Frustrated-Can I Whine Pity/Party For a Minute?

ucaminax · December 2010

Ok, normally I try and stay positive and don't want to focus on my negative thoughts, but these thoughts have been in my head all evening and I need to get them out! So, this morning I got a last minute invite to a surprise birthday party. Since I got pregnant, had a baby 2 years ago, then got fat and poor, I really haven't done much clothes shopping for myself, except for what I really need. Literally, as far as winter clothes go I have 2 pairs of pants I wear at work, and one pair of jeans, and one pair of workout pants. I still have more clothes from before I got pregnant, but can nowhere near fit into any of them. So anyway, this party was a dress up party. I have no winter dresses or party clothes. So after work I went to Marshalls, hoping to find a nice sweater and leggings or a sweater dress. I grabbed about 15 sweaters and a few dresses. I got all size larges. I have lost 10 pounds, but I was a size large when I started losing weight. I am now about 5'4" and 155 lbs. Well, maybe I am larger than I thought or styles are different than I expected, but NOTHING fit. I spent hours there. Everything seemed to cling to every bulge and ripple. Everything was so tight. Don't clothes makers know that most people who are larges would appreciate a little extra fabric??! I have this horrible pouch of fat and loose skin and stretch marks on my stomach that just flops out. I was never a huge fan of how I looked, but it seems like just a few years ago I at least had a little bit of sass and energy for trying to make myself look nice. Now I just feel old and fat and disheveled. I don't even know where to start shopping, what clothes to buy. I don't really even have money for clothes. Finally I at least found a dress that I didn't look like a sausage in, and some leggings. By that time the party had already started, and it was about an hour away. All I wanted to do was curl up at home in fuzzy pjs. My one pair of fuzzy pjs is dirty (we go to the laundrymat only every two weeks). Most of the time when I am at home I am in pjs of some sort, because that way I can "stretch out" my few clothes that fit for the two weeks, plus I love my pjs. So I splurged on some more fuzzy pjs to wear later-happy I didn't have to try them on to know they would fit. But I rushed home and put on makeup and got dressed and do mapquest on my stupid computer that I had to restart 3 times-It took 20 minutes to get mapquest directions! I slowly started to realize that I would not have much time at the party as it ended at 10 and it was quarter after 8 and it would take about an hour to get there. So I didn't go to the party, after all that. At least now I have a dress for church or whatever.

Don't get me wrong-normally I try and focus on the fact that that floppy stomach supported my baby who gives me so much joy, and the fact that I have a roof over my head, heat, running water, health care, and the problem of too much to eat, rather than starving to death like so many in the world. I know 10 lbs is a good start, and it's a good thing my 2 work pants are getting too loose, and i'll have to get two more in a smaller size lol It's just that tonight, with the depressing shopping, coming home to a one bedroom vermin infested apartment for three of us with no washing machine or dryer all seemed to magnify and multiply the negatives. Writing this post made me cry, but I'm already feeling a little better. I'm hoping that writing all of this negativity down will help me get it out of my system.

valmaebel · December 2010

That made me lol to myself. I had a similar day of luck myself. Spent most of the morning getting all the christmas cards labeled, etc, wrapping presents, boxing things up to mail. All this with my 2 girls under the age of 2 getting into everything. I get the girls and the mailing items and the stroller loaded into the van. Get in and go to start it and......nothing. The van is dead. So have to get the girls out and back into the house. Decide to instead make the toffee to give away as cheap presents. So I go to cook that but the girls get into a spat right as the toffee needs to be poured out, so I end up over cooking it and it's nasty. :P Finally cooked dinner with two wailing children, feed them and shove them into bed. :P All this to say, I totally get the bad day frustrations. As for feeling old and dumpy, no matter how old or what you weigh I think all mom's of young itty bitties feel that way. It comes with the territory of constantly having something spilled or smeared all over you, chasing kids constantly, and feeling very tired and stressed a lot.

Don't worry about the negativity. You told the story with fantastic flare and wit that had me laughing.

I think we're all allowed to be frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but we just need to see the humor in it through our frustrations. We have to get up early for church tomorrow, and still need to jump the van, but my hubby doesn't get home until at least 1 am. So I guess that will have to wait until tomorrow. I just curled up in jammies with some hot chocolate (that was "flavored" with a whole lot of Kalua!) and read a good book, and watched a DVD. By the end I was feeling much calmer. That and I called my mom and vented. She's a good listener! Here's to us having a better day tomorrow!!!!

Nixb19 · December 2010

I know how you feel, we all get to that point with clothes while losing weight, ESPECIALLY, when we need to dress up. But keep you're head high!

buck1994 · December 2010

Alright, now that you've said what you DON'T like about your body...and Lord knows we've ALL done that, what DO you like? What are some GOOD things? Tell what you like when you look at yourself.

ucaminax · December 2010

Thanks everyone, your comments and support mean a lot! It is the next day now, and I am feeling much better. The floppy tummy pouch is still there, but I'm dealin! ;-)

Frustrated-Can I Whine Pity/Party For a Minute?

Replies

Categories