Committment phobe fiancee?
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Your loans wont effect his credit report or score. Your debt is your debt, not his.
The only things that will show up on the other's is any loans you take out together.
Not always true, so don't laugh. In Texas there is common debt. Even if my husband gets a loan I have responsibility over it. For example, we just purchased a new home. His credit was better than mine so the loan is in HIS name, but my name is ALL OVER the documents.
No, the student loans in my name don't show on his report but they will pull BOTH people's credit.
Yes, I believe this depends on the state's laws. In a marital property state, anything acquired by either party while married is owned by both parties, including debt.0 -
Your debts will not appear on hi s credit report. Go talk to a financial specialist at your bank together and put both of your minds at ease.0
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Even muttering the words "I may need to reconsider our relationship" about someone you said YES to Marrying and committing to for the rest of your life is completely unacceptable. No wonder he doesn't want to buy a house with you. You're behaving like a petulant child.
This^^^0 -
This is incredibly paradoxical....he is allegedly afraid of commitment yet is your FIANCE!0
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Your debts will not appear on hi s credit report. Go talk to a financial specialist at your bank together and put both of your minds at ease.
You would think it wouldn't, but in some states it DOES show up on your spouse's report too. Just depends on what the law says in your state.0 -
You're not eating enough calories. Neither is he. It's making him scared and making you immature.
Some of the responses here are appalling.
Having said that, I am not sure if there is enough basic information to truly evaluate the situtation.
OP, how long have you been together? Also, I wouldn't buy a house with someone I was not married to. Perhaps that should be considered. It's easy for either of you to just walk out on the relationship at any time. Owning a house and/or being married is much harder.
It seems to me that it's not the house itself, but the lack of desire to deepen the committment that is upsetting. It would upset me, too. Perhaps he does not want to marry you. I think you need to face that possibility.
I would recommend talking about this with a counselor. If you want to post more details here, that would be fine, too, and if you do, I will try to respond. I wish you well.0 -
I kind of disagree with those that are saying that she shouldn't be buying while having student loans. Mortgage payments are almost half as much as rent payments. I have a lot of student loan debt and purchased home and ended up saving $300 a month in rent. That $300 can easily go towards paying down student loan debt.
I agree... that the student loan thing isn't that big of a deal... But the mortgage payments depends on what you can get loan wise... our mortgage payment is about $300 more than what our rent is... but we got a quiet street, an extra bedroom, an extra living room, and a huge *kitten* yard too...0 -
I think he should buy now. . That way your name won't be on the mortgage and it won't be a marital asset. . .0
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the fact he is your fiance is alone a huge comittment.
Buying a house is a bigger one.
In this day and age where people can be blown around by the wind and marriage may or may not mean what it used to... Well I really can't blame somebody for wanting to be cautious.
And quite frankly the way you worded your OP.. I don't blame him. I'd be even more cautious than he already is.
You don't "rethink a relationship" because you don't get your way. That's what's wrong with people these days.0 -
You're not eating enough calories. Neither is he. It's making him scared and making you immature.
^ lol
I'm inclined to go with this analysis.
Seriously, it's a big decision, perhaps you should talk to him, but if his hesitation is cause for your wanting to break up then I don't think he's the one with the problem.0 -
I have tried bringing this topic up on why he seems hesitant and he says 'I don't know where to start' or 'It's a scary thing to deal with'. I'm honestly on the border of telling him that if things don't start changing, I will be on the border to re-considering our relationship. Any advice would be helpful.
Be careful, because you can't un-say words like "I'm re-considering our relationship".
It will probably help if you can figure out why he's apprehensive. The challenge is you've got two big-ticket items tied together- buying a house and getting married. It's impossible for us outsiders to tell which is which. I would assume both of you regard the idea of being married as a positive thing, so you might start off with that. Start off talking about the light at the end of the tunnel, then start working your way backwards through the steps you plan on taking to get there:
Your goal is to be able to get married, so take one step back and figure out what needs to be done before you can do that. You say you want to buy a house before then. Okay. Then take another step back and figure out what you need to do to make that happen (i.e., how you're going to pay for it). Then take another step back and talk about how you're going to look for a house, etc. Doing this can help you figure out what steps need to be taken and how much time you have to work with.
It's entirely my opinion, but I think you'd also do well to try and have some timeframes established, particularly because he's brought up the idea of not renewing your lease. Not only does having an end-goal like "The goal is to be able to get married at ____________ date" help with backwards-planning, but there is no set timeline for buying a house. It is NOT like you see on HGTV, where the couple decides on a house, then the agent disappears for a little bit while they're in a coffee shop, and comes back with news before they've finished their biscotti. Sure, you may agree on a price relatively quickly, but the process is much more drawn out than that. When I bought my house, it took about six months between saying "yes, I want to buy it" and actually owning it.
It has probably been one of the best decisions I've made in my personal life, so far, but it took a good bit of time and effort to make it happen.
In the meantime, watch your defecit, keep your diet balanced, and get your exercise time in. That'll help with the stress.0 -
If you can't have an open discussion with your FIANCE about mortgages, and debt, then how are you going to have a marriage? If I were in his shoes, I would not respond well to being cornered. Even worse, it sounds like your commitment is contingent upon him buying you a house:
(sigh)
Tell him you need space for the baby.
(oh snap!)
If you're ready to play the ultimatum card (for a house), the baby card is probably somewhere in your hand.0 -
Just break up.0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Your loans wont effect his credit report or score. Your debt is your debt, not his.
The only things that will show up on the other's is any loans you take out together.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
You are correct in that her debt is absolutely her own, however if she goes on the loan with him the student loans will be counted as a liability and calculated towards their debt ratio. If she doesn't have the income to offset this it could negatively affect their buying power (keep in mind debt to income ratio is not always a good indicator of affordability).
OP, are you going to be on the title only? Will your fiance be purchasing this home sole and separate? If you are on title only he can be the only person on the loan however only his income will be able to be used for the aforementioned debt to income calculation. If you go on the loan your debt will be considered regardless of whether you are married or not.
That being said, if you are looking into an FHA loan your liabilities will be counted once you are married regardless of whether you are on the loan or not.
Tl; dr... this is an important financial decision and may not be as black and white as you may think.0 -
I'd focus on working towards cleaning up your debts first, then buy a house. That's just my $0.02.0
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You're not eating enough calories. Neither is he. It's making him scared and making you immature.
^ lol
I'm inclined to go with this analysis.
Seriously, it's a big decision, perhaps you should talk to him, but if his hesitation is cause for your wanting to break up then I don't think he's the one with the problem.
More calories are the answer to everything always. Right? Right.0 -
This.I think he should buy now. . That way your name won't be on the mortgage and it won't be a marital asset. . .
Start saving now for your divorce lawyer.0 -
This is incredibly paradoxical....he is allegedly afraid of commitment yet is your FIANCE!
Until he says "I do," he hasn't actually made a real commitment.0 -
I think a lot of people are being pretty harsh on the OP. While I can understand some of it, I think that it sounds less like a "gold digger" situation and more like a young woman who is just finishing up college and found a man she likes/loves and thinks that NOW is the time...time to get the whole big dream of a home, husband, career, and probably a baby too (YIKES)...I could be totally wrong, but I have seen sooooo many women in that same boat and I don't think it's really all that bad or rare. Probably not the best thing to rush into ANY of those things though...0
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I think he should buy now. . That way your name won't be on the mortgage and it won't be a marital asset. . .
hate to laugh at this but he is right....0 -
I think a lot of people are being pretty harsh on the OP. While I can understand some of it, I think that it sounds less like a "gold digger" situation and more like a young woman who is just finishing up college and found a man she likes/loves and thinks that NOW is the time...time to get the whole big dream of a home, husband, career, and probably a baby too (YIKES)...I could be totally wrong, but I have seen sooooo many women in that same boat and I don't think it's really all that bad or rare. Probably not the best thing to rush into ANY of those things though...
I agree. I didn't go the gold digger route in my head.
My thoughts are that she is too immature to understand the implications of owning a home.0 -
I kind of disagree with those that are saying that she shouldn't be buying while having student loans. Mortgage payments are almost half as much as rent payments. I have a lot of student loan debt and purchased home and ended up saving $300 a month in rent. That $300 can easily go towards paying down student loan debt.
This is totally dependent on your real estate market, down payment and possible PMI.
True. I got in at a good time. The market is starting to turn around now.
Timing can definitely be critical as far as the market goes. Plus, you never know when you may come across a great deal.
I bought my house for a fraction of what it could have been sold for simpy because I saw the previous owner walking around in the vacant lot next to my parent's house and struck up a conversation with him. In the process, he told me he wanted to build a house on the vacant lot but had to sell "that one" he'd gotten from his brother's will (the house I bought, which was the "back yard neighbor") before the bank would give him the financing. Luckily, because I'd prepared ahead of time and gotten some pre-approvals, I was able to act on it before he really got it onto the market.0 -
I think a lot of people are being pretty harsh on the OP. While I can understand some of it, I think that it sounds less like a "gold digger" situation and more like a young woman who is just finishing up college and found a man she likes/loves and thinks that NOW is the time...time to get the whole big dream of a home, husband, career, and probably a baby too (YIKES)...I could be totally wrong, but I have seen sooooo many women in that same boat and I don't think it's really all that bad or rare. Probably not the best thing to rush into ANY of those things though...
I agree. I didn't go the gold digger route in my head.
My thoughts are that she is too immature to understand the implications of owning a home.
I totally agree.
And I don't think that's even a bad thing! I was not mature enough to own a home until I was 30, had been out of college 7 years and married 5 years. I'm so glad I waited. It would have been way more stressful if I ran into it early on.
Other people are ready for it really young...my step nephew is 23, already out of the Marines and married for 3 years and he and his wife are completely mature enough. At that time in MY life I was still going to punk shows and having a blast. We're all different :-)0 -
I love my fiancée very much but every time I start searching for houses, he always goes 'maybe we should wait'. He is the one that brought house hunting up first. We want to get a house first since I owe a lot in student loans and if we get married and then get a house, we may not be able to since my student loans will also appear on his credit report too. He says that by next year we will not re-new our apartment lease and should be in a house but I highly doubt it. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can bring this up to him without him being defensive? I have tried bringing this topic up on why he seems hesitant and he says 'I don't know where to start' or 'It's a scary thing to deal with'. I'm honestly on the border of telling him that if things don't start changing, I will be on the border to re-considering our relationship. Any advice would be helpful.
First, of all, your debt becomes his debt when you are married. It won't be counted twice on your credit reports, but will count when the mortgage broker analyzes your debt to income ratio unless you decide to put everything in his name because he has better credit. It's hard to give you specific advice because we don't know where you live, how much debt you or he have and how much you both make. Are you in a stable job situation that you can count on in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? Whether you buy now or when you're married, your student loans will always be considered in your loan package. it may be better to wait until you've paid off some debt to lower your debt to income ratio and get a better loan. Do you have a down payment set aside? Do you have 3 months living expenses in your savings? You are undergoing too many changes at once: just out of school (I assume), planning a wedding/marriage (don't know what kind of ceremony you're planning) and now you throw the change of househunting at him too. It's very overwhelming and the househunting process is stressful enough to break up couples who aren't strong enough. Sit with a financial planner/mortgage broker and see what you feasibly could afford right now. That's the first step. Stop giving your fiance ultimatums or your relationship will not last. Marriage is a game of compromise and you're starting with negative points right now.0 -
As someone who has owned a house for over three years I'm going to weigh in here for a second. Buying a house is a HUGE decision that can't be made lightly! It took me months to find the right house, weeks of rollercoaster emotions while we ironed out the contract with the sellers, and around a year of life lessons to get settled into homeownership and all that it entails. If you aren't married and you don't want your credit to be pulled because you feel like it will affect the loan price then you are pressuring HIM to buy a house on his OWN. I think you should leave the ball in HIS court because HE is going to be the one on the line for the payments in the eyes of the bank.
Okay, now as a single woman I'm going to weigh in again. You are threatening to end the relationship because HE won't make the choice to buy a house on his OWN. So say you get through this, say that he buys a house and you both move in together. What is going to happen when you decide to "reconsider" the relationship again over the next thing that you want him to do when he is dragging his feet? It is HIS house, in HIS name.. Your tush could be finding yourself without a place to stay when he decides you aren't worth the trouble. I wouldn't move into a place that didn't have my name on the lease/mortgage. You have to look out for yourself and think through all of the possibilities before you go throwing around the "reconsider the relationship" card.
And a few more things on the relationship front. I don't know the details of your relationship but I'm looking at some common assumptions that can be made from what you have shared in your post. If the relationship is that disposable, then you really shouldn't be engaged to him. If he has a history of dragging his feet and you have to badger him into action every time, then you really shouldn't be engaged to him. If you both aren't willing to learn about the home buying process (not to mention the post marriage ceremony process) together then you really shouldn't be getting married. Getting married isn't all fuzzy feelings and shiny rings. It is HARD work and the choice to get married shouldn't be taken lightly either.
Okay, that's all. Best of luck with everything OP!0 -
If owning a home is more important to you than he is then the relationship isn't going to work.
Sounds like you want to leave him, not the other way around.0 -
Personally, I don't plan on owning a home for a very long time. I don't have to mow grass or GAF about most things. If something breaks, someone comes and fixes it for me. Plus, if I ever need to move for a job I can say adios and I wont be under water.
Buying a home is a huge FINANCIAL and TIME commitment. It's a bit of a stretch to think he doesn't love you or want to marry you just because he doesn't necessarily want to own a home right now.
Using that logic would mean I would never love a woman or get married ... hehe.. oh. Wait. Damn.
Nevermind. Carry on!0
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