What to Say to a Flaky Friend?

ShannK210
ShannK210 Posts: 21 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello peeps! I need advice on what to say to a friend who blew me off. I go to a community college and made a new friend over the college's FB page. I asked if anyone else went to the Planet Fitness near me and another girl said she was planning to join soon and so we got to talking. We've texted over the past few months but haven't hung out in person yet. She's said a few times that we need to hang out soon.

Last night, we were supposed to meet for a movie. We had made the plan last week. Well, I had texted her yesterday morning asking if we were still on for the movie, and she said we were. I then asked her what time the movie started to get a time to meet there. She said she wasn't sure but she would look into it. Finally, after not hearing from her the entire afternoon, I texted her what time the movie started and didn't hear from her. I drove to the theatre figuring that maybe she got busy and couldn't text me back. Well, she never showed up, and I haven't heard from her at all since. I also looked on FB and saw that about a half hour after the movie started that she was hanging out with her nephew, cousin, and another friend.

I'm still a little angry, and quite frankly, hurt If she didn't want to see a movie, she could've at least texted me and told me that instead of not bothering to show up and blowing me off.

Anyway, I'm not going to initiate communication with her, and the next time she initiates communication with me, I'm not really sure what to say to her. I don't want to be mean, but at the same time, she needs to know that what she did isn't okay with me.

What would you all say/do?

Thanks! :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    I would continue to invite her along to things that you are already going to, but I wouldn't go out of my way to make plans with her. She already made it clear she won't for you.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    I would just stop communication - this person is obviously not really a friend. You have never really met the person! If the individual tries to engage conversation with you again, I would be honest and upfront as to why you want nothing to do with her. There is no point in lying to her, and maybe she will learn not to screw around with people just for fun. :)
  • sanderdejonge
    sanderdejonge Posts: 415 Member
    Haven't you asked her why she didn't show up and how you feel about that?

    You can tell her you notice she doesn't talk to you anymore, and ask why. And that you think it's not fair of her to do so.
  • beleeLafter
    beleeLafter Posts: 47
    adieu, adios, arrivederci, auf Wiedersehen, au revoir, bye, bye-bye, ciao, farewell, good-by, ...
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    Umm, yeah sounds like she got busy... I'm sorry but I don't understand. You say she didn't confirm that you were actually meeting for the film at the time you texted her it was on?

    From her side:

    Why would you expect her to show up if she hadn't confirmed it with you?

    You had never met in person. Its not like she's a close friend. Why wouldn't you expect her to spend time with actual family instead?

    *Yes it was pretty crap that she didn't just message you with a rain check. But if she's that kind of a person then does it really matter?
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
    Hello peeps! I need advice on what to say to a friend who blew me off. I go to a community college and made a new friend over the college's FB page. I asked if anyone else went to the Planet Fitness near me and another girl said she was planning to join soon and so we got to talking. We've texted over the past few months but haven't hung out in person yet. She's said a few times that we need to hang out soon.

    Last night, we were supposed to meet for a movie. We had made the plan last week. Well, I had texted her yesterday morning asking if we were still on for the movie, and she said we were. I then asked her what time the movie started to get a time to meet there. She said she wasn't sure but she would look into it. Finally, after not hearing from her the entire afternoon, I texted her what time the movie started and didn't hear from her. I drove to the theatre figuring that maybe she got busy and couldn't text me back. Well, she never showed up, and I haven't heard from her at all since. I also looked on FB and saw that about a half hour after the movie started that she was hanging out with her nephew, cousin, and another friend.

    I'm still a little angry, and quite frankly, hurt If she didn't want to see a movie, she could've at least texted me and told me that instead of not bothering to show up and blowing me off.

    Anyway, I'm not going to initiate communication with her, and the next time she initiates communication with me, I'm not really sure what to say to her. I don't want to be mean, but at the same time, she needs to know that what she did isn't okay with me.

    What would you all say/do?

    Thanks! :flowerforyou:

    I would think that she's a 55 y/o male perv who is stalking me for my identity or possibly my skin.

    7BOV2rH.jpg

    All kidding aside, there is something weird about this. My spidey sense was going off as I was reading this, and since you've posted the question, I'm guessing you're spidey sense is too.
  • dizzow
    dizzow Posts: 65
    I've known a person or two like that. They are great and fun and even pretty nice, but totally a flake when it comes to showing up, following through and communicating. If something "better" came along they blew off any other plans.... and even did that to others when they were with me. I guess I really rated at that moment.
    Or, she may not have really wanted to go but didn't want to tell you. Or, she could just be a jerkette who has fun stringing people along.
    I say the ball is in her court, see if she contacts you and if she does, just tell her you felt disrespected because she didn't communicate. If she lies, you'll know it and you can discontinue whatever you had. If she sincerely apologizes, you can give her another opportunity before making a final decision.
  • teamAmelia
    teamAmelia Posts: 1,247 Member
    I would just stop communication - this person is obviously not really a friend. You have never really met the person! If the individual tries to engage conversation with you again, I would be honest and upfront as to why you want nothing to do with her. There is no point in lying to her, and maybe she will learn not to screw around with people just for fun. :)

    Were you planning to date this person? It's kind of weird that you would post this long story about a possible friendship. Yes, it would have been nice of her to apologize for not showing up and provided a good explanation. She may have had a good reason, like she forgot, or as you noticed on her profile page, she was with her family. I think that you've invested way too much in this online "friendship."
  • ShannK210
    ShannK210 Posts: 21 Member
    Thanks for the replies. I guess it just bothered me that she said the movie was still on and not bothered to even text me saying that she didn't want to go to the movie or that she got busy if that was the case. It was just rude and inconsiderate. I'm just going to wait to see if she contacts me again and ask her what happened. But I won't be making any concrete plans with her.

    And teamAmelia, I was not planning on dating her. I'm not like that. I just thought it would be nice to make a new friend. When you think you made a new friend, you try to make plans with him or her. Why does it matter what how long my post was?
  • ShannK210
    ShannK210 Posts: 21 Member
    Oops, meant to say, "Why does it matter how long my post was?"
  • teamAmelia
    teamAmelia Posts: 1,247 Member
    Oops, meant to say, "Why does it matter how long my post was?"
    Because to me, the time that you took to write that post was just too much. You must have thought about that for a while. Just my opinion...

    I think that you are doing the right thing by letting her contact you next. It may have been something innocent, like she forgot. Good luck.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I quit going out of my way for people like her. A friendship requires participation from two people, not just one. If she isn't capable of sticking to her promises or at least letting you know she can't make it, why bother with her?

    Whenever I quit initiating contact, the other person almost always ends up messaging/texting/IMing/calling me asking why they haven't heard from me. I just tell them that I was tired of going out of my way for them and that if they wanted to talk, they could have put forth the effort. I'm also labeled a "drama queen" by my friends though, so take it for what it's worth. :flowerforyou:
  • mzbek24
    mzbek24 Posts: 436 Member
    I agree. No need to communicate with someone who doesn't respect you. If she tries to contact you and you don't respond, she will get the message not to do it again.

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