Feeling overcome with despair! :(

MrBear_5587 · March 2014

Hey people,

Been lurking for a while (past year or so intermittently I guess), figured it was about time to join.
Unfortunately my first post is a bit negative!

Bit of background - I'm 26, always been very overweight. Just over a year ago, I was 364lb (26 stone), miserable and fed-up, totally lonely - my weight had prevented me from having the confidence to be social and outgoing, and you know, do other normal things that people my age do.

I don't really know what happened, because I'd tried many times in the past to diet, without success, but over the last year, I've lost about 130lb (fasting, drinking only water 2 days a week, very low carbs/fats for the rest of the time, no booze etc). I'm around 16 stone at the moment. I had actually gone down to around 204lb, then fell off the wagon. Currently at 230, back on the programme as I would like to get to around 180lbs.

Problem is, I'm no happier, maybe even less so. I have huge amounts of loose skin, meaning I still have no confidence (heck, can't even look at myself, let alone let anyone else see). Been trying to do more exercise (I realize it won't fix the skin), but the loose skin is preventing me from running/jogging/jumping.

Do I have any hope? Getting to my goal of 180lbs (and a "normal" BMI), will leave me with more loose skin than I have now, without clothes, I look worse than before I started trying to sort this out a year ago.

Rant over!

kprangernix07 · March 2014

You can do it!!!! Don't think about the skin… it takes a longer time to tighten up… but it will happen!!! Look at it as a sign of progress! Keep your head up, and keep up the great work! You got this.

gleekymoho · March 2014

This is the problematic thinking we all have: weight loss=automatic happiness. This just isn't the case, if you have issues with your body at a heavier weight, losing weight isn't going to magically fix everything. The problem isn't the weight or your appearance. The problem is something internal and nothing external will fix it. Believe me, I've tried. Try working on loving and accepting yourself as is. You are worthy and fantastic no matter what you weigh or what you look like. Value yourself beyond appearance.

knra_grl · March 2014

First of all, that is a fairly rapid weight loss. Your "diet" wasn't ideal - Enter all your information in MFP and set up a proper profile and weigh and log your food accurately - this is the easiest part. Eat a healthy well balanced diet. Do some strength training if the cardio options are difficult because of the loose skin. Also consider other cardio options - swimming is a totally great way to burn calories, get some cardio and it is a total body workout. The loose skin may not totally disappear but it will improve some over time.

Please don't continue to deprive your body of the fuel it needs to sustain a healthy and successful weight loss. There is no reason you can't reach your goals.

2ZCatz460 · March 2014

Hi. I'm starting again, myself, at around 230 lbs. Good to see I'm not alone, there. Just saying to you here, what I need to hear myself, and that is to eat healthy everyday, not to fast, because that's never going to last (unless that's what your MD has recommended.) That's one reason I'm back online to track my food, as much as I hate the measuring and such. I skip meals, thinking it'll help, but in reality, it just messes up my metabolism. But that's me....

In regards to the lose skin, it sounds as though it might have become an actual medical issue, not just cosmetic. Have you talked to your MD about this? I have heard of some people, including one co-worker who had surgery to remove skin as it was a health issue. He had to wait, though, until he was at a certain weight and maintain it for a number of months. I think of this issue, myself, as I know that my skin isn't going to spring back like it may have when I was younger and had much less weight to lose. It is a bit depressing... Maybe there are others here who have dealt with the same problem and they might have better ideas than I do.

Hang in there. We're all hanging in there together, for ourselves and each other!

wonderwoman234 · March 2014

First of all, I am sending you big hugs.

Being overweight does not prevent you from being social and having a fun life. There are plenty of really big women who have lots of friends, boyfriends/husbands, and a happy life. What prevents you from having a happy life is buying into the notion that you are only valuable if you are thin, or perfect, or what the media says you should be.

It takes work and intention to learn how to be self-compassionate. Your diet is not sustainable and seems almost punitive. You deserve to eat healthy, filling foods. You deserve to get daily exercise so you can feel good mentally and physically. You deserve to have a social life and friends who love you. You may hate yourself for being overweight - I don't know enough about you to know if that is true, but many overweight people do (I used to hate myself, even when I wasn't overweight). Please be more gentle with yourself. The self-hatred is what keeps you stuck. Don't buy into the false belief that your self-criticism motivates you. It doesn't. It holds you back.

When you begin to believe that most people are good, that not everyone is harshly judging you, and that you deserve the same love, compassion and respect as everyone else, you might find it easier to give yourself the care you need to move to a healthier weight. People who judge you for your weight are not worth your time or attention and their judgement has to do with them, not you.

I would google "self compassion" and weight loss to begin finding things to read to help yourself. A therapist also might help you learn to view life in a more compassionate, healthy way.

Good luck to you!

MrBear_5587 · March 2014

Thank you all for the replies, advice and kind words.
I feel that I do need to change how I think about things, something that won't happen overnight I'm sure.

Being around positive people on MFP feels like it would be a good start!

SharonNehring · March 2014

Absolutely talk to your doctor. If the excess skin is preventing you from exercising, if you have recurrent rashes or skin issues, then insurance will often pay for the surgery to remove it. Each insurance has it's own rules as to how long you have to wait to prove it's not improving. That's why it's important to get it documented in your medical record sooner than later.

Have you tried compression garments? I've found wearing compression shorts helps smooth out bumps and holds everything in place. It's not going to make a difference when unclothed but it definitely helps me feel better in my clothes.

tmaryam · March 2014

You've already received some great advice, I just wanted to come in and offer big HUGS. Your post made me tear up. Please know that you are valuable and you are worthy, and you will overcome these obstacles because you've proven you have the willpower. Please do stick around the forums, it really helps to stay on track and stay motivated. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. :flowerforyou:

Feeling overcome with despair! :(

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