I'm failing and old nasty habits are starting to reappear

Goal179 · April 2014

Hi Pals
I need some help. One of my pals suggested that I post all of the "traps" that are catching me daily and causing me to fail to maintain my healthy lifestyle. I thought it was a great idea because I can flush out where I seem to be failing the most. Feel free to give any advice you can. I have got to back on track or I may never, never achieve my goals.
ok, so CarolDoodle suggested that I list what my weaknesses are and where I am failing each day. Well you may as well have a seat cause this is going to take all day: 1) If I eat ONE morsal of food that is out of limits-I binge the rest of the day because I use it as an excuse to write off the entire day as a fail. 2) I love sugar and sweets. I have all types of cookies, donuts, etc. in my home for the hubby and kids. I don't have the will power to stay away from them. 3) After cleaning, doing homework, cooking for the family, looong commute and traffic, I just don't feel like doing meal prep for myself and preparing for the week. 4) I have no energy or motivation to get up and exercise even though I LOVE exercise. I just want to sit and watch CNN news coverage of the missing airplane. 5) I don't have much support outside of MFP. My husband tries, but he's an enabler and will buy me a orea cookie milkshake if I beg hard enough. 6) I have lost all confidence in myself. I have been at the same 28-29-30 pound mark for five months and i don't think I have the ability to go any further and that thought gets me down and secretly sabotages my efforts. OK, I think those are all of the things holding me back. Now each of you pals take one of those problems and help me solve it please. HAHAHA LOL! But seriously, any advice you have would be great. I am getting desperate because I know that if I don't get back on track soon, I will really start to fail at a much higher level. I can't figure out why I am so different from the rest of you who are so successful.

Eli716 · April 2014

Not everyone has the same triggers. For example, although chocolate and candy are yummy, I prefer some cinnamon toast now! A week or two ago, I did NOT care what I ate for an entire week, then just got back on track. I know there's a batch of deluxe graham cookies on top of the fridge, but I'll only eat them if I have enough calories or did some exercise.

Remind yourself of your progress to motivate you to keep moving forward.

Hopefully this can help with some substitute ideas?

kornpopper · April 2014

this is me, im at the same place.
need to get on track and easter here and of course i got into the candy and went over . now i want to kick my self.

100toloose · April 2014

Im pretty much at the same place... Except I only lost about 20 pounds. I eat and I will think Im doing great,then I overeat..
I wish Id give you advice. To be honest Im also waiting for the answers.
The only thing I have been doing and helps alot is reading my older food diaries how I stayed under day after day.
We are here and if you need accountibility I can kick some serious butt when needed.. I can check on you daily as I check in.

ms_tris · April 2014

You have to really want it. You have to decide that it is worth the sacrifice to reach your goals. Wake up and recommit! Remind yourself why you want to lose weight. As for me, I always feel better when I am eating healthy and moving more. But I struggle with the "all or nothing" mentality, too, when I mess up eating. I'm getting way better at it, though.

30 pounds is a lot to lose!! Don't let yourself gain it back!! Just take some time tonight before you drift off to sleep to lay there and visualize yourself at your goal weight. Picture the outfit, the place, the people who will see the "new" you. Hold on to that happy image and call it up in your mind when you feel like giving up. Would you rather work hard to re-lose the 30 you've already lost? Or do the same work but be at 60 lbs lost?? I hope you just see the value in what you have done so far and recommit. Don't let it be for nothing.

skrlec70 · April 2014

I was there , that was the excuse , let me eat something I CANT have so I can then feel like crap and EAT MORE, STOP IT, plain and simple, you can eat whatever you want, commit to working MFP, eat anything you want but log it , log everything, the cycle of I cant have this or that is dangerous game we foodies play.
took me a hellova long time to realize, pasta is NOT bad, 3 heaping bowls with a ton of cheese on it , yes bad!, a slice of pizza again, NOT BAD, the entire large while watching a break bad marathon, BAD LOL
I love food, im not ashamed of it, my next life I want to come back and eat all day and not gain an ounce, oh and be independently wealthy so I can afford all of it of course.
in any event, you can have anything, again, in moderation, for me its emotionial eating, it was controlling me, I was sick of it, now I control what and how much goes in my body, after all it is my temple.

nicpare · April 2014

I'm not sure if anyone already mentioned this...but in regards to having the junk food in the house for your husband and kids....

If it's not good for you, it's not good for them. You don't want your kids to have to struggle with their weight. You're not depriving your kids by not having a house full of sweets and treats. Save the treats for special occasions--and have healthy alternatives in the house for them. THey might complain at first, but they will get over it. I just recently came to this realization--and truth be told, I was the one eating the junk, not them. If you MUST keep something in the house for them, make it something that you do not like. (like my kids like sour candy--I do not--so if I'm going to get them a treat, it'll be sour candy).

I also think you need to remind yourself how much 30 pounds is! THink of 30 pounds of ground beef! That's quite an accomplishment. When you are tempted to eat something that you know is off limits for you--think about that 30 pounds of ground beef, and how much better you feel with it off your body!

Also, in regards to the first issue, where you can't have just one bite without going on a binge---if you allow yourself that taste and you're heading to eat more of it---try brushing your teeth (or chewing mint gum). It will get the taste of the food out of your mouth. It also helps to drink a glass of water to clear your pallette.

As for the lack of energy to exercise, I suggest you start small. Just tell yourself that you're going to go for a 10 minute walk. It's not an option---just ten minutes---anyone can squeeze 10 minutes into their day. I bet once you are out there, enjoying yourself, tha 10 minutes will turn into 20 or 30 minutes. Half the battle is starting.

Sometimes it's just a matter of creating new habits to kick a plateau in the bum.

geejag · April 2014

I logged into post a very similar message. My problem is the all or none mentality too. If I don't exercise for 3 days I stop for 3 months. Now I have not exercised for 3 months and I am scared to start because of another failure. I just can't keep maintain the motivation. I get distracted after few days, lose focus and give up.

sshintaku · April 2014

I cannot have snacks in my house or I eat them. Some, worse than others. So, I stopped buying junk food. Period. My husband stopped snacking because the snacks weren't there. I did the same. If the chips, doughnuts, etc aren't in the house, people will either eat something healthy or not eat, and after a few days, you just kind of go for the apples instead.

As far as the one bite=binge, log your "bite" calories and then move on. Maybe have a little less rice at dinner or walk an extra mile to compensate.

bunny1006 · April 2014

I'm at similar place right now...trying to convince myself to get off my duff and do something akin to exercise!!!! I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone in this kind of struggle. Lastly, I agree with the another pal who noted that food that you shouldn't eat is also food that your family shouldn't eat. You need more buy in from those around you. Make them your supporting cast. ( I know its easier said than done.) I'll try to take my own advice too! :laugh: :ohwell::blushing: Best of luck to you! You can do it! :flowerforyou: :bigsmile:

happymary61 · April 2014

You said that. You worked out. That is great. If you stopped. You think you are a failure. You're not because you did work out and even if you stopped for a while I bet it was more then you have done in a while. Love yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself. There are enough. People in this world to bring you down. Be in your corner.

mojpal · April 2014

My dear friend! I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time lately. I wish I could help. But obviously if I had the wisdom to overcome problems you mentioned (which I have too from time to time, all of them) I wouldn't be here. So what I have for you it's just suggestions. Some actually worked for me.

1. All or nothing mentality was my biggest problem. Don't do that! If you have something you think you shouldn't, just log it. Most of the time you'll find it fits in your allowance just fine. If you get a bit over, go for a quick walk/run later to make up for it. Now if your cravings are really bad and you don't want just one donut, exercise for it first and then indulge yourself. After the hard work you can have your two or three donuts guilt free or maybe you'll find you don't want them anymore.

2. It was mentioned before, don't keep crapy food in the house. Or just keep some treats for kids that you don't like. I actually started doing this and it helps. I don't even keep ice cream in the house, we go out for an ice crem. We go for a walk and my boys get a donut each or whatever they choose. The point is we don't bring my trigger foods home. I don't think they are deprived of anything.

3. and 5. You can combine this two. I'm a working mum of two and I know what you mean. I love a stir fry, just some meat stripes and some veggies with a salad. The problem is, when I'm hungry and tired I want to eat now, don't want to spend an hour cutting veggies. So I ask my husband to cut for example a cabbage for me, so takes me a minute to make a salad. Maybe you can ask your husband (seems like he'd anything for you), just to prepare some veggies for you. To cook then doesn't take so much time.

4. With your exercise problem, again I know what you're saying. I love to swim. But getting me to the swimming pool, that's another story. And I know once I get there I'll enjoy myself and I know I'll feel great when my hour is finished and still I look for excuses every single time. Before joining MFP I didn't like exercise at all. So I used food for motivation. If I didn't exercise, I was struggling to stay under my cg. And when I went swimming I burned so many calories, I could have a treat or two and didn't feel like I was on a diet. For me it was totally worth it to get moving.

6. As you know I read your blog and I was totally inspired by you. I was so happy you accepted my FR. I believe in this amazing, beautiful person in your blogs. Now please go through your blogs again. Find that person. That person is you!

I wish you all the best!

motivatedmartha · April 2014

I agree about the sweets and treats being in the house - they're not treats if they are always available and you're not doing your children any favours by having them. No need to make out that all these things are banned - just say you didn't buy any this week - if your husband wants them he can buy as he goes - you can buy a treat out with the children if appropriate - it's harder to overeat in public. Keep healthy alternatives in the house and plan them in.

You may find it helpful to pre log your food early every day so you know what you've got to play with. Stick to the plan.

You've done great so far - don't let it go :flowerforyou:

beautifulwarrior18 · April 2014

First of all, if you don't eat "crap (sugar, sweets, etc)" why are you feeding it to your children? Do you want them to grow up with the same mentailty that you have right now? Get it out of your house.

Second, if you eat better you'll have more energy to do the things you need to do. Save a meal prep day for a day you have off and freeze meals like a tv dinner. Then you just need to reheat and serve.

dortilolma · April 2014

In relation to the sweets and treats for your husband and kids here's how me and my fiancee make it work.
He likes his sweets, in fact there is a draw in the fridge full of chocolate bars. He has will power and can only eat 1 and leave the others. This is will power I do not have and we both know it.
So the only chocolates allowed in the fridge (or treats in the house) are a) chocolates I can't eat because I have a gluten intolerance or b) chocolates I don't like.

That being said I think the points others have made about cutting down the amounts of treats in the house may be valid.

Annie_01 · April 2014

I guess that I could give you the feel good version...it would go like this...

Your doing great so far...you have lost weight.

Okay...my heart is not in that...so...here goes.

First of all...you are no different than those that you think have succeeded. The sooner that you accept that the better you will be able to control yourself. I would bet my life most of those that have lost weight have had the same struggles. I certainly have...like for three days last week...I went crazy. I wallowed in it...rolled around in the muck until I finally decided to give up the pity party and get back to what I have set out to do.

You say your husband doesn't support you...he gives in when you beg. That puts a lot of pressure on him when the it really is your responsibility to control your eating.

No treats in the house??? I don't agree with that one. There are treats in the world...you have to learn to live with them. It is not their fault that you overeat them...they are just inanimate objects...living in the frig or the cabinet. They have no control but are at your mercy. You make the choice...either eat them in moderation...not at all...or eat them until they no longer exist and then lick the package until no traces of them remain.

I have been losing for about 8 months now...down over 60lbs. I feel as if I have had some success. That success hasn't always been easy. I have moments I whine...moments that I cave...moments that I just hate the world. However...everyday...I get up and start again. I want the bad enough to work through those hard times...

Oh...and those 60lbs that I lost...I lost them while cohabiting with those sneaky little things called..."treats". I am stronger...smarter...and most of all...more worthy than they are...I took control of them.

I don't mean to be ugly...it is just that as I read your OP...I got the feeling that you thought there was something wrong with you...that others here must be special...we are all the same...we all struggle at times...and we all have our moments of success. It it our responsibility if we succeed or fail...

I do wish you you the luck to succeed...it is tough at times...but it is doable...if you want it enough.

vegwrangler · April 2014

I share a lot of these same "traps." I've just never been this honest with myself all at once :-). Over the years, I learned that taking one challenge at a time works best for me and just keep tracking so I can quantify the impact of the single change. Here's how I deal with these challenges:

1.) One Cheat = Day of Crap: I make myself a bet every time a random crap item crosses my path... if I just make it until "xx:xx" o'clock, I will have that *thing*. Chances are, xx:xx o'clock will come and go and I'll forget that was even a thing I was going to have.

2.) Sugar/Sweet/Trashy Carby Goodness: My favorite breakfast is a fatty bagel sandwich with a rich coffee drink (proper 930 calories). Sometimes when I wake up, that's the ONLY THING I CAN THINK ABOUT. It will literally consume all intelligent, self-respecting thought to the point where I find it difficult to concieve FUNCTIONING AS A NORMAL ADULT UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES ME MY DAMN BAGEL. Words cannot describe how much control this craving has over me. These are the days I brew boring coffee and make a super lush smoothie to drink with it like frozen banana, avocado, peach, and vanilla protein powder to "trick" myself into thinking that I'm actually indulging in that coffee drink I crave ever so much. Emotionally manipulative as it sounds, sometimes "tricking" your stomach/mind into thinking you fell into the "trap" is the only defense you have against whatever craving is getting in the way of success.

3.) No time for personal meal prep: Find staple solutions for those days you don't feel like elaborately planning your intake. I have Amazon Prime subscriptions set up for Raw Meal vanilla Protein Powder and organic jerky to be delivered to the house on regular intervals. I go to Costco once a month to stock up on pistachios, healthy frozen/convenience meals, and sparkling water (to satiate soda/beer cravings). I also have a local organic grocer delivering a box of random local fresh produce so I know I'm challenging myself to eat new and exciting fruit and veg every day. The soup I made out of my last delivery has saved me from consuming over 1100 calories the last 2 days alone because I didn't just run to Wendy's and get a chili cheese baked potato and ALL OF THE chicken nuggets every time I was hungry.

Yes, I actually do carry a magical backpack full of non-perishible healthier-than-crap things everywhere I go because I SUCK at meal planning.

4.) Skipping Workouts/tired: This took a lot of work for me, especially when I switched to a night shift job. I find that intentionally carving out dedicated time to work out BEFORE life takes over is the only way I can guarantee sweaty time. This means sacrificing an hour of sleep just to wake up, workout, and shower up BEFORE I have the chance to pull the "I'm worn out" card. The only reason I'm even mildly sticking to this is because my husband makes sure that I can have that dedicated time by tending to the pets, picking up a few extra chores, etc. Putting you first will only amplify the "You" you'll be through the rest of the day.

5.) Friends: Truth is, no one will ever want you to succeed more than YOU. Our husbands know they married some hot action, why wouldn't they lavish us with delicious things when our desires get the best of us. I'm still trying to figure out the whole "how can Man support me when he fears for his life during PMS season and I am pleading for a burger?" We are piloting a new idea... I made a list of all of the things I have asked husband for over the last few months. Tacos, burgers, pie, beer, whatever... and made a supplemental list of acceptable substitutions for when I ask for these things. That way, he is still the hunter/gatherer, I'm still getting what I'm really craving, and my entire day isn't derailed by a completely stupid craving. Examples:

Double Cheeseburger (750 calories) - Single Hamburger as a lettuce wrap (360 calories)
Tacos and Queso from Torchy's (900+ calories) - Taco Bell Fresco Style Bean Soft Taco (130ish calories) and a Nacho (300ish calories)
Beer (150-200/serving) - Sparkling Grapefruit infused water (0 calories)
Pie (300ish/serving) - PIE (BECAUSE, PIIIIIIIE)

I'm hoping to use my food substitutions list more to combat the whole #1 and #2 trap... but hey, life is a work in progress, right?

You got this. Even through this period of demotivating impulses, you are staying TRUE to YOU and not giving up. Just keep swimming girl!

Therealobi1 · April 2014

i really think having an off limits list of items is maybe what causes the issue. I do not seeing any food as bad or crap or the devil its just food. We all need to learn how to control our portions. For me I kept it simple eat the same food but eat less of it. This is the sole reason I have gotten this far. In the past I would say am going to do this diet and after two weeks I give up. I do have items that I cant control myself around so i do limit the amounts of them in the house.

The trick is making things fit into your daily allowance. Also with the exercise you just have to plan it in your day like everything else 20/30 mins of exercise daily is over before you know it. Good luck.

MetalPisces · April 2014

I can easily fall into these traps too. But I find if I keep myself accountable, log as I go, so I know how many cals I have (use the phone app all the time) I won't over do it. I def can get lazy with exercise myself, but I log every move I make and realize I move more than I think. But I find it helpful to help other stay accountable, and have them keep my accountable. As for having sweets in the house, I have them too, but I always have a plan in my head what I'm going to eat for the day and a treat is always a decision made at the end of the day after logging EVERYTHING to see if it's worth it or not. You obviously have done well because you've lost as much weight as I have, so it's not ALL FOR NOT!!! Be proud of where you've gotten and keep moving FORWARD.

Feel free to add as I'm also looking to gain more support so that I can support back, it's what works!!

bennettinfinity · April 2014

I was there , that was the excuse , let me eat something I CANT have so I can then feel like crap and EAT MORE, STOP IT, plain and simple, you can eat whatever you want, commit to working MFP, eat anything you want but log it , log everything, the cycle of I cant have this or that is dangerous game we foodies play.
took me a hellova long time to realize, pasta is NOT bad, 3 heaping bowls with a ton of cheese on it , yes bad!, a slice of pizza again, NOT BAD, the entire large while watching a break bad marathon, BAD LOL
I love food, im not ashamed of it, my next life I want to come back and eat all day and not gain an ounce, oh and be independently wealthy so I can afford all of it of course.
in any event, you can have anything, again, in moderation, for me its emotionial eating, it was controlling me, I was sick of it, now I control what and how much goes in my body, after all it is my temple.

^^^THIS!

It's probably not the answer you were looking for, but you need to WORK to moderate your intake. The moderation mentality should be your end goal, and you need to exercise that way of thinking as much as you need to exercise your body. You MUST break the all or nothing mentality or you risk losing everything you've worked for and everything you hope to achieve.

You can do it - recommit today! Good luck!

detarrevo · April 2014

All my diets in the past failed for the same reason. I wasn't getting the needed support from my family. All my life my dad has been the biggest critic of my weight, but once I started dieting, he would be the one getting me junk food. My mom attempted to help me, but she kept buying treats and such because my dad wanted it.

After months of giving up, I was finally encouraged by friends to come back on here and really start trying. I have just started week three and am doing great so far! My dad is highly annoyed at my calorie counting, but I've learned how to shut the negativity out.

I still crave treats of course, and because of my dad they are all still in the house.
That is why I have a cheat day. Sunday through Friday I will exercise and keep track of all my food on here, but once Saturday comes around I don't count a thing or do any intentional exercise. On Saturday, I still don't go super crazy because I make myself sick, but if I feel like a handful of Doritos, I'm going to eat the handful of Doritos. As soon as I wake up on Sunday, I get myself back on track and 9 times out of 10 I'm not craving junk because I let loose a little the day before.

I wish you the best of luck for your weight loss journey, and don't let lack of support bring you down!

I'm failing and old nasty habits are starting to reappear

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