Frustrated when visiting family...help!
martineyes26
Posts: 47 Member
My new lifestyle and weight loss has made me a much happier, healthier person. I live by myself and have good control over what I purchase at the grocery store, trying not to shop while I am hungry. Being single and living with my dog, I often travel to see my parents and spend the weekend with them. My sister moved in next door to them recently so it’s nice to see them all at once. Lately though, I’ve really started to notice how different my “new” life is to theirs and how judgmental they can be. I don’t force my way of living on them in anyway, but if I want to be conscious about what I eat and ensure that there aren’t any hidden calories or ingredients that I am unable to tolerate (I’m the only one in my family that is lactose intolerant and I feel they haven’t taken the time to fully listen to me and understand that a pill doesn’t make it all better). Therefore, I’ve offered to cook the meals while I am staying with them, which they appreciate. Here’s my problem- I don’t make double or triple the recipe like my mom usually does so none of us can be tempted by second or third helpings. I’m not trying to monitor their eating or calorie intake, but they are always saying how they need to lose weight. Yet my dad can consume the rest of the recipe in the blink of an eye and add half the salt shaker to his plate before even tasting the food. In addition, I accompany my mom to the grocery store and this last trip she bought baked goods from the bakery counter. A chocolate éclair for me (I had mentioned how good it looked), a whoopee pie for herself, a red velvet cupcake for my sister and an overloaded cookie for my dad. I feel like she is enabling everyone to be overweight and tempting them with unwanted calories. I didn’t touch the éclair or any of the other treats. When I had mentioned that the cookie had to be about my daily calorie intake for the entire day, my sister about bit my head off. My dad could stand to lose about 100 lbs., my sister about 60 lbs. I feel my mom is fine, just needs to eat healthier. Again, to each their own lifestyle, but it’s so hard to want to go visit them without being frustrated at them and feeling like I’m constantly being scrutinized for how I’m living my life. (My mom is proud of the weight that I’ve lost, but constantly reminds me that she thinks I’m over doing it). One more thing to mention is that I am going on a small trip with my mom for our birthdays in a few weeks. I still plan to track my calories and work out a little at least every day. I know it’s going to be tough enough to do just that, but I know my mom will say something and complain that I’m on vacation and need to take a break. Any suggestions on how I can make this situation better and can have future visits less frustrating?
0
Replies
-
I don't talk about my diet with my family unless they ask. #1
I don't offer reasons for why I don't eat something they've offered. I just say "No, thank you though!" #2
I don't make comments about what they eat or do, as I don't want them saying things about what I eat or do. #30 -
I don't talk about my diet with my family unless they ask. #1
I don't offer reasons for why I don't eat something they've offered. I just say "No, thank you though!" #2
I don't make comments about what they eat or do, as I don't want them saying things about what I eat or do. #3
0 -
You ARE judging them and based on what you say - they're judging you. Where do you go from there?
1 - Don't make meals for your family - prep your own meals at home and bring them
2 - Eat the damn cream puff.
3 - Have fun logging food on your vacation. I designate a handful of events through the year that I don't log and just relax and enjoy life. If you're truly committed to the lifestyle, when vaca is over you'll be back to eating healthy.
4 - Not everyone embraces 'the lifestyle' - that's their problem.
5 - Eat the damn cream puff.0 -
5 - Eat the damn cream puff.
Grocery store baked goods are totally not worth the calories. Blergh.
An eclair from a real bakery... maybe0 -
I had the same problem as you but with my friends. I just stopped saying why I won't do it, and they stopped raggin on me for not doing it.... I'm sure you noticed that if you didn't make the decision to lose weight on your own, no one could have forced you, so why should they be any different? You have to let them find there own way.0
-
I guess I get so frustrated because I want them to feel what I feel. And I love them so I want the best for them. I'm trying to lead by example but I know well enough that only YOU can want to change and be better. Having someone "force" you or bully you into changing actually made me dig my heels in more and not want to change. I'm a better person because I wanted to be better. I guess I was just hoping to share that with them and help them see what better lives thy could be experiencing. Still doesn't relieve the stress I feel when I'm there for how I live my life whether we talk about it or not.
As for the éclairs...I think they are delicious. Not only would I have to make sure I have enough calories to eat a whole one, but that I want to endure feeling sick afterwards due to the dairy products it contains. Double whammy.0 -
I think you are being a little judgemental of them. Like others said, just stop talking about your diet and how many calories are in something.
If you don't want something, just say no thanks.
I don't agree to giving in to others pushing unwanted food. If someone offered you drugs they do regularly, you wouldn't just take it to make them happy would you.
Them: Just got this bit of coke just for you. Enjoy.
You: Umm no thanks but thanks for thinking of me.0 -
But aren't you forcing them to eat less by making less food then they would normally eat. I have family members who are obese and with very bad health problems. It is their choice. I understand the wanting them to feel how you feel. I like that feeeling too but ypu can only share that with someone who wants to be the same way and they obviously dont. I agree with the poster above about not sharing about your diet or way of life.0
-
Well, obviously I've learned that I need to keep my lifestyle to myself. I'm perfectly fine by that, just going to be a change. And overall it will probably lessen how frustrated I feel and lower my stress level. This has been helpful and eye opening :-)0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions