'm sorry, that wasn't a serious answer at all.

    But it's the damn truth. I swear it! :wink:


    Um.... I need to exercise more!!! :tongue: :flowerforyou: :blushing:

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