Anorexia recovery

When I was 15, I started to feel self conscious about my body. I compared it to other girls I went to school with and felt insecure. I weighed 140lbs at the time and decided that I was going to lose weight in an effort to get healthier and feel more confident. At first, it started innocently. I cut out pop and replaced it with water, changed my snacks from chocolate to fruit, educating myself on calories/calorie counting, and getting a gym membership. After doing that, I had managed to lose a couple pounds and felt great. I was proud of the changes I was making and I felt more confident.

That was short-lived, though. I became obsessed with counting calories, looking at thinspo, fasting, and over-exercising. During that time, a close family member passed away and things kept getting worse. I lost 50lbs within a short period of time, leaving me weighing only 90lbs at 5'5". I was then diagnosed with anorexia. My family quickly intervened and with their support, I had started gaining weight. I maintained a healthy weight and felt free of disordered thoughts and behaviors for a brief period of time.

Last Summer, I relapsed and ended up at my lowest weight of 80lbs. I was always cold, in pain, tired, and depressed. My anorexia had it's strongest grip on me for the 7 months I was maintaining that weight. After coming home from a friend's house one day, I collapsed and had to be taken to the emergency room. I was told that with the condition my health was in, it was possible for me to be dead within the next few weeks. So, I had to stay at the hospital for a couple weeks to gain some weight and be monitored during refeeding because I was at high risk for refeeding syndrome. I was terrified and against the idea of recovery at the time. But soon, I came to tolerate it. Then I came to accept it and finally, to welcome it with open arms. I was done with letting anorexia rule my life for any longer.

Now, I'm back at home and taking recovery day by day. I have a long way to go but I'm determined to get through this. It's been a rough and long journey but it's been the best thing I have ever decided to do for myself. Since gaining 16lbs, I am no longer cold and shivering all the time, my bones don't ache nearly as much, I have energy to go out, I'm gaining confidence, I don't view food as my enemy anymore, I'm getting my feminine figure back, my mind feels clear, and most of all.. I'm happy again.

Replies

  • muzichick
    muzichick Posts: 331 Member
    Fenrissa, I've never had anorexia, but I used to suffer from disordered eating, so I understand (as much as one can) how all-encompassing food issues can be.

    Good for you for working at recovery, and at having a healthy body weight.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    That's wonderful! You've come down a long road and I'm glad you're still here to make this post. :)
  • suz155
    suz155 Posts: 326 Member
    Hardest part for any recovery from dysfunctional eating is attitude. You are doing a good job with that attitude,,,,,hold on to it. Congratulations.
  • MissySpring
    MissySpring Posts: 442 Member
    Congratulations on finding the path to a healthier you! Wishing you all the best on your journey.
  • rrsuthy
    rrsuthy Posts: 236 Member
    Good for you! Recovery, I'm sure is not easy. I suspect it's very much like an addiction and you have to take it one day at a time.

    Best of luck to you.
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
    Congratulations! I'm sure that it has been and probably will be a long road, but I'm so glad that you are walking it with the support of your friends and family. Good luck and be strong :flowerforyou:
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    Thanks everyone!! :heart:
  • EmilyL128
    EmilyL128 Posts: 38
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an inspiration and a strong, determined person. I'm glad to hear you are healthy and getting out there enjoying life. All the best xox
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    *claps*
    Good job girl! I myself have seen that road and it isn't pretty. Life is much better on this road, you are beautiful, you are strong, you already know you've got this.
  • ROBOTFOOD
    ROBOTFOOD Posts: 5,527 Member
    Major props for your recovery! Looks like your doing great! Keep it up!
  • Preacher224
    Preacher224 Posts: 44 Member
    Congrats on your recovery. My prayers are with you. Please feel free to ad me as a friend if you like.
  • emzypemzy93
    emzypemzy93 Posts: 185
    You're brave to share your story and I wish you the best in the future!!! Well done for making it this far and making a stand against anorexia
  • Going through this now. Ugh I almost DONT want to get better though. I dont know where I stand. I just want to feel ok.
  • toronto_j
    toronto_j Posts: 206 Member
    I can only imagine how difficult it is to recover from an illness like this. Always remember that you are a worthy person who deserves to live a long, healthy and happy life!
  • sherisse69
    sherisse69 Posts: 795 Member
    Congratulations on your recovery. Continue to remind yourself how worth it you are! All the best in your continued success :)
  • RJKontos
    RJKontos Posts: 17 Member
    Well done! Please always be happy! :flowerforyou:
  • ovi212
    ovi212 Posts: 145 Member
    Awesome job!
    Message me if you ever want to talk. I've been through recovery a few times and am still trying to put myself back together too :)
  • JBcat123
    JBcat123 Posts: 211 Member
    im so glad that you are better! it sounds like you went through a lot...keep positive. like you are doing. glad everything is ok now.
  • cchew686
    cchew686 Posts: 108
    Good for you. I truly wish you the best.
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    You're all SO sweet, thanks for the support and encouraging words. :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    Awesome job!
    Message me if you ever want to talk. I've been through recovery a few times and am still trying to put myself back together too :)
    You too! I'm here if you'd like someone to talk to. :)

    I wish you the best, recovery is hard (and scary at times) but it has been the greatest thing I could do for myself. Just never give up on yourself and keep getting back up when you fall. Recovery is so worth it. :flowerforyou:
  • AJuff
    AJuff Posts: 12 Member
    Lovely to hear of your recovery. My daughter aged 16 is anorexic and has just started a refeeding programme after being admitted to hospital. Your story gives me hope.

    Unfortunately I have put weight on:(
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
    Hey there. Welcome to recovery. Like other people have said, you got this. It really sounds like you got this.

    I always describe myself as a "recovering anorexic," even though I'm 51 and I pulled out of it in my late teens. It's like how alcoholics are always recovering. I feel like I have this Huge Thing to live with, and even though it's in the past, the only way I'll be over it is if I get brain damage and forget that coping strategy and all my history.

    I just wanted to give you a wave from several decades down the road -- it's really pretty over here and I think you'll like it.
  • rhina23
    rhina23 Posts: 212 Member
    When I was 15, I started to feel self conscious about my body. I compared it to other girls I went to school with and felt insecure. I weighed 140lbs at the time and decided that I was going to lose weight in an effort to get healthier and feel more confident. At first, it started innocently. I cut out pop and replaced it with water, changed my snacks from chocolate to fruit, educating myself on calories/calorie counting, and getting a gym membership. After doing that, I had managed to lose a couple pounds and felt great. I was proud of the changes I was making and I felt more confident.

    That was short-lived, though. I became obsessed with counting calories, looking at thinspo, fasting, and over-exercising. During that time, a close family member passed away and things kept getting worse. I lost 50lbs within a short period of time, leaving me weighing only 90lbs at 5'5". I was then diagnosed with anorexia. My family quickly intervened and with their support, I had started gaining weight. I maintained a healthy weight and felt free of disordered thoughts and behaviors for a brief period of time.

    Last Summer, I relapsed and ended up at my lowest weight of 80lbs. I was always cold, in pain, tired, and depressed. My anorexia had it's strongest grip on me for the 7 months I was maintaining that weight. After coming home from a friend's house one day, I collapsed and had to be taken to the emergency room. I was told that with the condition my health was in, it was possible for me to be dead within the next few weeks. So, I had to stay at the hospital for a couple weeks to gain some weight and be monitored during refeeding because I was at high risk for refeeding syndrome. I was terrified and against the idea of recovery at the time. But soon, I came to tolerate it. Then I came to accept it and finally, to welcome it with open arms. I was done with letting anorexia rule my life for any longer.

    Now, I'm back at home and taking recovery day by day. I have a long way to go but I'm determined to get through this. It's been a rough and long journey but it's been the best thing I have ever decided to do for myself. Since gaining 16lbs, I am no longer cold and shivering all the time, my bones don't ache nearly as much, I have energy to go out, I'm gaining confidence, I don't view food as my enemy anymore, I'm getting my feminine figure back, my mind feels clear, and most of all.. I'm happy again.


    Being able to talk about it now is an indication that you are on your way to recovery!
  • keithaj1
    keithaj1 Posts: 71 Member
    Fenrissa, congratulations on you recovery. By sharing and telling your story, you are helping others as well begin their own first steps on the journey of recovery as well.
  • judyamk
    judyamk Posts: 79 Member
    you are so worth so much to be the healthy beautiful person you are.Prayers being sent up like shooting stars !!
    Judy
  • kdcj17
    kdcj17 Posts: 73 Member
    Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you lots of luck on your road to recovery and well wishes. :)
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