Can you convert someone to MFP?

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kshadows
kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Long story short, my best friend is trying to lose weight. He's about 6'2 and has always been "chubby". He's lost weight before, but gained it back. He started running a little and has been losing weight but is now complaining he's hungry all the time and isn't losing anymore. I've mentioned MFP (he knows I use it with great success) and he always says he doesn't have time to log, it won't be accurate (he lives at home and his mom cooks dinners so he wouldn't know the calorie count), he doesn't need to, blah blah blah, a million excuses.

He has a fairly physical job, lots of walking and lifting. I've tried explaining that he probably needs more calories but for some reason I just can't make him understand the concept. He's constantly telling me "Well I only eat good things" and I'm constantly trying to explain that there is no such thing as GOOD things. Even though he's losing weight, I'm worried about him because he eats like crap. Like yogurt for breakfast, tuna fish sandwich for lunch, lasagna for dinner, go to bed (I couldn't eat that little in a day if you paid me). Some days he only eats once or twice. Some days he eats candy bars and ice cream and fast food all day. So he's likely eating under his BMR most of the time.

Anyways, you get the picture. Is there a better approach to encouraging MFP? Tracking my calories and macros has made SUCH a huge difference in my weight loss, hunger control, etc. HOW do you make someone understand that it IS important to do this??!

Replies

  • easjer
    easjer Posts: 219 Member
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    Short answer: You can't. You don't.

    Longer answer: Everyone has to find a method that works for them. Counting calories/focusing on macros works for me NOW, but it didn't always and it may not always. You cannot force anyone to do anything, ever. You can do as you've done and tell him how it's worked for you, but you are fighting a hard uphill battle against years of media and diet industry explaining the RIGHT way to lose weight (low fat, low cal, cardio cardio cardio). It is counter-intuitive to most of us to eat MORE. And especially to eat BAD food.

    Of course there isn't bad food, but we've been programmed for years to believe that there is and it can take awhile to get out of that mindset.

    And the other problem is that while I've come to believe this is the best way to go, there are a hundred other programs out there claiming that THEY are the best way to go and if you just do X or Y, then you'll lose weight! And they all have their devoted adherents and evangelists.

    If you have some reputable, scientific studies to share and he is receptive - awesome. Share them. Beyond that, it's all going to be an annoyance to him, or worse - critical and unfeeling. You can only continue to lead by example and if asked, give him the information. You can't make a grown adult interested in something simply because you think he should be.
  • trogalicious
    trogalicious Posts: 4,583 Member
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    HOW do you make someone understand that it IS important to do this??!

    You don't. Either they will decide to change their life or they won't. If they decide to, then they will. You'll even see people post here about how they want to change their lives... but they follow that up with a "but."

    Those folks aren't ready either.

    When they are, they will.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    Yah you can't...I tried to get my son here..he made a profile and logged for 2 days and stopped...

    they have to come to it themselves...really...just keep encouraging him.
  • JCLondonUK
    JCLondonUK Posts: 159
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    Short answer: You can't. You don't.

    Longer answer: Everyone has to find a method that works for them. Counting calories/focusing on macros works for me NOW, but it didn't always and it may not always. You cannot force anyone to do anything, ever. You can do as you've done and tell him how it's worked for you, but you are fighting a hard uphill battle against years of media and diet industry explaining the RIGHT way to lose weight (low fat, low cal, cardio cardio cardio). It is counter-intuitive to most of us to eat MORE. And especially to eat BAD food.

    Of course there isn't bad food, but we've been programmed for years to believe that there is and it can take awhile to get out of that mindset.

    And the other problem is that while I've come to believe this is the best way to go, there are a hundred other programs out there claiming that THEY are the best way to go and if you just do X or Y, then you'll lose weight! And they all have their devoted adherents and evangelists.

    If you have some reputable, scientific studies to share and he is receptive - awesome. Share them. Beyond that, it's all going to be an annoyance to him, or worse - critical and unfeeling. You can only continue to lead by example and if asked, give him the information. You can't make a grown adult interested in something simply because you think he should be.

    ^^^this^^^. Leave him alone, and lead by example. If he wants to, he will get interested. If not, he won't. But there's nothing more likely to drive him to close his ears to you than to badger him. Live your life your way, and let him live his as he likes.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
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    Show him the weight loss some of us are getting. I have truly changed my lifestyle and eating habits thanks to MFP. I decided I was tired of the maternity jokes and was going to lose my beer gut. I never expected the success I have had. At the end of the day he needs to change of deal with the way he looks and feels. I keep preaching its a lifestyle change not a diet.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
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    Even if you did get him here there's no guarantee he'd start eating above BMR or in a healthy way, there are plenty who have found MFP and still starve themselves for weight loss :flowerforyou:
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I've gotten some people to try it. Oddly enough, one of them, who lost some weight and then gained it back, emailed me a month or so ago and said she is going to start using MFP again because "that's all I was doing when I lost all my weight ... tracking my food on there." Well golly gee. I'd say she's a convert.
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
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    You can lead a horse to the water (nice job doing this by the way) but it has to decide to take the drink. You can make it as attractive as possible for it, but it still needs to decide that it wants to take that drink. He'll have to want to do this. You can't make him do it even though it would be good for him.
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
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    He will have to want it for himself.
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
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    HOW do you make someone understand that it IS important to do this??!

    You don't. Either they will decide to change their life or they won't. If they decide to, then they will. You'll even see people post here about how they want to change their lives... but they follow that up with a "but."

    Those folks aren't ready either.

    When they are, they will.

    ^^^This
  • belle0226
    belle0226 Posts: 33 Member
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    You can't.

    I've tried when people swear they are ready. They always say they want to be better. But most often they don't want to put in the effort so they don't. You can't make someone want to do the work. They may really want the end result. But the work involved isn't an easy thing to commit to.
  • cricket_77
    cricket_77 Posts: 165 Member
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    You can't get him to do it if he really doesn't want to. Especially if he is losing weight doing the things he's doing now.

    My only suggestion would be to have him try the phone app. That way he can log on the go and doesn't have to be sitting in front of a computer.
  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,480 Member
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    MFP is just a tool to assist with nutrition and fitness - if there isn't the underlying desire to engage in consistent food logging and exercise tracking, MFP is useless; so I wouldn't waste your time trying to sell anyone on it unless they are actually willing to modify their lifestyle to properly utilize it.
  • McKenzieLeigh
    McKenzieLeigh Posts: 113 Member
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    My husband has an account here on MFP. He logged like 2 days and never again. Each time I fit in smaller pants or talk about my losses...he asks me about it or asks me about getting "Daily Burn" on HULU started for us.
    Other times he gets mad at me for weighing my dinner at the table, but there are small interests popping up here and there. As I keep progressing, I hope it will rub off on him more, but I don't pressure him.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    It's up to him and to every individual to make changes for themselves, it's not our business.

    Until we were ready to make changes in our life we stayed put where we were... no one could convince us until we were ready.

    Same with your friend OP... allow him to make his own decision, when he's ready.

    It's not our business to try and change someone else, we are responsible to ourselves only.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I agree that he's gotta want it...it's gotta be his decision, etc.

    However, I do understand being stubborn and thinking "well I know I'm not eating that many calories". Before I joined MFP I really had doubts about how well it would work. Although I decided to use it of my own accord, I think the best thing someone close to me could have said (assuming they already used the site successfully) is..."Why not give a shot and see if it works? Test it out?"

    When I joined in March 2013 that's basically what I was doing...testing this site to see if there was any truth to what two or three of my longtime online friends said about it. I was skeptical, but very quickly that turned into being impressed & pleasantly surprised.
  • Greywalk
    Greywalk Posts: 193 Member
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    Ha I log everything and the Trainer says I eat like crap...but I still log. Why? trends, stats. We men are stat freaks. also how can measure if you are doing better if you do not mark where you have been. Finally tell him there are a lot of men who use it and we have forums for guy issues and things like eating and working out...running etc. Logging takes a few minutes and he can use the generic stuff. i do that when my wife cooks and i go with the flow. If that does not move him then he will come of his own accord when it is time.
  • brookielaw
    brookielaw Posts: 814 Member
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    Lead by example.

    I respectfully disagree with the folks who say you can't. While it is true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink, I do think that by leading by example you can make that proverbial horse WANT to drink. When people ask how I'm losing my weight I tell them. If they ask, I show them. You can't MAKE him use MFP, but you can show him it gives you the results you seek. It is my goal to show those people (friends, family, colleagues) that it can be done without surgery or pills or drastic measures by leading by example.
  • ottermotorcycle
    ottermotorcycle Posts: 654 Member
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    You can't tell people how to diet, and MFP is really just a catalyst. I talk to my friends about my fitness and nutrition sometimes and it has gotten them to sign up, but I'm always surprised when they get on and log - the drive to really be a fitter person isn't always there, and you can't make someone have that.

    MFP also isn't for everyone even if they do want to be healthier. My boyfriend joined and it drove him absolutely bonkers to log his food. So instead I bought him a little notebook and had him write down what he ate each day - he could carry it around, and it didn't limit him in any way, but it made him mindful of what he was putting in his mouth and as a result, he made healthier choices.

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