I was wandering, which can be a bad thing

cparter
cparter Posts: 754 Member
in Motivation and Support
Have any of you loss a lot of weight, gotten fit and your significant other stayed the same?

For those who had significant others with weight problems or not, who did not follow suit did you:

A. Stay with them and love them the same

B. Stay with them and nag them to be like you

C. Leave them for something new

Just an interesting aspect when one goes from the basement to the penthouse, what happens when the other wants to stay in the basement.

Replies

  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    I'm doing this for me. I would love for my hubby to get fitter too but it is up to him. I still love him just the same.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    I'm doing this for me. I would love for my hubby to get fitter too but it is up to him. I still love him just the same.
    Great answer Liz. I feel the same way. I love the fact my wife loves me for me and I the same. I am committed to losing weight but my greatest committment is to the bond we share. If she was in my situation I would support her but I would hope that I would not badger her.
  • lavendy17
    lavendy17 Posts: 309 Member
    I encouraged my SO to lose weight but not because it bothered me. I just thought he would be happier. I promised him we could make this journey as easy and livable as possible and I will do everything to support our effort.
    He lost over 80lbs and he is so happy.
    I never ever nagged him. Now, I started weight lifting and he doesn't always join me at the gym (he hardly ever does), but I don't nag. He doesn't have to push himself further if he's content.

    in any case, I wouldn't tie my goals to anybody else's. It helps to do it together but it's our own choice. Had he stayed the same, I wouldn't care one bit.
  • greenolivetree
    greenolivetree Posts: 1,282 Member
    I lost quite a bit of weight in 2011/2012 and went from obese/out of shape to a normal, healthy weight and much more fit. I wish my family would catch on and join me but they have not. I don't love them any less. It helps I'm sure that my husband was supportive of my efforts and still says he's proud of me for losing the weight. But he loved me even when I was fat (even though he married a thin/fit person years ago who went downhill quickly after marriage) and I have loved him just the same at various weights. I wish he would enjoy going along for walks with me but I try to be understanding that he works a lot longer hours than me and he does have a legitimate health condition that does cause him to feel like crap most of the time. And I don't enjoy his "hobbies" so I shouldn't expect him to love hiking because I love it. But I wish he would take better care of himself and I think that walking is such an easy exercise that helps with blood pressure, blood sugar, etc, and just makes us feel better and more energetic. I would like him to be more active vs. wanting to see him lose weight (although they would probably go hand in hand and the weight loss would help certain other medical conditions also).
  • lindzgayle
    lindzgayle Posts: 131 Member
    I'm doing this for me. I would love for my hubby to get fitter too but it is up to him. I still love him just the same.
    This. There are aspects of our life that would improve if he were more fit, but in the end I love him, regardless.
  • cholepapi
    cholepapi Posts: 79
    My view: I fell in love with my husband because he's an awesome individual and did not marry him because of his weight.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    I lost quite a bit of weight in 2011/2012 and went from obese/out of shape to a normal, healthy weight and much more fit. I wish my family would catch on and join me but they have not. I don't love them any less. It helps I'm sure that my husband was supportive of my efforts and still says he's proud of me for losing the weight. But he loved me even when I was fat (even though he married a thin/fit person years ago who went downhill quickly after marriage) and I have loved him just the same at various weights. I wish he would enjoy going along for walks with me but I try to be understanding that he works a lot longer hours than me and he does have a legitimate health condition that does cause him to feel like crap most of the time. And I don't enjoy his "hobbies" so I shouldn't expect him to love hiking because I love it. But I wish he would take better care of himself and I think that walking is such an easy exercise that helps with blood pressure, blood sugar, etc, and just makes us feel better and more energetic. I would like him to be more active vs. wanting to see him lose weight (although they would probably go hand in hand and the weight loss would help certain other medical conditions also).
    Very interesting response. In one hand you confess you undying love for him but the other hand you seem crushed with pain by seeing him suffer when you know that if he would get fit it would alleviate many of his pains.

    Thanks for sharing and I hope that in time your "gentle" nudges will help him to move and lose.
  • sheskimtastic
    sheskimtastic Posts: 403
    I've lost a decent amount of weight and have changed my lifestyle quite a lot. My partner and I were both the same: gamers, read a lot, never really got outdoors, ate fast and cheap. When I moved cross-country I started hiking weekly, I eat clean and organic, I walk or bike everywhere. My partner wasn't willing to go outside with me and always made different meals or picked up fast food on the way home. Sadly we've separated just because our lifestyles weren't very compatible. We're still great friends and he's started becoming more active now. Hopefully he'll start working on becoming healthier.
  • greenolivetree
    greenolivetree Posts: 1,282 Member
    I lost quite a bit of weight in 2011/2012 and went from obese/out of shape to a normal, healthy weight and much more fit. I wish my family would catch on and join me but they have not. I don't love them any less. It helps I'm sure that my husband was supportive of my efforts and still says he's proud of me for losing the weight. But he loved me even when I was fat (even though he married a thin/fit person years ago who went downhill quickly after marriage) and I have loved him just the same at various weights. I wish he would enjoy going along for walks with me but I try to be understanding that he works a lot longer hours than me and he does have a legitimate health condition that does cause him to feel like crap most of the time. And I don't enjoy his "hobbies" so I shouldn't expect him to love hiking because I love it. But I wish he would take better care of himself and I think that walking is such an easy exercise that helps with blood pressure, blood sugar, etc, and just makes us feel better and more energetic. I would like him to be more active vs. wanting to see him lose weight (although they would probably go hand in hand and the weight loss would help certain other medical conditions also).
    Very interesting response. In one hand you confess you undying love for him but the other hand you seem crushed with pain by seeing him suffer when you know that if he would get fit it would alleviate many of his pains.

    Thanks for sharing and I hope that in time your "gentle" nudges will help him to move and lose.

    Yes, the conflict is that he has one illness since he was a teenager that makes him feel bad daily. But the high blood pressure and diabetes came later in life and could be improved by a little effort at losing weight and being more fit :) But his first health condition and all the surgeries he's had cause him to feel bad. For example his last blood work showed he was anemic, extremely low on potassium and Vit D, etc. I can understand why he would feel like junk and it would be hard to get started. It was hard enough for me and I had NO health conditions. Plus he's gone 12 hours a day 5 days a week for his job and works half a day on Saturday. But I'm always hoping he will join me sometime :) I do most of my exercise when he's not home so it doesn't cut into our time on the weekend, but I do go for walks and sometimes he'll say he wants to go and I say he's welcome, then he changes his mind :)
  • toughmudderMN
    toughmudderMN Posts: 129 Member
    I do wish my SO would eat better and do a little more exercise. I know that this would help her feel better in general. She is a tiny person though and struggles to keep weight on due to her Celiac disease.

    On the other hand working out is my 'me-time' and she balances me out the way she is.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    My husband Joined me. But I would like to think I would Love him the same either way! he is my best friend, I don't think I'd be that shallow haha!

    edit.. also I cook the food so ...if he wants to cook himself or starve? he is eating the same as me haha
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    My husband Joined me. But I would like to think I would Love him the same either way! he is my best friend, I don't think I'd be that shallow haha!

    edit.. also I cook the food so ...if he wants to cook himself or starve? he is eating the same as me haha
    HA ha ha. That works too but when I was having my issues (before becoming a vegetarian) I would sneak and have a double cheese burger with all the fixings or a dozen hot wings and come home and eat what my wife had prepared. I was basically eating two dinners.
  • Titanuim
    Titanuim Posts: 331 Member
    I have significantly changed my body over the past two years while my husband has stayed overweight. To be honest it has placed stress on our relationship as the way I look now has made him feel insecure and he is not as fun to be around. I understand the reasons why, but it does make me question the long term viability of the relationship as it is not awesome to be around someone who disapproves of the way you look. Especially when the way you look is a result of hard work and commitment..

    He is making an effort with his weightloss now which is great as hopefully will help him get over his issues. I refuse to nag and harass him about his habits as I believe motivation for change has to come from within, not because someone is hassling you to change your ways.

    Lucky for him, I am patient and kind and am willing to keep encouraging him to get fit and healthy rather then looking for an upgrade.
  • hilaria81
    hilaria81 Posts: 84 Member
    Somehow, I don't see this ever happening. My fiance is definitely the skinny one and has been for our whole relationship. He can naturally eat a lot more sweets than I can without gaining weight! I'd say he's also physically fitter, faster, etc., so right now I'm just trying to get to his level...
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Interesting title.
    My view: I fell in love with my husband because he's an awesome individual and did not marry him because of his weight.

    I agree with this. I am not saying it's right for everyone but it is how I feel for my relationship. I also dont consider either of us in the basement or penthouse. My husband may carry more extra weight than I do, but he can still kick my *kitten* at a run (pre-pregnancy anyone can kick my *kitten* at a run right now)
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    sounds like you want to step out on your girl. If you want to "wander", go ahead. don't ask us to justify it for you.

    question tho. before you decided to lose weight, was your girl still there by your side? so she was with you during the bad times but you're going to break camp after you improve your situation a little bit? well if that's how you roll....do what you do.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Just to understand this properly: I married a man. Then sometimes later I got more in shape. And you want to know if, after I've changed and he's remained the very same man I deemed good enough to marry, I would leave him?



    What?
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    wait, so now i'm confused. so you're the heavy one, your wife is the thin(ning) one and:

    A) You wish your wife would remain happy with you the way you are?
    B) You wish she'd get off your damn back about the weight?
    C) You're worried that she's about to step out on you?

    hmmm.....if this is the case, none of these can be solved here. especially C), as that probably usually resides in the person's head more than in reality. like i mentioned before, she was with you before and didn't bail, so she's probably not about to Better Deal you right now. well, maybe for money, but not for a few pounds.

    talk to her
  • delineationfiguration
    delineationfiguration Posts: 24 Member
    Just an interesting aspect when one goes from the basement to the penthouse, what happens when the other wants to stay in the basement.

    The thought that weight or other shallow classifications of people cause them to either be "in the basement" or "the penthouse" is foreign to me.

    I love my partner for who he is. For how he cares for me, for the times he makes me laugh, for his very way of being and his lightening intelligence. His weight does not come in to the equation. Do I want him to be happy and healthy? Of course! That is part of love. Will I leave him if he does not achieve this? Of course not! That is part of love too.

    That being said, my partner is ridiculously active despite being overweight and he is also tackling our dietary issues with me.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    sounds like you want to step out on your girl. If you want to "wander", go ahead. don't ask us to justify it for you.

    question tho. before you decided to lose weight, was your girl still there by your side? so she was with you during the bad times but you're going to break camp after you improve your situation a little bit? well if that's how you roll....do what you do.
    You are a long ways off course here my friend. You reading in between the line hit a face palm. I have been married 22 years and have no desire to step out on my wife. We are made for one another. She has always been the fit one.

    The article was based on some of the things I have saw (eg. people who got fit and became vain or those who embrace fitness while there SO doesn't and has caused a riff in the relationship).

    This has nothing to do with my relationship but serves as a platform for others to share their prospective.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    Just an interesting aspect when one goes from the basement to the penthouse, what happens when the other wants to stay in the basement.

    The thought that weight or other shallow classifications of people cause them to either be "in the basement" or "the penthouse" is foreign to me.

    I love my partner for who he is. For how he cares for me, for the times he makes me laugh, for his very way of being and his lightening intelligence. His weight does not come in to the equation. Do I want him to be happy and healthy? Of course! That is part of love. Will I leave him if he does not achieve this? Of course not! That is part of love too.

    That being said, my partner is ridiculously active despite being overweight and he is also tackling our dietary issues with me.
    Very good response as well as many others. Thanks for sharing. I love the fact my wife loves me for me. I may have a problem with the me at times but I know I can fix me. I trust my wife deeply and for those who have assumed any thing diffirent above, it just doesn't matter because it is not you I am going home to.

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